Sin & Secrets

by Skyla Madi

  I scoff. Romance? I don’t have time for romance. I look at him.

  “She’s helping me. That’s all.”

  Tucking the brown rag under his armpit, he folds his scrawny arms. “She needs clean hair to help you?”

  From my back pocket I retrieve his payment. Two thousand dollars is the most I’ve paid for shampoo and conditioner, I’ll tell you that, but I didn’t get it in hopes of Emily falling for me. I did it because she’s right. I should have spoken to her before I drugged her opponent. I shouldn’t have made her feel weak and incompetent. I don’t regret what I did, but I do regret the way I went about it. The shampoo and conditioner are peace offerings. I want to put the whole ordeal behind us and move on.

  “You ever slept in the same room as a girl with long, unwashed hair?” I ask him and he shakes his head. “It’s like sleeping next to a dog. An oily, smelly dog.”

  I may have exaggerated a little. Emily’s hair doesn’t smell, not really, but it is oily.

  “Denial is a dangerous thing, Stone, and see-through as hell.”

  “I’m not in denial.”

  “You sure? I mean, you did just fork out two thousand dollars for fucking hair products.”

  He flicks his stupid, bushy eyebrows at me and with a frown I turn my back to him.

  “Fuck off, Marcus.”

  Consolation

  Emily

  My mouth tastes like ass and, well, more ass. My head rumbles so loudly, I can’t bring myself to open my eyes. Even the murky, orange service light above my head bores down on me with the severity of the sun. I bury my face into my firm pillow and breathe in its clean, crisp scent. I like the way it smells and I revel in the subtle masculinity of it. I pause as the scent resonates with my body and the realization that I don’t have a pillow sinks in. Without physical provocation, my nipples harden and goosebumps raise the subtle trail of hair down my spine. I know the smell. I’ve laid with it, filled my lungs with it. I’ve tasted it on the tip of my tongue and rubbed my naked body against it.

  Squinting painfully, I open one eye and blink until the lines in front of me sharpen and shape the strong jaw less than an inch away from the tip of my nose. His skin is darkened with shadow and faint regrowth of hair. His eyelids are folded over his eyes, shielding me from his thoughtful blue irises. How’d I end up here? I distinctly remember falling asleep on my cot. I don’t recall him coming back or moving me from one bed to the other. Was I that intoxicated?

  Jai’s torso moves peacefully, pushing against my chest and falling away a second or two later. It pushes again, then it disappears. He’s relaxed—completely at rest. Opening my second eye, I lift my head to asses our level of entanglement. His strong thigh rests between mine, my left knee hiked up over his hip. Now I think about it, my right thigh and ass cheek are numb from the heaviness of his leg between mine. Across my waist he rests his large arm while the other lies behind my neck. My bladder aches with fullness, as the thick buttons on my jean shorts dig painfully into my skin. Nausea rolls over me in waves, timing itself perfectly between every throb of pain against my skull. I’m in hell—a sick, agonizing, yet semi-erotic, hell.

  Careful not to wake him, I somehow manage to shift his arm and push myself up on my elbow. Getting out from underneath his arm was the easy part. My leg on the other hand…pins and needles run rampant up and down my muscles. I can’t take it anymore. I twist my body ever-so-slightly, biting my bottom lip against a giggle that threatens to bubble up my throat from the dreadful tingling sensation in my right leg. When I attempt to pull my leg back, Jai shifts a little and I snap my head in the direction of his face, ignoring the way my brain slams into the front of my skull. His brows are drawn, his hair a mess. I can only imagine how I look right now—tangled hair, bloodshot eyes, and clammy skin. It’s not fair that I look like this when Jai looks like he rolled out of the pages of a magazine. I really should stop watching him sleep. If he opens his eyes I’ll look like a major creeper…but I can’t look away. I’m caught up in the absolute beauty and perfection of his sleeping state. Wow. How fucking creepy is that? Even so, I can’t take my eyes off of him—off his beautiful, full lips.

  “Why are you staring?” he mutters, his eyes still closed.

  I startle as heat hot enough to rival fresh, naked lava burns through my face. Was I that obvious? Was my breathing too heavy? Oh, God. Please don’t tell me I was breathing heavy.

