by Shad N Freud
A silent alarm buzzed, and she switched screens to the “front door,” the main entrance for the temple. The camera had switched to night vision, and as such would only play back in monochrome green. She could see four heat signatures looking for a wFay to open the door. Finally, the second biggest found the hidden switch and activated it. Two of them pulled their gloves off and began talking animatedly as the large stone door opened, the shorter of the two glaring at the taller one as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
The girl’s despair evaporated as she saw the much brighter heat signatures coming from the pair’s hands. It could only mean one thing: a pair of Inquisitors were on scene. The odds – and her hopes – of surviving this ordeal just got 200% better.
She looked at the collection of ratty uniforms she’d assembled as well as the bits of undead flesh. Putrid as her “make up” might be, it would allow her to blend in with the shambling hordes, so long as she didn’t make her status as one of the living too obvious. She fought down her disgust as she began applying the costume; she needed to save her friend. She grabbed a carefully wrapped cloth bundle and stuffed it in her shirt after binding her breasts to hide her gender. The bundle was more precious than gold, the sole syringe of Lazarus compound she’d been able to salvage from the expedition’s supplies. It would come in handy.
∞∞∞
“Seriously, Carl? Seriously? An Aztec temple full of zombies? What is this, some kind of badly written fantasy novel? You dragged us half way around the world, we got shot out of our plane, and this doesn’t have you pissed off?”
“Are you kidding? Mate, these are bloody zombies! And, as they’re registering as Chaotic Stupid, they’re fair game! That means it’s hunting season on these Kraut tossers. And I for one am planning on bagging as many as I can. Bastards bombed London when I was a lad, and me mum ended up catching a Gerry’s bomb with her face. This one’s personal. Also, I get the feeling this turned into a rescue mission for the last of our little group.”
“Really? Whatever gave you that idea?” Cenere drawled as Carl rooted around in his long coat.
The stone door finished rising, exposing a dark chamber within filled with the light reflected by dozens of eyes. Carl smiled darkly as he pulled a vintage flame thrower out of his coat and slipped his arms into the straps. The undead began running for the entrance as Carl connected the nozzle to the tank. He swung the nozzle to bat one of the zeds out of his way, then pulled the trigger and started spraying the undead as they rushed the door, laughing maniacally as he purified the undead with cleansing flames. He pulled his smokes out and lit one with the pilot light before stuffing the flamethrower back into his coat, the pocket swallowing the tank and nozzle with a faint burp.
“You had a flamethrower in your damn pocket this whole time?!” Cenere eye-balled him incredulously. “Who carries a damned flamethrower in their pocket?”
“A well prepared badass?” Zeke quipped with a grin as he waited for the flames to die down.
Jin just shook his head at the casual display of overkill, then looked into the gloom beyond. He whispered a cantrip and dancing lights started swirling around the room, illuminating the carnage. Scorched zombies lie everywhere, some not quite dead and still grabbing at them; Cenere embedded a throwing knife in each one’s forehead to finish the job. As they walked further into the main foyer, they heard a snickering sound and looked back in time to see a being made of shadow reach through the wall. The door came smashing down, cutting off their means of egress. The shadow-being slid under the floor just before it would have been riddled with 10mm bullets as well as a pair of throwing knives, a fireball, and a greatsword that flew right into the wall, quivering with vibration as it stuck there.
“Zeke, buddy, we need to get you a gun. Seriously. Who the Hell throws a greatsword like a knife?” Cenere snarked as he pulled a few more knifes from his pouch.
“A not so well prepared badass.” Carl smiled smugly, nodding at Zeke who belly-laughed as he retrieved his sword.
∞∞∞
“Excuse me doctor, but we seem to have intruders.”
“Hmm? Do you hear that, Liebchen? It appears your rescue team has arrived. Unleash the masses and the lesser demons on them.”
“Ah, doctor, there’s a small…problem. They’ve been wiped out. It was shift change, and they were massed in the foyer. All of our more expendable troops in the entry level have been wiped out.”
The lich paused in his ministrations, his scalpel mere centimeters from his ‘patient’s’ eye, staring at the better-preserved ghoul in sergeant stripes. “Wiped out? So quickly?”
