“Looks like you can make it on your own from here, yeah?”
“You won’t come with me?”
“No, I’ve got my own home to go to. You be safe, okay?”
My role in this had been over a long time ago. This wasn’t a world with kindness to spare for the weak and helpless. But in order to keep on living, there was nothing else to do but forge your own path forward and walk it yourself.
The girl knew it, too, because she let go of my hand and returned alone to the orphanage. In her silhouette, I saw myself on the day I’d left my village all those years ago. With my father lost to illness, my home in the village was gone, and all that had been left was the path that’d lain before me. I didn’t know what lay ahead that day, but the only choice I’d had was to walk.
The nuns spied the girl and ran to her, tears in their eyes as they held her close. She’d seemed fine while we walked home, but now, the girl’s smile turned to tears that streamed down her face as she sobbed. For the sake of her tomorrow, I hoped she might cry and keep crying until her heart found peace. And I hoped there would be happiness in her future.
I left before the nuns saw me. As I took the path home, Greed spoke through Telepathy.
“What’s wrong? You look like a man who just did something very out of character.”
“Shut up,” I said. “It’s not like that at all.”
Watching the girl had just reminded me of my youth. I could no longer return to the hometown where my parents were buried, nor to the village that drove me out and labeled me a deadbeat. Were it possible, I would’ve wanted to visit my parents’ graves, but I knew the village would no longer have me back.
I would never forget how my father gripped my hand, fearing for my future even as he lay dying of illness. I wondered whether I had lived a life he could be proud of.
“We’ve still got a ways to go, huh, Greed?”
“Indeed. This is just the beginning, and I can say this much: there lies a long, long road ahead of you.”
“Well, first we’ve got to get hired by Lady Roxy’s family. And, to be honest, I’m pretty nervous about meeting her father.”
Greed laughed. “Nervous? Already? You won’t even see him until noon tomorrow.”
“We’re talking about the head of an important family, Greed. One of the five esteemed families in the Kingdom of Seifort. If I’m here on earth, then Lady Roxy’s father is above the clouds. Maybe even higher. I can’t believe you can be so relaxed.”
“Of course I’m relaxed. I’m a weapon.”
Right. It made sense that an inorganic object wouldn’t understand my anxieties, which were driven by a fear that had soaked into me over many, many years. Even though I now knew I could become more powerful and increase my stats through Gluttony, my fear of the holy knights hadn’t changed. I knew Lady Roxy’s father was a good man, but the idea of meeting him couldn’t help but make me nervous, like I had to be ready for anything.
In any case, I was exhausted. I decided to hit the hay early. The day had been filled with too much excitement—I’d woken up to goblin hunt and ended up cutting down a kidnapper. My exhaustion was probably making me overthink everything. I knew I should trust Lady Roxy more than I did, and I felt awful that I couldn’t.
I dragged myself into my beaten-up hovel of a home and collapsed in my straw bed. I was tired, and my consciousness faded away in moments.
***
I slept until close to noon the following day. Leaping out of bed, I scrambled to get ready. Once I had my things together, I hurried to the Holy Knight District, where Lady Roxy waited.
The Holy Knight District differed from the other districts, first and foremost due to the huge walls surrounding it. They left the impression that another great castle awaited beyond them. I gave the gatekeeper my name and made my way in without issue. It seemed Lady Roxy had let them know I was coming in advance.
However, because Lady Roxy needed to confirm that I was who I claimed, I found myself sandwiched between the two gatekeepers as we walked toward the Hart family manor. It was like I was a criminal who’d been caught mid-crime.
The manor we arrived at was the very symbol of an esteemed family of Seifort. It was impossible to judge the cost of such a place; just trying to think about it was ridiculous. It was enormous.
One guard broke off and entered the manor through the garden. After a short time, he returned with a girl in a white dress. She was breathtaking.
“You came! I’ve been waiting for you.”
