by Nikki Ashton
When I’d tucked her under the duvet and moved to leave her there to grab a perch on the sofa, Maisie had grabbed my hand and given me a soft smile and if I hadn’t have been knackered, and worried about Frankie wandering in, I may well have jumped into bed and spooned her all night. That thought made me take a mental step back, because when had I ever spooned anyone, or even wanted to spoon them, and how the fuck did I even know about spooning?
When I heard bare feet slapping on the kitchen tiles, I turned and gave her a smile, holding up the tea pot.
“Cuppa?” I asked. “Toast is already in the toaster.”
Looking around tentatively, Maisie pulled her hair over to one side of her neck and the sight of her soft skin made my dick stir. She was dressed in denim shorts and a cotton vest, and without make up, looked as beautiful a woman as I’d ever seen.
“I take it Frankie’s still sleeping,” I said, turning back to finish making the tea and hide the bulge that was starting in my jeans. “I put all the cereal out, wasn’t sure which one he’d want.”
“He, um, he’s hooked on Coco Pops at the moment,” she replied in a barely audible voice.
Having poured tea into a mug, I turned to hand it to Maisie, who was staring at me, open mouthed.
“What’s going on in your head?” I asked.
Maisie looked down at the mug and then back up to me. “I-I, I think we need to talk about last night.”
“Okay. I’ll get the toast, you take a seat.”
I busied myself putting the slices of toast on a plate and getting butter from the fridge, all the time sensing the tension building up behind me. I’d known that she would feel strange so I’d already got my speech ready. I’d done nothing but go over and over it in my head while I’d lain wide awake on the sofa for half the night.
I put the toast in front of Maisie and sat down. “What do you want to say?” I asked, taking a piece of toast and buttering it, trying to make things as light as I possibly could. “I know what I think about it, but you’re obviously feeling a little worried.”
“A little worried. Sam, we had sex,” she hissed.
“Yeah I know, twice.” I gave her a grin and I didn’t give a shit that it probably wound her up a little more.
“I am aware and I’m not saying I didn’t want to, or that I was too drunk to know what I was doing, but you have to agree Sam, it wasn’t sensible.”
Maisie pushed her mug away, still not having picked up any toast, while I took a huge bite of mine and enjoying her discomfort a little bit, if only because her breathing was heavy and the vest top she was wearing was pretty tight. Also, I kind of liked the blush that was creeping over her skin as it reminded me of when she’d been about to come the night before.
“You’re sitting here as if everything is perfectly normal.” With both hands, Maisie pushed her hair away from her face and groaned up at the ceiling. “I know you’ve probably had a lot of one night stands, Sam, but I haven’t – unless you count us all those years ago, and even then I didn’t think that was what it was going to be.”
“No, if things had been different and I hadn’t got my head up my arse, it probably wouldn’t have been, and neither was last night.”
Maisie reared back in her seat. “You can’t be serious?”
“Deadly. You sure you don’t want any of this, I’m not a brilliant cook, but I do make great toast.”
She shook her head and stared at me as though I had two heads and I knew I had to say what I wanted to say and I knew I’d have to give her time. I wasn’t that much of an egotistical prick; I knew I had a lot of making up to do.
“I like you Maisie, I like you a lot and I’d like to see where things can go between us. I know it’ll take time for you to trust me after everything I said and did in the past, but I swear I’m a different person now. Being around you and Frankie has made me see that I can’t let my past spoil my future.”
“That’s all very honourable,” she replied, rubbing her temple, “but just because you want to be a dad to Frankie, it doesn’t mean that we should be together. You don’t have to have me to have Frankie, as long as he’s really what you want.”
“You know it is.” I tried to keep my voice steady. I had a lot to make up, but I’d been adamant I wanted to do better by my son, and after what had happened the day before, I thought she’d realise how serious I was.
“Okay,” she sighed. “Maybe you do want Frankie, but that isn’t dependant on you being with me. I’m not part of the deal.”
“What if I want you to be?”
Maisie’s hands flopped to her sides, dangling as though she’d been knocked out cold in her chair.
“I mean it Maisie, I want to see how things go between us. I’ve lain awake all night thinking about it and watching you in so much pain yesterday made me realise how much I care about you. I wanted to take it all away. I know it’s a lot to think about, but I actually think we’d be good together.”
“And what if we aren’t?” she protested, startled back to life by my words.
“We won’t know if we don’t try.”
“No! I can’t do that to Frankie.” Her voice was high pitched and more redness was spreading up her neck. ”Do you have any idea how it’s going to affect Frankie, when we tell him you’re his dad? Which means we can’t then force a relationship on him that might fail. Can you imagine what it would do to him to think he’s getting a family and then to find out it’s not going to happen because you decide you and me isn’t what you want.”
“I’ve changed, so don’t judge me by my past behaviour.” I let out a long, exasperated exhale. “I was a dick, I admit it, but I know now what I want. I know now that I should never have let what happened with Alison affect me in the way it did. I’ve missed eight years of my son’s life because I was a stupid, self-centered cock who acted like a victim when I should have been braver and realised what my responsibilities were. I have done so many things wrong, Maisie, the biggest being letting my son down, but the other thing I should never have done was let you go.”