“It appears we have a pair of Inquisitors, doctor. Along with a gnome sorcerer and a lizardman menial. Their means of escape was cut off by one of the shades, and we’re closing off the passages that might be of use to them. Also, we haven’t found your…guest’s pet assassin, but we’re still looking.”
“Keep me informed. Also, do what you can to guide them to the lower levels. Oh, and do be a good little soldier? Release Blitz and Krieger. I think it’s about time they got some exercise.”
“At once, doctor.” The ghoul saluted, then stiffly marched away, headed for the maximum-security laboratory.
Camilla weakly struggled against her bonds and bit down hard on the gag in her mouth as the doctor turned back to her.
“Now then, my dear, where were we?”
∞∞∞
“Shit,” Sachi muttered as she cycled through video feeds, watching the intrepid bumblers smash their way through low level functionaries, then over to other areas of the pyramid where smarter soldiers were regrouping and finalizing attack plans. She cycled to a single sergeant walking stiffly towards the holding pens for the more dangerous of the doctor’s ‘experiments,’ including two she’d heard about on radio chatter named Blitz and Krieger, before switching back to the room with her friend, Camilla. The doctor’s ministrations made her somewhat glad that the feed was video only, as the tortured soul on the screen was writhing under the doctor’s care as he attempted to extract information from her.
Her surveillance gear indicated that two squads of the more intelligent undead were about to ambush the tiny gnome, the Inquisitors, and their pet lizard. So, with a prayer to Jehovah, she snagged her pistol belt, and started putting the finishing touches on her disguise as an undead Lieutenant in the Wehrmacht, with an appropriately tattered uniform, and made her way towards the Doctor’s office, holding her breath and walking stiffly when near groups of the undead.
“Please don’t let these idiots get me killed,” she prayed, sotto voce.
∞∞∞
“Carl, is it just me, or is this pyramid far more advanced than it should be? I mean, these walls have been shored up with more modern architecture, and I can see power runs every so often. If these bastards couldn’t see in the dark, I’d almost expect to see electric lamps hanging from the ceiling.”
“I was thinking the same thing, pup. I wouldn’t be surprised if things get more advanced as we go down.”
“There’s a mainframe nearby, or some kind of major tech, probably a floor or two down,” Zeke said as he kept sweeping the area. “Too much ventilation for things that don’t breathe and chilled water pipes for things that don’t drink.”
Carl looked over his shoulder at Zeke and nodded. “I agree. These Kraut bastards must have some connection to the outside world. I’ve seen at least twelve remote surveillance cameras so far and all of them are standalone wireless. So, somebody not only knows we’re here, they’re watching our every move. Keep your heads on a swivel, lads.”
Jin did his level best to stay in the middle of the group, so he couldn’t see as much as the others, but he did notice something about the floor. “Huh. That’s interesting.”
“What’s up, Shrimp?”
“The floor. It’s not limestone, it’s concrete. Also, there’s a lattice of gold and…obsidian? Under the veneer of limestone. I can smell it. It gets denser as it goes towards�
��that column over there,” he said, pointing at an ornate column in the middle of the room. “Also, eat a dick, Fancy man. We need to be very cautious. I don’t know exactly what that lattice is for, but, knowing these assholes, it could be anything.”
“You know, in some cultures, insulting one’s host is grounds for a blood feud. Luckily for you, I don’t have any blood. Dried up years ago. So, why don’t we have a nice, polite little chat as to why you’ve come here, uninvited, and thoroughly trashed the foyer to our home? Otherwise…well, my colleagues are rather impatient. And hungry.”
The group turned and pointed their weapons at a well-preserved SS officer, smoking a cigarette in the gloom, his empty sockets glowing tiny red pinpricks, staring at the party as he gestured for the slavering horde of zombies and demons behind him to remain in position. As he spoke, side passages opened, revealing more enemies that lay in wait.
“Well, I’d hardly say we’re uninvited. After all, the flock of demons that destroyed our plane made this a bit more than a social call,” Carl said as he stepped forward, doing his best to draw attention to himself. “As for the foyer, well…you must forgive my colleague. He’s not entirely house trained.”
