by Cassie Hamer
‘Make sure you go nice and slow and keep a good hold of her. She’s just as likely to trip in those crazy high heels. I remember my feet after our wedding. They were killing me, and my shoes were flat! I really don’t understand why women put themselves through the agony.’
‘And that, my darling, is one of the reasons I married you.’ Scott squeezed her arm. ‘You are a podiatrist’s dream come true.’
They stopped at the door, the light from the hallway spilling into the room and illuminating the three small bodies before them.
‘Is it considered poor form at a wedding for the flower girls to completely steal the show?’ Scott inclined his head towards the three white dresses, hung up on the outside knobs of the girls’ wardrobe, pressed and ready to be worn for Saturday.
‘Being outrageously cute is fine, I think, but if they start a brawl over who gets to hold the rose petals, that’s another matter.
In the bedroom, Scott kissed each of the girls in turn—Ava, then Jemima, then Ellie. Lisa followed suit and paused in front of Ellie’s assembly certificate, stuck with blu-tack to the wall above the girls’ chest of drawers, where they tended to put up all their awards.
‘We stuck it up tonight.’ Scott adjusted the doona around Ellie. ‘She was so proud of herself. So different to the scared little girl we met at the party.’ He stood, still with his eyes on Ellie. ‘It was the right call, Lise, to look after her. You were right.’
‘I hope so,’ Lisa began. ‘I mean, I still don’t quite know how this is going to end …’ With a Russian mafia boss on our doorstep?
‘Whatever happens, I think we’ve done a good thing, and Ellie’s been good for our family. I don’t know what I was so worried about.’
Quickly, Lisa switched off the hall light, casting the room into darkness that covered the rising flush in her cheeks.
Just forty-eight hours, she told herself. Then, you tell him everything.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
As far as a last day of freedom went, this one had been pretty shit, thought Jared, as he fiddled with the straw in his glass. For a start, there’d been a bunch of loose ends to tie up at work, which was probably a full day of work in itself, but on top of that, Jamie had him running all over town like a blue-arse fly, doing last-minute wedding errands. At home, she’d nearly bitten his head off. Apparently, the vintage hire car company had called him a week ago to confirm the booking but he’d never rung back. ‘Thankfully, they rang me this morning to double-check.’ She’d thrown up her hands. ‘It’s the one thing I asked you to take care of. One thing! I know you’ve got a lot to finish up at work, but I need you to snap out of that and put your head in the game.’
She was right. His head wasn’t in the game. But it wasn’t because of work. There was something else he needed to do before the wedding, and it had nothing to do with vintage hire cars.
‘Thanks for meeting me.’ Jared’s fingers shook and he dropped the straw back into the ice. Christ, he was nervous.
‘I have to admit, it does seem an odd thing to do the night before your wedding.’ Melissa smiled, took a sip of her gin and tonic and looked out the window to the city lights below. ‘But I’m glad I came. It’s really beautiful.’
Not as beautiful as you.
‘You should see the view from my room,’ he joked and Melissa punched him lightly in the arm.
‘I’m not going anywhere near your room.’
The bar Jared had suggested was on the top floor of the hotel where he was staying with his best man for the night. Overlooking the Harbour Bridge and the Opera House, there were no better views in Sydney. Below, ferries with strings of fairy-lights chugged across the water and in the west were the remnants of the sunset, fading out to violet and indigo.
‘I know. I probably should be out at a club or something, enjoying my last night of freedom.’ Jared took a paper serviette off the bar and started scrunching it. ‘But I had to see you. To apologise.’ He went on, now breaking the serviette into small pieces. ‘I was such a dick when we broke up.’
Melissa nodded. ‘You were.’
Jared grinned. ‘I was.’ He paused and looked up, the smile fading as he gazed into her soft, hazel eyes. ‘But I think I’ve realised that I was scared.’
Melissa sighed. ‘I think you were too. And so was I,’ she added.
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah, of course.’ She ran her hand across her headscarf. ‘I mean, I was only twenty-six, and pregnant, and we weren’t married. And then to lose the pregnancy. It was all a bit of a mess.’