It wasn’t until I heard her voice that I realized the girl was Roxy. I’d never seen her outside of our work as gatekeepers, for which she wore her white light armor. In her dress, she was so lovely she looked like an entirely different person.
The two guards left us staring at each other. After a time, Roxy spoke—likely because I was standing there with my mouth wide open, dumbfounded.
“Is something the matter?” There was a quizzical look on her face.
“I…I’m sorry for staring. You just…you look beautiful.”
Roxy’s cheeks went red, and she cleared her throat with a light cough. “Occasionally I wear dresses, you know. I almost didn’t recognize you, either. Please, come this way.”
For a gigantic manor, the place was surprisingly quiet. There wasn’t a servant in sight, and it felt like something was keeping them silent. I followed Roxy, gazing at the immaculately manicured lawns. The silence was overwhelming. All that I could hear was the whistle of the wind. If anything, I noticed a drifting hint of loneliness in Roxy’s silhouette.
We came to the front of the manor and turned right.
Strange, I thought. Why aren’t we going inside? I wanted to ask, but the silence of the manor seemed to demand silence from me, too. We proceeded a little further, and the reason for the melancholy quiet revealed itself.
“This is…”
I couldn’t bring myself to say anything more. Lady Roxy smiled at me kindly, then knelt and placed a hand on the cold stone of the grave at which we had arrived.
“Father,” she said. “Fate will be working for us from today forward. I’m sure he’ll bring a little liveliness back to the Hart family.” Noticing my confusion, Lady Roxy said, “Five days ago, my father passed away in Galia, to the south of Seifort.”
“Galia?”
Galia was a continent overrun by monsters. It was said that the monsters there were many times stronger than anything around the Kingdom of Seifort. The role of holding those monsters back and keeping them from reaching Seifort was the most important function of the holy knights. Those who did this work were granted unbelievable wealth and the highest rank the kingdom could offer.
But it was nearly impossible for me to imagine a monster with the power to kill the head of one of Seifort’s five esteemed families. As if reading the fear in my features, Lady Roxy explained, “It was no mere monster that took his life. Galia is also home to the heavenly calamity.”
There was only one heavenly calamity she could mean. Wherever it went, it brought earthquakes, floods, and tsunamis. The creature was the living embodiment of the wrath of the gods: the Divine Dragon. It didn’t matter how powerful you were; there was no stopping it. The Divine Dragon was so frighteningly strong that people had developed religions around it, calling it a servant of the gods. If the Divine Dragon had you in its sights, there was nothing to do but prepare for your final moments.
“They said my father’s entire army was lost to it,” Lady Roxy said. “We have a full thousand years of records, and none of have ever spoken of the dragon ever ranging so far from its nest, let alone so near the border.”
The Divine Dragon’s nest was in the center of Galia. I’d never heard tell of it coming as far as the outskirts of the continent, either, but now nobody could say for certain. What had happened to Roxy’s father was, at best, bad luck. That was all you could say about it. But whether luck was enough of an explanation for the people he left behind was another story entirely.
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br /> “It’s been terribly hectic around here with funeral arrangements and other obligations, but as of this morning, I’m done with the preliminary duties and engagements. I inherited the estate, which makes me the official head of the Hart family.”
Even under such trying, painful circumstances, Lady Roxy was doing the best she could. All I could do was bow my head. I hadn’t even noticed. At changeover time on gatekeeping shifts, she looked no different from usual. There had been no way for me to know what she was going through behind the scenes.
And yet, with everything already keeping her so busy, she had still made time for me and invited me to the family manor. All I had done was fret about an interview with her father and think about how to hide my shortcomings. Lady Roxy, I’m sorry. I…
“Hey, don’t look so glum,” Lady Roxy said. “I need you to help me bring some light back to the Hart family. Will you assist me?”
“Yes. It would be my honor.”
On that day, I became a servant of the house of Hart.