“Screw you too, old man”
“My friend Zeke here is from a temple mostly exposed to the elements and has little use for doors.”
Zeke showed the Nazis every single one of his teeth as he gave them a savage grin and started psyching himself up for the coming bloodshed, doing his best to tap into his inner serenity while also pumping his blood full of adrenaline, fighting to control his urges to dive into the thickest knot of future vivisection victims.
“And this little guy’s just plain mean to everyone.”
Jin barely registered that insult to his personage with a half-hearted middle finger as he planned out his targets for his most damaging spells, the air around him crackling with aether.
“As for me…well, I’m normally better behaved than this. But watching you tossers bomb my hometown flat and kill me mum in one of those bombing runs…” Carl’s lips curled upward into a savage grin as his eyes slowly turned red. “It’s put me in a life-long bad mood. So, while your blood might have dried up years ago,” Carl’s grin grew downright diabolical as he lit up a fresh cigarette before igniting both his hands in sulfurous Hellfire, washing himself in green light, “mine’s boiling. Get ‘em, boys!”
The Major grinned and lunged forward, drawing an officer’s sabre that glowed with an eerie red light as the rest of the swarm rushed the party. Carl immediately dodged a thrust that would have skewered him as surely as a lepidopterist’s specimen pin and spun around, planting a flaming kick in the small of the officer’s back and eliciting an angry snarl. A demon that tried to take a bite out of his back was caught with a spinning backfist that removed it’s lower jaw and sent it careening into a mass of zombies, knocking them over like ten pins before being vaporized as Jin jumped to and fro, throwing flaming death everywhere he went and cackling with glee as he dodged, twisted, and rolled away from larger opponents like a bouncy ball. Zeke finally gave in to his bloodlust and started wading into the mass of rotting meat, scything the dead like wheat with broad strokes of his sword and sending body parts flying as, even in his rage, he tapped into his life force and started moving faster than should have been humanly – or lizardly – possible.
Demons and zombies all fell by the score, knives puncturing eyes or foreheads and severing heads as a silvery whip lashed its way through the melee, lopping off limbs, opening arteries, and removing the pesky light from the eyes of the enemy as Cenere created some breathing room. As he caught his breath, he noticed that the putrid masses seemed to be crumbling to dust as they fell and the demons in this room did likewise, the dust moving towards the pillar in the center of the room. The runes engraved into the pillar started to glow, starting at the bottom and rising to the top. His eyes widened as he realized that the enemy seemed far too weak to be any real threat, with the exception of the SS lich, and started muttering some rather impressively acidic profanity that would make the late Orcus blush.
“Well fought, Herr Inquisitor, but I think you’ll find that this battle was won before you even arrived.” The lich grinned as Carl shoved his hand into the desiccated chest of his enemy, “You see…the pillar…is active. Goodbye, Herr Inquisitor.” He laughed as the green flames consumed his body and his sword dropped to the ground.
The pillar opened, steam billowing from within, as two immense beings stepped from within, the latter of which threw the charred remains of a ghoul at Zeke, who promptly sliced it in half in midair. Each was as tall as a deuce and a half and they appeared to be stitched together into some kind of Shelleyan nightmare. One had a metal plate riveted to his chest that read “Krieger” while the other’s said “Blitz.” Both were sparking with electricity and had steam pouring out of relief valves as they each took very heavy steps.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Does Boris Karloff know you raided his wardrobe?” Cenere snarked as he lashed out with his whip at the closest abomination, slicing open a green vein that sprayed steaming goo all over the whip which promptly began to dissolve. He looked at his whip mournfully and then glared at the demonic flesh golem while he drew his pistol and readied his knives.
“Au! das tut dir weh, kleiner Ficker! Komm her, damit ich dich quetschen kann, kleiner Käfer! (Ow! that hurts you, little fucker! Come here, so I can squeeze you, little bug!)”
“Sorry, gruesome, but I don’t speak Kraut.” Cenere grimaced as he dodged Blitz’ dishwasher sized fist, which left a small crater in the floor, and started shooting at the behemoth’s knees, watching as the bullets spanged ineffectually off its reinforced joints. Joints that propelled the ponderous bulk of the Promethean horrors faster than they had any right to.
