by Trisha Wolfe
I grip the hilt of the knife harder and drop my hand.
It takes a moment for her to notice the blade, but when she does, those innocent eyes widen with certain understanding. She immediately turns to dart down the rocky path.
“If you run,” I say, catching up to her, “that just proves you’re not willing to fight for him.”
I catch her arm, digging my nails into the fabric of her long-sleeve T-shirt. “Let me go, you crazy bitch.”
“You sound just like Sully, you know that?” I yank her back toward the ridge of Devil’s Tooth. For all her fight, she’s surprisingly weak. “You should be ashamed to have been associated with such a deplorable, vile scumbag—”
She faces me, features horrorstruck. “What did you do to him?”
Now that I have her full attention, I release her arm, but I keep the blade in sight. “He did it to himself, Addison. We’re all responsible for our choices.” I flick the knife in the direction of the pass. “I don’t want to hurt you. That’s not why you’re here. Let’s go.”
She resists, and I sigh out a long breath. “We need a girls’ talk,” I say. “Just you and me.”
“This isn’t happening,” she whispers under her breath.
“Oh, but it is. There are consequences for our actions, too.” I force her toward the edge of the cliff, where the crescent rock formation shows the way to the other side of the peak.
“You’re not even a real counselor!” she shouts at me. “You didn’t graduate high school. You were sent to a fucking mental institution for killing—”
I hold the blade up to her face. “Shut your damn mouth about things you have no idea about.”
She goes for her phone—her lifeline—and I knock it out of her hands. The phone clatters to the rocks. Keeping my eyes on her, I lower myself down to grab it.
The wind picks up, and Addison shudders, her gaze locked on the knife. “Please… You’re right, okay? I don’t know anything about you. Sully was a complete idiot. I don’t even care about him. Just let me leave, and I’ll never say another word about you. I promise.”
“So, you were just using him,” I say, as I swipe the phone screen open.
She nods. “Of course.”
“Right.” I shrug, uncaring. He was just a tool for her. Just like Irina, how she commanded her devoted admirers to ridicule me, to attack me.
As I scroll through her messages, my heart knocks hard against my chest. The cryptic texts sent to my phone aren’t here. “You deleted them.”
“Deleted what?”
“The fucking texts you sent me, you cunt,” I shout.
“Shit,” Addison hisses, frantically pushing her hands into her hair.
The message she sent to Sully earlier this evening is even erased, proving she’s been covering her tracks. “How were you planning to get rid of me?”
“It’s not what you think…” She takes a step back. “You’re confused.”
“Really? Because what I think is you plotted this whole thing with a boy that you don’t even care about. You used him in order to threaten me away so you could have Carter. That’s pretty selfish.”
She realizes her blunder, and holds up her hands. “I don’t know what Sully told you, but none of this was my idea,” she says, her voice raw. “Carter had this plan to blackmail you—”
I inch toward her, the blade aimed at her heart, and tilt my head. “Shut your lying whore mouth.”
“I swear, I’m not lying. I tried to talk Carter out of it. I didn’t want any of this.”
“What did you want?”
Her eyes dart to the left, then back at me. She seems to consider trying to run before she decides there’s nowhere to run to. “I just wanted you to leave,” she says. “I wanted you to get the hell away from Carter.”
And there it is finally. The truth. “I appreciate your honesty, Addison. Now—” I nod toward the pass “—it’s time.”
“Time for what?”
I lift my chin. “To accept the dare.”
She glances behind her and swears. “No way.”
I stick the tip of the knife into her neck, and she swallows. “I dare you to cross the pass, Addison. Isn’t that how the game is played?”
“Oh, my god. You’re absolutely demented. No one has ever made it across.”
“Then you’ll be the first,” I say, then I chuck her phone out into the darkness of the abyss. “You’re only as strong as your will to survive, to protect those you love. So, how much do you love Carter, Addison?”
Her eyes glisten with tears, and for one second, I do feel bad for her.
“I love him more than you could ever imagine with your fucked up brain,” she says.
Well, now I don’t feel bad in the least. I jab the knife against her jugular. “Here’s how the game works. If you make it all the way across the pass, I’ll leave Black Mountain. I’ll never see Carter or you again.”
Her eyes close in relief.
“But,” I say, pulling the blade away, “if I make it across, then you have to disappear.”
She shakes her head, eyes squinted in disbelief. “How am I supposed to do that? I’m only seventeen!”
I flick my gaze to the cliff and beyond, to the darkness of the abyss right below us. Comprehension washes over her features in dread. “Oh, fuck this—” She rams into me, trying to knock me out of the way, but I snag her hair and yank her head back.
Enfolding my arm around her shoulders, I drag the knife up to her neck. “I’m not giving you a choice, Addison. Either cross the pass, or I’ll throw you down the fucking ravine right now.”
Her sob echos across the rift, and it sounds like acceptance.
I push her away from me, and she stumbles. She doesn’t try to run again. She’s smart enough to know when to stop fighting.
“Why are you doing this?” she asks.
I prop my hand on my hip as I really consider her question. Why am I doing this when I can simply make her disappear right now?
Because you’ll always have doubt.
