by Caragh Bell
It had been relatively easy to lapse back into character. She had learnt her lines so well for the first run that they were imprinted on her brain. The majority of the original cast had flown out for the run so she met up with Ray Rossi and all her old pals from the lighting and costume department. Laura had recommended an Italian restaurant in Greenwich Village so they went there a lot to wind down after the show. It felt good to be part of a team – her months of freelancing had been exciting but lacked structure. Flitting from one job to the next, she didn’t make lasting friends and often felt isolated.
Justin had been impeccably behaved since their reunion. Their relationship was professional and cold and it worked like a dream. Gone was the innocent naïve girl who allowed him to manipulate her. She had grown up since the London days and was not afraid to show it.
Harry, however, was incensed that she was tied up in a play at a small theatre off 44th Street and insisted that she free up her schedule. ‘You gotta stay on the screen!’ he shouted down the phone. ‘You need exposure!’ She had placated him in her gentle but firm way – she had promised Justin that she would play Elise for a month and she would follow through.
Working six days a week kept her busy and took her mind off James. France seemed like a dream now. She still cringed when she thought of the beach, but she thought of it less and less. He hadn’t texted since Bertie’s party and she didn’t blame him either. She had been bordering on rude in her reply when she refused to meet him. Anyway, he was probably knee-deep in acquiring a mortgage now. Her heart twisted in misery when she thought of Claire and his future. Deep down she truly felt that becoming Mr. Suburbia was the wrong move for him – he would suffocate in that lifestyle. Or perhaps she didn’t know him at all. He had rejected her against all her gut feelings and he had walked away.
Laura had come back from a two-week safari trip in Kenya. Christian had gone straight back to the office so she busied herself looking for a job. Even though being a kept woman was always her objective as a teenager, the reality was very different. Being alone in a big apartment with little or no friends was tedious. She loved interacting with others and thrived on witty conversation. She needed to socialise and have a life of her own. Christian came home later and later each night, always with some excuse about a meeting or a client that went over time. Tara’s warning, months before, rested unpleasantly in her memory and she vowed not to let their marriage suffer. Instead of berating him for his tardiness, she welcomed him with a glass of wine and a smile. She made a huge effort not to make a scene, but that was proving difficult. Sometimes she wanted to shout at him for putting the firm first; sometimes she yearned to walk out in anger so that he would take notice of her unhappiness. Aurora met her twice a week for lunch or coffee and she enjoyed their little outings as it gave her an opportunity to let off steam. Aurora recommended joining a yoga class or volunteering for a charity. Laura scorned these suggestions. She didn’t see herself as one of those wives. Deep down she knew the answer. The solution was simple: she had to find a job.
On a cold Tuesday morning Aurora bought a coffee from her favourite barista on the corner near the theatre. She waved goodbye, her long red scarf trailing down her back, and walked down the street.
Hundreds of people passed her by, all in a hurry. She paused to cross a busy street and waited for the green ‘Walk’ sign. Taxis beeped their horns and buses whizzed past, emitting fumes of smoke that polluted the air. Sometimes the tall buildings made her feel claustrophobic. It was virtually impossible to see the stars in New York. One had to crane one’s neck right back to get a glimpse of the sky and, more often than not, it was overcast and murky.
A man fell into step beside her and she jumped.
It was Carey McGrath: the director.
‘Hey, Aurora,’ he said with a smile. ‘How you doin’?’
She stopped dead and nearly dropped her coffee. ‘Hello! My goodness, you gave me a fright.’
‘Sorry.’ They were just outside the theatre and he pointed to the stage door. ‘Can we step in here? It’s so damn cold.’ He pulled his fleece jacket tightly around him.
‘Sure – I have a small dressing room here.’
‘Great.’
She pushed in the old door and held it open for Carey to follow. The air smelt musty as they passed through the auditorium.
Why was he there, she wondered. Surely he hadn’t met her on the street just by chance?
Once they were backstage in her dressing room, he took a seat and crossed his arms.