Chapter 7:
Drowning in Hunger
I T HAD BEEN almost a week since I started living at Hart Manor as a family servant. When I first came to the manor, I’d made the horrible mistake of being caught muttering in conversation with my sword, which made me seem more than a little creepy. Fortunately, the Hart family servants were good people, and they accepted both me and my eccentricities.
The following days were peaceful, if hectic. There was so much for me to remember in my new role that I didn’t have a free moment to leave the manor. Cooking, washing, cleaning; I did whatever I was asked and gave up my days off to throw myself into learning the ropes.
The job I took to best was gardening. Working on Hart Manor’s enormous lawns required patience and diligence. The weeding was endless, and the grass was required to be a particular height at all times. Thanks to the help of the three head gardeners, I started to get the hang of it. If I improved enough, they said I’d be working on the garden’s trees next. Pruning the enormous trees at the front gate was something I was really looking forward to, and it felt good to work for people who needed help. It felt meaningful.
At the end of a day’s work, all the servants met to eat dinner. The meals even had meat in them, and the first time I held a plate with meat on it, my hands shook in surprise and excitement. I had never imagined I would be able to eat meat again so soon after I treated myself to my post-hunt extravagance. Thanks to the regular meals at Hart Manor, I even put a little weight on my once skeletal frame.
Occasionally, when Lady Roxy returned from her duties outside the manor, she would take time to talk with me over tea. I didn’t actually know how to have a conversation with a holy knight, or even the sorts of things holy knights liked to talk about, so usually Lady Roxy did most of the work. Still, as long as she seemed happy, I was happy to play my role, too.
Compared to working as a gatekeeper for Rafale, the difference was like heaven and earth. Or, if working for Lady Roxy was heaven, then being Rafale’s employee was closer to working in hell.
But despite the happiness of my new work, my body was racked with pain. My stomach was eternally empty, and I felt a hunger I couldn’t satisfy. It was a feeling of starvation.
And it ached.
***
“Fay, are you all right?”
Lady Roxy placed her teacup on its tray and looked at me with worry in her eyes. Teatime for just the two of us had become routine, and it was the only time she called me Fay.
Nobody had called me Fay since my father, so I was a bit shy about the nickname. At the same time, when your boss wants to call you Fay, there isn’t much you can do but let them. I had already asked Greed about it, but his response was little more than a chuckle, followed by, “I could care less. Make up your own mind.”
In any case, Roxy continued calling me Fay, and I continued to feel kind of awkward about it.
“It’s nothing, Lady Roxy,” I replied.
I was hurting, both from hiding my hunger and hiding my feelings from Roxy.
“Are you sure? You don’t look well.”
Lady Roxy must have thought my unusual hunger was a cold, because she reached a hand toward my forehead. However, I brushed her off. Any touch would set off my Telepathy skill, and I didn’t want to read her heart without her permission.
“I’m fine!” I said. “Really. I’m fine.”
I stood up to leave, but the hunger sent me reeling with waves of dizziness. My consciousness seemed to stretch into the distance, and I collapsed to the floor. The hunger had never been worse. It felt like Gluttony was eating me from the inside out, and my vision was swallowed by darkness. For a time, I heard the faint cry of Lady Roxy calling my name.
Then I heard nothing at all.
***
When I woke, I was in my room at the manor. I had been laid upon a mattress of soft cotton. It was a far cry from the straw bed I was used to. I must have passed out at teatime with Lady Roxy. The hunger of my Gluttony was getting too much to handle. For now, though, the aching had subsided, and I felt a little better.
It was night outside, and judging by the height of the moon, it was late. Starlight shone upon a note that had been left on a shelf.
“Please take tomorrow off and make sure to get some rest. From, Roxy.”
She had to be worried, but I guessed that was natural; I’d collapsed in front of her. I would have to make sure I apologized the next time we met. She went out of her way to make time for tea, and I’d ruined it. I let out a sigh, sat up, and took Greed in hand.
“It’s like I’m getting hungrier every day,” I said. “I could tolerate it before, but it’s never been this bad.”
