He’d tried it once with his own family. He’d taken three months of saved allowances when he was fourteen and rented a boat and skis for the afternoon. His father and mother hadn’t spoken to each other the entire time they were on the lake. It wasn’t what he’d been trying to find, and it had strengthened Nick’s desire to leave Youngsville behind.
It reminded him as well that he’d promised to be the kind of father that Mr. McKee had been, not the kind Guy Camden had. Involved in his son’s life, not removed. The kind of guy who’d coach Little League baseball and teach his own flesh and blood how to water-ski in the summer.
Nick realized that he didn’t have the lifestyle that would enable him to be an involved dad. He was a total workaholic more concerned with his job than with anything else. His work was, quite simply, his life. He couldn’t imagine it any other way.
Following Lila down an aisle in the pharmacy to procure a test kit seemed like the right thing to do. He knew marriage wasn’t an option. Or was it? He’d tried it once and the decision never to remarry wasn’t one he’d made easily.
Lila and this possible baby made him want to dream again. Dreams he’d had as a boy. Before life had shaped him into the man he’d become. But that man knew those dreams would never come true.
He needed time away from Lila to decide. He knew he wasn’t going to be uninvolved in his child’s life if there was a child, but a wife….
Lila stopped, glanced both ways and pulled a box from the shelf, skimming the back quickly before once again checking the aisle for other customers. Though it sometimes annoyed him, her preoccupation with what others thought was kind of endearing.
She looked cute today wearing a pair of navy leggings and a bright-colored sweater. She had on a winter coat that was a little heavy for the fall weather, but he knew she was cold most of the time. For someone who’d chosen to move north she seemed ill prepared for it.
“I could stand watch at that end,” he said.
“Ha-ha. This isn’t like the symphony. I think that we should know definitely before we have to deal with any rumors,” she said.
She looked so cute, though, the way she kept glancing over her shoulders, that he wanted to kiss her. But he couldn’t. Not here, not now.
He watched her and thought of the night they’d made love on his desk. Thought of all the things he’d do differently the next time he had her in his arms. And he’d definitely make love to her again.
“Did you find one?” he asked, ready to leave the drugstore. Maybe she’d let him kiss her before she got out of his car. In fact, he wasn’t going to wait for her permission to do so. He was just going to kiss her.
“I think so. But most of these aren’t good until I’ve missed a period.” Her full lips beckoned him. She’d used some red lipstick earlier and only a trace remained. He wanted to remove the rest of it.
“Have you?” He didn’t think she had because, most likely she would have mentioned it. And besides, it had only been six days. Not that he was counting.
“Not yet, but I should know soon.”
“Why don’t we wait?” he asked. He couldn’t believe those words had come from his lips. He dealt in reality, but for a few days he wouldn’t mind living in the realm of maybe.
“Don’t you want to know?” she asked. Her face was lined with worry, and it brought home again how he’d failed to protect her. Dammit, when was he going to stop hurting those around him?
He hugged her close. He couldn’t help it. She was so tiny compared to him. Her bones were small and fragile under his arms and he nestled her close to his body. Surrounded her with himself and promised not to hurt her again. “Sure, but not knowing for a few more days isn’t going to change anything.”
She slipped out of his embrace. “I’m going to buy this one, so I’ll have it on hand.”
He followed her down the aisle towards the registers, plowing into her when she came to an abrupt stop.
“Oh, God. That’s my landlady, Rose. I don’t want her to see me buying this.”
“Calm down, Lila. You go talk to her, and I’ll buy the kit.”
“What if she saw us together? What if she knows what we’re purchasing?”
“It’s not like she’s going to make you wear a scarlet A.”
“This is serious. Your reputation can be stained by the smallest innuendo.”
“Florida girl, you worry too much. She’s coming this way, so smile.” Nick took the package from her hand and strode toward the drug counter at the back of the store. He’d pay for the damn thing there.
He couldn’t help thinking that Lila was never going to want to have a child without a husband. It bothered him, because the opinions of others were so fickle, but her anxiety was genuine and he didn’t want to be the cause of more.
He knew he should transfer her out of his department. Except, with all the turmoil at Colette, that would just cause rumors to spread. And he didn’t want anyone else sitting at the desk outside his office. It didn’t matter that right now they didn’t have the smoothest working relationship. Lila was his. And he wasn’t letting her go.
He didn’t examine that desire too closely. Just paid for the damn pregnancy kit and asked for a brown bag. Lila’s landlady eyed the bag when Nick returned, and he knew she thought he’d purchased condoms. He felt a faint blush steal over his face as the older lady winked at him.
He wasn’t ready to be part of a community, and he suddenly realized that was one of the things that scared him about Lila. She had woven herself into the fabric that was Youngsville, and he’d never wanted to be any part of it.
Six
Two days later, Lila was back at the office and still not sure where she stood with Nick. Saturday had been a strange glimpse into his personal life, and she couldn’t happily blend it with what she already knew of him.
