by J. S. Lee
Holy fuck on a cookie.
In the back of my mind, I had acknowledged this last night, but somehow, now the others had…
Fuck.
I was one lucky girl.
I wasn’t sure if I looked as startled as I felt, but MinMin reached for my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. My heart was beating wildly, but I couldn’t stop the grin on my face.
It stayed there all the way to the venue. And while I was doing lighting checks.
Although I had managed to push the Facebook comments from my mind earlier, now I was in the venue, it was at the forefront of my thoughts. This venue wasn’t much better. I waited for Sungmin to finish his conversation with his assistant and then collared him. “The photographs need to take place on the stage.”
“Kate…”
“No,” I said, firmly, pulling out my phone and navigating to the Atlantis group. I shoved the phone under his nose. “Those comments are all saying the photograph quality is shockingly bad. Do you know how much work I had to do to them to make them that good, and they’re all still complaining. I can’t make them any better, but I can make sure the ones going forward are as good as I can make them, and that means having the best lighting when taking them.”
“At least this isn’t a relationship problem. I can cope with lighting problems,” Sungmin muttered under his breath as he walked away.
“Sungmin!” I hollered after him.
“I’m fixing it, Kate!” he yelled back, without looking at me.
I didn’t have much time before the doors would open. Every member of the venue employees was white. I needed an Asian on the stage to check the lighting.
OK, I probably would have been able to do it without help, considering I had accomplished that around America, but the comments stuck with me. I walked to the green room, wondering if I could borrow one of our team, but realized all of them were busy getting Onyx ready in some way.
“What’s up, Kate?” Youngbin asked, joining me.
I looked at him and titled his head. He had his makeup and hair finished, and he was dressed in their first outfit. “Can I borrow you?”
“Sure,” he agreed. He followed me out of the room, walking in silence to the stage. “What do you need?”
“To check the lighting for photograph quality,” I explained, ushering him center stage. The lights were on as I’d requested them. The stage was deep, and I moved to the front edge, pleasantly surprised that there was enough distance that I would be able to take the photographs and have the look right.
Youngbin moved center stage, following me with his gaze as I moved around him, finding my angles and checking my lighting. “What’s wrong with you? You’re not normally this stressed about it.”
“I just want to get it right,” I muttered. When I was finally reassured – or as reassured as I could be considering it was all still depending on Sungmin making sure we were taking the photographs on stage – I kneeled down so I could put a fresh flash on my camera.
Youngbin came and crouched down beside me. “Is this to do with MinMin?”
My head whipped around, and I had to brush the hair from my face. “What’s wrong with MinMin?”
“Nothing,” he said, helping me clear the hair out of my eyes. “I’m assuming because you and he… and JongB-”
“Oh!” I exclaimed, my eyes wide. There had been a moment of panic that something had happened to him. Then it was replaced with embarrassment. I wasn’t exactly shy, and I didn’t really mind that everyone knew… I guess I had just assumed sex would be… I sighed. Why would anything be kept quiet with JongB involved? “Yes.”
“Good luck with that.”
“MinMin? Or JongB? Or MinMin and JongB?”
“And the rest of us,” Youngbin grinned.
I stared at him, blinking slowly, imagining all six of them in the same bed, naked.
Well, slap my ass and call me Horny. Yes, please.
That was too many limbs to imagine.
But why was I imagining limbs?
It certainly wasn’t too many dicks to imagine.
“You’re blushing,” Youngbin seemed to feel the need to point out.
“I’m imagining MinMin, JongB, and the rest of you,” I admitted.
It took a moment for that to process, and then Youngbin gave me a skeptical face. “You know that’s not going to ever happen, right?”
I tapped my temple. “It will up here.”
“And that’s one fantasy I never want to hear,” he muttered. “But the point I was trying to make was that it’s you and us, Kate. You’re never going to have a dull moment.”
“You mean there have been dull moments up until this point?”
제 17 장
Mic Drop
Amsterdam had amazing fans. Aside from one fan whose name also began with A, every other VIP fan was patient and well behaved during the photoshoot. Anita, who was annoying me more with each passing tour date, was on her throne as Queen Bitch, shoving other fans out of the way to make sure she was in the line at the right place to stand next to Jiwon.
After the group photographs and the high touch, while Onyx went back into the green room as the other fans filed into the building, I found myself a crate to sit on beside the stage and checked each photograph.
My paranoia had paid off. I was back to photographs which would need very little touching up. We had an early-ish morning flight which would get us into Warsaw by lunch time. It would be a quick check-in at the hotel for us to drop off our unnecessary luggage before we went to the venue.
Which meant I would be getting these photographs done tonight. We had only a day and a half in Warsaw before we moved onto Athens for the last show.
With the venue sold out, it took a little bit of time for everyone to filter in, but thankfully, we were still running on time.
I settled into the familiar routine of the show, enjoying watching my guys perform. They were all born for that stage. Every time I watched them, I fell in love with them a little bit more. I could completely understand why they had so many loyal fans.
Towards the last half of the show, JongB stepped forward with a grin. “We want to try something different with you guys. All of you have numbers on your wristbands. We’re each going to pick a number and whoever has that number is going to join us on the stage.”
