Forcing my own lips to curve in a positive manner, I keep my eyes locked on his. Welcome to the friend zone, Trina. You don’t need a tour, you’ve been here all your adult life.
“I get it, Elliot. You don’t need to explain.” I pick up the paper with my routine on it, folding it between my fingers. “I didn’t expect anything to happen, anyway. With the no dating policy at work and the over-the-top flirting, I just took it as a little harmless fun.” I’m so full of shit it’s embarrassing. “You have a career to focus on and I have my sport. Not to mention I’m so emotionally unstable that I have no business mixing my life in with another person’s.” I laugh as I stuff the folded paper into my pocket. “We’re better off being friends. Training buddies at most. Don’t even sweat it.”
I stand up and keep offering the same manufactured smile. “I should hit the showers. See you back at the office, or at drinks maybe? I’ll pretend not to know you so the gossips can’t invent anything.” I back away.
“Katrina,” he says, wincing slightly because he probably feels like a real douche for leading me on. I should introduce him to David. They can find women who aren’t me together.
That’s not fair. I knew the stakes here.
“See you, Elliot. Oh, and thanks again for the pass. I owe you one.”
I turn away and wish I could rewind the last hour, go back to the lift and insist on training on my own. Now I’ll have to avoid him at work and on the running track and gym so I don’t feel like a naïve idiot every time we cross paths.
How foolish of me. A few days ago, I couldn’t even imagine blatantly flirting with a man I just met, constantly thinking about sex. Then I come face to face with a real life Adonis and lose my mind. Despite the fact we could both lose our jobs if we dated, it’s just a generally bad idea. I shouldn’t even be considering letting another man into my life. Ever since David made it clear years ago that nothing could ever happen between us, I’ve been trying to fill that void with other guys. But it never works out. Every partner I choose only ends up hurting me and making me feel even lonelier than before. I’m not sure I can go through that again. In love, I’ll always be the one to finish last.
My heart and my body can’t take anymore.
Seven
“You coming to drinks?” Kayley asks from the doorway of the library.
I pop my head over the partition. “Yep, just give me a sec to turn off my computer and I’m all yours.” Clicking it closed, I push myself away from my desk, grabbing my bag.
“Don’t look so freaked out. These are pretty fun.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve never done after-work drinks before. It’s a little nerve-wracking. You look nice.” Kayley has changed from the skirt and blouse combination she was wearing earlier, into tight black pants and a matching tank top covered in sequins. Her dark blonde hair is tied up in a messy ponytail, and she’s adorned large gold hoop earrings, darker makeup and a pair of cute red kitten heels. “Are we supposed to dress up for this?” I look down at my outfit. I’m wearing a pleated skirt in brown, purple and white tartan, with a white blouse and a purple sweater vest. I look dowdy in comparison.
“No, you don’t have to dress up. Some of us get changed to hit the clubs later. You should come with.”
“I’ve got plans to go clubbing with David tonight.”
“That’s right, you mentioned that at morning tea. Well, why don’t you invite him along? The more the merrier.”
“I’ll text him and see what he wants to do,” I say, as she guides me to the conference room. I pause in the doorway and survey the room as we enter. I didn’t expect so many people. There are maybe thirty inside. It’s a fairly good mix of support staff to solicitors, even a couple of partners in here too.
Music plays at a reasonable level. To the left of the conference table there’s a bar laden with bottles of wine, beer, spirits and soft drinks. Whoa.
“Hey, you made it,” Carl says from within the usual group. “Let me get you a drink.” He reaches over the bar and hands me a glass of the wine I indicate. It’s sweet and fruity with a fairly low alcohol content that won’t mess with my training.
Thanking him, I take slow sips and continue to look around the room while Albina talks about how long and drawn out the week was. Jo keeps checking her watch because she has a hot date, and Anne is agreeing with Albina. “I think work should be four days and the weekends three,” she says. “Better work/life balance.”
Admittedly, my mood falls a little when I don’t see Elliot anywhere. I don’t think he’d talk to me here, but after the way we left things this afternoon, I feel the need to at least smile at him from across the room, let him know there are no hard feelings and that our friendship is fine. He was right putting a pin in things. There was no way we could be anything more. And that’s OK, I’ll just call him David number two now. Maybe they’ll meet and become the best of friends. That would be pretty funny.
“Taking it all in?” Mary asks, as she moves to stand next to me. I’ve somehow drifted away from the group.
“Um, yeah,” I reply, as brightly as I can. “I didn’t really know what to expect.” I sneak a glance toward the door as it opens to see who enters, my actions at odds with my reasoning as a disappointed pang fires off beneath my ribs when Bianca and Beth walk in.
Mary starts rattling off the details of some of the office sporting events, trying to get me to commit to a softball team. When I tell her I can’t add anything extra to my plate, she tries to negotiate with me. “You could just attend the games then. Be our extra man. We could really use you.”
“I really can’t. I’m sorry,” I explain, rattling off my already full schedule in the hopes she’ll understand. I’m part of the way through specifying my study load when a male voice speaks low in my ear.
