Brook knew her fears were in some ways unreasonable. She knew she couldn’t keep measuring everyone against Warren, and the things that he’d done to her. But she couldn’t help herself. It was the only way she knew to protect herself. The only way she knew to keep herself safe from ever living the nightmare she once lived with Warren.
Releasing a deep breath, she smiled at Dylan, pushing all thoughts of Warren from her mind.
“I wish I could take away every pain he caused you,” Dylan whispered, his eyes not leaving hers. “I wish I could take away every memory, every doubt he has carved into your mind.”
He reached up and softly touched her face. This time Brook didn’t freeze. It took everything she had inside not to react like she had the last time Dylan touched her. She had to try and get past these fears she had that were burned deep into her soul.
Dylan released a long nervous breath, before his eyes dropped to Brook’s lips, just for a moment. Brook knew he wanted to kiss her again. It had been almost two weeks since the last time he had, and despite the fact that every instinct inside told her that she needed to keep him at a safe distance; kissing him again had been all she could think about.
Finally, Dylan leaned forward, softly pressing his lips to hers.
At first his lips were soft, barely touching hers, but his warm breath washed over her, sending a feeling of pure desire through her body. A feeling she hadn’t felt in such a long time.
“I’ve been waiting to do that for so long,” Dylan whispered against her lips, before he leaned back, looking down into her eyes. “I thought today would never come.”
Brook smiled up at him, before he softly pressed his lips to her once more.
Slowly his kiss grew deeper, as his hand slipped down from her face, to her shoulders, then to the nape of her neck, gently pulling her closer to him. Brook’s heart was now racing so fast, she felt like she’d almost forgotten how to breathe.
Dylan inched closer to her, as his other arm slipped around her back drawing her body closer to his. His kiss grew deeper, and more urgent.
Suddenly a wave of panic washed over her.
“Dylan.” She breathed out in a rush, as she pulled back from him suddenly. “I like you, I really do. And I like kissing you…”
“But I’m moving too fast,” Dylan said, looking like he’d wished the ground would open up and swollow him. “I’m so sorry, Brook.”
“No!” She cried, feeling like a complete bitch for making this lovely man feel bad for doing nothing wrong. “No, I don’t want you to be sorry. In fact, I’m the one who should be sorry. I want to kiss you. I want you to kiss me. It’s just...”
She could feel her face flush with embarrassment.
“You just need some time,” Dylan offered, giving her the words she needed to say.
“I don’t know what I want,” she replied honestly. “These last few weeks. The feelings I have for you… I want you to kiss me. I want you to do… stuff. But I’m scared.”
“Scared?” Dylan asked, giving her a questioning look. “You’re afraid of me?”
“No!” Brook exclaimed, shaking her head. “Not of you exactly. I could never be afraid of you.”
“Then what?” Dylan said, giving her a nervous smile. “What is it you’re afraid of?”
“Since Warren,” Brook sighed. “I’ve learned to keep people at a distance. It was my way of self-preservation.”
“I can understand why,” Dylan smiled, and Brook knew that he was trying his hardest to understand what she was going through.
“But the thing that scares me is,” she continued, giving him a nervous smile. “How much I want to let you in. How much I want to believe that you could never hurt me…”
“Brook, I will never hurt you,” Dylan replied, giving her hand a squeeze.
“But what if I hurt you?” Brook whispered, suddenly feeling a little emotional. “Dylan, I like you, I really do, but I don’t know if I can ever reach a point when I can let you know the real me. If I’m honest, I don’t know I even know who the real me is.”
“Then maybe we can find the real you, together,” Dylan replied, before he leaned in and softly kissed her on the lips once more, before he stood up. “But for now, how about we go down and have some dinner. Knowing my mom as I do, she has organised a special dinner to welcome you home.”
“Are you serious?” Brook asked, suddenly feeling a little nervous about heading back down stairs.
“It will be okay,” Dylan assured her. “You already know Landen and Liam, and everyone else is super nice.”
“Everyone else!” She exclaimed, feeling even more worried now.
“Brook,” Dylan said holding out his hand to her. “Whether you like it or not; you’ve become an honorary member of the Murphy family. But it’s not such a bad thing. If you’re going to have a family around you, this one is pretty awesome.”
Brook smiled, but inside she was panicking.
“This is another one of those times when I need you to trust me,” Dylan continued, giving her another smile. “Please.”
“I’ll try,” she nodded, giving him a smile, knowing that she needed to at least try. “I just don’t know that I’m ready.”
“It’s okay,” Dylan said, giving her a reassuring smile. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. Besides, I could be wrong.”
“Okay,” she nodded, now filled with complete terror as she reached up and took his hand, before she too stood up.
Dylan led her out of the room and down the hallway to the sweeping staircase that led down to the biggest hallway Brook had ever seen.
She still couldn’t believe that Dylan and his brothers had grown up in this house. It was more like a hotel than a family home. She thought about her and her father’s little house back in Seattle. You could have probably fit the whole house in the hallways of this house.
Her heart ached when she thought about her father. She missed him. These last four weeks had been hard being so close to him, yet not being able to see him. Dylan had called the hospital every day to check on him for her. It had helped some, but still she longed to see him.