“And what if I’m pregnant again?” she asked, jutting her chin forward in defiance. “What then, will you run away again?”
I had to admit, the idea was fucking terrifying and not something I was ready for, but what the hell could I say to her, except be honest about it.
“I admit it wouldn’t be ideal and probably the worst thing possible at this point, but I wouldn’t run. I wouldn’t do that to you again – I swear.”
That I did know to be the honest truth, I wouldn’t; I couldn’t.
Maisie swallowed hard and shook her head. “I can’t do it, Sam. I’ve only just ended my relationship with Josh, the man who I lived with. What sort of person would it make me if I jumped into something with you?”
“You’d be living your life and being happy, because I’d work fucking hard to make sure you were Maisie, both you and Frankie.”
The more I thought about what Maisie and I could be, the more I wanted it. I’d had a taste of it over the last couple of weeks and the night before I’d felt a shift in my feelings. Not just because I was buried inside her, feeling all the amazing sweetness and light that she had to give, but because I saw a glimpse of my future.
Me holding her.
Me giving her anything she wanted to take from me.
Me being the best man I could be for her.
I saw all those things and I wanted them. I wanted them with Maisie and I wanted my son. I wanted a life I knew I was worthy of.
“Could you be pregnant?” I asked as the thought popped into my head and hoping I didn’t sound petrified. “We didn’t use a condom.”
“I’m aware how bloody irresponsible we were, Sam,” she huffed. “But you’re in the clear, I’m on the pill and clean.”
I held in the breath of relief, knowing it would only serve to prove Maisie right in her misgivings about what I was asking for.
“I’m clean too. I had a health check a few months ago. If
I wasn’t sure, I’d have insisted and not put you at risk.” I took a long drink of my luke-warm tea, watching Maisie carefully over the rim of the mug.
“I haven’t had a check, but Josh always used condoms as well,” she said with a scowl. “I think he hated the idea of having kids more than you do, so he wanted to be sure.”
The sound of the prick’s name sent the hairs on my arms on end. I still wanted to kill him for what he’d done and just wished I’d been able to get my hands on him. He’d have been begging for fucking death when I’d finished with him.
“I’m nothing like that prick. Well not any more. Told you, I know what I want now.”
“Sam, you really are just having a gut reaction to what happened yesterday,” she sighed. “You don’t really want me. I promised you we’d tell Frankie, if it’s truly what you wanted and I think you do, so in a couple of weeks, when you’ve spent more time with him, then that’s what we’ll do, but you and I,” she paused, watching me carefully, “we aren’t happening. I’m sorry, but deep down you’ll be glad I didn’t agree.”
“No I won’t, Maisie, but I’ll give you some time. I’ll prove to you that I’ve changed and that I’m worthy of both you and our son.”
Maisie’s chin wobbled and it took everything in me not to get up and pull her into my arms, but I knew she needed time to process what I’d asked for. I knew I’d kind of landed it on her, but I didn’t want to live a life of regret any longer. It was time to give her some space, so I stood up and reached into the back pocket of my jeans and pulled out my wallet. The crinkled piece of paper had been in there a couple of days, but the day before hadn’t been the best time to give it to her.
“What’s this?” Maisie asked as I handed it to her.
I didn’t answer, but let her unfold it and smiled when I heard her gasp.
“I can’t accept this,” she cried, the cheque shaking in her hand. “No way. Take it back.”
She shoved the cheque at me, but I took a step back.
“It’s yours and Frankie’s. It’s all the money that you never took from me after that prick Josh stuck his nose in. I had it put into a bank account. I thought maybe I’d give it to you when he went to Uni or got married, or bought his first house, but the time seems right now. And just so you know, I’ll be going back to giving you regular payments.”
I folded my arms over my chest, daring her to disagree but she didn’t speak and just stared down at the cheque.
“Thirty-two thousand pounds, Sam,” she whispered. “You can’t afford this.”
“I told you, it’s what I was paying, plus some interest. I just had my solicitor pay it straight into a bank account instead, so I’ve never missed it. At the moment he’s the only one that can draw from it, but we can change that if you’d prefer to leave it there and draw from it when you need it. Personally I’d prefer you take the cheque and pay it into your account, mainly because I know you won’t use it otherwise.”
“No I won’t,” she snapped. “Really Sam I can’t take it.”
“It’s for Frankie, Maisie,” I whispered leaning closer to her, getting in her space. “So take it.”
Her breath hitched and I knew then that I affected her and I might have a chance.
She looked at me warily, her eyelashes fluttering as I knew she was working through everything that I had said.
“If I take it, I want it to go into an account in Frankie’s name and for us to be co-signatures on it.”
I nodded. That I could live with, even if I’d wanted it to provide her with some security too.