  “I wasn’t staring.” I say, my voice a little too high and a tad too defensive. I clear my throat. “I was contemplating whether or not I should wake you up. My leg is numb.”

  Nice save, you lying creep.

  Jai opens his eyes, failing miserably at keeping the smirk from touching his lips. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Em.”

  Em? That’s a first. Could it be that ‘Kitten’ is finally falling from his vocabulary? It would be awesome if he regularly referred to me by my real name and not some weak, naïve animal.

  “Why am I here, anyway?”

  He tucks his hands under his head and it takes a lot of energy I don’t have, to keep my eyes on his face and not on his arms. What is wrong with me this morning? It’s like, at some point during the night, my libido snuggled up with my brain and now it refuses to leave. He quirks an eyebrow.

  “You stalked me from a train.”

  “No—” I exhale, rolling my eyes. “—not here. I mean here, in your bed.”

  He shrugs. “You tell me.”

  “I’m asking you. I wouldn’t ask if I knew.”

  “At some point during the night you slipped into my bed.”

  “That’s it?”

  He nods. “That’s it.”

  Oh. Well, that’s anticlimactic. Pun intended. “Did I say why I wanted to sleep with you in your bed? I am mad at you after all.”

  Or at least I was. I’m feeling okay this morning—emotionally, anyway.

  Dropping his fresh, ocean blue eyes from mine, he shakes his head. “Nope.”

  “Figures. Drunk me isn’t really much of a talker. To be honest, I’m kind of surprised I still have my pants on.”

  Jai laughs, his warm, naked torso vibrating pleasantly against my side. “Firstly, drunk you usually can’t keep her mouth shut, and secondly, I’m not that kind of guy.”

  I smile. I’m glad he’s not the kind of guy to take advantage of a woman’s vulnerability. Somehow, I managed to get stuck with the only decent person down here. In the world of demons, I ended up with a saint. What are the odds? I’ve never been the kind of person who believes in fate or destiny, but maybe this situation was meant to be…maybe my entire life has led to this moment—the moment I can make a difference in someone else’s life. Skull is what Jai wants…Skull’s demise will make Jai happy and give him the closure he needs. It’s only fair I help him. Helping him is the right thing to do.

  A violent bout of anxiety forces my stomach to cramp, and saliva to surge into my mouth. Throwing my stomach lining up all over Jai would be horrific, but it’ll happen if he doesn’t move now.

  “I’m gonna puke,” I groan, clenching my tummy.

  By some stroke of luck, he doesn’t assume I’m messing around and lifts his leg. My nausea takes the back seat as blood rushes down the length of my leg, sending the tingles into a frenzy. Jai watches in amusement as I struggle to straighten my leg and wriggle my toes.

  “You weren’t kidding,” he states, amusement lacing his tone.

  “Nope.” I rub my calf, peering over my shoulder. “Christ, your leg is heavy.”

  He smiles proudly. “Never skipped a leg day.”

  I open my mouth to speak and the contents in my stomach jolt up my throat. I clamp my hand over my mouth as the acid burns my esophagus and spills over my tongue. Jolting upright, Jai reaches out for me.

  “Shit. You okay?”

  I dive off the cot, numb leg be damned, and tear from our little nook. I make it halfway to the toilet area before I hunch over and gag up the rest of the bile in my stomach. As it sp
ills onto the concrete below my feet, I smell it and it makes me feel worse. My fingernails dig into the concrete as my head spins and I try to steady myself. What’s worse than vomiting into your own mouth? Falling into a puddle of it head first. When my stomach is well and truly empty, I swipe my arm over my mouth and straighten my spine.

  “Easy on the booze, kid.”

  I glance up in time to see a stranger, at least forty years old, tuck a magazine under his arm as he heads back from the toilet. Kid? I’m a grown ass woman and what does he know anyway? I bet if he had to deal with half of the shit I do, he’d throw himself over the railing.

  “Thanks for the tip, Pops.” I deadpan, leaning tiredly against the wall.

