by Elinor Glyn
XXII
I am not going to describe the wedding in this Journal. A civil ceremonyis not interesting in its baldness. I had literally no emotions, andAlathea looked as pale as her white frock. She wore a little sable toqueand a big sable cloak I had sent her the night before, by Nelson. Thering was the new diamond hoop set in platinum. No more gold fetters formodern girls!
Old George and Mr. Nelson were our witnesses, and the whole thing wasover in a few minutes, and we were being congratulated. Burton was byfar the happiest face there, as he helped me into the automobile, lentby the Embassy. Alathea had just shaken hands with Mr. Nelson and beenwished joy by George. I wonder what he thought of the glasses, whicheven for the wedding she had not taken off!
"May you know every happiness, Lady Thormonde," he said. "Take care ofNicholas and make him quite well, he is the best fellow on earth."
Alathea thanked him coldly. He is such a citizen of the world that heshowed no surprise, and finally we were off on our way to the flat.
Here Madame Bizot and her daughter, and the baby, awaited us! And in thecreature's tiny hand was a bunch of violets. This was the first timeAlathea smiled. She bent and kissed the wee face. These people know andlove her. I stayed behind a few moments to express my substantialappreciation of their friendly interest. Burton had been beside thechauffeur to help me in and out, and while we had been driving Alatheahad not spoken a word. She had turned from me, and her little body wasdrawn back as far in the corner as possible.
My own emotions were queer. I did not feel actually excited. I felt justas I used when we were going to take up a new position on the line wheregreat watchfulness would be necessary to succeed.
The maid Alathea had engaged arrived in the morning, and I had had theloveliest flowers put in all the rooms. Pierre intended to outdo himselffor the wedding _dejeuner_, I knew, and Burton had been able to findsomewhere a really respectable looking footman, not too obviouslywounded.
Alathea handed me my crutch as we got out of the lift. Perhaps shethinks this is going to be one of her new duties!
We went straight into the sitting-room and I sat down in my chair. Hermaid, named Henriette, had taken her cloak and hat in the hall, and Isuppose from sheer nervousness, and to cover the first awkward moments,Alathea buried her face in the big bowl of roses on a table near anotherarm chair, before she sat down in it.
"What lovely flowers!" she said. They were the first words she hadspoken to me directly.
"I wondered what would be your favorites. You must tell me for thefuture. I just had roses because they happen to be mine."
"I like roses best too."
I was silent for quite two minutes. She tried to keep still, then Ispoke, and I could hear a tone of authority in my voice.
"Alathea, again I ask you please to remove your glasses, as I told youbefore, I know that you wear them only so that I may not see your eyes,not for sight or light or anything. To keep them on is a littleundignified and ridiculous now, and irritates me very much."
She colored and straightened herself.
"To remove my glasses was not part of the bargain. You should have madeit a condition if you had wanted to impose it. I do not admit that youhave the least right to ask me to take them off, and I prefer to wearthem."
"For what possible reason?"
"I will not tell you."
I felt my temper rising. If I had not been a cripple I could not haveresisted the temptation to rise and seize her in my arms, tear the d----d things off! and punish her with a thousand kisses. As it was, I feltan inward rage. What a fool I had been not to have actually made theremoval of them a _sine qua non_ before I signed the contract!
"It is very ungenerous of you, and shows a spirit of hostility which Ithink we agreed that you would drop."
Silence.
The desire to punish her physically, beat her, make her obey me, was theonly thing I felt. A nice emotion for a wedding day!
"Do you mean to wear them all the time, even when we go out in theworld?" I asked when I could control my voice.
"Probably."
"Very well then, I consider you are breaking the bargain in spirit, ifnot in the letter. You, yourself, said you were going to be my permanentsecretary--no secretary in the world would insist upon doing somethingshe knew to be a great irritation to her employer."
Silence.
"You are only lowering yourself in my estimation by showing thisobstinacy. Since we have now to live together, I would rather not haveto grow to despise you for childishness."
She started to her feet, and with violence threw the glasses on to thetable. Her beautiful eyes flashed at me; the lashes are that peculiarcurly kind, not black, but soft and dusky, a little lighter near theskin. It is the first time I have ever seen such eyelashes on a woman'slids. One sees them quite often on little boys, especially littlevagabonds in the street. The eyes themselves are intensely blue, andwith everything of passion and magnetism, and attraction, in them. It isno wonder she wore glasses while having to face the world by herself! Awoman with eyes like that would not be safe alone in any avocation wheremen could observe her. I have never seen such expressive, fascinatingeyes in my life. I thrilled in every fibre of my being, and with triumphalso to think that our first battle should be won!
"Thank you," I said, making my voice very calm. "I had grown so torespect your balance and serenity, I should have been sorry to have tochange my opinion."
I could see that she was palpitating with fury at having been made toobey. I felt it wise to turn the conversation.
