His life was such a jumble of confusion right now that nothing seemed normal. When he thought he saw Lila walking toward him it seemed surreal. He knew he must be hallucinating because after he’d told her what they had wouldn’t last he’d expected her never really to talk to him again.
And who could blame her? He’d acted like an ass, the way he often did when he felt vulnerable. It always yielded the same results, injuring someone he’d never want to hurt. And causing Lila pain was a double-edged sword because it made him ache, as well.
She paused in front of him, and he knew she was no illusion. His body was on red alert, senses so attuned to her scent that they sent arousal rushing through him. She wore a plaid miniskirt and black tights that made her legs seem endless. But he knew they weren’t. He was intimately acquainted with where they ended and met.
“Lila,” he said. Just her name, hoping for some vocal confirmation that he wasn’t having one hell of a daydream. After the day he’d had it would probably turn into a vicious nightmare that would scare the socks off even Stephen King.
“I brought you dinner,” she said. Lila was so…homey. She reminded him of what he’d wanted his mom to be when he was growing up. The basket in her hands was wrapped in a towel and a tantalizing aroma filled the air. But at the same time she was a sexy siren who could make him forget about family and focus only on her.
“You shouldn’t have.”
He meant it. He didn’t deserve her sweet caring. And he knew that she cared about him. Because if he’d learned one thing about Lila the woman, it was that she wasn’t the type to sleep with a man she couldn’t care about. More than just physical passion had brought her to him.
“I knew you wouldn’t eat. Have you even left this hallway since he was brought in?”
“Yes,” he said. He’d had to use the restroom earlier this afternoon.
“Why don’t you sit down? I brought some cottage pie.”
He started to say no, but there was a light in her eyes that warned against it. She was offering him an olive branch. He should take it and be happy that he’d gotten off so easily.
Except that he couldn’t. He shouldn’t be let off the hook that easily. And tonight had reminded him of some irrevocable facts, some truths in life he’d been conveniently ignoring while he’d enjoyed Lila. Today he’d realized he could bury his head no more.
“Why are you here?”
She shrugged and set her basket on one of the cloth-covered chairs. “I don’t know. I tried to stay at home, but all I did was think about you.”
“I’m not the right guy for you, Lila. Today made that brutally clear to me.”
She propped her hands on her hips and tilted her head to glance up at him. “You can be so stubborn sometimes.”
“I know.”
“Don’t you even care that this could be your once in a lifetime?”
“It’s not. I already had that, remember?”
“Yeah. Sit down and eat before this gets cold.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Suddenly, the knowledge that she wanted him and he couldn’t keep her overwhelmed him. He reached out and pulled her close to him. He felt her rise on her toes. He bent his head close and rested his forehead against hers.
“I am hungry, Lila. There is a hunger so deep in my soul that I doubt even you could ever fill it. You keep pushing until I think maybe you could, but I know better. Today proved it. It was a careless comment, but I meant it. I’m not your forever man.”
“But you could be, Nick, and that’s why I’m here.”
He didn’t want to take the chance he’d hurt her again, maybe even worse this time. “I don’t know any other way.”
“I’m trying to show you.”
He sighed. She had a relentless streak that he’d never noticed before. It annoyed him. “Lila, what do you want from me?”
She brushed her lips against his. “A chance.”
Don’t ask, he told himself. There were some things a man wasn’t meant to know about. The inside of a woman’s purse, the things she did in the bathroom and the secrets of her soul.
But he needed to know what secrets she was keeping. Needed to hear the words that would be like manna to his starving soul. Needed to know if what she felt was as real as she’d hinted.
“A chance at what?”
“Forever.”
Damn, that’s what he’d been afraid of. He wasn’t a forever kind of guy. Had tried it with disastrous results. He wasn’t even sure he was a forever boss with the turmoil at Colette. He started to speak, planned to turn her down. But she put her forefinger against his lips and stopped the words before they could form.
“I’m willing to start with now.”
“Now, I can handle,” he said. In fact, now was what he needed from her. He tugged her closer to his embrace and held her for a long time, not letting go until Buster arrived. As Lila walked away, Nick felt for the first time that the future held something other than work and a cold, lonely existence.
Eight
According to Lila’s somewhat unscientific calculations her period was a day late. Normally she would have been thankful, because she hated it. She loved it when she skipped a month or two, as was sometimes the case. But this month, with her new relationship with Nick as fragile as a porcelain Ming vase, she wanted it to start.
She couldn’t stay with Nick if she were pregnant and he didn’t want to marry her. Nick hadn’t been kidding about never remarrying. There was something very serious in his eyes when he talked about the past, something he hadn’t done since that night in the hospital.
But here she was on a Saturday morning in the Home Depot, helping Nick pick out paint for his guest bedroom. She’d offered to help him with his redecorating when he mentioned how much he liked her place. The compliment had thrilled her and she’d eagerly volunteered to help him.
“They should be done mixing the paint in a few minutes. Want to come with me to get the supplies?”
“Sure.” She followed him down another aisle admiring the way his faded jeans hugged his butt when he bent over to grab a pack of paintbrushes. Her fingers tingled with the need to pat him right there. To just reach out and feel his firmness, maybe give him a little pinch.