“What’d I miss?” Mary’s eyes widen and a lust-filled grin takes over her face as tiny sparks zing up my spine, excitement on my skin.
“I don’t think we’ve met,” Mary says as David slings an arm casually around my shoulders.
“That’s because I don’t work here,” David says, cheeky grin in place. “I came to show this one a good time.”
I elbow him in the ribs. “Mary. This is David, my best friend. David, meet Mary. She runs the social committee and seems to think you’re dreamy.”
David’s grin widens as Mary’s face goes bright red. I’m in serious need of a filter. I seem to have lost mine somewhere in the last year.
“I don’t,” Mary blurts. “I mean, I run the social committee, but I don’t think, uh…”
“That I’m dreamy?” David finishes for her, his expression amused.
“Yes. I mean, no. No.” She closes her eyes and winces. “That’s not to say you’re not ah, dreamy. It’s just that I have, um, someone. And I wasn’t trying...” Her voice trails off to an imperceptible mumble.
“It’s OK, Mary. Katrina here was just razzing you. Weren’t you, Trina?”
“I was. I’m sorry, Mary. I’m not feeling myself this week.”
She nods. “I understand. Travelling to the city for work three times a week would be a big adjustment on top of your school and sport.”
“It is. And I’m sorry if I offended you.”
“It’s fine,” she says, touching my arm. “I’ll leave you to it. Nice to meet you, David.”
“You too,” he says as she moves off and he takes her position in front of me. “Remember when you thought catching a train from Penrith to the city would be the worst thing in the world?”
“Remember when you wanted to leave me out west so you could live on campus at Sydney Uni?”
“I’ll have it noted that I wanted you to move to the city with me. It’s you and me against the world, remember?” He nudges me with his elbow.
“Always,” I say. “Who the hell let you in here, anyway? I was supposed to meet you downstairs.”
He shrugs. “I got your text and thought I’d come up and see these new people you want me to share you with.
Followed the sounds of frivolity when I got here, and since someone was kind enough not to check behind them when they keyed their code in the door, here I am.”
“Very James Bond of you.” I smile as I link my arm through his, happy to have my favourite person by my side.
“Eh, I got here early anyway. Didn’t want to go to drinks at my office tonight.”
“Why not?”
“Things are a little awkward with the girl from the filing room.”
“Is she getting a little clingy?”
He wrinkles his nose. “She likes the rumours better than the reality.”
“There are rumours?”
“You know me, wherever I go, there are rumours. My reputation seems to precede me.”
“You bring it on yourself with the way you behave.”
He leans close to my ear speaking so I feel the warmth of his breath tickle my skin in the most delicious way. “How do you think I behave, Trina?”
I place my hand on his chest and push him back. “Same way you always do.”
“Take me to the filing room and I’ll show you.” His eyes darken as they lock with mine, and I have a moment where I wonder if he’s serious. But we’ve been through this a thousand times. He teases me. I blush. Then we laugh and he ends up fucking someone else. I’m just not relationship material, he says. Most of the time I think it’s a copout. I think he’s just afraid of turning out like his father: drunk and belligerent, resenting the people he’d promised to love. That man really messed with David’s head.
“Behave,” I say with a smile, poking my finger in his chest as Kayley and the others join us.
“Aren’t you going to introduce us to your friend?” Albina asks, giving David an approving once over.
I do the round of introductions while Albina makes her interest painfully obvious. David doesn’t help matters much, flashing his ‘yeah, I’m hot’ smile and running his fingers through his already messy hair. She licks her lips seductively at him. And I feel a little lightheaded.
I can’t keep going through this.
I excuse myself to go freshen up.
As I leave the conference room, my breath catches a little. Elliot is coming toward me. A smile creeps over my lips, but I freeze when I see his eyes drift over my shoulder to check if anyone is looking. He’s acting aloof, and it instantly annoys me.
What is with these men?
“Are you leaving?” he asks, looking at his watch. “I thought you were staying a while.”
“Not just yet. I’m just going to the bathroom.”
His eyes drift nervously to the conference room again. “I might see you in there.”
I want to say, “Don’t do me any favours.” But, I just nod then head into the bathroom. It’s not fair to take my frustrations about David out on him. It’s not his fault I seem to have a thing for unattainable guys.
Once I’ve visited the loo and washed my hands, I sigh as I look at my reflection. I reapply my makeup and brush my hair, wishing I’d thought to bring some clubbing clothes with me. I’m good at making myself look casually pretty, but I’m terrible at getting dressed up for nights out on the town. It’s something my mother tried to coach me on, but it never stuck. I’m no match for the likes of Bianca and Beth, or even Albina. They all make themselves up so beautifully, and I’m very plain in comparison. The difference in our looks doesn’t make me feel unique as Elliot suggested. It makes me feel dowdy.
I return to the conference room, a lump forming in my throat when I see Bianca flicking her hair while talking to David. The last thing I need is for David to do his usual hump and dash with someone I work with. Especially Bianca. I can only imagine how nasty she’d get if she felt used by him.
“Hey,” I interrupt as cheerily as I can, focusing my attention on David. “You about ready to go?”
