I curl my hands into fists as I resist the urge to reach up and smooth it down for him. He frowns in thought and continues. “When Priya brought you to my office on Monday, I wasn’t expecting this. I wasn’t expecting to look up and have this jolt hit me in the chest. It really freaked me out. And honestly, I probably would have gone out of my way to avoid you but then you jumped into the elevator and”—he shakes his head and frowns again—“suddenly you were the only person I wanted to see.” He reaches out and brushes the backs of his fingers along my cheek, and once again I close my eyes as his touch sends pleasure ripples through my body.
“I hated seeing you dance with that guy tonight,” he whispers, stepping closer to me.
My head clouds from his proximity, and I’m finding it hard to breathe, let alone speak. I flounder for my words. “I… I don’t know if I’m ready for this, Elliot. It’s all too much. It’s happening too fast.”
“Then we take it as slow as you want.” He shifts closer to me. “Take our time because I don’t think I could stay away from you if I wanted to.” He places his hand on the back of my head, and I catch my breath as he leans down and kisses me slowly. I feel like jelly in his arms as I relax against the hard plains of his body, languishing in the feeling of his mouth on mine. Out of breath, I’m trembling as we pull away from each other.
“Give me your phone.” He releases me and holds out his hand. I fumble through my bag and hand it to him, watching as he taps in his number and calls his own phone. “There. Now we both have each other’s numbers,” he says as he hands it back.
I smile to myself as I look at my call list and notice he saved it under ‘Evan’. “I guess I’ll call you some time then.” I hug the phone to my chest.
“I’d like that.”
“We ready? There’ll be a train soon,” David calls out impatiently.
“OK, we’re coming,” I tell him, smiling as we all walk together to the station. Elliot takes my hand and interlaces our fingers, leaning in close. Carmel and Andrew hold hands as well.
David is the odd man out, walking beside me with his hands in his pockets and his head down. He’s become silent, and, noticing the change, I worry about him.
Upon reaching the station, the train is due within a couple of minutes. “Message that you’re home safe,” both Elliot and Andrew tell us as we say a quick goodbye.
“I’ll be sure to,” David teases as he hurries Carmel and I through the barriers. With a wave over our shoulders, we rush down the stairs and make it to the platform just as the train is pulling in.
“How long have you been dating Andrew?” I ask Carmel as we take our seats at the front of the carriage. She sits in the rear-facing seat across from David and me.
“About a year now. It’s going well.” She smiles, her cheeks glowing.
“And there haven’t been any repercussions at work?”
“Not really. The no-dating policy is only a problem if someone else has a problem with you dating. No one cares if Andrew and I are together so we haven’t been reported. We keep to ourselves, don’t flaunt the relationship during work hours and we seem to get on OK.” She shrugs. “But let’s face it, he’s no Elliot, so no one is paying attention. You, on the other hand, will need to be very careful—especially after tonight. A lot of girls will have their noses out of joint when they find out he kissed you in front of everyone. You’ve got the guy they’ve been after for months after only one week. Dating him will ruffle some serious feathers and most likely get you both fired.”
I lean back in the seat and let out a heavy sigh. “We’ll have to hide it.”
David sits forward, frowning. “Listen, this may be none of my business here, but do you think that’s wise? I’m all for you moving on, but I don’t know if a secret relationship is a good thing for you.”
“No, David. I don’t think it’s wise.” I sigh again and look out the window at the passing lights of the tunnel. “But I feel drawn to him, and I need to find out where that takes us. Hopefully, without either of us losing our jobs.”
“I just want you to think about this seriously. You’ve gone from saying you didn’t want a relationship, that it was all happening too fast. And now you’re talking about risking your job for a guy you’ve only known for two minutes. You’re flip-flopping, and I’m worried for you.” He crosses his arms over his chest and puts his feet on the seat across from him. Doing exactly what the sign above his head tells him not to.
I place my hand on his thigh. “I know what I’m doing, David.”
“Well, I’m glad you know,” he mumbles, as he chews on his thumbnail and stares out the window. I watch him for a moment. He only chews his nails when he’s agitated. And I get why he is. I’m agitated too. But I’m also excited. I’m feeling hopeful. When he sees how happy I am, he’ll calm down and be his regular supportive self again.
When the train pulls into Penrith Station, David walks us both over the bridge and to my car.
“Will you come over tomorrow?” I ask him before he leaves.
He leans forward and kisses me roughly on the cheek. “Sure,” he says without feeling, raising his hand to say goodbye to Carmel. “It was nice to meet you.”
“You too,” she says as she gets into the passenger seat of my car. “Is there something going on between you two?” she asks once the doors are closed. “I mean, did you used to date or something?”
I start the car as soon as I see David get inside his own. “No. He doesn’t see me that way. We’ve never dated and there’s nothing going on. He’s just… protective of me. We’ve been through a lot together... as friends.”
The explanation seems to placate her, so she doesn’t ask any more questions. Instead, making small talk as she directs me towards her house, thanking me for the lift as she gets out of the car.
“You’re more than welcome,” I reply. “It was nice meeting you tonight.”
