by Vivi Holt
“Yes it is. This whole town’s in an uproar because Jax Green has come home. Sorry, buddy, but you’re a big-time football star. Goes with the territory.”
“Fine, I’ll …” He looked at Stacey again, and she flashed him a smile. “I’ll do as you say.”
“Promise?”
“I promise, okay, chill.” Jax finished the call and hung up, shifting in place again so he could return it to his back pocket.
“What did Brad have to say?” asked Stacey, pulling to the curb.
“He, uh, just found out I’m house hunting and wanted to make sure I was taken care of.”
She set the car in park and peered at him from beneath long lashes.
His cheeks warmed. He didn’t like lying to her, but wasn’t about to tell her the truth, not this time. Besides, what did it matter? He had no intention of dating Brad’s sister, so she’d never have to find out what her brother had said.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to date her. The tingling he felt with her sitting so close suggested the exact opposite. But he was grieving, and he lived in another state, and he had a busy and full life already. It didn’t make sense to have a relationship with someone in Ardensville – especially not with his childhood friend’s little sister.
Jax climbed out of the car, stretched his arms and yawned. He hadn’t been sleeping well lately, thinking about the past, about Dad and everything they’d never do together, all the times he could’ve spent with him and didn’t. The regret was driving him crazy, leading to sleepless nights staring at the ceiling, tossing and turning in his old single bed. He had no space in his heart for anyone else but family, present and absent. Dating would have to wait.
Stacey flung herself onto the couch and stared around her small apartment. She’d nabbed some empty boxes from the local grocery store, and they were now scattered around the space, some full, some half-full. She’d grudgingly returned her uniform to the diner, so that was one less thing to worry about.
She stood with a groan and wandered over to the small kitchenette. The flimsy white curtains by the window over the sink fluttered in the soft breeze. She’d left them open to clear out the mildew smell that had descended on the unit. It was likely a leaking pipe – it had happened before, and there was no way Aggie would get it fixed now that she was leaving.
She shivered in the frigid air and pulled the window shut – she’d just have to put up with the stench for tonight. Tomorrow would be Saturday and she’d move her things into Brad’s apartment. She grimaced – it wasn’t ideal, and surely he felt the same way. Having his sister living with him would cramp his style, not that he’d dated anyone in months.
Neither had she, not since the last guy hadn’t even bothered to pick her up. She’d had to meet him at a sports bar in Cary, where he proceeded to eat with his mouth open and watch the game, ignoring her almost entirely until afterward when he’d tried to make out with her. She’d cured him of that inclination with one laughing shove. Not her finest hour, and perhaps she shouldn’t be “so high and mighty,” as he’d said at the time. Who did she think she was, after all? That’s what he’d shouted out the window of his truck as he drove away.
She pondered that as she peered through the kitchen window at the FOR SALE sign in the front yard and her heart fell all over again. Who did she think she was? She wasn’t sure anymore. She thought she’d known who she was in high school, one of the smarter kids in the class, a reserve on the volleyball team, an art-class nerd who dreamed of becoming a successful engineer, helping design skyscrapers or perhaps dams and bridges all over the world.
Now, those dreams had faded, sullied by years of failure and neglect. Who did Stacey Murphy think she was? Who knew? It felt as though her self-image was only a shadow of what it had been. Pastor Green, Jax’s dad, had reminded her she was a child of God whenever they discussed it, and she believed him … but it was hard to quiet the voice inside that told her she was just an escapee from the asylum that was her family.
Maybe she was being too picky. After all, she was just an ex-waitress at a greasy spoon. Perhaps the only kind of man she could get was the kind that watched sports on a date and ate with his mouth open. If that was the case, she’d rather stay single.
The parking lot of the Publix was packed. Jax held onto the grab handle above the door as June turned her Ford Focus into the lot and maneuvered through the slow traffic. Her tires squealed as she rounded a corner and he grimaced, his knuckles whitening. “That’s some driving,” he chuckled nervously. “Are you shooting for some world record I don’t know about?”
June hit the brakes and he was thrown against his seat belt, his head whipping forward and back. He rubbed his neck gingerly and glared at her.
She side-eyed him back. “What?”
He laughed. “Never mind. I see nothing’s changed.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. If you’re inferring something about my driving skills, I’ll have you know I have a perfect driving record.”
He arched an eyebrow. “You do, huh? I happen to remember …”
“Oh come on, wrecks in high school don’t count.”
“You rolled your Honda down an embankment.”
She shrugged and pulled into an empty parking spot. “It wasn’t my fault.”
Jax opened the door and stepped out of the car, grateful he was still in one piece. June had always been a wild driver, but he was willing to admit that she seemed safer than she had in her teen years. With a grin, he knelt on the asphalt and kissed it.
“Oh, very funny,” June grumbled.
He laughed, stood, put his arm around her shoulders and ruffled her hair. He was at least a foot taller than her. “I’m just teasing you.”
She laughed and batted at his arm. “I know – and you know I’m a safe driver. It’s good to have you home, even if it is because …” Her voice faded and she covered her mouth with a shake of her head.