I swear I nearly went deaf at the scream that was unleashed at that.
Sungmin hurried onto the stage. He nearly dropped the bowl of folded paper in his hands when the crowd then, not only screamed at him, but started chanting his name.
Xiao stepped forward, cocking his head at the audience. “I’m beginning to suspect you like Manager Sungmin as much as you like us?”
“HE LOOKS AFTER YOU!” a fan bellowed.
For the first time ever, Sungmin looked embarrassed – at something that wasn’t related to me, Onyx, and sex. He bowed slightly at the audience. As he did so, a fan reached out and tapped me on my shoulder. “Look!”
She pointed behind her as a big hamper was being carried over the fans like it was crowd surfing to the stage. It had also attracted the attention of Jiwon and CX, who moved to the front of the stage near me. I was quick to get some photographs as it came over, then helped pass it over to the two members. It was not light!
It was only as they lifted it from me that I realized it had Sungmin’s name all over it.
“They got you something, hyungnim!” CX cried excitedly as Youngbin and Xiao stopped their manager from disappearing off the stage. Jiwon carried it over and Sungmin took it, again with an embarrassed bow.
That was quite possibly one of the nicest things I’d seen happen on the tour. I knew that we had caused him no end of stress, but Sungmin had always continued to look after Onyx, and it was heartwarming to see that the Gems saw that too.
JongB thrust a microphone in front of Sungmin. “I uh… Thank you very much Amsterdam,” he said, in English.
As the audience once again started chanting his
name, he tightened his grip on the basket and hurried off the stage.
“You guys are amazing,” JongB told them.
“Thank you for doing something so nice for our Manager,” MinMin added, before it was translated for the audience.
“Who’s ready to come on stage?” Xiao asked, grinning like the Cheshire Cat when the screams started up again.
Each member stuck their hand in the bowl, rummaged around, and then plucked out a number.
And you have no idea how pissed I was when MinMin somehow managed to call Anita the psycho-fan’s number. She was busy shoving her way to the side, knocking people with the zoom on her camera. That annoyed me too. Aside from the fact it was rude, it was a damn expensive piece of kit she was disrespecting.
It also wasn’t missed by Jiwon.
I could see him watching her, but his expression was blank. I’d never actually spoken to him about her. I knew they all had fan sites, and I knew the fan sites were all valued by Onyx for the love and support they gave their favorite members. Yet, I was curious how he felt about her.
Actually, the blank face was more telling than Jiwon realized. To me, at least.
If he was happy to see her, I was sure he would have a smile for her. The blank expression was as good as a scowl. And for Jiwon, the fact he was managing that, was impressive.
The six fans made it onto the stage, consisting of 5 girls and one guy. The happy fanboy had been chosen by Jiwon, and I was hoping the blank expression would be replaced before someone read too much into it and decided Jiwon hated fanboys.
Thankfully, when the fanboy, Matthew, took the seat next to Jiwon, Jiwon did give him a bright smile and one of those shoulder bumping handshakes.
Until Anita stepped in between them, facing Matthew. “You will swap with me,” she declared, loud enough for it to be picked up by Jiwon’s mic. She hadn’t even said hello to MinMin.
Given that Matthew was holding a fan with MinMin’s face on it, he didn’t care. I did. And so did Jiwon. It was brief, but a scowl of irritation washed over him.
I was expecting Jiwon to say something, but he caught MinMin’s eye over Matthew’s shoulder as the ecstatic fanboy enveloped MinMin in a bearhug. Instead, he allowed MinMin to sit his fan next to him, while Anita sat next to him.
The other members had noticed, but carried on like professionals, allowing the fans they had picked to introduce themselves. They worked down the line until they got to Anita. “You may all call me, Mrs. Yoon.”
Her response was met with a mixture of applause and cheers. Somehow, they were finding that declaration endearing. I forced myself to mentally take a step back and calm down. They would be up there for no more than ten minutes, if that.
Aside from Anita, all the other fans had huge smiles on their faces. They were in varying states of embarrassment, but all of them were ridiculously excited to be on the stage with their bias group. I made myself focus on that, feeding on that infectious energy.
From the side of the stage, I caught Sungmin waving at me, urging me over to him. I hurried over, keeping an eye on the group, just in case there was something I should be taking a photograph of – you never knew with Onyx. “We were a little unorganized before the show,” Sungmin told me.
I nodded. “I gathered from the impromptu fan meet there.”
“They were supposed to be just taking a selca with the fan, not hosting an episode of Hello Counsellor.”
“What’s Hello Counsellor?” I asked. A selca, I understood. That was the Korean word for a selfie. Hello Counsellor, was, or at least I thought it was, a chat show where a panel would discuss a topic a member of the audience had written in about – like, my boyfriend won’t let me go out unless I’m in a dress – before getting the audience and the panel to vote on whether or not it was something to be concerned about.
“Please can you make sure they get a photo with the member they’re sat with, and a group shot at the end. I’ll make sure we get email addresses afterwards and will take responsibility for sending them out when you’re done with them,” he told me, ignoring my question.