I fist my hand and press it to my forehead, feeling my nails dig into my palm. “Shut up,” I tell the voice in my head. The pain helps the noise to quiet, the headache easing off.
I look at Addison, who is watching me closely. “How much about psychology do you understand?” I ask her.
She shakes her head quickly. “I don’t know…”
I exhale a laden breath. “There are two contending realities,” I say slowly for her benefit. “Mine and yours. In one reality, Carter and Addison are best friends, gradually falling in love. The classic friends to lovers tale.” I walk a circle around her. “And the stress of a crazed and scorned lover is bringing them closer together.” I stop in front of her and widen my eyes. “Is that not how you see your life?”
She releases a clipped laugh. “Oh, you have no idea.”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t you? You’re the heroine of your story.” I track to the edge of the cliff, to where I can see the lake. “That’s a selfish way to see the world, however. There are infinite realities, as many as every soul who has existed in this world and who will ever exist.”
“In my reality,” I whirl around, “Carter and I have fallen in love. We would do anything for each other. He’d fight for me, and I’d kill for him. But there’s this jealous, meddling little bitch who’s filling his head with lies.”
Addison shakes her head slowly. “That’s…ridiculous. How does one of us dying prove anything?”
“Because only one of us is telling the truth. And there can only be one truth, one version of reality, that remains. Do you see the dilemma? We can’t both exist to love Carter. One of us has to love him more, and that’s what this will prove.”
Addison places a hand to her stomach, as if she’s about to become ill. “Carter doesn’t feel that way about you.”
“Yes, he does, and I’d do anything to protect him.”
She becomes brave and marches toward me. “The way you stalke
d him at Alister’s party? How he had to go to Mr. D. to be removed from you psycho meetings? Christ. Can’t you see how insane you are?”
I pace the cliff. “Shut up. Shut up. Shut the fuck up.” I point the knife right at her. “You have no idea what I’ve done for Carter. What I will do for him.”
“They’ll figure it out. Everyone will. Carter will find out what you’ve done to me.”
“Have you heard about what happens in this town? Serial killers, girls gone missing, murders, bullies…” I flick the knife with every beat. “This is the perfect place to vanish, to go unnoticed. No one cares, Addison, about me or anything I’ve done. That’s why I chose Black Mountain.”
I walk behind her and prod the small of her back with the knife. “Now go.”
Panic grips her, and her anger transitions into pleads. I ignore every protest and desperate promise as I ease her closer to the pass.
“All right. All right. Fuck!” Addison relents. She sucks in a shaky breath, then takes a step toward the pass, hands clenched into fists. “I can do this.”
I watch her inch out onto the jagged ridge and stop.
“Try not to look down,” I say. “Isn’t that helpful?”
“Fuck you.” She starts again, creeping along the ledge of the outcropping, her arms outstretched to keep balance.
The darkness of the night consumes her. She’s a shadow on the mountain as she blends into the landscape the farther out she gets. A gust a wind blasts across the rift, and she hunkers down in place, quivering with her knees tucked to her chest until it passes.
I raise an eyebrow, impressed. Maybe I underestimated this girl.
Maybe you don’t love Carter as much as she does.
“I shut you up once before,” I say, tucking the knife into the back waistband of my jeans. “I’ll do it again.” With a determined breath, I step out onto the ledge.
My bare feet conform to the rock. I wince as the sharp edges dig into my soles. I block out the pain. Fragments of stone come loose under me, and I feel as they give way and fall down the ravine.
Equilibrium doesn’t exist on the pass. The near absolute blackness all around distorts the perception of up and down. It’s like walking through limbo, terrified your next step will be the one to take you over the edge.
But I continue to feel my way across the ridge, inch by inch, and I can hear Addison breathing hard up ahead of me. The wind howls as if it’s determined to defend the mountain from trespassers.
The air is ice up here, cold and solid and unforgiving as I push forward.
Perception of time is lost. After what feels like hours instead of minutes, I start to close in on Addison. We must be somewhere in the middle of the ridge. She’s stopped moving.
“I can’t do this,” Addison says, her voice nearly lost in the abyss. She panics and attempts to turn around, her arms flailing in the open air.
It happens so fast.
Addison is on the ridge—and then she’s gone. She goes over the edge, disappearing from sight.
My whole body prickles with alarm. It’s over. One moment of clarity, where the chaos in the universe ceases, time slows down, and I take a breath. Then:
“Help!”
Addison’s screams rise up from the basin. I hear her clawing at the rocks. Over and over, she wails into the dark, her cries battering the air until my brain is pulsing with the sound of her shrill voice.
Her pleas layer memories, splicing two points in time together.
The screams tear into the night, an echo of the past ripping space and time.
The scars on my palms throb, and I look down at my hands.
It’s said that if you can look at your hand during a dream, you’ll realize you’re dreaming…and that you can force yourself to awake.
I understand, with a sudden jolt of horror, that theory doesn’t work on nightmares.
20
Fault in the Mind
Lanie: Before
I’m not supposed to be here.
The panicked thought strikes me the moment his hands go around my neck.