  He laughs a full belly laugh and saunters off, leaving me towering over my own vomit. Ah, this morning sucks. I run my fingers through my hair. Now my mouth tastes like regurgitated ass and there’s nothing I can do about it. I blow air out of my cheeks.

  Awesome.

  ***

  After I threw up, I managed to drag my sorry ass back to my room...which brings me to now. I hate his fresh skin and his alert eyes. I hate how pert he looks versus how abysmal I feel. I also want to punch the playful smirk right off his lips, but that would require energy. Energy I don’t have.

  “Better?” He asks.

  Wait for it. I’m sure he has something smart to say. He sits on the edge of the bed with his elbows resting on his knees. A new course of nausea rears its head, but it’s not half as extreme as the last, so managing it’s easy.

  “Not even close,” I grumble, lowering myself onto my screeching cot.

  Normally, I take caution when I climb into bed in fear of the thick, green mesh ripping open. Not today. I have zero control over my muscles. They’re heavy and slow. In other words, screw the mesh. I’ll worry about falling on my ass when I don’t feel like death.

  I throw my arm over my face and close my eyes. I don’t want to deal with the world today.

  “What would make you feel better?”

  I don’t look out from under my arm when I say: “A bullet in the skull. Unless you can put me out of my misery, I doubt there’s much else you can do for me.”

  “Don’t be so sure.”

  “What the—” I flinch as a heavy item hits me in the stomach. With a groan, I pull my arm from my face and look down at the object he’s tossed at me. Whatever it is, it’s inside a long, white sock. I look at him, my nose scrunched.

  He smiles, excitement dancing in his eyes and over his features. “The sock is clean. Promise.” He flicks his head. “Open it.”

  “It’s not a collection of fingers you’ve taken from people who’ve looked at me funny, is it?”

  Jai’s never said it, but I’ve noticed it. He has a tendency of getting a little...jealous. And that’s not his only issue. He’s also fiercely protective. Most of the time I chalk it up to the guilt he feels for getting me trapped down here with him. Other times, I can’t help but feel like there’s more to it.

  He rolls his eyes. “I keep those in my other sock.”

  I chuckle and open the sock. Inside are two small, purple bottles of shampoo and conditioner, a toothbrush and toothpaste. My girly heart leaps in excitement, but I don’t let it seep onto my face.

  “How’d you get these?”

  He smirks up at me as he ties his laces. “I know a guy. Enjoy them because they weren’t cheap.”

  He paid for them? Why would he do that? I know you’re not supposed to ask the price of gifts because it’s rude, but surely that etiquette doesn’t apply down here.

  “How much did it cost you?”

  He doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he finishes looping his laces around his finger and pulling them into a tight bow. Then, his eyes find mine. “Does it matter?”

  I shake my head. “No, I guess not.”

  I’m just curious. Shampoo and conditioner isn’t exactly something you can get down here and if he has someone who can get in and out, I assume it doesn’t come cheap.

  Jai sighs and pushes off of the bed, straightening his white tee. “For your curiosity, Kitten, it cost two thousand dollars.”

  TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS? FOR TOILETRIES?! I gape at him. “Two thousand? It better be made of diamonds for that price.”

  He grins. “Nope. No diamonds, sorry to disappoint.”

  “Why?” I ask him. “Why would you do this for me?”

  Jai ponders my question for a few small eternities. “It’s a peace offering. An apology for treating you like a child.”

  My lips twitch at the corners. It’s not every day you hear someone admit their wrong doings and I admire him for it. “Apology accepted.”

  Two thousand dollars...I can’t believe it. I’d feel bad even if he spent five dollars, but two thousand? There are no words. Instead of thanking him, I sit up and grab the nine thousand, nine hundred dollars from underneath the dirty shirt I stashed it under yesterday.

  “It’s nice to know you’re keeping the money in a safe place,” Jai comments, but I ignore him.

  I hold out the money. “This is yours.”

  He shakes his head as he folds his arms tightly over his chest. “No, it’s not.”

  With a sigh, I toss him the money and he catches it before it hits the floor. “Emi—”

  “No.” I shake my head. “You brought that money here for a reason. You need it. I came with nothing, so whether I have it or not doesn’t make a difference to me.”