‘But I was older. I mean, I was thirty, for crying out loud. I should have known better.’
‘You were a young thirty.’ She smiled and looked out the window. The bar was starting to fill now with corporate-types in greys and black and within an hour it would be chock-full of suits celebrating the arrival of the weekend. In her floral dress with its large swirls of pink and green, Melissa was a breath of fresh air.
‘I was so in love with you.’ Jared touched her knee. ‘I don’t think I’ve loved anyone the way I loved you.’
When he’d heard her voice on the phone, it had been like a jolt, taking him straight back to the past. Suddenly, he remembered. He remembered everything. The softness of her hair, the gentle roundness of her body, the smoothness of her skin and the musicality of her laugh. That she had agreed to meet for a drink was a surprise and he still couldn’t quite believe she was here in front of him.
‘Why are we here, Jared?’ Melissa frowned. ‘I’ve moved on, and you clearly have too. Gosh, you’re getting married tomorrow. What’s the point of all this? Things worked out the way they did for a reason. It just wasn’t meant to be.’
‘The baby, you mean?’
‘I mean everything. Our timing was just off.’
‘Was that all it was? Off timing?’
Melissa groaned. ‘Oh, Jared, I don’t know. And I don’t think it matters. All I know is you can’t go back.’
But you can’t always forget.
‘I should probably go.’ Melissa reached for her handbag and Jared watched her, feeling as if his past was a train pulling out of the station and taking him to a place he did not want to go—a place where he would never see Melissa again.
‘Please, don’t.’ He reached for her arm but somehow his hand managed to connect with her bottom, which caused her to jump and fling her hand across the top of the bar, sending both their drinks flying.
Within seconds a waiter arrived to mop up the mess and provide reams of paper towel for Jared and Melissa to dry off.
She laughed out loud, a sweet sound that sliced through the din of the bar.
‘Oh my goodness,’ she giggled. ‘You look like you’ve wet yourself.’
He looked at her, smiling at him widely and warmly and in a way that made him want to kiss her.
Suddenly, Jared understood. He didn’t love Jamie in the way he’d loved Melissa, which was instinctual and impossible to repress. The way he felt about Jamie was more clinical—their being together was so right, on paper. Their compatibility was through the roof. The relationship made rational sense and after several years of dating in your thirties, marriage was the logical next step. It was what people did and it was what Jared wanted because he was restless. He wanted to know what came next in life and he didn’t want to get left behind.
But they weren’t the right reasons to marry.
Jamie deserved more. She deserved to be loved in the way he’d loved Melissa, at least the way he’d loved her until she fell pregnant.
What a freaking mess!
Jared looked at his sodden pants. ‘Oh man, I’m going to have to change.’
Melissa’s giggle tapered off. ‘And I really should go. Gavin’s expecting me.’
‘Your fiancé?’
‘Yes.’
‘When’s the wedding?’
‘We haven’t set a date yet.’ She dipped her head in slight embarrassment. ‘We’re still saving.’
‘Congratulations,
’ he said sincerely. ‘He’s a lucky guy.’
‘I know,’ she said with a wry smile. ‘He knows I’m one in a million.’
They both stood. ‘You are.’ Jared leant in and kissed her on the cheek. ‘Thank you for coming.’
Melissa stood back and looked at him. ‘I’m not sure it’s helped you any.’
It has in ways you’ ll never know.
Together, they walked towards the lift, and as the doors closed on Melissa’s smiling and beautiful face, Jared had the strong sense that he knew exactly what he had to do.
He pulled out his phone to text his best man, Roger, a mate from school. They were due to meet in half an hour for a ‘last supper’.
Mate. Not feeling the best so I’m going to have to cancel on dinner and the rest. See you in the morning.
Roger’s reply was quick.
Geez you’re a soft cock! But who am I to argue with the groom. Later, dude.
Jared pressed again for the lift and scrolled through his contacts to ‘J’. How was he going to do this? Not over the phone. He wasn’t that much of a prick. He could go home and see her face to face. Do it like a man. Only problem was that Lisa would be there. She was going over to keep Jamie company and watch some kind of lame movie. No. This had to be strictly between him and his fiancée.