Greed laughed loudly. “It’s too late now. The die has been cast.”
“What do you mean?”
“When Gluttony learns the taste of a soul, it only ever hungers for more. It will forever urge you to eat, and to feed.”
So the unusual hunger I felt meant I was, in fact, in a starvation state. Gluttony had seemed like a godsend at first, but now I knew it didn’t come without cost.
“Your hunger will only worsen. The more you eat, the more your appetite will grow. That’s the peculiar thing about your skill. Until the day you die, your fate is to eat and to grow stronger. If you cannot, you will either starve to death, or you will lose yourself to the hunger and attack whatever, or whomever, stands before you.”
“That…that can’t be…”
If I couldn’t manage this ravening hunger, then I would die of it, or… The alternative was terrifying. It would make me a monster. If I had lost control of myself during tea, and if I had lashed out at Lady Roxy as a result… I shuddered to think of it.
“Let me tell you something interesting. When you reach your limit, it shows in your eyes. Take a look at yourself.”
I stared into the large mirror in my room. Deep-red irises stared back at me, so red I didn’t want to see them. My once black eyes had been stained the color of blood.
“You’ve hit the limits of your hunger, Fate. You can carry on with your happy little servant life, but do not forget your obligation to yourself. Like I said: the die has been cast.”
Against my will, Gluttony hungered for souls. It was a desire that could not be quenched with water and could not be satisfied by food. To sate this urge, I had only one choice: to sink as deep as I had to in order to give it what it craved. I didn’t want to give up the peaceful life I had just discovered, but if I was at my limit, I had to go.
I dressed by the light of the moon, took Greed in hand, and left Hart Manor.
It was time to satisfy my hunger.
Chapter 8:
Starvation Boost
I RAN DOWN the main street of the Holy Knight District and arrived at the large gate that separated that district from the others. In my current state of starvation, my five senses were sharpened to an unbelievable degree. I realized that though it was the dead of night, I could see as though i
t were the middle of the day.
My sense of smell was also heightened, and I could identify delicious opportunities by their scent. At the gate were two guards, and the one on the right was in better shape and seemed tastier. I used Identify to confirm my suspicions, and I was right; the more luscious guard had the better stats and skills.
In other words, I could identify a person with powerful stats and skills by their mouthwatering scent. It seemed that, in its hunger for souls, Gluttony gave my basic physical abilities a boost. However, it was excruciating. The hunger came in surges that left me reeling.
I needed to get through the gate quickly without the guards stopping me. Fortunately, I had a travel pass because I was now a servant of the Hart family. Travel passes were a rule; whether you were coming or going, you had to show yours to the guard at the gate to get by. If you lost the pass, the guards wouldn’t let you through.
“Don’t mind me,” I said, smiling politely as I neared the guards. “Just out for a moonlight stroll.”
I tried my best not to look suspicious. After all, it was the middle of the night, and I was trying to leave the Holy Knight District. However, as I pulled out my travel pass to show the guard, he recoiled and took a step backward.
“Ah!”
His face contorted in fear as he stared at me, and his partner was no different. Upon facing me to see what was going on, he reacted in exactly the same way. It was all incredibly awkward, so I waved my travel pass at them and rushed through the gate to the Merchant District as rapidly as I could.
“When those guards looked into your eyes,” said Greed, “they felt like little frogs caught by the glare of a snake. Your red eyes carry a predator’s power. Anyone with lower stats will be paralyzed in fear. You see, when Gluttony starves, this temporary boost makes souls easier to eat.”
“Do you think they’ll suspect anything? The guards back there?”
“It was likely the first time they’d seen such a thing as you. All they know is that someone terrifying came by, but they are less than aware of what happened. If you have lost your red eyes by the time you return, they’ll imagine you were a bad dream, or perhaps a figment of their tired minds. But if you show them your worry in your body language, then they will suspect you of foul play.”
Berserk of Gluttony (Light Novel) Vol. 1 Page 5