“Same to you. And good luck with Elliot. It’s nice to see him smiling again.” She shuts the door and waves to me before walking up the path that leads to her door.
Watching until I see her step inside, I put the car into drive and release an exhausted sigh. “Luck, huh? Between David and Elliot, I think I’m gonna need it.”
Eight
“Katrina. Wake up!” My eyes pop open as my mother shakes me from my sleep.
“What happened? Is everyone OK?”
“You were moaning and whimpering in your sleep. I could hear you from the kitchen,” she says, her face full of concern. “It sounded like you were having one of your nightmares.”
Pieces of the dream come floating back to me, the throbbing between my legs telling me my dream wasn’t scary at all. I sit up and awkwardly clear my throat. “Mum, I’m fine… I don’t even remember what it was.”
“Oh, look at you. You’re all flushed.” She attempts to reach out and smooth my hair like she always does when she thinks I’m upset. Moving my head to the side, I catch her hand and pat it reassuringly.
“Seriously, Mum. I’m fine… Thanks for worrying about me, though.”
“As long as you’re sure?”
“I’ll let you get dressed then,” she offers, standing as she backs out of the room. “I was thinking of making eggs. Do you want some? Or are you training first?”
“I’ll train first.”
She nods and shuts my door on her way out.
Getting up, I lock my door, flopping back on my bed with a dramatic moan. The dream is clear now: Elliot settled between my thighs, lapping away like a pro. It felt incredibly real. I can’t believe I was moaning so loud my mother heard me!
My face feels like it’s on fire from both the dream and the embarrassment. I’ll have to remember to lock my door before bed in the future. Can’t have mothers busting in on erotic dreams too often. Talk about awkward.
Oh, but that dream!
I sigh as I shift a little in my bed. My clit aching badly from the effects of dream Elliot’s tongue. Or was it Evan?
Closing my eyes, I slide my hand inside my pyjama bottoms and into my panties. I’m so aroused that my body flinches involuntarily when my finger touches my sensitive spot and makes its way between my slick wet folds. I let out a silent moan as I reach two fingers inside and massage my inner walls, allowing the palm of my hand to press against my engorged clit.
Sheathed in my wetness, my fingers move like they’re gliding over silk as I gently tease my nub. Exploding in seconds, my body jolts euphorically, a gentle pulse beneath my finger syncing with the rapid beat of my heart.
With my body tingling happily, I lie there with my eyes closed, drifting off again and thinking of nothing but him.
* * *
Grabbing an apple to eat before I train, I munch on the sweet flesh as I hitch my bike up to the back of my car.
“Where you going?” David asks, walking up behind me. “I thought you wanted me to come around?”
“I did. But I wasn’t expecting you so early.” I glance at my watch. “It’s eight-fifteen. You're never out of bed this early on a Saturday.”
“I’ve got a lot on my mind,” he says, looking at his feet as he scuffs them on the driveway.
“Why don’t you come for a ride with me? We can talk.”
“Sure, I’ll go home and get my shit together. Pick me up in fifteen?”
I nod and he trots off.
David only lives a couple of streets away from me. It’s part of the reason we became such good friends during school. We live at the far end of the bus route, so we got used to talking to each other and eventually started hanging out until we became inseparable.
I finish hooking up my push bike and go inside to get my helmet and bag. Calling out to tell Mum I’m leaving.
“Was that David I heard outside?” she asks, popping her head out of the laundry.
“It was. I’m heading round to pick him up now.”
“Tell him I’m making ravioli for dinner. The one with bacon in the sauce.”
“OK. I’m sure he’ll come hungry.” I smile as I head back to my car and jump in, dropping my gear onto the back seat.
When I get to David’s, he’s left his garage open, knowing I’d load his bike for him while he changes. He’s so spoilt. I laugh to myself as I tighten the bolt on the bike rack.
“All ready?” I ask when he emerges from his house carrying his helmet and water bottle. He nods then walks over to the garage and pulls the door down before we get into the car and drive out to Penrith Lakes.
We don’t really speak on the way. We just listen to my playlist through the stereo system. He drums his fingers to the beat, and I sing along to Lana Del Ray’s Off to the Races. I sneak a glance at him now and then. But, I know him well enough to know that he’ll talk to me when he’s ready.
We sort out our bikes as soon as we arrive and set off along the path to lap the lake for the next two hours. There are a few rowers training on the water, and a coach cycling up and down the far side, giving them instructions through a megaphone. I don’t speak, preferring to enjoy the scenery, while I wait for David to get things straight in his head. This takes almost half an hour.
“I wanted to talk to you about this thing you have with Elliot,” he ventures.
“All right, talk away.”
“I just… Can we stop for a minute?” He hits the brakes on his bike, not waiting for an answer, so I follow suit. We both unclip our shoes and wheel our bikes off the track before we sit on the ground. He sits with his knees up as he pulls at the grass between his feet, breaking the blades up and letting them fall as he stares out at the water. “Are you sure having a secret relationship is a good thing?”