“Are you okay?” Dylan asked as they reached the bottom of the stairs. He stopped, turning to face Brook.
“I was just thinking about my dad,” Brook replied, deciding she would be honest with him. “I miss him so much…”
“Then I should take you to see him,” Dylan replied, giving her a broad smile.
“Are you serious?” Brook asked, a bubble of excitement forming in the pit of her stomach, and she couldn’t help but smile. “Do you think I could?”
“Why not?” Dylan asked, giving her a surprised look. “Of course you can go and see your father! Why would you think that you couldn’t?”
“I… I don’t know,” Brook replied with a shrug. “I just thought with Warren…”
“Brook,” Dylan said. “Warren is behind bars. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
“I know,” Brook replied, giving him a weak smile, but she knew her reaction was more than fear of Warren.
When they were together, he controlled where she went, and who she saw. He would only let her visit her father when it suited him. Brook just felt that living with Dylan’s family, maybe she would have to answer to them now. She knew it was stupid, but it was how she felt.
“It’s more than that,” Dylan said, as if he was reading her mind. “Isn’t it?”
“It’s just…” Brook sighed, not knowing how to explain what she was feeling to Dylan. “I’m staying here with your folks… I don’t want to be any trouble.”
“Brook, you’re their guest, not their prisoner,” Dylan said with a laughed, but then his smile faded. “Oh God! That’s how it was with him, wasn’t it?”
“It was just…” Brook replied, suddenly feeling more than a little embarrassed. “I just don’t want to be in anyone’s way.”
“You’re not,” Dylan replied, with a smile, before he leaned forward and kissed her
softly on the lips, then smiled once more. “I could get used to doing that.”
Brook smiled, but before she could reply, Nell appeared in the hallway.
“There you two are!” She exclaimed as she greeted them both with a big smile. “I was just going to come get you. Everyone is here.”
“Mom” Dylan said, giving his mother a worried look before he glanced at Brook, she knew he was worried about her once more. “I’m not sure this is such a good idea.”
“Of course it is, we’re a family,” Nell said, giving Dylan a surprised look. “And right now, Brook needs family around her.”
“But, Mom,” Dylan began to say, and Brook knew that he was afraid that she was going to freak out or feel completely out of her comfort zone. If she was honest, she was freaking out a little. Nothing about this felt normal or right somehow. But she knew Dylan was trying his best to make things right for her, so she needed to make it right for him too.
“Actually, that sounds like a plan,” she replied, giving Nell and Dylan the biggest smile she could. “It’s a long time since I was at a family dinner, so I think it will be fun.”
“Are you sure?” Dylan asked, turning to her, giving her a surprised look.
“Yeah!” She exclaimed, giving him a bright smile, but inside her heart was pounding rapidly in her chest. Walking into a room full of people she didn’t know was the last thing she wanted to do right at that moment. But she was going to do this. She knew she had to, for Dylan’s sake. “I’m sure.”
“Okay,” Dylan sighed, giving her a worried look before he turned and headed across the hallway, leading her into the dining room. The moment they both walked in, everyone that was in the dining room turned to look at them, as all the men around the table stood up.
Brook instantly recognised Liam and Landen, but she didn’t know the other two men, or any of the other ladies.
“Wow,” Liam said, closing the distance between himself and Brook, greeting her with a kiss on the cheek. “You look so much better than the last time I saw you. It’s great to see you out of that hospital room.”
“Thank you, Liam,” she replied, giving him a nervous smile, before she turned to greet Landen, who also gave her a kiss on the cheek. Next, Dylan introduced her to Callum and Finn. Then he introduced her to Amelia, Emmy, Georgie and Lexi, before he finally introduced her to Macy and Henry.
Brook wasn’t sure how she was going to remember all the names, but she knew that this family loved each other unconditionally. She could feel the closeness as she stood in the room. They all laughed and joked so casually with each other. She knew that she was going to like the Murphy family. She didn’t know why, but she suddenly felt at ease, as she thought maybe things weren’t going to be as horrible as she had thought they were going to be.
“You look tired,” Dylan said as Brook sat next to him on the patio a couple of hours later.
“It’s been a long day,” Brook replied, giving him a warm smile, before she absentmindedly rested her head against his shoulder. “I have no doubt that I will sleep tonight.”
“I was thinking,” Dylan said with the tiniest hint of hesitation in his voice. “Maybe I could stay here a night or two…in my own room of course, but you know, until you settle in and get to know Mom and Dad a little better.”
“You don’t have to,” Brook replied, even though deep down inside, she’d hoped he would insist. “I don’t want to make things more difficult for you.”
“It’s not difficult,” Dylan replied, and she could hear the smile in his voice. “Besides, I’ve taken a few days off from the hospital, so we could hang out here, or go do some stuff… I could take you surfing.”
“Surfing?” She exclaimed as she sat up, looking at Dylan. “I’m not sure that standing up on a surfboard is something that I will be doing any time soon. Not with these wobbly legs.”