‘I saw you perform here,’ he began.
‘You did?’
‘Three times.’ He smiled. ‘You’re good. Very good in fact.’
‘Oh?’ Her heart was pounding. She placed her polystyrene cup on the dressing table.
‘We start shooting in January. In Los Angeles. I want you to play Scarlett.’
The whole world slowed down and she felt as if she were falling backwards. It was just a normal Tuesday morning. She had ordered her coffee on her way to work like any other day. She had put Carey out of her head and moved on. Now, he was offering her a break. Not just any break – the biggest break of her career.
‘Are you serious?’ she asked, trembling slightly.
‘I sure am. You got that je ne sais quoi. I think you’re the one.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course I’m sure. Would I say it otherwise?’
‘Sorry – I just can’t believe it.’
‘So you want it?’
‘Oh, I really want it,’ she said breathlessly. ‘Thank you so much.’
‘And can you do it? No clash in your schedule?’
‘No, no – none.’
‘Right. So – no more to be said.’ He got to his feet. ‘I’ll get my people to call Harry and we can work from there.’
He walked to the door.
‘Oh, and Aurora?’ he said on the threshold. ‘Don’t cut your hair.’
‘I won’t!’
He disappeared.
She hugged herself in ecstasy. It was her dream role. Who would play Rhett Butler? Would it be epic length like the original version? Her heart filled with joy. This was it! She was going to make it.
Grabbing her bag, she ran out onto the street. A yellow cab stopped when she hailed it.
‘Upper East Side,’ she said, beaming at the driver.
She had to tell Laura. She would be thrilled for her. Maybe they could go for a boozy lunch and celebrate. The car took off down the busy street and a huge smile was plastered on her face.
Laura and Christian’s apartment was on the third floor of a luxury building overlooking Central Park. Mimi had lived there for years and her name was still on the plaque outside the front door: Mme Marcheline Jacob.
Aurora knocked loudly. She prayed that Laura was there. She had pilates on a Tuesday but that was in the afternoon. She knocked again.
The heavy oak door moved and a sombre-looking Laura appeared. There was a flicker of surprise on her face when she saw her stepsister.
‘Why are you here?’ she asked.
Aurora hugged her and shouted, ‘I got the part! I got the part!’
Laura pushed her away. ‘What part? Calm down.’
‘Scarlett O’Hara! I’ve made it, Laura! This is my big break.’
Laura didn’t react. Instead she looked at her pityingly. ‘I think you’d better come inside. I wasn’t expecting you.’
Aurora stepped backwards. ‘Are you all right? Blimey, Laura, you could be happier for me.’
‘Come inside.’
She followed her into the sitting-room area. The décor was still as classical as when Mimi lived there: old Louis XIV chairs and a huge marble fireplace. Aurora scanned the room and gasped. There, standing by the Monet on the wall, was James.
‘Oh!’ Aurora stumbled backwards. ‘What the hell!’
His handsome face looked tired and his brown eyes regarded her compassionately. ‘Hi, Borealis.’
Laura
took a seat and looked meaningfully at her brother.
‘Why are you here?’ asked Aurora in confusion. ‘What’s going on?’
‘We were about to come and find you,’ said Laura.
‘Why?’
James cleared his throat. ‘It’s Henry,’ he said in his deep voice. ‘He’s dying.’
The world slowed right down. Her heartbeat almost stopped, before speeding up again and thundering in her ears. She looked at them wildly, failing to understand.
‘What?’
‘He has terminal lung cancer. It seems that he’s had it for a while. He’s been hospitalised. Palliative care. I’m so sorry.’
‘Had it for a while?’
‘He didn’t tell anyone, not even Gloria.’
Her eyes filled with tears. ‘Laura? Did you know?’ she demanded. ‘We met for lunch two days ago and you never said anything.’
‘I didn’t know,’ she answered quietly. ‘James arrived half an hour ago. We were planning on finding you. Then you arrived all by yourself.’