“Ah, yeah sure. These guys are all heading to Pontoon. You want to wait and go with them?”
“We’d love it if you came.” Bianca smiles at me but touches David’s arm. God, give me strength.
“Oh, I don’t—” I start, before Kayley bounces over and excitedly tells me she’s so happy I’m going to Pontoon with them “—think it was ever my decision.” I finish the sentence under my breath.
“It’ll be good for you,” David murmurs in my ear. “We can dance the night away. I won't leave your side, I promise.”
I flash him a warning glare. “Just keep your hands off the girls I work with.”
He pulls his head back and frowns. “Where would you like my hands to be?” he challenges, gaze drilling into mine as we stare at each other for a moment, my heart beating wildly in my chest.
I open my mouth to speak, but I can’t find the words. I hate feeling this way. I just want to leave and go out with David on my own. I won't be able to handle watching him hook up on my first night out since the accident. I know we’re trying to act normal and not make a big deal about this. But I don’t want to share him with anyone else. This was a mistake.
“Let’s just get something to eat and meet up with them later,” I suggest just as Elliot positions himself at my side.
“You must be Katrina’s friend,” he says, sticking out his hand for David to shake. But it isn’t friendly, it’s… possessive. “I’m Elliot.” Fuck.
I’m not doing this. I’m not doing this. I’m not doing this.
The air becomes heated and tense. David takes his hand and shakes it firmly, maintaining eye contact to the extreme. “David. And yes. I’m Katrina’s very close friend.” They stand there having one of those silent battles of the mind that males have when they’re sizing each other up. What the hell is Elliot doing over here?
“OK.” I interrupt the uncomfortable exchange. “David, would you mind getting me another wine?” I hand him my almost empty glass.
“Sure thing, baby girl,” he says, kissing me on the side of the head like he owns me, eyeing Elliot before moving towards the bar.
“I’ll come too,” Bianca says, trotting off to join him. I completely forgot she was there and wince over the knowledge she just witnessed that exchange. Things are going from bad to worse. I can’t handle this.
“Hi.” Elliot smiles once we’re alone, looking momentarily relieved before he clears his throat and looks around as though he’s just remembered where we are. “How has your first week been?” He goes into office mode, his eyes straying to the partners talking together off to the right.
I can’t even with him right now. “I’m leaving,” I say curtly, about to turn and walk away, when he gently touches my arm to stop me.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know how to do this.”
“Do what? Talk nicely to a girl twice in one day? Or behave like a person at work?”
He grins. “Both, I guess. You know what’s at risk,” he murmurs.
“I thought we already agreed this was a terrible idea?”
“We agreed it was insane, actually.”
“Then why are you even standing here?” I ask, laughing a little. Mainly out of frustration.
“I don’t know. I guess I figure there’s no harm in talking to the people—the person—I want to talk to.”
“I suppose that would be fine if all you were doing was talking. You came over here beating your chest and practically pissing on the ground.”
He lets out his breath. “It’s possible I’ve lost my damn mind,” he mutters.
His brow furrows, and his eyes search mine with what looks like confusion and perhaps hope. I feel my annoyance slip away; he’s struggling with this sudden attraction as much as I am.
“You know, a bunch of us are about to head to Pontoon. Maybe you want to come? Practice being a human. You might even make a friend so work doesn’t feel so sucky every day.”
“I have work friends. I hang out with Andrew over there. Well, we discuss work over coffee sometimes, but that counts.” I follow his line of sight to another of the junior solicitors—a very tall lanky, dark-haired guy who looks around the sam
e age as Elliot. He’s standing in the corner speaking quietly with one of the account managers. She’s a little more than half Andrew’s height with red curly hair and looks to be in her mid to late twenties.
“Maybe you could ask if he’d like to come along too? It’ll be good for you,” I say, borrowing David’s line.
A smile curves his full lips. “All right. I'll try to make it.”
David returns and hands me my drink with Bianca trailing behind him. “Everything all right?” he asks, giving Elliot the once over again, and positioning himself firmly at my side.
“Everything’s fine,” I assure him, touching his arm in a ‘back down’ gesture. “Why don’t you guys get to know each other instead of the girls?” That last part is directed at David. “You might find you have something in common.” I know I sound snippy, but I can’t seem to help it. Too much is going on. There’s too much testosterone in the air. Everyone needs to calm the fuck down.
Leaving the both of them, I avoid eye contact with David and move over to Kayley, Albina and Jo to socialise where there isn’t so much tension.
We end up staying there for another hour before we all head off as a group to Darling Harbour—Elliot included. As we walk, he introduces me to his friend, Andrew, and the woman Andrew was talking to earlier, Carmel.
“I think I saw you and David on the train the other day,” Carmel says. “Do you live near Penrith?”
“We do. Out in Cranebrook.”
“I’m in Jaminsontown.”
“We should catch the train home together then,” I suggest, and we swap mobile numbers in case we separate.
Pontoon is packed. The music is loud; the air is thick with body heat, and the bar is ten people deep. You need to be slightly aggressive to maintain your position to make it to the front of the line.
Struggle: Beautiful Series, book one Page 7