“No… I know that part,” Dylan laughed. “But, I could take you out on my board, not too deep, and just let you get the feel of the water…”
He trailed off, as if he realised what he was said sounded ridiculous.
“You’re right,” he continued looking almost embarrassed. He turned back out to look over the garden. “It’s probably a dumb idea. Pay no attention to me.”
“No!” Brooked exclaimed, pulling his attention back to her. “It’s not dumb at all. I would love to go surfing with you.”
“Really?” He asked, giving her a most perfect smile Brook had ever seen.
“Really,” she nodded, giving him a smile too. “I think it could be fun.”
Dylan smiled for a moment, his eyes fixed on Brooks. Then he suddenly leaned forward, kissing her softly on the mouth, before he pulled back and looked into her eyes once more.
“What was that for?” Brook asked, giving him a shy smile.
“For just… being you,” Dylan replied, before once more leaning forward, kissing her on the lips. But this kiss was different. It was slower, but deeper, and it filled Brook with so much longing she could barely breathe.
“Do you know just how incredibly beautiful you are?” He breathed softly against her lips, but he didn’t wait for a reply. Instead, he kissed her once more, this time taking her in his arms, pulling her closer to him.
Brook’s head was spinning. She had so many mixed emotions, right in that moment, she could barely catch her breath. She liked Dylan; she really did. More than she’d ever allowed herself to like anyone else. If she was truly honest, she knew she was falling for him, and falling fast. But that thought filled her with fear too.
She had promised herself she would never let any man get so close to her again. She would never give them the power to hurt her, either emotionally or physically. She had been so determined to live her life never needing another human being to complete her.
But each day she spent with Dylan, she could feel that resolve she had, fade just a little more. She knew that if she wasn’t careful, she was going to lose her heart to this sweet, caring man, and he would have the power to destroy her once more.
With that thought swirling around her head, she pulled back from Dylan, probably a little more abruptly that she’d meant to.
“I think I should probably call it a night,” she said, giving him a nervous smile. “I mean, if that’s okay.”
“Sure,” Dylan replied, but Brook couldn’t help but notice the confused look on his face. Releasing a long, frustrated breath, Dylan pushed up from his seat, offering her his hand. “I’ll walk you up.”
She stared at his hand for a moment, before she took it, and stood up too. Dylan led her back into the house, where they found his parents sitting at the kitchen table, drinking hot chocolate.
“Brook is going to call it a night,” He told his Mom and Dad, but Brook could still hear the uncertainty in his voice. She knew he was confused by her reaction to their kiss, and if she was completely honest, so was she.
“Okay, Sweetheart,” Nell said as she stood, giving Brook a gentle hug. “I hope you sleep well. And if there is anything you need at all; please, just let me know.”
“Thank you, Nell,” Brook replied, giving the woman a grateful smile. “Good night.”
“Goodnight, Brook,” Nell replied, returning her smile, before Brook turned to Sean.
“Goodnight, Sean,” Brook said, still a little unsure if Sean was thrilled about the fact she was staying in his house or not. If she was honest, she wasn’t sure he liked her, but she had no idea why.
“Goodnight, Brook,” Sean replied, offering her a half smile, before Dylan led her through the kitchen, out to the hallway, then up the stairs to her room.
“I guess this is me,” Brook said as she stopped at her door, turning back to look at Dylan. “Thank you for today. In fact, thank you for everything you’ve done.”
“It was truly my pleasure, Brook,” Dylan said, but once more she could see uncertainty in his eyes.
“I should probably call it a night,” she said as a sudden wave of emotion swept over her,
and she knew she was going to cry. Leaning up, she softly kissed Dylan on the cheek, before she turned and opened her door.
“Sweet dreams, Brook,” Dylan replied as she turned and gave him one last smile, before she closed the door.
Once inside the safety of her room, she pressed her forehead to the door, and took a deep, steadying breath. She was not going to give in to tears. Crying was for the weak, and she didn’t have the luxury of being weak.
Pushing back from the door, she walked to the bed, feeling so tired, she was sure she could sleep forever.
But as she reached the bed, she thought of Dylan once more, as a fresh wave of grief washed over her. A sob escaped from deep down inside her, as her hands quickly flew to her mouth to cover the sound.
Now the tears had won their battle, there was no holding them back. She curled into a ball on the bed and allowed the sadness she felt inside to escape. She sobbed until finally sleep claimed her.
Chapter 18
Dylan lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling above his bed. He had drifted in and out of a restless sleep all night, and now he felt beyond tired, but even still he couldn’t sleep.
He glanced at his watch and saw it was ten minutes to seven; exactly five minutes later than the last time he’d checked.
As he lay there, he thought about Brook, and if he was truly honest, his feelings for her were a complete mess in his head. He was falling for her, completely and honestly. She consumed his every waking thought and filled his dreams.
Still, he was torn between his need for her and her need for space and time.
He understood why she was so reluctant to let him close. Warren hadn’t just broken her body; he’d broken her spirit too. He’d taken everything from her, even her identity. So it was very natural for her to have built a wall around her heart and her very being. It was just, Dylan had no clue how he was going to get past it.
Dylan (The Murphy Series Book 5) Page 17