I was ready to agree, when the audience started booing. Sungmin and I turned, trying to work out what was happening.
Anita was holding a microphone. “What is she saying?” Sungmin asked.
She was speaking in a mixture of English and… I wasn’t good with my European languages. I had thought she was German previously, but it didn’t quite sound like it was German. Maybe Polish? Either way, whatever language it was, I didn’t understand it.
The parts I was following were not good. She was telling the audience they needed to “calm the fuck down” because Jiwon wasn’t and would never choose to be gay, and the photographs of him and MinMin were staged. Then she dropped the “and any fucker who accuses him of that is disgusting and unnatural, like the gay one.”
I was going to punch a bitch.
I made two steps towards her, but Jiwon snatched the mic off her. “You are wrong,” he told her, furious. Jiwon didn’t have the best English, but spending time around JongB, he had learned more than he had let on. Plus, Youngbin had admitted they had all been learning for me.
“If you don’t like it, go out.” I could see he was trying hard to control his anger. “If you do not like MinMin, you do not like me. We are Onyx.”
At that moment, two members of security flew past me, probably sent over by Sungmin, and they grabbed her. There was some satisfaction at her being dragged off the stage.
My gaze went back to Jiwon. He was upset: shaking, angry. I could see how tense his jaw was, as he clamped down to keep from saying anything else.
“Let’s get some photographs taken!” Sungmin declared, in Korean as he darted on stage to try to do some disaster management. The translator was quickly translating that to the remaining fans on stage who all looked surprised and shaken at what had happened.
I couldn’t blame them. I was shaken too. More than anything, I wanted to go over there and pull Jiwon out of there.
I hadn’t seen what had led to that moment, and I was terrified it was something which was going to make him look to the audience, to his fans, like he had to me the other night. He caught my look, brought his mic back to his mouth and looked to translator. “Help me translate?”
Just as the translator started nodding, Sungmin barked “no!” at him.
Jiwon ignored him. “A lot has been said recently about me being attracted to men, and with them have been some hurtful comments,” he declared, in Korean. He looked expectantly at the translator, but the translation never came.
I could see Jiwon frowning and I was willing to bet he was trying to translate it in his head himself. I was ready to grab a mic and help him out as best I could, but JongB stepped up, moving out of the way of the fan by his side and repeating what Jiwon had said, this time in English.
Thankfully, it seemed a lot of the audience spoke English.
I was certainly hoping it was something to be thankful for, anyway…
“Some comments are made due to the idea I am dating and that some people are upset about that. If I was, would it really matter? Would you not want me, any of us, to be happy?”
I felt like I was watching a car crash in motion. I was rooted to the spot, unable to move. Sungmin had frozen, and gone was the anger and the irritation: I could see fear. The fans on stage were confused, looking between Jiwon and JongB, wondering what they had clearly walked in to. The audience were the quietest I had witnessed it since Bangkok.
I could also see how tense the rest of Onyx were. Youngbin’s attention was fixed on Jiwon. CX, doing the worst job at hiding his nerves, was staring at Sungmin. The others were looking between Jiwon, the audience… and me.
“We want you to be happy!” someone from the audience called. There were a few cheers, but it was much more muted than they had been previously. I couldn’t work out if it was because they didn’t agree with what he was saying, or because they were too busy listening to what Jiwo
n was saying.
“I’m not gay, but would it really matter if I was? Does my choice in person affect my ability to perform? Does it really affect who you choose to support?”
There were slightly louder cries of “no”, and “we support you”.
“Who you choose to like is up to you, and Onyx loves you regardless of who that person is.”
“If there is a person,” JongB tagged on.
“We will always welcome you for who you are, and I hope you will be able to do the same for us. We’re human too.” He stepped to the side, only to wrap his arm around MinMin. I had to fight to not let my mouth drop open. “That woman was my fan site. Earlier today, we had been to see your beautiful city, and we spoke with some fans. MinMin allowed one to put makeup on him.”
“She was six,” MinMin piped up. “She was cute.”
“We wear makeup,” Jiwon continued. “We want to look good for you.”
“You look good without makeup!” someone yelled. I wanted to buy them a beer.
“It’s part of our job. MinMin, and myself, playing with this child, is not part of our job. This little girl wanted to play, and MinMin played along. We don’t care how old our Gems are. We don’t care whether they like guys. We don’t care if they like girls. We don’t care if they like the same sex. What that woman said does not reflect anything other than her own opinion. You’ve just heard mine: you be you, and we will love you for it.”
I continued to stare at Jiwon, but I changed from fear to awe. Jiwon was not one for big speeches, never mind one as profound as that.
As I turned to the audience, my breath held as I waited to see what their reaction would be, they erupted into cheers and applause. I let that breath out in a long sigh as the noise continued. Even the fans on stage were applauding him.
Honestly, part of that reaction was due to the country we were in. If Jiwon had tried this back in Seoul, it wouldn’t have been so well received.
But either way, I was proud of him.
Finally, my feet fell into action and I moved to the front of the stage to take the photographs. The only thing I couldn’t shake was the expression on Sungmin’s face: every time he looked at Jiwon, I could see the pride. Every time he looked at the audience, it was… worry.