He squeezed her tighter. “Thanks. It’s good to be home. I’ll try to visit more often.”
Three young women came scurrying across the parking lot toward them, forcing Jax and June to stop. “Jax Green,” said one of them, fixing her hair with manicured nails, her cheeks pink. The other two smiled brightly.
“Hi.” Jax felt goofy, never knowing what to say when people stopped him on the street. It was still something of a novelty, since most of the time he was busy training. He didn’t get out very often.
“Are you home for long?” asked the woman.
He frowned. How much did they know about his visit? He didn’t much like the idea of telling a bunch of strangers about his personal life, especially the grief that lay raw in his stomach. “Ah … not long.”
June stepped forward. “Sorry, ladies, we’ve got to keep moving.”
They stepped aside, the speaker looking disappointed. “I’m Reese,” she cooed as they walked past.
“Nice to meet you,” he replied without looking as he and June hurried into the grocery store.
“Well, that was awkward,” stated June as she reached for a basket.
“It sure was. I never know what to say to people when they come up to me like that. If it’s a man or a kid, I’ll talk to them about football. But women like that, I’m never sure what they want from me — do they want to talk about the game?” He shook his head.
June met his gaze, her eyes narrowed. “You don’t? Really?”
He frowned and shook his head.
June rolled her eyes. “They want a date with you, dummy.”
“That’s ridiculous. They have to know I’m not going to take a perfect stranger out. Don’t they?”
June laughed and threw her arms around his waist, hugging him for a second before pulling away. “Oh, big brother, I love how naive you are.”
Jax tipped his head to one side. “I’m not naive.”
“Yes, you are – and that’s one of the things that’s so great about you. You’re this big football star, but you’re still the sam
e great guy you always were. You haven’t let it change you one little bit.”
“I usually deal with it better … you know, when people come up to me. But with everything that’s happened lately, I want some privacy. I can’t bear talking to people I don’t know about something so painful … all I can think is, what if they ask about Dad?” His throat tightened and he swallowed hard.
June’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I know what you mean.”
They walked around the store, filling the basket with groceries, and soon had to swap it for a cart. Mom hadn’t filled the refrigerator or pantry in weeks, and they were running low on everything. They’d eaten out the past few nights, but Jax wanted to get back to healthy eating. He’d be rejoining the team soon and needed to be in top form, at least physically if not emotionally.
By the time they’d finished, he’d been stopped at least twenty times for autographs, photographs and more. Most of the interruptions were young women – several even asked him for his phone number. When they returned to the car, Jax slumped in his seat and pulled his ball cap low over his eyes. A crowd surged around the vehicle, including photographers, likely from the local media. Someone must have called them while he and June were shopping. “How did things get so out of control?” he murmured.
June began inching the car out of the spot, honking occasionally to clear a path. “I have no idea, but this is crazy. Do you live like this all the time?” She growled, then hit the horn away. “Get out of the way!”
He shook his head. “It’s not this bad in Atlanta. Must just be because I’m home.”
“I swear all those women out there are in love with you or something. Did you see how they were looking at you?”
He sighed. “They’re not in love with me. They just like the idea of dating an NFL player.”
“Well, whatever it is, it’s nuts.”
“For sure. I just want some space right now. I was hoping I could spend time with you and Mom in peace. I’m not ready to think about all of … that.”
June rounded a corner, the tires squealing as she peeled out of the lot and headed for home. “It wouldn’t be so bad if you were married,” she offered. “They just see you as this opportunity. You’re their ticket out of Ardensville, to marry someone rich and famous and change the course of their sorry lives.”
He shook his head. “I guess. You think if I was married they’d leave me alone?”
“Guaranteed. You’re an eligible bachelor, and you’re scheduled to make over a million dollars this year – you’re going to get attention wherever you go.” She turned the car into the Greens’ driveway and pulled to a stop.
Jax leaned his head back against the headrest with a groan. “I know I should appreciate it. I’m grateful for everything God has blessed me with – the career, the friends I’ve made, all of it. But at times like this, I kind of wish I had a normal life. I don’t know if I can take that kind of … attention.”
June patted his hand. “Yes you can. You’ll get through this and be better than ever. It’s just a terrible time right now. We’re all going to take a while to get over it, or through it, or however you deal with grief. I don’t know how, but we will. And I know Dad would want us to. Compared to that, dealing with a few wannabe football wives should be a piece of cake.”
“Yeah.” Jax’s gut twisted into a knot. “But I really don’t need the headache. Maybe I should just tell people I’m off the market.”
5
Stacey lifted her gloved hand and knocked on the door, her breath fogging in front of her mouth. She tugged her coat collar higher around her neck and stamped her feet while she waited.
The door swung open and Brad grinned at her. “Come on in.”
He helped her carry her things inside. She’d managed to pack everything into a dozen boxes and a few bags. Everything she owned fit on the front porch of her brother’s ground-floor apartment. “Thanks for letting me stay with you, Brad. I promise I won’t be here forever – it’s just until I get back on my feet.”
