by Elena Aitken
The roles were almost comically reversed, but Christy had enough sense not to laugh because she was pretty sure that Cam wouldn’t think it was nearly as funny as she did.
“It doesn’t fit,” Cam called from the attached en suite bathroom. “I can’t believe it doesn’t fit.”
“There’s no way it doesn’t fit.” Christy stroked Mya’s soft cheek and shifted her in her arms. “Come out here and show me.” She knew damn well that Cam’s wedding dress fit because a few weeks ago she’d been there when Cam purposely selected a dress with plenty of give in the stomach for the baby bulge that was growing by the day.
A moment later, the door to the bathroom opened, and Cam appeared. Her dress was a simple, full-sleeved cream lace that gathered under the bosom to float beautifully over her stomach. It fit perfectly, except for… “Wow,” Christy said. “Your boobs have—”
“They’re enormous!” Cam spun to look in the full-length mirror that hung on the wall. “They’re popping out all over the place. The dress doesn’t fit.”
Christy shifted the baby again and got to her feet. She went to stand behind Cam and together they looked at her reflection in the mirror. “You look gorgeous, Cam. Really. And your boobs…well, Evan will love them.” She couldn’t help it, and thankfully Cam burst into laughter.
“You’re right about that.”
“The dress fits fine,” Christy said. “I mean, there’s definitely a bit more cleavage than last time, but I’m sure we could sew in a little lace right in the front if you think it’s too much.”
Cam twisted and turned in the mirror, assessing her reflection. “I kind of like it.” She blushed and burst out laughing again. “Do you think it’s wedding appropriate?”
“I think it’s your wedding, so whatever you want is appropriate. And I meant what I said. You look amazing. You’re glowing and you’re going to be a radiant bride.”
Cam’s smile wavered and her hand wiped a tear away.
“Don’t cry,” Christy ordered. “You’re not allowed to cry until the actual wedding day.”
With her pregnancy, Cam had been more emotional than ever and was crying at the slightest things. Christy had taken to turning off the radio whenever she was around because even the songs on the local stations could set off a round of tears.
“Okay.” Cam pulled herself together. “I’m good now. I promise.”
“Good.” Christy put the now sleeping baby into her car seat. “I have a good few hours while she naps if you want me to help with centerpieces or something.”
“Done.” Cam presented her back. “Unzip me and we’ll start drilling holes.”
Christy stared after her friend as she disappeared into the bathroom again. “Holes?”
A few minutes later, she discovered exactly what Cam had been talking about when she led Christy out to the garage, where she thrust a drill into her hand and presented a huge box full of small logs.
“Centerpieces,” Cam announced. “We’re going to use this drill to put some holes the size of a tea light into the logs. Then I’m going to bundle three logs of different sizes up and tie ribbon around them. Like this.” She produced a sample of what she was talking about. “We’ll tuck some red berries and pine boughs under them on the table for a bit of color.”
“These are actually really nice,” Christy said. “Very rustic. I like it.”
“Cool, right?”
“Very cool,” Christy agreed. “It’s going to be a beautiful wedding.” They spent a few more minutes looking at the various pinecones, pine boughs, and red accents that Cam had gathered for decorations. They were having both the ceremony and the reception at the Creekside Inn, which would already be decorated for Christmas, so Cam’s decorations would only add to the festive ambience. Simple, but elegant.
“Let’s get started.”
“What are we working on?” Both Christy and Cam spun at the sound of Drew’s voice in the doorway. “Whoa.” Drew held her hands up. “Don’t point that at me.”
Christy lowered the drill and laughed. “Sorry. I’m not even sure I know how to use it.”
“There’s nothing to it.” Amber stepped out from around Drew and walked into the garage. “I’d be happy to show you if you’d like?”
No one spoke. It had been almost a week since Amber had more or less self-imploded at Christy’s Thanksgiving table and ran off without so much as a word to any of them.
“Hi,” Amber said after a moment of silence. “I’d really like to help you guys, if that’s okay?”
Cam moved forward and nodded slowly. “But…” She looked from one woman to the other, obviously not sure how to proceed.
“I brought her,” Drew jumped in. “Because I knew that you’d both want to see her, and I think we all had a few things we needed to say.”
Drew was right and her words shook Christy out of the mute state she’d fallen into. “Yes.” She took a step forward, put the drill down, and took Amber’s hand. “Of course we want to see you. We’ve been worried.” She looked to Cam, who nodded.
“Very worried.”
“You didn’t need to be worried about me. I was just…” Amber swallowed hard. “I was feeling sorry for myself,” she said. “I was so worried about what you’d think of me if you knew the truth and Drew said something that…well, I should never have underestimated you. Any of you. I’m so sorry. For everything.”
Christy chuckled. “No,” she said. “If there’s one thing I know about all of us…don’t ever underestimate us.”
“Oh hell no.” Cam wrapped her arms around Amber and Christy. A moment later, Drew was there, and they all swallowed Amber in a tight bear hug. “We love you, Amber. No matter what,” Cam said into the circle, her voice choking on her tears.
Christy’s tears came next and pretty soon they were all crying and then laughing. Finally, they all pulled apart and wiped their faces clean.