I had followed Jeremy to the beach. I knew he’d be meeting Irina. In our spot. I was desperate to see him, to try to be with him once more…even if it caused me pain to see them together.
I just needed to understand why he had treated me so cruelly—why I was such a joke to be mocked by him and his friends. All I had done was love him, and he had made his rejection of that love so painfully public, the whole school knew about us.
I only wanted the torment to end. One last attempt to repair the damage.
But I had made a mistake. I know that now, as Mr. Whitmore’s hands crush my throat.
“Dirty little sluts like you fuck everything up.” His words are unleashed on me with venom and spittle as he bears down on top of me.
I gasp through the constriction of my throat, eyes wide and lungs desperate for air. “Help—”
The loose sand beneath me shifts, and I feel as if I’m sinking.
I pray the sand swallows me.
I ruined everything. Somehow, I had gotten in the way…that was becoming soberingly clear, even as the light of the world around me was starting to dim.
“She’s mine,” he growls, his hands tightening into a vise around my neck. “And your dramatic antics sent her right back to him.”
His knees press down on my arms, preventing me from moving, from reaching up. I grip my hands into tight balls and the feel of my nails slicing into my skin helps ease the agony.
I’m still here. Still alive.
My vision blurs, but I still spot the shiny silver knife as it’s brought to my face…
Then the crush of my lungs caving in darkens the world.
Help. Help. Help me! My mind continues to plea as I fade away.
Ellis: Now
I stare at the white scars on my palm, the wind whipping my hair across my face. A massive gust snatches the air from my lungs, and I gasp, the fear of reliving that nightmare made all too real.
It is real. It happened, Lanie.
I squeeze my eyes closed and will Dr. Leighton out of my head. But her words ring true.
“Help me! Oh, God…”
Addison’s voice breaks through the haze of my mind, and I look across the pass. She’s hanging onto the ledge of the ridge, seconds away from losing her grasp.
This moment is so clear; what I have to do has never been more pronounced, and I hunch down along the rock path and crawl toward her. “Give me your hand.”
I extend my hand out to her, offering her the chance to grab hold of me. Hesitancy laces her wide, tearstained eyes, but as she glances down at the fall that awaits her, Addison curses and latches on to my forearm.
It’s an impossible task to pull her up, but I don’t let go. I hold on to her arm as she clings to mine. “You have to release the rock, Addison,” I tell her. “You have to climb over me.”
She shakes her head, terrified. “I’ll fall.”
“I won’t let you fall. I promise.” And I’m relieved to realize that I mean those words.
Again, her unwillingness to trust me costs her precious seconds. Her grip starts to slip… She uses the shelf of the ridge as leverage as she loses her hold on the rock. Her hand grasps at my back, and she finally finds purchase on my upper arm.
I grit my teeth, trying to ignore the piercing pain that feels like my shoulder is about to dislocate. Finally, Addison begins to haul herself upward. She crawls over me, making her way back onto the narrow pass.
Breathless, I lay here, my chest on fire. My skin burns from the cold wind and where Addison used me as a ladder. I don’t notice the danger until it’s too late.
I feel the moment the knife is pulled from my backside.
Betrayal is a hot flame searing my chest as I turn my head to look at Addison.
“Sorry,” she says, her voice trembling, face dirt-smeared and eyes gleaming wild. “But I just can’t trust you, you psychotic bitch.”
She stab
s the knife into my thigh. My body lights up, every numbed nerve comes alive with pain. I grab hold of the hilt, my hand shaking, and curse as I yank the blade free.
Not wise…
I’ve been left for dead before—and in spite of those who wish it, I survived. If I bleed to death up here, I think as I get to my knees, I’m making sure I take that bitch with me.
Addison starts to ease backward along the pass, her eyes trained on me and the knife in my hand. When she gets far enough away that she feels safe, she turns around, and a blast of wind knocks her off-balance.
I see the moment it happens. I drop the knife as I reach out for her, as if I can prevent her fall, but it’s over quickly. Addison is gone. Her hollow scream follows her down the dark chasm.
I stare down into the darkness of the ravine, my body cemented to the rock.
Did you try to save her, or did you let her fall?
I banish the thought immediately. Of course, I tried to save her. I’m not a monster.
I had wanted Addison and her lies to disappear, yes—but not like this. In the end, up here on the edge of the world, I realize that I need Carter to choose me. Letting Addison die doesn’t satisfy anything.
With that thought comes a vital awareness. I had told her only one reality could exist. When Addison went over the edge, her version of the truth went with her.
Only one truth remains: mine.
As the day starts to break over the mountain top in hues of pinks and deep purples, I begin the slow and painful crawl across the pass. I’m exhausted, my body wracked in agony, my leg bleeding, but I’m not going back the way I came. Behind is the past. Ahead is the future, and all I want is that new and promising tomorrow. It’s right there…so close.
When I finally drag myself across the ledge, Carter is waiting for me on the other side of Devil’s Tooth.
I’m bruised and nearly broken as I fall into Carter’s arms, but his comforting scent enfolds me, dousing any lingering fear. I don’t ask him how he got here, or how he knew how to find me. I just trust it’s a sign we’re meant to be together.
“You’re here,” I say in confirmation.