“Lila?”
“Yes?”
“Florida girl, what are you thinking?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s not what the blush on your face is telling me.”
“You’ve got great buns, Camden. What can I say?”
Now he flushed, and she was pleased. “You were eyeing me?”
“Yes. And I was thinking of copping a feel.”
Pivoting, he bent down again to pick up a paint tray. “Don’t let me stop you.”
This was the Nick she wanted to see more of. The man who forgot the pain of the past and let down his guard. Without even looking to see if there was anyone else on the aisle with them, she reached out and caressed his backside. Firm, taut and utterly masculine. She traced the pocket of his jeans and then lightly scraped her fingernail over the center seam.
“That’s enough,” he said, grabbing her hand and facing her. His erection distended the front of his jeans. She slid her fingers over the button fly.
For a minute he held her hand closer to his arousal, then he pulled her down the aisle after him. She felt a bit naughty and loved the feeling of power that came with it.
“What’s the matter?” she asked teasingly.
“Nothing that you can’t fix as soon as we get out of here.”
“I’m not sure I can solve your problem. It looks hard to me.”
“I am.” She melted when he glanced over his shoulder, his eyes a promise of carnal delights. She loved the feel of him moving over her in bed. He always made love to her as if she were the most precious thing in the world to him. He also made her feel like the sexiest woman he’d ever held.
They rounded the corner and Rose was standi
ng there at the paint counter. Lila forgot all about teasing Nick. Forgot all about how good he made her feel inside. All she could focus on now was explaining herself to Rose.
She tugged Nick to a stop but it was too late. Rose glanced up from the paint chips she was studying and caught Lila’s eye. Lila pulled her hand free from Nick’s and tried to appear circumspect but knew she’d failed miserably. Desire pumped through her veins and her pulse seemed to be dictating that all of her thoughts center on Nick.
“Lila, what a pleasant surprise.”
“Hi, Rose.”
“And who’s this?” Rose asked.
“Umm, this is Nick Camden. My boss.”
Nick gave her a sideways glance, but didn’t say anything, just walked over to the counter to get the paint. She watched him leave knowing she’d disappointed him.
“Wasn’t he with you at the drugstore last week?”
“Yes, he was, Rose.”
“Has my brooch brought you luck then?”
“I don’t know, Rose.”
“That man doesn’t look at you like he’s only your boss.”
Lila had hoped she could hide her personal life from the people who were important to her. Her mom, Rose, the women of Amber Court, Charlotte and Myrtle at the senior center. But she realized she wasn’t fooling anyone.
“Please don’t think that this is improper in any way.”
“Honey, I was young once, too.”
Lila looked at Rose. “I think you still are.”
“Thanks, sweetie.”
“I’ve been meaning to give you back your brooch. Will you be home this afternoon?”
“Yes, but you keep it for a while longer. Will I see you for dinner tomorrow night?”
Lila nodded. Rose had her, Jayne, Sylvie and Meredith over for dinner once a month. When she’d first moved to Indiana it had been a lifesaver, and in some ways it still was. Those ladies had become very important to her, just as Rose had. She thought about her relationship with Nick and realized she didn’t want to lose him either. But she would if she kept pushing him away.
“Ready, Lila?” Nick asked. Lila nodded and waved goodbye to Rose. Nick didn’t say anything to her until they’d gotten into his car. He stowed the paint cans behind her seat and then sat there without starting the motor.
“When are you going to trust me enough to stop pretending to others that I’m nothing but your boss?”
She knew it was a matter of trust, and it seemed wrong for him to question her trust when he was so lacking in it himself. “You’re the one who said it wasn’t forever.”
“You’re the one who said it could be. But apparently one of us was lying and one was telling the truth.”
She slunk back against the seat. She didn’t know what to say. She’d been urging him out of his shell, daring him to put his fears on the line while she’d stayed comfortably hidden behind her own. No guts, no glory, she thought. She couldn’t ask him for everything and give only half in return.
“You’re right. From now on I’m not hiding.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes,” she said. And to prove it she kissed him there in the car, in front of anyone who happened to be walking by in the parking lot. The act was freeing and Lila knew she’d never be the same.
The next evening, Lila hurried down to Rose’s apartment. Of all the things she liked about her life in Indiana, the friendships she’d formed with Meredith, Jayne and Sylvie were perhaps the most important. To Lila it was as if she’d found the sisters she’d never had. Though she sometimes felt like she didn’t fit in the group, she wouldn’t miss their monthly dinners for anything.
She hesitated at the door. Her relationship with Nick played heavily on her mind. Would this be something she’d have to sacrifice if it became common knowledge that she was dating him?
She didn’t want to think about that. She hoped that things wouldn’t change, but the past had proven that life always did.
She knocked on the door and Meredith opened it. Meredith had the kind of natural beauty that most women would kill for, but she kept it carefully hidden. She could be a real knockout if only she’d dress a little better and maybe get some contact lenses. But Meredith’s looks mattered little to Lila because underneath those baggy clothes was one of the nicest women Lila had ever met.