∞∞∞
“Look, my dear. Your would-be rescuers are fighting two of my favorite creations: Blitz and Krieger. I spent the better part of two decades refining the process, as well as many men and demons for spare parts. In the end, though, they’re still not the thing I’m most proud of.”
“Herr Doctor, I’m afraid there are some complications,” a lieutenant stated in a thick Bavarian accent as he strode into the room with a thick envelope under his arm, which he then handed to the lich.
“Really Lieutenant? And what is so important that you’d interrupt me while I’m entertaining my guest?” Doctor Schroeder asked as he opened the envelope full of blank sheets of paper, save for the last that said “Surprise!” His eyes darted upwards to Sachi’s smirking face as she put her revolver to the lich’s temple.
“Just this,” Sachi said as she emptied the revolver’s last cylinder into the lich’s head and watched as the disruptor round did its work, reducing the lich’s body to dust. She then ripped off the disguise, grabbed a syringe full of a thick, brown viscous compound from her belt, and jabbed it into Camilla’s chest, right into her heart. Camilla immediately started going into convulsions, after which her body went limp. Sachi ripped the anti-magic collar off of her and cut her loose from the leather straps holding her in place, then stepped back. “Three, two, one…”
Camilla rocketed into a sitting position as she let out an explosive breath, her eyes bloodshot, and began gulping air greedily, then spit out a mouthful of broken teeth as her new teeth pushed them out of the way. “Whoo! What a rush! Gotta love that Lazarus compound!” The cackling began as she stood and ripped open a reinforced locker with her temporarily enhanced strength. She pulled out her gear before shredding the tattered robes she’d been wearing under the care of the sadist doctor. “How many more are coming?” she asked as she threw on a set of combats over her nude form.
“Uh, Cammie, we’re it. I’m pretty sure they’re gonna need our help if we’re all getting out of here alive.”
“Jobby. Well, when they dragged me in 'ere, ah think ah passed an armory. Let’s go and see if we can’t ‘liberate’ some stuff tae even th' score.”
Chapter Seven
Cenere flew through the air after a particularly vicious backhand from Blitz and smashed into the wall on the other side of the room. He slid down the wall, doing his level best to remain conscious as he took stock of his injuries. From the near blinding pain in his everywhere, he could tell that he had four broken ribs, one of which was trying to buck tradition and move into his right lung, a bold move that pissed off the locals something fierce, among a ruptured spleen, a broken left arm, and…he spat out a mouthful of blood, intensifying his headache, a broken jaw as well as a concussion.
He placed his hand on his head and began channeling the might of Hell into his being, serving as a conduit for the infernal as a new, spicier pain reverberated through his being. His bones snapped back into place, ruptured organs resumed their normal duties, and every nerve ending in his slender frame lit up in ecstatic agony. He looked up a moment later to see Zeke leaning heavily on his greatsword, his left leg badly scorched by an electrical attack from Krieger. Jin was sheltered within a dome of force, his body drenched with sweat as he desperately held out against Krieger’s piston assisted fists, while Carl was wreathed in Hellfire, his punches and kicks scorching Blitz’ flesh as he nimbly dodged and wove around the necromantic automaton, before rolling with a kick to his abdomen and taking a moment to catch his breath.
“Bruder, ich denke, es ist Zeit, dieses kleine Spiel zu beenden. Lass uns die Echse querlenkerisch machen. Dann werden wir den Zwerg töten, (Brother, I think it's time to finish this little game. Let's wishbone the lizard. Then we will kill the runt.),” Blitz grinned through his split lip at his brother.
Krieger brought his fists down once more and Jin’s barrier finally broke, the concussive shockwave from the near miss knocking the gnome unconscious. Cenere struggled to his feet, still a bit unsteady, as Zeke forced himself up, his exhausted muscles screaming in protest and his resevoir of ki completely tapped out. He reached for his gourd of high-octane paint thinner, only to find it broken and the precious liquor wasted. Carl shoved broken masonry off his torso and crawled out of the hole in the wall he’d made after catching one of Krieger’s massive fists with his chest. He reached into his jacket to pull out a shaped charge with a deadman’s switch detonator. It looked like he’d get to go see Lucy after all.