Back in the room, Jared started pacing.
Eventually, he stopped at the desk. There was a pen and paper. He could write a letter. That might be okay. Kind of old-fashioned. Add a bit of sweetness to what would otherwise be a bitter pill to swallow. But how would he get it to her? He started pacing again, up and down, and finally stopped at the window.
Ben.
Ben would be arriving at the hotel early in the morning to collect Jared and Roger for the wedding ceremony (he was the only guy Jamie would trust to act as chauffeur). He was the man for the job. The way he’d talked the other night at dinner, any fool could tell he had feelings for Jamie that went beyond the strictly professional. He could deliver the letter and provide a shoulder for Jamie to cry on.
Jared started writing.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Was it normal for the bride’s hairdresser to be more nervous than the bride? Jamie leant back over the basin as Kristy fumbled with the lid of the shampoo bottle.
‘Everything all right, Kristy?’
‘Oh fine. Just haven’t had my morning coffee yet. You know how it is,’ she trilled and followed up with a nervous laugh.
Jamie frowned. Clearly the hairdresser’s mood had not improved since Thursday night. Jamie knew for a fact that Kristy didn’t drink coffee. She’d told her so during one of their first appointments, and it was a disclosure Jamie remembered because she simply couldn’t imagine life without caffeine. Why would Kristy lie now? Jamie settled back into her chair and closed her eyes in the quiet of the salon which, at 6 am, was still officially closed to the general public. It was just her and Kristy. And it was time for Jamie to stop being so concerned about her hairdresser’s nerves—she had butterflies of her own to worry about.
This was it. Her wedding day. A morning that had dawned as bright as a daisy. Jamie yawned. Last night, Lise had come over for a pad thai and a rom-com but she’d left early, leaving Jamie to get a good night’s sleep ahead of the big day. The idea was good in theory, except that Jamie could not sleep. She tossed and turned, thoughts twisting and turning until her brain felt like a ball of wool being played with by a cat. In her mind, she went through the checklist of arrangements. Flowers? Confirmed. Caterers? Confirmed. Cars? Confirmed (no thanks to Jared). Cake? Confirmed. Musicians? Confirmed. Place cards? Confirmed.
It was all done. Her excel spreadsheet was a sea of pink—the colour she always used for events once arrangements had been checked and double-checked. Having ticked off the logistics in her mind, Jamie let it wander into the unknowns. How would Angel behave at the wedding? Would she be formal and stiff, like she was at Jamie’s work farewell yesterday where she shook her hand and wished her all the best for her future in Dubai, as if they’d only known each other for five minutes? Or would she be weird and gregarious, like normal? And what about Ben? He’d also been a bit strange at the farewell. Probably because of the kiss, she supposed. Not that he seemed embarrassed; if anything, he was overly chirpy, patting her on the back and telling her how okay everyone at Spin would be after she left. The whole affair had the sense of a disappointing anticlimax. In her mind, she had visualised Ben and Angel begging her not to leave and saying they could not live without her. What she had not been able to visualise is how she would respond to their pleas. In reality, Angel had been true to her word. She’d left the decision to Jamie and Jamie had chosen Jared, and Dubai.
Suddenly, Jamie became aware of a burning sensation on her head. The temperature was turned up to boiling point, scalding her scalp. Jamie leapt from the chair.
‘Ouch! Oh hell,’ she yelped, frantically fanning at her steaming locks.
‘Oh god, I’m so sorry.’ Kristy dropped the nozzle and nearly flew over the chairs to help.
‘What is wrong with you?’ said Jamie crossly. The last thing she needed on her wedding day was a red raw scalp.
Nor do I need an overwrought hairdresser, she thought as Kristy burst into tears.
‘Please don’t cry.’ Jamie put her hand on Kristy’s shoulder. ‘Honestly, it’s okay. I’m fine.’ The intense burning sensation on her head was settling to a warm tingling as she led Kristy to the chaise lounge. ‘Now, please tell me what’s wrong.’
‘I can’t,’ said Kristy.