“It’s not that much of a secret. You know about it. Carmel and Andrew know about it. Half the office probably does now too. But, we can play that off as drunken stupidity, I guess. Save our jobs for a little while.” I let my words hang in the air as I focus on the boats rowing past us and turn to watch their coach cycle past.
David lets out a heavy sigh. “I’m worried about you. I mean, how much do you really know about this guy?”
“I know that we get along, that we’re attracted to each other... I just… I don’t know. I feel connected to him, which is strange for me, because besides you, I didn’t think I’d be comfortable around another guy. But things are easy with Elliot. He likes me without pretence. He likes me despite my scars. He like me for me, damaged as I am.”
“Does he know how you got the scars?”
I shake my head. “And I’d appreciate if you didn’t mention anything.”
“And give the guy ideas? No way.”
“You’re worried he’s like Christopher?” I’m surprised because Elliot doesn’t give that vibe off at all. He’s the complete opposite to Christopher—quietly confident instead of brazen and cocky. It’s what I like about him.
“I’m going to be worried about every guy you’re ever alone with. I’m worried that if you go out with this guy in secret, I won’t know where you are to get you out this time.” He looks at me intently, and I can see the pain of those memories in his eyes. “I want to protect you, Trina. I don’t know what I’d do if you were hurt again.” He takes my hand and turns it in his lap tracing his fingers over my scars, speaking to me softly. “What if something like this happens? What if you’re not so lucky next time?”
“David,” I whisper.
“Let me finish. I’m happy you feel ready to move on. But does it have to be with him? This secrecy thing doesn’t sit right with me and... and seeing you with him last night, well, it felt wrong. I didn’t like it.”
“I understand.” Giving his hand a squeeze, I pull free from his grip and stand up. Hearing his worries means I can offer him a solution and we can get back to training. “I’ll tell you what. Every time I go somewhere with him, I’ll turn on active location so you know where I am. Will that make you feel better?”
Breaking a piece of grass between his fingers, he throws the pieces on the ground in front of him and looks up at me, squinting slightly in the sunlight. “What if I asked you not to see him?”
I pull my head back in surprise. “You’d really ask that of me?”
“Would you do it?” he counters.
A burst of air leaves my lungs and I shake my head. “He’s nothing like Christopher, David. And we click. I feel safe with him.”
“Safe? Did you feel unsafe with Christopher in the beginning?”
“No. But it was different. Christopher was too good, too charming. Elliot is… he’s raw. He’s the way I think you’d be if you weren’t so angry at your dad.”
“Don’t throw that in my face.”
“I’m not trying to. I’m just being honest. You’re my best friend. Nothing will change that. Can’t you just be happy for me? I’m moving on like everyone wanted.”
Shaking his head, he stands and picks up his bike. “It’s your life. Do whatever you want. But I’m not going to be the third wheel in your relationship this time. I won’t fight some guy so I can spend time with you. I’ve been there, and I’m done with that.”
“What the fuck, David? How many women have I had to stand aside for? How many times have you ignored me to go off and fuck some random who never wanted me around? I have had two serious boyfriends. Three if you count Ben. And I never ignored you. I never made you feel like you weren’t wanted.”
“You think I’d choose any one of those girls over you?” He shakes his head. “Never. If you’d asked me to stop seeing someone—anyone. I’d drop them in a heartbeat. Hell, there have been times you’ve needed me when I was in the middle of something, and I up and left. For you. You are my number one. No one else.”
“That’s the problem, David. You c
all me that, but I’m not your number one. When you want me to live as a nun waiting around while you run off fucking everything else, I’m not even number two. I’m something else entirely.”
“Is that what you want? You want me to fuck you?”
I take a step back. “That’s not what I said.”
“It’s what I heard.” He holds his hands out to the side. “Let’s go, Trina. Let’s fuck so you can finally feel as important as you need to.”
My stomach twists. “Stop it.”
“What’s the problem? Is my dick too used for you? Is this not the romantic proclamation of love you hoped for? Tell me, because I want to know: how do I make you feel like my world, Trina? How do I make you understand that no one else matters? Being by your side for the last eleven years hasn’t cut it. I’m at a fucking loss here.”
I blink away my tears. “I think you need to go.” My voice shakes as I wrap my arm around my middle. Why is he doing this? Twisting the knife in my already scarred heart? My tears fall.
“Fuck.” He rakes his hand through his hair. “Shit. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
I can’t even look at him. “Just go. Please.”
He holds his hands out in a plea. “Trina.”
“Go. I want to be alone.”
“Shit.” He gets on his bike and puts his helmet back on his head. “Will you be OK by yourself?”
Pressing my lips together before I say something to make this even worse, I tighten my arms across my chest, nodding almost imperceptibly, both stung and confronted by his words.
“Please believe me when I say I didn’t mean any of that.”
I nod again, holding my sobs as a knot in my chest. How could he not? He just took the one thing he’s denied me all these years, sharpened its edges and cut me with it. David is many things. But I never thought he was cruel.
“I’ll call you later. OK?”
Another nod. I turn away, knowing that if he doesn’t leave soon I’m going to burst into tears. I’m thankful when he pushes off with a sigh and heads for home.
Struggle: Beautiful Series, book one Page 9
