“Then if you want to go to your sister’s later that day for the meal—”
“How about we reverse that? I’ll talk to Lana about a visit on Christmas Eve after the service instead of on Christmas day. Honestly, I think she’ll be relieved to have some privacy this year.”
Matt’s heart slammed against the walls of his chest. That meant they were going to share the whole day. “That’s a great idea. We’ll cook the Christmas meal together, and Melody will enjoy being spoiled by the both of us all day.”
Anna gave him one of her rare, heart-stopping smiles and said. “Thanks, Matt, I can see you’ve given this some thought. What better way to spend the season than sharing our baby girl?”
He knew of one better way, but she wasn’t ready to embrace sharing Melody with him every day. For the moment he was thankful. A glimmer of hope broke on the horizon, and he wondered if dawn was about to stretch its arms of light over the darkness.
Lana and Tom were worried sick. Lorena cried more each day, never in their presence, but they could hear her through the bedroom door. They had both tried to talk to her but she buttoned up tight. Once again sobs filtered down the hallway, and fear clenched Lana’s heart.
“Lorena, may I come in?” She knocked lightly. Tom wasn’t home, and Lana felt she had to at least offer to help.
The reply took a few seconds, and Lana could hear Lorena blow her nose.
“No, Mom, I’m fine.”
That same disturbing answer.
“Honey, you’re clearly not fine. Please let me help.”
“Go away!” Her voice grew edgy.
“But, Lorena dear—”
“It’s too late to help, Mom, way too late.”
Lana’s take-charge personality bit back the urge to bust down the door and shake her daughter into submission. She knew that response wouldn’t help, but she didn’t do well with doing nothing.
A whirlwind of questions caused a tornado in her mind. What if Lorena was suicidal? What if she did something to hurt herself and the baby? Lana felt powerless.
“Please, Lorena, come eat something—if not for yourself, then for your baby.”
“Mom, food is your answer for everything, but it’s not mine. Please—leave me alone.”
Lana turned on her heels and marched to the kitchen. The fridge door was open before she realized what she was doing. She slammed it shut and flopped her body into the oversized rocker. Tears welled and ran down her cheeks in rivulets.
Thoughts swirled into a mountain of worry. Lorena was losing weight instead of gaining. The taut protruding mound looked alien against her skinny silhouette. Her usual rosy full cheeks were gaunt, tightly stretched skin over bone. Dark rings circled her eyes, and her pallid skin gave the impression of a convict who never saw the light of day.
Come to think of it, that’s exactly what Lorena lived like, a prisoner too ashamed to come out of her bedroom. She had no interaction with friends and nothing to break up the day. Lana regretted she and Tom had allowed Lorena to finish her year of school at home. Now in light of the isolation, that choice didn’t seem like a healthy option. Her daughter had climbed aboard a train hurtling toward derailment, and she couldn’t stop the ride.
Lana had tried every angle to reach her depressed daughter. In the past, they had shared a love for the Christmas season, one of the few things they had in common. She had hoped to light a spark yesterday. She put on Christmas music, dragged out the tree decorations when she least felt like it, in hopes Lorena would join her. She had to finally insist that she come out of her bedroom, only to watch the wilted girl stare blankly out the window while Lana did the decorating.
As Lana sat in the chair with little hope left, she bowed her head to pray.
Not more than five minutes into her prayer she heard the whisper of an idea float on wings of wisdom into her mind.
She snapped up from the chair and grabbed her cell.
“Anna, I’m glad I caught you—”
Matt pulled his collar up around his neck and slipped on his gloves before heading out in the cold.
“Hi, handsome.” Tamara jumped out from a side door of the hospital that overlooked the parking lot.
Drat! She must’ve been waiting for me.
Matt said an immediate prayer.
“Tamara, I don’t want to be rude, but you’ve got to stop this.”
“Stop what?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about—showing up at my office, harassing the nurses here at the hospital for information on my shifts, and texting me constantly.
