“I’ve been dying to get you alone for days.”
“The running track is hardly deserted.”
“You know what I mean. Away from here.”
“Yeah, I get it. I’ll meet you there?”
“Sure, same place as last time.”
We disconnect, and I work through until morning tea time, feeling a little nervous about facing everyone after the conversation I had with Carl, but knowing I can’t hide in the library forever.
When I enter the break room, there are a few murmurs and stares as I line up to get my coffee. I nod hi to Kayley, who’s already seated with Anne and Jo, waving me over to join them.
“Bring biscuits,” she calls out.
With my coffee and a plate of Arnotts Nice in hand, I head for the table, keeping my eyes forward and trying to ignore the sounds of mine and Elliot’s names mentioned together. You can do this. It’s not the first time I’ve been the subject of gossip. Head held high.
In my periphery, I spot Bianca entering the break room and heading towards me. For some reason, I don’t think much of it. I just think she’s in here getting her tea or coffee like the rest of us, and do my best to pretend she isn’t there. A hard thing to do when she walks directly at me, blatantly knocking her shoulder into mine. Biscuits shoot through the air. Coffee sloshes over my hand, dribbling all over my skirt. “Ow.”
“Watch where you’re walking,” Bianca spits, moving straight past me, to join her friend in line.
Mother fucker. Clenching my jaw, I bite back a retort, choosing to ignore her behaviour as I grab some paper towel and clean myself as best as I can. I’m thankful I at least had the foresight to wear dark colours today.
“Are you OK?” Kayley rushes to my side as Jo and Anne clean up the broken biscuits and Albina collects some more.
“I hear coffee is the latest in body spray scents, so yeah, I’m fine,” I joke. We giggle a touch and she grabs me a fresh coffee before we take our seats with the others. “I feel like I’m watching Mean Girls,” Jo says, biting into a biscuit. “I’ve never seen everyone this crazy before.”
Albina raises her eyebrows. “Looks like you’re public enemy number one at the moment. Bianca and Beth are on a rampage.”
Anne leans in to talk quietly. “You should have heard Bianca yesterday. She was telling everyone she got you fired.”
“Well, she tried,” I say. “But there wasn’t any proof.”
“But people saw,” Albina says. “Kayley and Connor saw. You can’t deny it.”
“You know what,” Kayley says. “I was drinking, and it was dark. I don’t know what I saw.”
I smile gratefully at her then sigh. “I don’t know why everyone’s making a big deal out of it. I’ve known the guy for a week.”
“Yeah and in that week you had your legs around his waist on a public wharf,” Albina counters.
I really don’t think anything I say will convince them there’s nothing between Elliot and me. So I stand to take what’s left of my coffee to my desk instead. “Don’t go,” Anne says. “We’re just talking.”
“We’ll even change the topic,” Kayley says. But I make my excuses anyway, needing to escape the tense air.
As I’m leaving, I overhear Bianca. “Maybe he’s into boys, and that’s why.” Unable to stop myself, I spin around to give her a piece of my mind, hating the snide giggles from the girls she’s with. This is Cassie all over again.
When I open my mouth to speak, Bianca gets in first. “Are you going to go cut yourself now?”
The hatred I feel for her in this moment can be heard crackling through the air. I want to hurt her. I want to slap that smug face of hers so hard she goes cross-eyed. But that would only make me look bad.
Digging deep, I shut my mouth and spin on my heel, getting out of there. This isn’t worth it. I need this to stop.
When I get back to my desk I’m shaking, my face burning hot with humiliation while I pace the floor, raking my fingers through my hair. I can’t do this. With fumbling fingers, I grab the office phone and put a call through to Elliot. He picks up on the second ring. “Elliot Roberts.”
“It’s me.”
“Hey, you. What’s up?”
“I don’t think we should train together.” I’m a coward. I’m a scared little coward.
“What? Why?”
“I think it would be a mistake to be seen together.”
“Are you backing out on me?”
I sigh, not knowing what I’m doing. I’m torn. And this feels too risky. “Can we just cool it, please? I have all this animosity directed at me and I need to take a step back until it calms down.”
He’s silent for a moment. “Until what calms down?”
“Do you seriously have no clue about the gossip spreading through the office?”
“I don’t listen to it.”
“Well, you might want to this time. It’s all about you and me on that wharf. And it’s gonna get us both fired.”
I hear him sigh as his chair creaks over the phone. “There’s something I need to do.” He disconnects abruptly and I look at the phone, a pain in my chest as I try to piece together this mess of a life around me. One week. One week out in the world on my own and I’m fucking everything up. I’m not equipped to deal with this. I don’t know how to navigate my emotions or fight against nasty women without a certain someone at my side. Call it a crutch. Call it codependency. But there’s only one person who can talk me down from this.
Pulling my mobile out of my drawer, I unlock the screen then take a deep breath as I type, Can we talk?
David’s reply is almost immediate. Give me a time and a place and I’m there, baby girl.
I almost cry. I need my best friend.
* * *
David pulls me into his arms, holding me tight while the city crowd teems around us. “I’m so fucking sorry, Trina,” he murmurs in my hair. “I don’t know what came over me.”