He was calm, self-assured and focused on work. But the other man was very real. More faceted than the one-dimensional image she’d carried of Nick. It was the picture of a man who’d been hurt and whose life had been shaped by those pains.
She realized she wanted to influence the direction his life took. She’d spent half the night lying in the dark staring at the stars she’d painted on her ceiling and had realized that she didn’t want Nick in her personal life only if she was pregnant with his child. She wanted him to be with her always, but he didn’t believe he deserved happiness.
Even though he’d never said those words, she knew that he believed he deserved to be punished. Something about the way he’d focused solely on his career after his wife’s death. Something about the types of women he dated. Something about his reaction to her and the possibility of her pregnancy.
She picked at the salad she’d brought for lunch. Nick had been in back-to-back meetings all day, and she’d heard more than one rumor about the takeover. To be honest, she was worried that her time at Colette, Inc. was running short.
“Working through lunch?” Nick asked as he entered the office.
“Yes. I wanted to be here when you got back. There’s an emergency board meeting scheduled for this evening. They want to look at last year’s numbers compared to this year’s.”
“Have you contacted Jill in our business office?”
“Yes. They’re running the numbers now. Jill is meeting with you at 3:30. That gives you a half hour to get her information and assimilate it.”
“Great.”
“Did you eat at your meeting?” she asked. She normally didn’t like to run out and get lunch. She felt it put secretaries back to the dark ages if they offered to bring food or coffee for their boss.
But Nick looked tired. Was he having a hard time sleeping through the night? Did worry about her or Colette keep him awake?
She hoped it was Colette, but at the same time feared it might be her. Their relationship was like a hurricane: stormy and out of control. They seemed to be in the eye right now. Everything calm and smooth, but still a tension underlay all their interactions.
&n
bsp; “I’ll grab a sandwich in the cafeteria.”
“Before you go down there…”
“Yes?”
“I’ve heard some rumors you might want to be prepared for.”
He took a deep breath.
“Nick, let me get you something, okay?”
“Okay. Tuna on wheat.”
“I’ll be right back.”
Lila hurried to the cafeteria and got Nick’s sandwich, avoiding most of her co-workers by keeping her head down and taking the stairs. Nick was seated behind his desk and was on the phone when she returned.
He hung up when she came in. She handed him his sandwich. “Close the door and come in for a minute.”
His serious expression worried her. “Is this another bad-news scenario?”
“No. I’d like you to tell me what those rumors concern.”
Lila was used to being Nick’s ears around the building, but this rumor involved one of Nick’s best managers. “Unfair hiring practices.”
“Am I supposed to be involved?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I haven’t heard your name, but Paul was mentioned.”
“Damn.”
“That’s what I thought you’d say.”
“Get me fifteen minutes with Paul and Human Resources.”
“I’ve got them down at 2:30. That gives you about twenty minutes to scarf down your sandwich.”
“Do you need anything else?”
“One more thing.”
Lila moved closer to Nick’s desk, prepared to grab a sheet of paper and jot down whatever he wanted her to do. But Nick stood up and leaned forward, his face inches from hers.
“I need something from you, Lila.”
“What?” she asked, her voice a husky whisper.
His breath brushed across her face and she closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation, remembering the last time they’d kissed. It seemed like forever since they’d touched.
The moist brush of his tongue across the seam of her lips surprised her. She opened her eyes and met his sensual gaze. He rubbed his lips back and forth on hers.
“Will you let me kiss you?” he asked.
Her first impulse was to crawl over his desk and pull him into her arms, but she didn’t. Bracing her weight on her hands, she leaned farther over. Tilting her head to one side, she licked her lips.
His eyes tracked the movement. “Don’t tease me, woman.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. And all I can think of when you are in my office is that night when I took you on my desk.”
“Me, too.”
“Hell, Lila. Don’t tell me that.”
“Why not?”
“Because hearing you remember it too makes me want to take you again.”
“Here?”
“No, not here.”
“Then kiss me, Nick. And make it count.”
Nick loosened his tie as he headed into the darkened parking lot toward his Porsche. He needed something to relieve the tension that had been riding him all afternoon. The meetings had not gone well.
All he’d been able to think of was Lila’s sweet mouth as she’d kissed him with a carnality that had made his mind turn to mush and his loins painfully hard. He couldn’t spend another night alone. He needed her, and it was past time for him to take control of this relationship he had with her.
Actually, it wasn’t a relationship. It was more like on-going frustration. He couldn’t sleep because he dreamed of the remembered tightness of her body clutching his. He couldn’t work because the office smelled like her perfume, and he knew how much stronger it was between her pretty breasts.
He couldn’t go to her because it would feed the need, yet, like a druggie, he couldn’t resist one more hit. He told himself he could control it—the way he’d intended to this afternoon. Then the next thing he knew he was sitting in a meeting with a hard-on that wouldn’t go away.
He turned down Amber Court and coasted to a stop in front of number twenty. He’d just talk to her. Talking wasn’t touching. It didn’t involve anything but voices. But he knew somehow he was going to finagle an invitation into her home.