‘You can,’ said Jamie calmly. ‘It doesn’t have to be specifics.’ She handed Kristy a tissue. ‘You’ll feel better if you let it all out.’
Kristy blew her nose and took a deep breath. ‘A few years ago, I made a bad decision. A really, really bad decision.’ She started shredding the tissue into tiny pieces. ‘And I’ve been paying for it ever since.’ She took a deep breath. ‘But I’m trying to fix it. And I’m scared out of my mind.’
Jamie watched Kristy clenching and unclenching her fists and leant in to give her a hug. ‘The right thing to do is always the hardest.’
The right thing is always the hardest.
Jamie repeated the words in her head.
The right thing is always the hardest.
I can’t marry Jared. I’m in love with Ben.
As she tightened her embrace around Kristy, Jamie felt her eyes growing hot. Now that she’d admitted it to herself, it seemed so obvious. She was doing the wrong thing. How could she have denied it for so long? Ben was her soul mate. He was the first person she thought about in the morning and the last person she thought about at night. He was her favourite person to hang out with, work with, laugh with, simply be with. Yes, he was a friend. Her best friend, and until recently she had not thought of him as anything more, but that was simply because more hadn’t been in the realms of possibility, until he kissed her and confirmed he wasn’t gay.
The right thing is always the hardest.
She’d been in PR for too long. She’d become so good at massaging ‘the truth’ that she couldn’t even see a falsehood when it hit her in the face. She and Jared were living a lie. She didn’t really want to marry him and she had a feeling he probably felt the same.
Jamie clung to Kristy and sniffled. After a few seconds, she felt the younger woman stiffen.
‘Hey, are you okay?’ Kristy leant back to take in her teary client.
‘I’ll … be … all right,’ she stammered, then took the used tissue from Kristy’s outstretched hands to wipe her own nose. ‘But I need to fix something as well and it’s going to be awful.’
All the guests. All the presents. All the arrangements she’d so carefully made and triple-checked.
But it would be easier to undo all of that than to undo a bad marriage.
‘Let me fix you first.’ Kristy gestured to the basin as Jamie remembered the suds in her hair.
She nodded. ‘Can’t go setting the world to
rights like this, I suppose.’ It was only 6.30 am. Why make Jared’s day any worse by waking him at the crack of dawn? She would wait and let Kristy rinse out her hair before making any calls.
Jamie settled back into the chair and this time, as Kristy ran her fingers through her hair, she could detect a surety that hadn’t been there before. She closed her eyes and let her mind fill with visions of Ben. Ben smiling. Ben winking. Ben frowning at the computer. Ben … Ben … Ben …
‘Ben!’ For a minute, Jamie thought she was still dreaming. She blinked. Nope. That was definitely Ben’s face leaning over hers. Eyes crinkled from his serious frown. He was so close she could feel his warm breath on her cheek. He quickly took a step back.
‘Sorry, but when I arrived here you were asleep and the hairdresser said you’d had a rough morning and that I should just leave you for a few minutes—’
‘Sorry, Jamie, I hope you don’t mind,’ said Kristy from the chaise.
‘But, Ben, what are you doing here?’ Jamie cut in.
‘I need to talk to you.’ He looked around the salon. ‘Privately.’
‘There’s no one here but Kristy,’ Jamie pointed out.
Ben shifted his weight nervously.
‘How about you guys go out the back? There’s a staff kitchenette …’ Kristy trailed off as Ben grimly took Jamie’s elbow to help her out of the salon chair.
‘You’re scaring me. What is it?’ said Jamie.
Ben was flushed as he led her out the back. She’d never seen him look so serious. In the kitchenette, he squared her up against the sink. ‘I have two things to tell you.’
‘Bad news?’ Her stomach sank.
‘Yes.’
‘What is it?’
‘Jared’s gone.’
‘What do you mean Jared’s gone?’
‘Well, we planned to get up early for a game of golf before the wedding, but when I went to Jared’s room I found this under his door.’
From his back pocket, Ben produced an envelope, marked simply Jamie. ‘Then I got a text from him saying I should take the note to you straight away.’
Fingers trembling, Jamie unfolded the small piece of paper, written on hotel letterhead.