“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have been avoiding you like that. These past few days…”
We pull back and our gazes meet, his hand cupping the side of my face. “Were torture,” he finishes for me, and I nod, falling into his arms and trying so hard not to cry. When I’m not close to David, it feels like a part of me is missing.
“I’ve had the worst morning at work, and I needed you. I hate it when we fight.”
“Me too.” He takes a deep breath and kisses me on the forehead. “Lucky it doesn’t happen often.”
I nod again, and we pull apart, linking arms as we walk with the flow of people on the footpath.
“You hungry?” he asks after a while. “Wanna get something to eat.”
“Not really. But I’ll eat, anyway. Find somewhere quiet so we can talk.”
“We can always beg off the rest of the afternoon. Call in with a stomach bug or something?”
I lean into him as I groan at the thought of walking back into work. “I can’t. It’s like, my fourth day. If I start calling in sick I might never go back there.”
“Would that be such a bad thing?” he asks, indicating an open restaurant with only a couple of tables occupied.
“You want me to run away from my problems?”
We take a seat and a waiter comes by with two menus. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Just water for the table, please,” David says, waiting until the waiter leaves to continue. “It’s not running away when you’re doing it to protect yourself from getting hurt.”
“But if I leave, she wins. I can’t let her get the better of me.”
“Wait. She?” David’s brow knits. “What are we talking about here?”
“Bianca.” I give him a rundown of the fallout from Friday night and our altercation at morning tea this morning. “I told Elliot we need to cool it until things calm down, but I don’t think he’s happy about it.”
“So, you’re still considering this secret relationship thing with him?”
“No,” I say adamantly
before I wince and add, “Yes. Maybe? I don’t know.”
David sits back and blows out his breath, taking his hand through his hair like he really wants to say something but won’t.
“What?” I press, putting my menu down in front of me.
He shakes his head. “Nothing. I just hope you know what you’re doing. That’s all,” he says.
“I don’t,” I admit. “But I will be careful. I promise you that.”
His jaw clenches as he nods slightly, his attention shifting as our waiter returns to take our order. After that, David takes a mouthful of water and sits back in his chair. “I was thinking we could have a do over this weekend? Dinner and a club. Just you and me this time.”
A little of the tension in my chest easing, I let out my breath. “I’d like that. A lot, actually. But maybe just dinner? I don’t think I’m ready for the club scene just yet.”
“Dinner it is,” he says, offering me a smile that leaves me wondering how I made it through four days without seeing his face. I need him. When our food arrives, we fall into easy conversation about friends and uni, the focus primarily on our exams, and by the end of my lunch hour I’m feeling normal again. Whole.
Ten
“I had a feeling you were taking lunch half an hour early to avoid me.” Elliot falls into step next to me and I almost yelp from the shock.
“Are you stalking me now?” I ask, maintaining my running speed while glancing up at the clouds. They look set to burst. “Maybe I’m out here early to avoid the rain?”
“Every day for the last week?” He touches my arm, urging me to stop. “I thought we were friends.”
I check my watch and shake my head, noting my heart rate is higher than usual. “I don’t know what we are, Elliot. But I do know I need to run. And I know this is all easier when I’m not around you.”
Taking off down the path again, I’m not surprised when he continues by my side. “You think I’m a complication?”
Glancing his way, I ease out my breath. He’s so damn handsome. “You’re a huge complication,” I admit.
“What’s complicated about this?” He gestures to the path beneath our pounding feet. “We’re two people outside exercising, getting fresh air. Maybe we talk a little? Maybe we learn some stuff about each other? Maybe we say nothing at all? Either way, there’s no harm.”
“That’s not all this is, and you know it.”
“Tell me what this is then, Trina.”
I flash him a look of warning. “You don’t get to call me that.”
He holds up his hands. “I’m sorry. Too familiar. Full names only.”
I stop running abruptly and push my hand over my tied-back hair. “You don’t understand, Elliot. I can’t do this. I can’t be seen with you. I can’t be afraid because of you.”
“Afraid?” he asks, brow tight. “Of losing your job?”
I shake my head. “You don’t understand,” I repeat, ready to run again. But he places a hand on my arm to stop me.
“Make me understand.”
His blue eyes bore into mine, concerned and intense, and I feel my resolve slipping because I want to let myself fall into them. I want to lose myself and forget everything else. I want to feel wanted by him.
“Why don’t we just do each other a favour and quit while we’re ahead? No good can come from us being around each other, Elliot. Surely you can understand that.”
“I don’t.” Placing his hands on his hips, he closes his eyes for a moment, releasing a sigh.
I make a run for it. Call me chicken. Call me crazy. But the moment he comes after me, I pick up the pace, getting faster and faster until I’m sprinting as fast as I can.
Of course, he keeps up.
Thighs burning, lungs heaving, I stop before I fall over and drop in a heap on the grass. “Fuck,” I groan, gasping for air as I look up at the angry sky. There’s a flash behind the clouds then Elliot’s face fills my vision.
“I admit the office policies complicate things,” he starts.
“It’s not just the policies, Elliot,” I put in, pushing up to my elbows as he squats down in front of me.