‘I didn’t want to tell you over the phone,’ he added. ‘So, I flew out here.’
Her ears began to ring and the noise was deafening. ‘But he was fine at the wedding. There was nothing wrong with him!’
James shook his head. ‘He’s dying, Aurora. I‘m here to take you home. To say goodbye.’
‘No,’ she said firmly. ‘It can’t be true.’
Laura looked at James helplessly. They had expected a reaction like this. They just didn’t know how to handle it.
‘Aurora, sit down and we’ll have a cup of tea,’ she said kindly. ‘We have to book flights and get organised. You need to let Justin know.’
‘No!’ Her brown eyes flashed. ‘I’m going back to the theatre. I need to go over my lines.’ She stalked off and banged the door.
James caught up with her by the elevator.
‘Borealis,’ he said softly, pulling at her sleeve.
She turned to him and her eyes filled with tears. ‘Tell me that you’re lying, James. Tell me it’s not true.’
He pulled her into his strong arms and she inhaled his familiar smell. He rubbed her back soothingly and kissed her forehead. Everything that had happened between them was instantly forgotten. It didn’t matter as there were far more serious things to think about. The chips were down and she needed him.
‘I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.’ He held her close. ‘I’ll take you back. We need to go back.’
Chapter Forty-four
The journey back to London passed in a blur. Images of James carrying her bags, Laura’s sleeping profile on the plane, untouched food on her table and then a black cab taking her to the hospital passed her by. Her hands were clenched and her face taut as they approached the building. Gloria had rung to say that he had taken a turn for the worst and that the family had been called.
She saw George first. His rotund frame and bald head were instantly recognisable. He was standing by a door, talking in his haughty tone to a nurse. Sebastian was sitting by a vending machine, his blond hair slightly greying now. Cressida wasn’t there – the last Aurora had heard, she had left him for a Sikh barrister and was now living in Chester.
Gloria held out her arms and Aurora fell gratefully into her embrace.
‘Thank God you’re here,’ said Gloria in relief.
‘How is he now?’ Aurora mumbled into her shoulder. ‘May I see him?’
Gloria wiped her tears away. ‘Of course. The boys have just been in. He’s been waiting to see you.’
George nodded curtly in her direction and then proceeded to take out a cigarette and disappear out the door. Seb, who was texting furiously on his phone, didn’t even look up.
Laura sat down on the chair beside him and opened a magazine. She would wait her turn – it was far more important for Aurora to spend time with Henry. Sebastian’s rudeness didn’t matter as it was incidental in the scheme of things.
‘Shall I come in with you?’ asked Gloria, taking Aurora’s hand.
‘I’ll go with her, Mum,’ James said. He took her arm and they entered the quiet room.
Henry was asleep, propped up on four pillows. A machine beeped beside him and there were lots of wires and monitors flashing. Aurora’s hand flew to her mouth in horror. He looked so different. In just a month he had transformed. His breathing was rapid, his face thin and wan, his body shrunken. And his blue eyes – those merry warm blue eyes – were closed.
‘Daddy?’ whispered Aurora, her voice catching. ‘Daddy! It’s me, Aurora.’
His eyelids flickered slightly and then opened. Focusing on her, he smiled. ‘My darling girl. I’m so glad to see you.’ His voice was weak and raspy.
She leant forward and kissed him gently. ‘I’m here.’ A tear rolled down her cheek. ‘I’m here.’
James hovered in the background, silent but supportive.
‘I wanted to see you,’ said Henry breathlessly. ‘There’s something I have to say.’ He coughed feebly.
She sat on the bedside chair and took his hand. ‘Don’t strain yourself,’ she said firmly. ‘Just hold my hand. I’m not going anywhere.’
‘Yes, but I might.’ He smiled at his own joke. ‘Aurora, there’s something you should know . . .’ He coughed again and this time his whole body shook.
She rubbed his back in alarm. ‘Shall I call the nurse?’
