by Elinor Glyn
XIX
_Saturday_:
I wonder how long I shall go on writing in this Journal? I suppose onceI should be happy it would not be necessary; well the moment has not yetcome, in spite of my being the _fiance_ of the woman I desire.
At ten o'clock I was waiting for her in the sitting-room, and I wasthinking of that other time when I waited in anxiety, in case she didnot return at all. I was very excited, but it was more the exhilarationI used to feel when we were going to have some stunning maraudingexpeditions over No-Man's Land. The old zest was in my veins.
I heard Alathea's ring, and after she had taken off her hat she cameinto the room. I believed that her anxieties must be assuaged becauseGeorge Harcourt had telephoned late on Thursday night to say that he hadbeen successful, and that he had four thousand francs to hand back tome, the affair having been concluded for twenty-six thousand. So whatwas my surprise to see Alathea's face below her glasses more woebegonethan ever! At first it gave me a stab of pain. Does she really hate meso? She did not mention the money, so I wonder if it is that she doesnot yet know her father is cleared? I bowed as coldly as I used alwaysto do, and she asked me if I had a chapter ready for her to type? Ianswered that I had not, because I had been too busy with other thingsto have composed anything.
"I think we had better discuss the necessary arrangements for ourmarriage before we can settle down to our old work," I said.
"Very well."
"I shall have to have your full name and your father's and mother's andall that, you know, to make it legal. My lawyer will attend to all theformalities--they are quite considerable, I believe. He arrives fromLondon on Monday. I got him a passport by pulling a lot of strings."
She actually trembled. It seemed as if the idea of all this had not cometo her, some of the value of her sacrifice would be diminished if thefamily skeleton should be laid bare, I could see she felt, so Ireassured her.
"Believe me, I do not wish you to tell me anything about your family. Aslong as you can give just sufficient facts to satisfy the law, I have nocuriosity to see them unless I can be of use."
"Thank you."
"I think a fortnight is the quickest that everything can be settledin.--Will you marry me on the seventh of November, Miss Sharp?"
"Yes."
"Do you care for the church ceremony, or will the one at the Consulatedo?"
"I should think that would be quite enough for us."
The ring cases were all lying upon the table by me--I pointed to them.
"I wonder if you would choose an engagement ring?" and I began openingthe lids. "It is customary, you know," I went on as she startedreluctantly. I intended to be firm with her in all the points where Ihad rights.
"Don't you think it is a little ridiculous?" she asked. "A ring for amere business arrangement?"
I would not allow myself to be hurt, but I was conscious that I felt alittle angry.
"You would prefer not to choose a ring then? Very well, I will decidefor you," and I took up one really magnificent single stone diamond, setas only Cartier can set stones.
"This is the last thing in modernity," and I handed it to her. "A hardwhite diamond of egregious size, it cannot fail to be a reminder of ourhard business bargain, and I shall ask you to be good enough to wearit."
I suppose she saw that I was not pleased, for she drew in her lips alittle, but she took the ring.
Her hands seemed very restless as she held it, they were certainly notnearly so red as they formerly were.
"Am I to put it on now?"
"Please."
She did so, only she put it on her right third finger, her cheeksgrowing pink.
"Why do you do that?" I asked.
"What?"
"Put the ring on the wrong hand."
She changed it reluctantly, then she burst out:
"I suppose I ought to thank you for such a very splendid gift, but Ican't, because I would much rather not have it, please do let us keep tobusiness in every way, and please don't give me any more presents. I amgoing to be just your secretary, with my wages commuted into some lumpsum, I suppose."
I felt more angry, and I think she saw it. I remained silent, whichforced her to speak.
"Do you intend that I shall live here, in the flat?"
"Of course. Will you please choose which of the two guest rooms youwould prefer, they both have bathrooms, and you will have the decorationre-done as you wish."
Silence.
My exasperation augmented.
"Will you also please engage a maid, and go and order every sort ofclothes which you ought to have. I know by the way you were dressed whenI saw you in the _Bois_ that Sunday, that your taste is perfect."
She stiffened as I spoke. It was quite plain to be seen that she loathedtaking anything from me, but I had no intention of ceding a single pointwhere I had the right to impose my will.
"You see you will be known as my wife, therefore you must dressaccording to the position, and have everything my mother used to have.Otherwise, people would not respect you, and only think that you wereinvidiously placed."
Her cheeks flamed again at the last words.
"It is difficult to picture it all," she said; "Tell me exactly what youexpect of me daily."
"I expect that when you have breakfasted, in your room if you wish, thatyou will come and talk to me, perhaps do a little writing, or go out todrive, or what you wish, and that we shall lunch, and in the afternoondo whatever turns up. You will want to go out and see your friends anddo what you please. And perhaps you will play to me as often as you feelinclined, and after dinner we can go to the theatre, or read, or dowhatever you like. And as soon as my treatments with these doctors areconcluded, and I have my new leg and eye, and we shall hope war isfinished, we can travel, or go back to England, and then I shall begintaking up a political career, and I shall hope you will take a realinterest in that and help me as though I were your brother."
"Very well."
"You will order the clothes to-day?"
"Yes."