He chuckled. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” He lugged the last bag into the spare bedroom, one he obviously used just for storage, and dropped it in a corner. “Sorry I don’t have an extra bed, but the sofa pulls out.”
She shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m just glad to have somewhere to stay. Thanks for helping me move my furniture into that storage unit yesterday.”
He shut the door. “You’re welcome. It definitely wouldn’t all fit in here.”
She rubbed her hands together, breathing on her gloves in an attempt to warm them. “Phew, it’s cold out there.”
“Sure is. I’m just about to shower and head to work. Want to ride to the office together?”
“I’ll just try to arrange this mess a little so it doesn’t look … oh, who am I kidding? There’s no way to make it look decent with all these boxes. Yes, I’ll take that ride.”
The drive to Jax’s house was familiar in a nostalgic way. Stacey liked the feeling. There’d always been something warm and inviting about Greens’ house that her own home never offered. His parents had ready smiles that gave her a feeling of being wanted and special, melting the hard edges of her heart a little each time she visited.
The doublewide trailer where she’d spent her childhood had been cold in more ways than one. Her bedroom was her sanctuary, and she’d regularly hidden there to ride out the tide of anger and abuse that welled up from her parents’ gin-soaked throat in tirades against each other, Brad and her. But at Jax’s house any shouting was either preceded by a touchdown on TV or followed by laughter, and disagreements ended quickly in a forgiving embrace. She figured it had something to do with their faith, but it took years to finally set foot inside their church.
Jax was standing in front of the house waiting for her, typing something on his phone. When he saw her, he shoved it in his pocket and waved.
She climbed out, surprised at how her heart leaped at his smile. Hadn’t she buried those feelings long ago? It was pointless to love someone who’d never love you back. “Ready to find your dream home?” she asked, fighting the jitters that filled her stomach.
“Ready,” he replied. “I’ll just tell Mom I’m leaving.” He jogged to the front door, poked his head in, called out goodbye and headed for her car.
“How’s your mom doing?” she asked as they settled into their seats and buckled their seatbelts.
He sighed. “She’s okay, I guess. Sometimes I think she’s in denial, pretending everything’s okay and Dad will be back soon. Then I see her slump with the realization that he won’t, and she goes into a kind of stupor where she just stares and doesn’t talk except to mumble thanks when we offer her a drink or something to eat.” He ran a hand across his face and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.
Stacey’s throat ached. She missed Pastor Green as well. The weekly service at the little Baptist church had become a lifeline for her, a tool to push back the pain of everything going on in her life. He always had a word of encouragement for her. Often, after a particularly bad week, she’d go to the front of the church after the service and he’d pray for her, his hand on her shoulder. She knew he wasn’t her father, but she couldn’t help wishing he had been. And now he was gone. It was hard to accept, so she couldn’t imagine how his son must feel. “I’m sorry.”
He nodded. “Thanks.”
“Just from my own experience … it’ll get better. Easier. At least a little. When my dad died, I didn’t think anything would ever be okay again. Even though he wasn’t the best dad in the world, he was still my dad. But gradually, you get used to it.” It was hard to find the words to say, though she felt she had to say something. What would bring comfort? “I miss him too. Not as much as you, of course, but …” She turned the key and the car purred to life. “… he was always so kind to me.”
Jax smiled, his eyes meeting hers for the first time that day. Their blue depths locked on hers and sent a thrill rushing through her veins. She wanted to kno
w that part of him, the part he kept hidden behind those eyes that no one else got to see. She’d caught glimpses throughout their childhood, but it had been so long and he’d never connected with her the way she’d hoped he would. His friendship with Brad had allowed her insight into his hidden depths. It was like she knew him, but he didn’t know her.
“Thanks, that means a lot,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. He rubbed his eyes again and stared out the window. “I wish …”
“What?” she prompted.
“I wish I’d told him how much he meant to me.”
“I’m sure he knew.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ve told him I loved him so many times, but lately … I’ve been so busy with my new life in Atlanta, I didn’t give him my time. I didn’t tell him just how much he impacted me and how his character and faith shaped the man I am. That’s what I regret most.”
A lump formed in her throat as she backed out of the driveway. His words resonated in her and brought to the surface feelings of love, pain, longing – her chest ached with it. They drove to the first house in silence. Stacey flicked the radio on and let the music cover her discomfort. She’d never been good at discussing feelings, other people’s or her own.
As she pulled to the curb, she changed the subject. “This house is very close to the center of town – walking distance from most of the restaurants and stores …” Her voice slowed and her eyes narrowed. Up ahead she could see a small group of people scurrying their way.
“Is that a camera?” asked Jax, one eyebrow raised.
It was. A posse of media approached. Stacey and Jax climbed out of the car and hustled to the house. She was glad it was unoccupied so they didn’t have to wait on the porch for someone to answer the door. She had it unlocked in moments and they ducked in and shut the door behind them.
“What’s going on?” asked Jax. “Did anyone know we were looking at this house today?” He frowned and set his hands on his hips, peering out one of the small rectangular windows beside the door.