Cam picked up the drill and held it in the air. “Now can we please make some centerpieces? This wedding isn’t going to get ready for itself.”
Even though it was the last thing she would have expected, spending the afternoon building centerpieces with the girls was exactly what Amber needed. They laughed and talked and created beautiful decorations for Cam’s big day. Amber’s heart was close to bursting by the time Drew excused herself to pick Austin up from school.
“We should probably wrap this up anyway,” Cam said. “I need to go through some client photos before dinner and I promised Evan I’d cook a real meal tonight. We’ve been so busy we haven’t had a chance to sit down at the table all together in ages.”
“I can totally relate to that,” Christy said with a shake of her head. “And it’s just going to get busier in a few months.”
Cam rubbed her tummy. “But in all the best ways.”
Amber watched her two friends who’d both just recently come through major life disruptions only to be happier and more in love with their lives than ever before and smiled. She’d never before considered having a child of her own, but looking at Christy and Cam, suddenly the idea didn’t seem so crazy.
Maybe one day.
“Are you walking, Amber?”
They’d waved good-bye to Cam at her front door. Christy had Mya bundled in her stroller and was pushing it down the path.
“I guess I am.” Amber looked around and shrugged. “I came with Drew, but…”
“Good. Let’s walk together.”
She wasn’t going to argue with that. It was a cool afternoon, but the crisp, early winter air was refreshing and it wasn’t a long walk.
They’d only been walking a few minutes when Christy asked, “So, have you spoken to Logan yet?”
The question froze Amber in her tracks. She recovered quickly and shook her head. “No.”
“Are you going to tell me why?”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
It wasn’t quite a lie. There was nothing to tell Christy because she didn’t know why she hadn’t reache
d out to Logan yet. She wanted to. Very badly. Every time she thought about him, her heart ached and she missed the sound of his voice and his arms around her and…she missed him.
This time it was Christy’s turn to stop walking. Amber turned and Christy shook her head. “Are we doing that again? I thought we were past that thing where you didn’t tell us what was really going on.”
“Ouch.” The comment stung, but she deserved it. “Christy, I’m sorry,” she said. “I really am. About not telling you everything and you have to know that I’m so sorry about Thanksgiving.” The guilt she’d tried to push down when it came to the actual Thanksgiving dinner resurfaced. “I am so incredibly sorry about ruining your beautiful dinner, Christy, and—”
“You didn’t ruin it,” she said matter-of-factly. “It was delicious and despite the unplanned entertainment, I think everyone had a good time. At least most people.” She shrugged. “I’m pretty sure Logan didn’t, which brings me back to my question. Are you going to tell me why you haven’t spoken to him yet?” She stared pointedly at her. “And this time maybe we can go for the full truth.”
“Ouch again.” Amber pressed a gloved hand to her chest. “But I deserved that. I’m not going to lie to you, okay?”
“I hope not.”
She took a deep breath and swallowed hard. She’d just promised Christy she wouldn’t lie, but she also didn’t know exactly how to put into words what she needed to say. She hadn’t spoken to Logan because she didn’t know what to say. Should she apologize? For what? He’d told her secrets. It was him who’d…
She knew that wasn’t true.
She’d been the one who lied.
He’d done nothing but try to help her almost from the moment they’d met.
“The truth is,” she started. “I don’t know what to do.”
She could feel the tears building again. She wasn’t a crier. Or at least, she never had been before coming back home to Timber Creek. She was pretty sure she’d cried more in the last few months than in her entire life. Maybe because she’d been too busy. But now that she had time to think and more importantly, just be, the tears were definitely coming more frequently and she couldn’t decide whether that was a good or a bad thing.
“Oh, Amber.” Christy started to close the distance between them but Amber shook her head. She didn’t need another hug. She needed to face the reality.
“I think I really screwed things up, Christy. But the thing is, even though I know I need to say something and apologize to him, at the same time, I just feel so confused.”
“I’m not going to pretend to understand what you’re going through,” Christy said. “But I do know what it’s like to be afraid you’ve lost the man you love.”
Love? Did she love him?
Maybe. How would she know? She’d never been in love before. Was it supposed to feel like a million emotions all jumbled up? Was it supposed to make you feel like laughing and crying and jumping up and down all at the same time? Was it supposed to make you feel warm and safe inside but the next minute leave you feeling empty and wrung out when you thought it was all slipping away?
If so, then she was unequivocally, head over heels, completely lost in love.
“Come on,” Christy said after a minute. “We can’t stand out here forever. Let’s get home.”
Home.
The word hit her. Timber Creek had always been home, even when she’d tried so hard to get away. But now…
“You know what?” Amber said as they started walking, slowly, in the direction of Drew’s house. “I kind of feel like I am home. Is that crazy?”
Christy laughed and wrapped her scarf tighter around her neck. “What’s crazy is it’s taken you so long to realize it.”
Amber thought about that for a moment.
“You know what I think, Amber?” Christy didn’t wait for a reply. “I think that maybe the pills made you think that you could accomplish all the things you needed to, but I don’t think you really needed them.”
“What?” She shook her head, ready to argue with her friend although it was quite possibly the last thing she wanted to do.