With his decision made, Nick picked up his cell phone and had directory assistance connect him to her home phone. She answered on the second ring, breathless.
He wondered what she’d been doing. Would she welcome him tonight? It was past ten. Maybe he should hang up and just show up at her door.
“Hello? Is anyone there?” she asked.
He cleared his throat, feeling like a stalker as he sat in his car across the street from her building. “Hey, Florida girl.”
“Nick.”
“What’s up?”
He didn’t want to have to ask her if he could come over. He wanted her to say the words that might make him sound like he was in control. He’d prided himself on being the aggressive one in every relationship he’d ever had. But with Lila he was at her mercy, and, frankly, he planned to change all of that by taking back the control.
He needed to sleep with her one more time. Then he’d prove that what had happened in his office had been a fluke. The other kisses, they were part of his fascination with Lila that would end once he’d had her again.
“I’ve just finished up at the office.”
“You sound tired,” she said.
“I am.” And lonely. But of course he wasn’t going to admit that to her. In fact, the more he thought about it, he wasn’t really lonely. He just didn’t want to be alone tonight. Those were two very different things.
“I guess you’re not calling for phone sex.”
That surprised a laugh out of him.
“Why, have you always wanted to have phone sex?” he asked. For all her prim and proper ways, Lila had passion running deep inside of her. Even though she was afraid to let it out.
“Will it make me sound easy if I say yes?” she asked. There was a shyness to her voice that endeared her to him, though he didn’t want to feel anything but lust for her. He realized suddenly that he wasn’t ever going to be able to put Lila in one box and label her. She was already more to him than the women he’d dated in the past. She always would be.
He promised himself that he’d give her this. A belief in the beauty of expressing the passion she carefully hid from the world. “No. It will make you sound like just the girl I need tonight.”
“Mmm. So you were looking for something from me.”
“Yes, but not phone sex.”
“Darn. Why not?”
“Because phone sex is essentially solitary and based in fantasy.”
“Don’t like fantasy, huh?”
“I’m ready for some more reality.”
“Really?
Silence buzzed on the line. “Can I stop by?”
He sounded needy, which he hated, but there was no other option. He did need something that only she could give him. He only hoped she’d never realize how much he needed it.
“Sure. I just finished making lasagna for the next three weeks. I can heat some of it up for you. Have you eaten dinner?”
“No.”
“Good. I’ll feed you.”
Feed my soul, he thought. He was suddenly starved. “I’ll be right up.”
“Where are you?”
“Across the street.”
“Good thing I said yes.”
“Good thing,” he said, and disconnected the phone.
He crossed the street and waited for her to buzz him in. He climbed the stairs to her apartment and her door was open.
She stood there illuminated by the light spilling from her homey apartment. Welcoming. Her long plaid skirt and long-sleeved creamy shirt created the image of vulnerability that he’d perceived the first time he saw her.
He knew he didn’t deserve the sweetness that was Lila. Knew better than to believe that what she’d given him could last. Knew that he wasn’t a man who’d ever be comfortable in such a homey environment because he didn’t believe it was real…or that
it could last.
But tonight it felt real, the way the cold did on a December morning. He saw her standing there and knew he wasn’t going to be able to enter her apartment and seduce her. He wanted—no needed—for her to accept him in her bed. To want him there as much as he needed to be there.
“Lila?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m not leaving until morning.”
She sighed and held out her hand. Her long fingers were warm and as she tugged him over the threshold, he heard her say, “Good.”
Lila’s apartment wasn’t always clean, and tonight was no exception. She wished it could be like it was in the movies, where things just magically turned out right. But then real life seldom did.
It gave her pause. She wanted Nick. Had done nothing but think about him and the kiss they’d shared over his desk all afternoon, but now he was here in her cozy little place that hadn’t been dusted in three weeks. Worse than that, it was laundry night and there was a pile of clean clothes on the couch.
“I’m sorry this place is such a mess.”
He panned the room and she imagined the half-empty cups of tea on the counter were a bit off-putting.
“Why don’t you have a seat, and I’ll clean this place up?”
“Lila.”
She glanced at him.
“I love your apartment. It’s not messy. It’s lived-in. Besides, I came to see you.”
His words warmed her in a way that no one else’s ever had. She didn’t examine it too closely, though. Just wallowed in the feeling.
“I promised you dinner.”
“Yes, you did.”
She filled a plate with warm lasagna and gave him a bottle of beer. “I wish I had some bread, but I didn’t bake tonight.”
“This is great.”
No, it wasn’t. This was weird. She’d invited him in for dinner and…sex. It felt so strange. Too much pre-planning. The last time there hadn’t been time to think. This time…this time, there was too much time to think.
What was she doing? She wanted to teach him to love and care. Show him that the people around him could strengthen, not weaken him. Make him believe that she was the only woman for him and instead she was hovering over him like some demented Martha Stewart wannabe trying to convince him that she was a good homemaker.
Some Kind 0f Incredible (20 Amber Court Book 2) Page 6