“Baby, we go too far back … surely you miss me?” She grabbed his arm and squeezed in close. Her perfume assaulted his senses. “I can warm up these long winter nights, in fact I can make them hot.”
Matt shrugged her off and stepped apart. “What’s wrong, Tamara? You can have your pick of men. I’m just not one of them any longer.”
She gave him a crestfallen look with her brightly painted lips pursed into a sensual pout. “We’ll never be over, Matt. You know you’ll get tired of that woman who saddled you with a child. You never stay with anyone for long before coming back to me.”
“Tamara, it’s different now—I’m a different man.”
She blinked her fake eyelashes slowly. “I can work with different, spices things up.”
“I’m a Christian.”
She broke out in a raucous laugh while Matt turned and walked straight to his car.
She followed with the click, click, click of her four-inch stiletto boots tapping behind him and grabbed the door before he could swing it shut.
Her eyebrows raised and her head tilted in a practiced look of seduction. She purposely shrugged her fur coat open and bent toward him to ensure her low-cut dress gave him full advantage.
“You won’t be the first Christian I made forget all about his God.” She wiggled her bosom in confidence.
Matt pulled the door shut, but not before he heard her laugh. “Tootles, darling … God has never kept a bed warm, but I sure have.”
“Come on, Lorena, for as long as I can remember, you’ve helped me pick out gifts for your family, and you can’t let me down now,” Anna said.
Lorena blew out a heavy sigh. “But Auntie—”
“No buts, I need your expertise and you’re coming. Up you get!” Anna pulled her off the bed in playful banter.
Lorena groaned. “Okay, okay already. Give me a half hour to get ready. You should have called ahead.” Her face scrunched into a sour look.
Anna smiled and ignored her. “Half an hour, and then I’ll pick you up over my shoulder and cart you out of here.”
“Yeah, yeah, as if.”
“You’d be surprised what your old auntie can do when provoked.” With a playful wink, Anna shut the bedroom door behind her.
With thumbs up to Lana, she entered the kitchen. “Just enough time for a tea, but let’s start with prayer and bring this unhappy girl to the Lord. We need him to open up her heart and mouth so that we can reach her.”
Lana nodded in agreement. “Funny how prayer is your first resort and somehow my last.”
“Oh, please, don’t put me on a pedestal, because if I start believing in my own goodness again I’m doomed. Trust me when I say, the crash off that platform is painful.”
They prayed together for wisdom and guidance and peace flooded in. “Oh, I feel so much better,” said Lana, “Not sure why it takes a crisis to get me motivated.”
Anna laughed. “Because you’re human. We mere mortals are a fickle bunch, but somehow God just keeps on loving us.”
Forty-five minutes later, while on their second cup of tea, an unenthusiastic Lorena entered the kitchen with her head down and a scowl on her face. “Let’s get this over with.”
Anna refused to join her in that place of gloom and smiled wid
e. “This is going to be so much fun, Lorena. And if your ideas are great, I’ll take you for ice cream.”
“Like I’m six again?” Lorena asked with sarcasm.
“No, like you’re sixteen and in need of some sweetening up.” Anna placed an arm around Lorena’s shoulders and gave a quick squeeze. “Besides, I’m forty and still love ice cream as much as I ever did. We’ll stop at Purdy’s in the mall and get those chocolate and nut covered bars. Yum. Yum. A perfect choice for the winter season, don’t you agree?”
“Whatever.”
Anna let the attitude slide and handed a coat to Lorena.
Lana mouthed “thank you” as Anna waved and closed the door behind them.
Once in the car, Lorena voiced her none-too-happy opinion yet again. “Just so you know, I’m not into this. I feel fat, clumsy, and embarrassed to be seen in public.”
Anna ignored the tirade.