“Everyone else is here. I was just about ready to run up and get you.” Meredith took the pie from Lila’s hands and placed it on the kitchen counter.
“Sorry I’m late,” Lila said.
“No problem,” Rose replied, coming out of the kitchen.
Soon they were all seated around the table. Jayne kept the conversation going. She was her usual bubbly self and had even more energy than ever now that she’d found a solid man. Lila was envious of her friend, wondering if Nick and she would ever find a happy place in their relationship.
Sylvie brought the conversation around to work and no one really said much about the situation. Lila was glad because some of the things she knew were still confidential.
“Is the charity auction still taking place?” Rose asked.
“Yes. Nick said that the company wants the community to know that nothing at Colette has changed. The new jewelry designs are to die for. I almost wish I was going to be modeling this year. But I’m too involved in the planning.”
“Yes, but you’d have to go out with one of those men,” Meredith said.
“That wouldn’t be too bad,” Jayne said.
“Only because you have a man. The rest of us are fair game,” Sylvie said.
“I don’t think of myself so much as game as a lame duck,” Lila said. She always felt a bit out of her element with these women. At her own level she was confident, but these three were very successful and she didn’t even want to compare herself to Rose.
“Would you do it, Rose?”
“In a heartbeat.”
“Well, it’ll be lovely. I know that much since I’m in charge of the decor. So are either of you thinking of volunteering for the auction block?” Lila asked, looking at Meredith and Sylvie.
Sylvie shook her head and Meredith stood to collect the dinner dishes. “Who’s ready for dessert?” she asked.
They shared the pie and coffee and then retired to the living room to chat for a little while longer. Lila left earlier than she normally would have, but she wanted to get home in case Nick had called her. He was out of town and she missed the sound of his voice. That was something she didn’t want to think about too much.
Nick returned from a three-day sales trip to Boston. The office was still standing, but Lila wasn’t at her desk. It was 4:30. She might already be gone.
Damn. He’d flown standby on an earlier flight just to get back in time to see her. He hadn’t planned on stopping by her apartment on the way home. Though he did plan to spend the night with her.
He didn’t want to upset her again by leaving his car parked on the street. But that was something they’d have to deal with. She’d said she wasn’t hiding anymore and he was going to hold her to that.
Her phone was forwarded to Xavier’s assistant and Nick found out from her that Lila was at a planning meeting for the annual charity auction. A surge of possessiveness flooded him, knowing that the women who worked for Colette were often the ones who volunteered for the auction block. Lila wasn’t going to be one of them, he vowed. She belonged to him.
She hadn’t convinced him that forever was meant for them, but he knew that now was. And next month would be too soon for him to let go of her. A weary part of his soul urged him to create more distance between them. But the hunger for her was too great. After so many years of emotional starvation he’d finally found a woman who could feed him, and he was needy enough to hang on to her whether it was wise or not.
Over the three days he was gone she should have gotten her period. He was torn. More than anything in the world he’d love to have a son to teach to water-ski and play baseball. Or a small daughter who’d be a reflectio
n of Lila’s sense of style and his own love of the outdoors. But with a keen sense of self-preservation, he hoped she wasn’t pregnant.
Their relationship was like a leaky houseboat. On the surface it looked great, and each was careful to not rock the boat, but water was slowly seeping inside, and both of them were aware that sooner or later they were going to have to bail.
Yet every time they were together, he, who’d always prided himself on enjoying the peace that a life of routine could bring, enjoyed the tempest. Lila was by turns sexy and unpredictable, heart-touching and heart-wrenching. She was every woman and at the same time the only woman in the world for him.
And that scared him. He didn’t like the emotions she brought to the surface. Didn’t like the way she’d managed to make him care for her when caring was the last thing he needed. Didn’t like that she was the first person he thought of when he woke up in the morning and the last face he saw before he drifted off to sleep.
He didn’t think their working relationship would survive that obsession. He knew that Lila thought they could last forever but Nick was more cynical. He’d never known anything that had touched him to withstand life. He wasn’t sure if this could even survive the turmoil at Colette. Sooner or later something was going to happen to drive a wedge through the crack already there. And the past had taught him that nothing would be able to repair it.
Nick entered his office and stopped to stare at his desk. In the center was a picnic-style basket and a thick brown blanket.
“Well, what have we here?” Nick muttered to himself. He dropped his briefcase on the floor and loosened his tie as he opened the basket.
Inside were food containers, a bottle of California merlot, two wineglasses and eating utensils. And, as he shifted around the contents, he realized there was a condom packet on the very bottom.
Seemed as if Lila had a surprise for him. He hoped he hadn’t ruined it. He pivoted to exit his office. He’d wait for Lila by her desk.
“Who’s in here?” Lila asked from the door.
“I am.”
She flushed as she glanced from him to the open picnic basket. She was wearing a brown suit that should have looked dull but on her was vibrant. She was an all-American dream of home and family. Her blond hair was tied at the back of her neck. She was the end of summer and the promise of snuggling by a warm fire through winter.
Some Kind 0f Incredible (20 Amber Court Book 2) Page 8