  I climb off the bed and grab a new shirt from the bag beside my bed. “You keep that and whatever I make from here on I’ll keep for myself. Sound fair?”

  His cobalt irises burn through me, but they fail to intimidate. My whole life I’ve fought for myself. All the money I’ve made, however little, is money I’ve made on my own. No handouts. Being way out of my comfort zone doesn’t change anything. I help myself. I always have.

  With a defeated exhale, Jai stuffs the money into his pocket. “Sounds fair.”

  Flinging the shirt over my shoulder, I tuck the sock full of goodies underneath my arm and step around Jai.

  Oh! Before I go, “What’d you need the ten grand for anyway?”

  He turns around, a curious expression lighting his features. “I thought you wanted nothing to do with my plan?”

  I shrug, toying nervously with the hem of my shirt. “Paint me curious.”

  “If you insist.” He glances over my shoulder before leaning closer, lowering his voice. “I setup a payment with one of Skull’s goons. I give him ten grand and he answers one simple question.”

  “What question is that?”

  Jai swallows and this time he’s unable to hide the pain flashing through his eyes. “Whether or not my brother is alive.”

  Oh… “Sorry I ruined that for you.”

  He offers me a tight smile. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t think he was going to tell me anyway. Skull’s people can’t be trusted. Spending the money on you instead, probably saved my life.”

  An awkward silence fills the room. I guess we’ll never know what might’ve happened if I’d never followed him from the train.

  “Do you have a new plan?” I ask. “What are you going to do now?”

  It usually takes a lot to scare me—and words never have—but the next five that fall from Jai’s lips terrify me beyond anything I’ve ever felt. His stare drops to the small skull tattoo on my collarbone—the one that matches his—and he says.

  “Now I have you, Kitten.”

  Anxiety

  Jai

  Her face says it all. For the briefest moment blatant fear etches its way across her features and the air surrounding us turns stale—even more than it already is. It’s no secret that Skull scares the shit out of Emily, and maybe it’s not the smartest idea putting someone as easily scared as her in Skull’s path. I wish it was someone else, but it’s not. She’s the only one who can help. She’s in the ideal position to help me get information about my brother. At the same time, however, I gott
a watch what I tell her about my plan until I’m certain she can be trusted. Skull might know the details of everyone down here, but he doesn’t know my plan—my intent—and I can’t afford for him to learn it before I’m ready.

  “I’m not capable of much...I can’t go up against Skull, Jai.”

  The worry that cradles my name as she says it twists my stomach. I don’t want to ask such a dangerous thing of her—of anybody. This is my plan, my problem, but unfortunately, it hasn’t exactly panned out the way I originally intended it to. As much as it kills me to say it, I’m stuck, and it’s driving me mad. I swear I’m a few days away from doing the world a favor by shooting Skull in the face as he leans over his usual railing above the cage...but then I’d never learn the whereabouts of Joel. And I need him. Whatever is left of our family needs him.

  “All I need is Skull to tell you where my brother is. That’s all. If you can get that out of him without arousing suspicion, you’re done. I’ll get you out of here.”

  Sad slopes curve her eyebrows and slant her eyes. I frown as the sadness dulls her skin and reaches her lips. “I know you want your brother to be alive and well, but what if he—”

  “Don’t even say it. He’s not dead, Emily. I know it.”

  She purses her sweet, pink lips and nods. Sympathy. I fucking hate it. Joel isn’t dead. He can’t be dead. There’s just no way. I refuse to let Skull take two siblings from me. First, my sister and now my brother? No. A sharp pain in my chest almost cripples me and Emily notices as my shoulders drop an inch. She reaches out to me, her palms exposed.

  “Jai? Are you alright?”

  My ribcage tightens, compressing my lungs and making it difficult to breathe. What the fuck is happening? The sharp lines of my world blur, churning my stomach along with it. As I take a step back, Emily takes a step forward. She’s cornering me, caging me. She’s breathing in all of the air! Using it up!

  “Jai?”

  My back hits the wall and I clench my chest as I slump against it. Everything is small and getting smaller. I can’t do this. I can’t do anything!