She was subdued now, the programme was not very formidable, except thatit contained daily companionship with me.
"Have you told the Duchesse de Courville-Hautevine yet that we areengaged?" I asked after a moment's pause.
Discomfort grew in her manner.
"No."
"Do you think that she will not approve of the marriage?"
"She may not."
"Perhaps you would rather that I told her?"
"As you please."
"I want you to understand something quite clearly, Alathea." She startedwhen I said her name, "and that is that I expect you to treat me withconfidence, and tell me anything which you think that I ought to know,so that we neither of us can be put in a false position, beyond that,believe me, I have no curiosity. I desire a companionship of brain, anda sort of permanent secretary who does not feel hostile all the time,that is all."
I could see that she was controlling herself with all her will, and thatshe was overwrought and intensely troubled. I knew that some barrier wasbetween us which I could not at present surmount. All she said after aminute was:
"How did you know that my name was 'Alathea'?"
"I heard your little sister call you that the day I saw you in the_Bois_. I think it a very beautiful name."
Silence.
Her discomfort seemed to come to a climax, for after a little she spoke.
"The twenty-five thousand francs beyond the twenty-five I asked you for,I cannot return to you. I feel very much about it, and that you shouldpay for my clothes, and give me presents. It is the hardest thing I everhad to do in my life,--to take all this."
"Do not let it bother you, I am quite content with the bargain. Perhapsyou would rather go now after we have selected which room you willhave."
"Thank you."
She gave me my crutch, and I led the way and she followed. I knewinstinctively that she would choose the room which was furthest frommine. She did!
"The look-out is not so nice, it only gets the early morning sun," Iventured to remark.
"It is quieter."
"Very well."
"It was rather arranged for a man, and is perhaps severe. Do you wishanything changed?"
She did not appear to take any more interest in it than if it had been ahotel room. She had given it the merest glance, although it is quite alittle masterpiece in its way, of William and Mary--even the panellingbeing English, and of the time, and the old rose silk window and bedcurtains.
"I don't want anything altered, thank you."
It seemed a strange moment, to be talking thus calmly to the woman who,in a fortnight, will be my wife. I feel that a volcano is really workingunder our feet, and that adds to the excitement!
When we got back to the sitting-room I offered to send the carriage forher to go and do her shopping, but she refused, and I thought it waswiser to let her go. We shall have years to talk in presently, and thereis always the danger of our coming to an open rupture, and the bargainbeing off, if we see much of one another now.
"Good-bye," she said a little nervously, and I bowed and said"Good-bye," and she went from the room.
And when she had gone I laughed aloud, and began to analyse thesituation.
George Harcourt has paid the gambling debt, therefore the fifty thousandI gave Alathea cannot have been used for that. Some fresh worry isperhaps upon the wretched family. The obvious thing for me to do is togo and see the Duchesse, and yet I have some strange sort of wish thatit should be Alathea herself who tells me everything, and not that shebecomes aware, by inference, that I must know. I feel that our futurehappiness depends upon her giving up all this stubborn pride. What is atthe back of her mind? I do not know. That resentment and dislike of mehas only become crystallized since the Suzette affair. I am sure shethinks that Suzette is my mistress still, and this insults her, but shereasons that with the bargain as it is, she has not the smallest rightto object. She is furious with herself to think that it should matter toher. That is a thought! Why indeed should it matter if she is utterlyindifferent to me? Is it possible? Can it be that? No--I dare not thinkof it, but, in any case it will be the most thrilling situation, onceshe is my wife.
I believe it would be wisest for me not to go to the Duchesse's butsimply to write her a note telling her of my news, then anything shemay tell me will be gratuitous.
I had just finished doing this when once again a letter was brought infrom that lady, and this time it was to thank me for my cheque, and totell me that it had been the means of preventing a most disagreeablescandal and bringing peace to a family!
Sardonic mirth overcame me. So three separate people seem to be underthe impression that they have paid this gambler's debts! Each apparentlyunaware that there was anyone else in the running! It looks as if"Bobby" had wolfed the lot! Does Alathea know, and is this the extracause of her worry?
I sent my note back by the Duchesse's messenger, who still waited, andwent to my luncheon.
In about an hour the telephone rang--a request from the Hotel deCourville that I should repair there immediately without fail.
"Her Grace spoke herself," Burton said, "and said it was most important,Sir Nicholas."
"Very well, order the carriage. By the way. Burton, did you congratulateMiss Sharp?"
Burton coughed.
"I did make so bold, Sir Nicholas, as to tell the young lady how veryglad I was, but she took it queer like, she stiffened up and said it wasonly a business arrangement, to be able to write your letters and doyour work without people talking about it. That seemed funny to me, so Isaid nothing more."
"Burton it is funny for the moment, Miss Sharp is only marrying me forsome reason for her family, the same one which forces her to work, but Ihope I can make her think differently about it some day."
"Pardon the liberty I am taking, Sir Nicholas, but perhaps she don'tlike the idea of Mam'zelle, and don't know she's gone for good."
"That is probably the case."
Burton's wise old face expressed complete understanding, as he left theroom, and presently I was on my way to the Hotel de Courville, a senseof exhilaration and of excitement and joy in my heart!