“No,” Christy continued. “I mean it. I’ve been thinking about it and doing a little research. And from what I understand, Adderall doesn’t change who you are fundamentally. Instead, it just kind of amplifies you. So you’ve always been an overachiever who can accomplish anything you set your mind to and that hasn’t changed. I think you are home and I hope you realize it. I also meant it when I said that I thought you should open up a practice here. You could really help people. It might not be the glamorous lifestyle you had in San Francisco, but it would be a real one.”
Stunned by Christy’s impassioned and unexpected speech, Amber stayed quiet.
“But mostly,” Christy reached over with her mittened hand and grabbed hers, “I really hope you realize how many people here love you. Don’t think that’s a small thing because it’s not.”
She stared at her friend and thought her heart might completely burst. Not because she didn’t believe what Christy was saying, but because she did.
They turned onto Drew’s street. “It’s never too late to fix things,” Christy continued as they made their way up the street. “In fact, the only way you can lose right now is if you do nothing.”
“But what do I do?” The reality set in again and Amber’s shoulders slumped.
“You know all those steamy books you like to read?”
Amber laughed. “Those aren’t real.”
“Maybe not,” Christy admitted. “But what happens in those stories?” She stopped walking.
“Usually the hero has screwed up somehow and he makes a big grand gesture to win over the…oh.” Amber’s focus was drawn from the topic at hand to the front porch of Drew’s house that they’d stopped in front of and the man who stood there.
Christy turned, seeing her friend was distracted. “Oh.” She turned back to Amber. “It looks like you might have more than one relationship that needs attention.”
Her dad had called and left a voicemail two days after her Thanksgiving meltdown, but like most of the messages she’d received, Amber had ignored it. Because just like all the others, she had no idea what to say to him.
Hell, on a good day she didn’t know what to say to her father. But after hearing the truth, he must hate her or at the very least, be incredibly disappointed in her. How could he not?
“Dad?” She left Christy on the sidewalk and walked toward the house and her dad. “It’s freezing out here. What are you doing?”
“Waiting for you.”
“You’ll freeze out here.”
“I wasn’t about to let that stop me.”
She looked at him. Really looked at him and couldn’t help but notice how much older he looked than just a few weeks ago, as if the events of the last few days had aged him.
It was her fault.
“Come inside, Dad.” Amber reached around him and unlocked the door. She pushed it open and led the way into the house. It had already been an emotional day and all she really felt like doing was crawling into bed with one of her books so she could forget about the reality she didn’t want to deal with. But that was the old Amber. She’d come too far and made too many changes to stop now.
Besides, she owed it to her dad to finally have this conversation.
“Can I make tea?”
“That would be nice.” He followed her into the kitchen and took off his jacket, which from what Amber could see, was woefully inadequate for winter in the mountains. He was thin under his coat. Had he always been that thin? Or maybe she just hadn’t noticed.
They made small talk for a few minutes while Amber fussed with a kettle and prepared two mugs with tea bags. She chattered on about trivial things like the weather and the upcoming holiday season. Her dad mostly nodded and grunted to everything she said. It wasn’t until she sat across from him at the table and slid a tea mug over to him that he had something to say.
&nbs
p; “Was it my fault, Amber?”
Taken off guard by his question, her hand jerked and hot tea sloshed over the mug. “I’m sorry?”
“The drugs, Amber,” he said, as if neither of them knew what he was talking about. “Was it my fault?” He held up a hand before she could say anything. “And you don’t need to answer. I already know the truth. I pushed you too hard. I expected too much and I was never there for you. Not really. Not the way a father should be.”
He dropped his head, and somehow looked even smaller and more fragile than before.
“Dad.” Her voice was soft, as if she could break him by speaking. “It’s not…it was never…I’m sorry.” Tears filled her eyes.
“It was never about you,” she said after a moment. “Not really. It was always about me.”
He nodded. “But I…I was…I am your father. I should have known. I should have seen it. I should have stopped it, goddammit.” With force that didn’t match his current physical state, he thumped a fist down on the table. More hot tea splashed over the edges of the cups, but neither of them moved to clean it up. “I should have gotten you help,” he said, softer this time. “It was my job. And I failed you.” He reached across the table and took her hand.
Amber startled a little at the touch. She couldn’t remember the last time her dad had taken her hand or held her in any real way beside the obligatory hugs they occasionally shared. His hand shook slightly, as if he were struggling to contain his emotions. “I’m your father, Amber, and I failed you. I will never forgive myself for that.”
“Dad.”
He shook his head, unwilling to hear anything else, but she tried anyway.
“I know it doesn’t matter what I say right now, but I do hope you hear me when I tell you that this was not at all your fault. I made the decisions I made. It was on me. And I should have told you earlier. I just didn’t want to disappoint you.” The tears started to flow down her cheeks. “I’m the one who’s sorry, Dad. I’m so sorry I disappointed you. I know how—” Her words were lost in a sob that rose up from her throat.
“Oh, Amber.”
She heard him muttering, but didn’t open her eyes to look at him. He’d never liked it when she’d cried, which was probably why she’d stopped with any emotional demonstrations long before.