“That’s it though, Sam. When the time is right, we co parent Frankie, but you and I isn’t happening.”
My eyes studied her carefully, taking in the heaving of her chest, and the blush and goose bumps on her skin.
“We’ll see,” I said. “Because by the time I’m finished, you’ll wonder how you ever thought we wouldn’t work.”
Maisie’s mouth dropped into a perfect ‘o’, and before I did anything too stupid I dropped a kiss to the top of her head.
“Tell Frankie I’ve gone home to change but I’ll be back to take him to school.” Maisie opened her mouth to protest, but the tilt of my head must have told her not to bother. “I want to be sure he gets in safely and you and I need to talk to the school about who is allowed to pick him up, because I’m going on that authorised list.”
Leaving her staring at me and gripping the cheque tightly, I let myself out feeling a new determination to be the best dad I could be for my son and the best man I could be for the woman who I wanted to be mine.
Samuel
the past
I looked down at the letter in my hand and read the contents again. No way was it fucking happening, I was not going to be accused of not providing for him. We’d agreed that I’d send money every month and if I was happy to stick to it then so should she.
Maisie’s solicitor had contacted mine to say she didn’t want my money any longer, because apparently her partner had insisted he would provide for her son. He sounded like a controlling knob to me and while I might have been just as big a knob in the way I’d abandoned my responsibility of him, I wasn’t totally heartless. I knew kids cost money and just because Maisie wasn’t single any longer, it didn’t mean she shouldn’t take the cash. She didn’t have to spend it, she could save it for Frankie and I was going to try and make her see sense.
A flash of red caught my eye and screwing up the letter, I stepped out of my car.
“Maisie!”
I’d been waiting outside her office for around an hour, waiting to talk to her and there she was. I hadn’t seen her for a few years, we lived on opposite sides of town and I suppose we’d both actively avoided each other, and I couldn’t help but notice how good she looked. The red coat she was wearing was pulled in with a belt, showing off her slim waist, her long blonde hair hung down her back in loose curls and when she swung around to see who was calling her, questioning, big brown eyes stood out from beneath her fringe.
“Sam?” She took a half step back, her bag falling from her shoulder.
I walked toward her, still gripping the ball of paper in my hand.
“W-what’s going on?” she stammered.
“You know why I’m here, Maisie. Why don’t you want my money?”
“Sam, this is being dealt with by our solicitors, you shouldn’t be here.”
“As far as I’m aware you don’t have a fucking restraining order on me, so I’m not doing anything wrong.”
I stopped in front of her, noticing the tiny freckles scattered over her nose, remembering how I’d counted them during out night together. There were nineteen if I remembered correctly.
“If you’ve read the letter then you’ll know why I don’t need your money anymore.”
She pulled her bag back onto her shoulder and straightened her back, but the little quiver of her top lip gave it away – she felt nervous and unsure.
“Listen,” I sighed, moving back a couple of steps to give her space and shoving the paper in my pocket. “I know what it says in the letter but I’m not happy about it.”
A noise behind me took Maisie’s attention prompting me to look over my shoulder. A girl with short black hair was coming out of the estate agents where Maisie worked and was looking our way.
“My car is over there.” I nodded toward my black Mazda sensing she felt uncomfortable. “I’ll drive you home.”
Maisie’s eyes went wide with shock. “No. You can’t do that.”
“Do you have a car, because we obviously can’t talk here?”
She looked over my shoulder again and sighed. “The bus stop will be fine.”
Moving quickly, Maisie scurried past me to the car, darting a quick look over her shoulder.
“I take it you know her,” I said, nodding through the windscreen once we were inside.
The girl was taking her time walking away, stopping every couple of yards to turn and look at my car.
“She w
orks with me and is nosey as hell. Can we just go please?” Maisie pulled the seat forward, stuck her head down, and started searching through her handbag.
“Coast is clear,” I said with a laugh as we pulled out of the main street onto a side road.
“Just pull up over there.” She pointed to the bus stop.
“Well that was hardly worth it. Why don’t you let me drive you home?” I slowed down but didn’t stop. “We can talk on the way.”
“Nothing to talk about Sam, you don’t need to send the money any longer.”
“But I want to.” I pulled up and turned off the engine, determined to get her to see sense.
“Why? You didn’t want him, so why insist on giving him money?”
“Because I don’t want to be accused of not supporting him and I’m not that much of a twat. I might not have wanted to do the hands on dad thing, Maisie, but I do want to help.”
She rolled her eyes. “We don’t need your help.”
She looked so damn defiant, with her little chin jutting out, her brown eyes shining with anger, I didn’t find it difficult to remember what I’d seen in her. I’d liked her for a while before the party, but always thought she was too quiet and I’d be too much for her, but I’d been very wrong. She was funny and interesting and fucking hot in bed. She was pretty much perfect, it was me that had the damn issues that made me act like a prick, but I couldn’t help how I’d felt about the prospect of fatherhood.
“You know the money is for F-Frankie,” I said, stumbling a little over his name. “Not your partner.”