“I know,” he says. “It’s the gossips too. Carmel explained to me that some of the girls have been giving you a hard time.”
“Then you understand why—”
“No. I don’t. In the entire year I’ve worked there, I’ve never given any of them reason to think I’m interested in them.”
“What about Beth? You put your arm around her when we were at Pontoon.”
He sighs. “Yeah. I did. But that’s not a regular thing. I don’t hug her. I don’t exchange longing glances. If anything, I’m cold and indifferent towards her. Towards everyone. That night; I let my guard down. For the first time in twelve months, I was actually happy to be at work, happy to be socialising with those people. But only because you were there.”
I shake my head. “You barely knew me then. You barely know me now. I’m not worth your job. Or the drama being seen with me creates. Maybe it’s not affecting you because, well, because you’re you—they consider you the prize. I’m the competition. I’ve been insulted, mocked, knocked into…” I roll my eyes and look away. “I never imagined grown women could behave like this, but I’m not shocked. I’m just disappointed. All I did was kiss you.” A tear escapes and I swipe it away before meeting his gaze, expecting it to have softened with compassion. Instead, his eyes are crackling pools of fire and brimstone, dark and cloudy like the sky behind him. It makes me suck in my breath.
“Fuck. Them,” he growls.
“Excuse me?”
He stands up and holds out a hand for me to take. “Fuck them.” I slip my hand in his and he pulls me to my feet. “I’m not letting bitter mean-girl shit dictate who I do and don’t spend my time with. Fuck that. I get manipulated enough by my own damn family without letting Beth and fucking Bianca have their way too. No. Fuck that. Fuck. That.”
His rant hits me right in the chest. Simple yet powerful. Because that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m allowing the bullies to win because I’m too tired or scared to fight. When am I going to stand up and fight for myself? I’m so used to running to David that I never deal with confrontation on my own. We can’t orchestrate our lives so we’re always together. Sometimes I have to stand up on my own. He can’t always rescue me.
“Listen,” Elliot continues. “I’m one hundred percent in agreement that we should behave professionally in the office. But, I don’t see why we can’t train together at lunchtime, maybe even see each other on the weekends. There’s no rule against friendship, Katrina. Hell, there’s this whole committee dedicated to getting us to hang out. Consider this team building. And if it turns into something else, we’ll learn to be discrete. Other people in the office manage, you know this. Don’t dismiss what we could be just because you’re afraid of the negative shit.”
“And what do you think we could be?”
A grin pulls at the side of his mouth. “I think we could be awesome.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Team Awesome, huh?” The sky crackles and a few fat raindrops land on my skin. “Well, we’ll be Team Drenched if we don’t get back soon.”
Elliot looks up, flinching when a rain drop almost gets his eye. “Race you?” He cocks a grin.
“You’re on,” I say, sprinting off in the direction of the office, laughing the whole way.
Eleven
Over the next few weeks, things calm down all round. I don’t go to Friday night drinks anymore and spend as little time in the break room as possible. Kayley missed me, of course. Being the self-appointed work-best-friend comes with its pitfalls when one of you is absent. But I make it up to her in other ways, bringing her a container of my mum’s delicious chocolate chip cookies to share with the others so I was there in spirit.
“We can’t eat these without you,” Carl said from the library doorway. Behind him, the rest of our little gang huddled, ready to make the library their new morning tea space.
My desk has never been so fun or so crowded. Who knew I could make actual friends all on my own? I love it.
Speaking of co-dependant friends, David and I are back to our usual selves. He suggested last night that once our exams are over this year, it might be an idea to take a road trip up the coast for a few days of R and R.
“There’s actually an Ironman Triathlon happening on Hamilton Island,” I said in response. “It’s the weekend after we finish so we could make a whole week of it?”
He grinned and took my hands in his. “I think that’s the most perfect idea I’ve ever heard.”
The fact he even made that suggestion means the world: David hates the beach. He hates the sand; he hates the sharp shells and floating seaweed. And he’s willing to spend the first week of our uni break there for me. He’s all kinds of special and I love him to bits.
Training is going well. Really well. I’ve competed in my club’s first triathlon of the season already with another coming up towards the end of this month. I didn’t place, but since it was my first race after a season off, I was thrilled with the result. Baby steps, as my coach likes to say.
“Tell me something about yourself that no one else knows,” I say to Elliot as we run through the Botanical Gardens at Wednesday lunch. I’ve fallen into a comfortable routine now: Mondays I have lunch with David, Wednesdays I run with Elliot, and Friday sees us in the gym. Of course, I also train on weekends and outside of work hours, but this is a happy medium, giving me time for everything I find important in my life. And Elliot is definitely becoming someone important to me.
“My dad is about to marry a woman who’s only a couple of years older than me,” he states, his voice flat, eyes forward.
“Ouch,” I wince. “I hope you didn’t go to school with her?”
“No.” He laughs. “All boys' school, remember? Thank god. He met her through work or something. I don’t really know. I’ve only met her once.”
“Was that to tell you they were getting married?”
He sighs. “Pretty much.”
Struggle: Beautiful Series, book one Page 11