"I suppose lunch will be ready soon."
She went towards the door then, and left me. I wondered what she wouldsay when she got to her room and found the three sapphire bangleswaiting for her on the dressing table!
I had written on a card inside the lid of the box:
"To Alathea with her husband's best wishes."
Burton announced lunch before she returned to the sitting-room. I senthim to say that it was ready, and a moment after she came in. She hadthe case in her hand which she put down on the table, and her cheekswere very pink, her eyes she kept lowered.
"I wish you would not give me presents," she gasped a littlebreathlessly, coming close up to my chair. "I do not care to receivethem, you have loaded me with things--the sables, the diamond ring, theclothes, everything, and now these."
I took the case and opened it, removing the bangles.
"Give me your wrist," I said sternly.
She looked at me too surprised at my tone to speak.
I put out my hand and took her bare arm, her sleeves were to the elbows,and I deliberately put the three bracelets on while she stood petrified.
"I have had enough of your disagreeable temper," I said in the samevoice. "You will wear these, and anything else I choose to give you,though your rudeness will soon remove my desire to give you anything."
She was absolutely flabbergasted, but I had touched her pride.
"I apologize if I have seemed rude," she said at last. "I--suppose youhave the right really--only--" And her whole slender body quivered witha wave of rebellion.
"Let us say no more about the matter, but go into lunch, only you willfind that I am not such a weakling, as you no doubt supposed you wouldhave to deal with." I hobbled up from my chair, Burton discreetly nothaving entered the room. Alathea gave me my crutch, and we went in tothe dining-room.
While the servants were in there I led the conversation upon the warnews, and ordinary subjects, and she played the game, but when we werealone with the coffee, I filled her glass with Benedictine, which shehad refused when Burton handed the liqueurs. She had taken no wine atall.
"Now drink whatever toast you like," I told her. "I am going to drinkone to the time when you don't hate me so much and we can have a littlequiet friendship and peace."
She sipped her glass, and her eyes became inscrutable. What she wasthinking of I do not know.
I find myself watching those eyes all the time. Every refl
ection passesthrough them, they are as expressive of all shades of emotion as theeyes of a cat, though the beautiful Madonna tenderness I have never seenagain since the day when she held the child in her arms, and I was rudeto her.
When we went back into the salon I knew that I was passionately in lovewith her. Her restiveness is absolutely alluring, and excites all myhunting instinct. She looks quite lovely, and the subtle magnetism whichdrew me the first days, even when she appeared poor and shabby, and redof hand, is stronger than ever--I felt that I wanted to crush her in myarms and devour her, the blood thumped in my temples, I had to use everyatom of my will with myself, and lay back in my chair and closed my eye.
She went straight to the piano and began to play. It seemed as thoughshe were talking, telling me of the passion in her soul. She playedweird Russian dances and crashed agonizing chords, then she playedlaments, and finally a soft and soothing thing of McDowell's, and everynote had found an echo in me, and I had followed, it almost seemed, allher pain.
"You play divinely, child," I said, when she had finished. "I am goingto rest now, will you give me some tea later on?"
"Yes," and her voice was quite meek, while she helped me with mycrutch, and I went to the door of my room.
"I would like you to wear nice soft teagowns. My eye gets so weariedwith everything bright after a while. I hope--you have got all you want,and that your room is comfortable?"
"Yes, thanks."
I bowed and went on into my room and shut the door. Burton was waitingto help me to lie down.
"It has been a very tiring day for you, Sir Nicholas," he said, "and forher Ladyship also."
"Go and have a rest yourself, Burton, you have been up since cock crow,the new man Antoine can call me at five." And soon I was in a land ofblissful dreams.
Of course it was the very irony of fate that Suzette should haveselected this very afternoon to come in and thank me for the Villa whichshe was just now going down to see--!
Antoine opened the door to her while Burton was out. I heard afterwardsthat she told him she had an appointment with me when he had hesitatedabout letting her in. She was quite quietly dressed and had no greatlook of the _demi-monde_, and a new footman, blunted with war service,was probably impervious even to the very strong scent which she wassaturated with--that perfume which I had never been able entirely tocure her liking for, and which she reverted to using always when shewent away from me, and had to be corrected of again and again when shereturned.
Antoine came to my room by the passage, and said "a lady was in thesalon to see me by appointment."
For a moment I was not suspicious. I thought it might be Coralie, andfearing Alathea might be somewhere about, and it might be awkward forher, I hastened to rise and go in to see and get rid of the inopportuneguest. I told Antoine he must never let anyone in again withoutpermission.
It was just growing dim in the salon, about half-past four o'clock, anda figure rose from the sofa by the fire as I entered.
"_Mon chou--mon petit cheri_!" I heard, simultaneously with a softlyclosing sound of the door behind the screen, which masks the entrance tothe room from the hall--Antoine leaving I supposed at the time, probablyit was Alathea I surmised afterwards!