“Tell me, is there something in the air? Because Melody’s been cranky too.” Anna caught Lana’s eye and gave her a playful wink. “I had to drop her off at her dad’s so that I could have a few peaceful moments with you. Please don’t tell me you’re going to pick up where she left off? I don’t think I could handle that in the same day.”
Lorena threw an anemic smile Anna’s direction.
“Now, where to first? Shall we look for a nice gift for you? I love the way you give me the perfect idea and then feign total surprise when you open it.” Anna laughed. “To watch you unwrap your gift is a joy worth every penny.”
Lorena glanced down at her bulging stomach and back at Anna. “Don’t worry about me, Auntie. I can’t fit into anything I like anyway.” A flat, dejected tone filled the car.
Anna was determined not to leave her there. “Okay, let me get this straight. You’re telling me the only gift idea for you is clothing? Come on, Lorena, that’s never been the case in the past, and it’s not gonna fly today.”
Anna turned into the nearby Starbucks. “Let’s get one of those scandalous, thousand-calorie Christmas creations, and discuss our list before we hit the mall. We’ll think more creatively with a little festive help, don’t you think?”
Lorena didn’t respond, so Anna kept talking.
“Remember how we had one before and after last year’s shopping spree? One for fortification and one to relax after a job well done.”
Lorena looked out the side window as if lost in another world. Anna understood her sister’s concern. Lorena had morphed into a solemn waif of a girl. The chatterbox of the past now barely spoke and only if prompted.
Seated at a low table in comfortable leather chairs, Anna prayed that somehow Lorena would open up.
“I know you’re not okay, but can you talk to me … because I really care?” Those few words of encouragement opened up the floodgates.
“Auntie, how did you find the strength to go on when your whole world came crashing in? Surely you felt like giving up, especially when people gossiped and pointed fingers.”
Her words brought back all the feelings of despair Anna had felt not so long before.
“Joel has a new girlfriend. Plastered her picture all over his Facebook page. He’s telling everyone that I said I was on the pill, which is a bold-faced lie. I was the one worried about birth control, and he kept telling me to relax. I’m so humiliated.” Her bottom lashes brimmed with unshed tears.
“Oh, honey, I do understand.” She reached across the table and squeezed Lorena’s hand. “In fact, I was so afraid of what others thought of me, I created a bigger problem by allowing a lie to live for months. I know what miserable feels like.”
“How did you make yourself want to go on?” Her hands trembled as she raised the peppermint mocha to her lips.
“Lorena, I can’t explain exactly how other than to say that the God of love is much greater than the one who wants to destroy our lives. He forgives our mistakes and we have to hang on to this truth, because we both have a baby who needs us.”
Lorena sighed. “Truthfully, there’s a part of me that wishes I hadn’t been such a coward and had that abortion. It would all be over. Not a person would know, and I’d have my life back.”
“You’d know, and I don’t buy what you’re saying. You would’ve been haunted by that decision for the rest of your life because you know the truth. I read that essay you wrote in tenth grade citing the American Pregnancy Association, “everything that is present in an adult human is present in the smallest embryo.”
Lorena nodded her head as she swiped at the tears that coursed down her face.
Anna gathered up her purse and her gingerbread latte. “Come. Let’s go sit in the car where we have some privacy.”
Lorena slid into the front seat and slammed the car door in frustration. “What am I going to do, Auntie? I’m only sixteen. I’m not old enough to look after a baby. If only I had the answer, then maybe I wouldn’t feel so tormented.”
“Have you thought about adoption, Lorena? There’re long waits for couples who can’t have children.”
“Yes, but the thought of never seeing my child again haunts me.” Lorena began to sob. “I keep having this recurring nightmare where a little boy cries out for his mama, but I can’t reach him.” She was crying hysterically now.
Anna took both their cups and put them into the center cup holder. She reached over and placed her hand on Lorena’s arm rubbing gently. They sat in silence for a few moments until the weeping subsided.
“Auntie, if I could just figure out what I’m supposed to do—I ask God, but I hear nothing.”