‘No,’ he answered, shaking his head. ‘Listen to your daddy. Listen to me.’ He grasped her hand tightly. ‘Years ago I made a decision. I did it to protect you. I honestly believed that it was the right thing to do. Please remember that.’
‘Shhh,’ she soothed. ‘Don’t get worked up. You must rest.’
‘I’ve regretted it since then. I should have told you the truth. Then it was too late and I was a coward.’ The old man started to cry.
Horrified, Aurora leant in and kissed his cheek again. ‘Daddy! Stop this. Please rest.’
‘No, my darling, you must know the truth.’
‘What truth? What are you talking about?’
‘Aurora, there’s a secret. I meant to tell you for so long. Your mother was already with child when we got married. I raised you like my own, but you’re not mine.’
The world stopped moving for a second. She felt herself sway.
‘Your real father? He wanted to take you away but I felt it was better that you stay with me. Grace would have wanted that. I kept this from you to protect you.’
‘I don’t understand,’ she whispered. ‘What are you saying?’ She looked around wildly to see James’ shocked face.
‘You weren’t premature, like we said. You were due to be born in the New Year. I should have been with Grace that night. She was so far along, I should never have gone to that party. I’ve lived with that guilt since.’
‘Why did you never tell me, if that’s the truth?’ Tears began to stream down her cheeks. ‘How could you not tell me?’
‘I’ve been so guilty. When you were a child, I excused myself with the fact that you had already experienced so much pain. I didn’t want you to be uprooted. Now, you’re a young woman and you deserve to know . . . you need to know . . .’
‘Daddy?’
‘I made a promise . . .’ He started to cough harshly. His whole body convulsed and his eyes began to bulge. Then he began to choke, phlegm and blood splattering out from his mouth.
‘Keep back!’ said James, pulling her away. ‘Call the nurse. Call the nurse!’
She stumbled over to the door and called for help. Gloria pushed past her and two seconds later a nurse followed.
Laura and Sebastian jumped up in alarm.
‘What the fuck did you do to him?’ roared Sebastian, rounding on Aurora. ‘He was fine until you arrived!’
James shoved him backwards. ‘Don’t ever speak to her like that again,’ he seethed. ‘She did nothing.’
‘They allow that woman in and not his own sons,’ continued Sebastian in fury. ‘What if this episode finishes him off?�
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George appeared and motioned for his younger brother to sit down. ‘They’ll settle him, now calm down.’
Aurora couldn’t focus. Her brain was spinning and she felt dizzy. Sebastian’s angry words didn’t register. James, as if sensing her turmoil, led her outside. There was a small garden with a wooden bench. George had discarded his cigarette butts carelessly on the ground and she irrationally bent down to pick them up.
‘Leave it, Borealis,’ said James, pulling her back. ‘Sit down.’
Like a zombie, she sat on the hard bench and started to wring her hands.
‘Do you think it was the morphine?’ she asked in a shaky voice. ‘He’s out of his mind. What do you think?’
James said nothing. He stroked her wrist and gave her time to process.
‘What did he mean, James? He married Mummy even though she was pregnant? With another man’s child?’ A big fat tear rolled down her cheek.
‘Don’t think about that now.’
‘But I’m not a Sinclair. Those people in there are no blood relations at all.’
‘Shhh!’ said James in alarm. ‘Don’t let your brothers hear that.’
‘But it’s true, isn’t it?’ She turned to face him. ‘Who am I?’
‘Don’t think about it,’ he repeated softly. ‘One thing at a time.’
‘Did you know?’ she asked suddenly. ‘Did Gloria know?’
James shook his head. ‘I’m as shocked as you are.’
She was crying openly now. ‘I’m a foundling – a nobody. I have no claim to anything.’
He pulled her into his arms and let her sob. On and on she cried, her body convulsing. A million thoughts raced around her brain but she couldn’t focus. Not when Henry’s life was hanging by a thread.
‘When Henry’s stable again, we can ask him for more information,’ suggested James. ‘Just try and forget it for now.’