"Suzette!" I exclaimed angrily. "Why do you come here?"
She flew to me and held out her arms, expressing affection and gratefulthanks. She had come for no other reason only just to express herfriendly appreciation! To get rid of her was all I desired. I never wasmore angry, but to show it would have been the poorest game. I did nottell her it was my wedding day. I just said I was expecting somerelatives, and that I knew she would understand and would go at once.
"Of course," she said, and shook me by the hand. I was still standingwith my crutch. She was passing to see her cousin Madame Angier, in theflat above, and could not resist the temptation to come in.
"It must be the very last time, Suzette," I said. "I have given you allthat you wanted, and I would rather not see you again."
She pouted, but agreed, and I drew her to the door and saw her into thecorridor, and even followed her to the front door. She was chatting allthe time. I did not answer. I was speechless with rage, and could havesworn aloud, when at last I heard the door shut between us, then Istrode back into my room, praying that Alathea _had_ been unaware of myvisitor.
Nemesis, on one's wedding day!
I waited until five and then went back into the sitting-room to mychair, and Antoine brought in the tea, and turned on the lights, and amoment or two afterwards Alathea came in. Her eyes were stony, and asshe advanced up the room she sniffed the air disgustedly, her finenostrils quivering. Suzette's pungent perfume was no doubt still presentto one coming from outside!
Hauteur, contempt and disgust, expressed themselves in my littledarling's blue eyes. There was nothing to be said--_qui s'excuses'accuse--!_
She wore a soft lavender frock, and was utterly delectable, and when Ireflected that but for this impassable barrier, which my own action inthe past had been the means of erecting between us, I might now havemade her love me, and that on this, our wedding day, she might have beencoming into my arms. I could have groaned aloud.
"May I open the window," she said with the air of an offended Empress.
"Yes, do, open it wide," and then I laughed aloud cynically. I could aseasily have cried.
Alathea would not of course have spoken about her suspicions, to do sowould have inferred that she took an interest in me beyond that of asecretary; every impression she always has given me is that nothing inmy life can matter to her one jot. But I know that this affair ofSuzette does matter to her, that she resents it bitterly, that it is thecause of her smouldering anger with me. She resents it because she is awoman, and, how I wish I might believe that it is because she is not asindifferent towards me as she pretends.
She poured out the tea. I expect my face looked like the devil, I didnot speak, I knew I was frowning angrily. A rising wind blew the curtainout and banged the window. She got up and shut it, then she threw somecedar dust on the fire from the box which it is kept in on a table near.She had seen Burton do this no doubt. I love the smell of cedar burning.
Then she came back and poured out the tea and we both drank it silently.
The room looked so comfortable and home like, with its panelling of oldpitch pine, cleaned of its paint and mellowed and waxed, so that itseems like deep amber, showing up the greyish pear-wood carvings. Onemight have been in some room in old England of about 1699. Everythinglooked the setting for a love scene. The glowing lamps, apricot shaded,and the firelight, and the yellow roses everywhere, and two humanbeings who belonged to one another and were young, and not cold ofnature, sitting there with faces of stone, and in each one's heartbitterness. Again I laughed aloud.
The mocking sound seemed to disturb my bride. She allowed her tea cup torattle as she put it down nervously.
"Would you like me to read to you," she asked icily.
And I said "Yes."
And presently her beautiful cultivated voice was flowing along. It wasan article in the _Saturday Review_ she had picked up, and I did nottake in what it was about. I was gazing into the glowing logs, andtrying to see visions, and gain any inspiration of how to find a way outof this tangle of false impression. I must wait and see, and endeavorwhen we get more accustomed to one another--somehow to let Alathea knowthe truth.
When she finished the pages she stopped.
"I think he is quite right," she said, but I had not heard what theargument was, so I could only say "Yes!"
"Will it interest you going to England?" I then asked.
"I dare say."
"I have a place there you know. Shall you care to live in it after thewar is over?"
"I believe it is the duty of people to live in their homes if they haveinherited them as a trust."
"And I can always count upon you to do your duty."
"I hope so."
Then I exerted myself and talked to her about polit
ics and what were myviews and aims. She entered into this stiffly, and so an hour passed,but all the time I could feel that her inner self was disturbed, andmore resentful and rebellious than ever. We had been two puppets makingconversation all the time, neither had said anything naturally.
At last the pretense ended, and we went to our separate rooms to dressfor dinner.
Burton had returned by now, and I told him of the detestable thing whichhad happened, at which he was much concerned.
"Best of her sort was Mam'zelle, Sir Nicholas, but I've always said theybring trouble, every one of them,--if I may make so bold!"
And as I hobbled back into the salon to meet my wife for our firstdinner alone, once more I heartily agreed with him!