“What do your parents suggest?”
“I can’t talk to them about this. I overheard my mom and dad arguing. Mom said it wouldn’t be fair for her to have to put her whole life on hold and look after my baby while I finish school. Dad didn’t agree and said their grandchild was more important than a career. Then Mom began shouting that he felt this way because it wasn’t his career on the line … and the fight was on.” Lorena sniffed loudly and rubbed her hand across her face.
Anna searched her purse for a tissue, to no avail, and came up with a napkin from the door pocket.
Lorena flipped the mirror down and swabbed at her face.
“Auntie, it’s so weird. My parents fight more these days now that Dad has finally found his voice, but … they seem closer than ever.” Lorena shook her head. “I can’t quite figure that one out.
“Well, my dear,” Anna said, “conflict in relationship is inevitable, it’s how we handle it that matters the most. Your parents are finally being real with each other where both have equal say—that’s healthy.”
Lorena nodded. “That makes sense, but what I overheard made me understand that I can’t put this decision on them. You know how important Mom’s career is to her. She would rather die than give that up.”
Anna nodded unable to refute the truth. As sisters, they had always been polar opposites. She was all about family, nurturing and homemaking. Lana was more about education, career, and status. They both could’ve used a little of what the other had.
“Lorena, what if I raised your baby?” She was shocked at her own words, for she had not previously thought about or mulled over the possibility. In fact, it had not fully traveled to the brain when she blurted it out.
Lorena’s face lit up like a Christmas tree with a thousand bulbs. She threw her arms around Anna and hugged so tightly she had to pry apart a bit just to breathe.
“Oh, Auntie, you would do that for me … for us?” She rubbed her hands over the growing bulge.
Anna couldn’t retract her words, as crazy as they were, they felt right. “When your child’s old enough to understand, we’ll tell him about you and the sacrifice you made to bring him into the world. He’ll know how much you love him.
“Oh my gosh, Auntie—I can’t believe I’ll get to see him grow and yet finish growing up myself. Jus
t to know that he’ll be safe and well taken care of.” Her face brightened and a genuine smile split across her beautiful face.
“I was wondering why, if God was with me, that nothing seemed right, not abortion, not keeping the baby, not imposing the child on my parents, not giving the child up for adoption—nothing—until now.”
“Lorena, this is just an idea. You must pray about it, and we must talk to your parents—they may have other ideas.”
A hitch of fear bristled up her spine. What had she done? “Also, you may find as you pray that your thinking changes and that’s fine.”
Lorena’s eyes grew wide and danced with fear. “You did mean what you just said, didn’t you?”
“Of course, honey, but I want you to know that you have options.”
Lorena’s voice lifted in confidence. “Auntie, I’ve explored my options until my heart felt like it was bleeding out. This is the first bit of hope I’ve had in months. Thank you. Thank you.”
Fully energized, Lorena literally bounced in her seat as if a load had been lifted from her tiny shoulders. “Come on, Auntie, we’ve got some serious shopping to do.” Excitement was back in her voice.
Lorena flicked on the radio where strains of “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire” filled the car. She began to do a tap dance with her feet as Anna pulled out of the parking lot.
In truth, Anna was flabbergasted. Her mind began to whirl and spin like a leaf in a windstorm. Oh my gosh, what are Tom and Lana going to think? I should’ve discussed this with them first.
The truth hit her full on. What just happened was not her idea at all—it had flowed as spontaneously as water runs downhill. She could not argue that God had planted, sprouted, and grown the idea in a split second.
Droplets of fear splashed upon the pages of her mind as one logical question after another surfaced. “God, don’t I have enough on my plate? I’m a single mom. How am I going to raise two infants?”
You don’t have to be a single mom.
Anna changed stations and turned the radio louder. She received an instant smile from her niece. She would grapple with the shadows some other time. For today, she dared not allow fear and doubt poke any more pinholes in her mind or Lorena would pick up on her angst.
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