by Reilly, Cora
She nodded with a small smile as she gripped my shoulders and positioned herself above my cock. Slowly, her palms slid down until they pressed against my chest and her sopping wet entrance brushed my tip. I restrained a groan, not wanting to startle or scare her.
My balls tightened, my muscles clenching. Fuck. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d wanted someone as much as I wanted Kiara right this moment.
“It might sting a little, but you are very aroused, Kiara.” I knew I’d find no resistance if I plunged into her. Her body was ready for claiming, but her expression displayed apprehension. I was better at reading her emotions now.
“Help?” she whispered, her dark brown eyes trusting, and my heart picked up its pace for some inexplicable reason.
I pressed my heels into the mattress for leverage and grasped her hips to hold her in place. “I’m going to shift my hips now and enter you,” I warned. “I will go very slow so your body can adapt. Tell me if you need me to stop.”
Pushing up slightly, my tip slipped in and I suppressed a groan as her walls fisted me tightly. Her lips fell open, brows pulling together. She leaned forward, bringing our faces even closer so her sweet breath ghosted over my face. Her wide eyes held mine.
“Pain?” I asked, my voice harder, rougher than I wanted it to be. With how wet she was, I couldn’t imagine she felt pain, but she was also very tight, a delicious combination for my cock and one that made me want to plunge hard and deep into her.
“No,” she said. “Stretched.”
I waited, even if my body screamed for me to buck my hips and impale her on my length. Her eyes held so many emotions, I had no way of grasping a single one. How must it feel to have that kind of chaos inside your body?
She moved her pelvis, and I took that as permission to lift my hips. I slid deeper into her, her tight heat encasing me perfectly, and she closed her eyes.
“Kiara,” I forced out. “I need to see your eyes.” I had trouble reading her facial expression without seeing the look in her eyes.
Her lids fluttered open. “Sorry.”
I stroked her sides, and she licked her lips. “You can go deeper.”
And I did. This time I didn’t stop. As I raised my hips, I helped her down until her pussy pressed against my pelvis. I lowered myself to the mattress and took her with me. She became still on top of me as I filled her completely. Fuck. This felt as close to perfection as I could imagine.
She breathed out, and her fingers flexed against my skin. I swallowed. Never before had someone felt as good around my cock. My body screamed to move, to seek the pleasure her tightness could offer. She clung to me, completely motionless.
“Okay?” I asked in a low voice.
Kiara exhaled again. “It feels ... good.” Tears filled her eyes, and I became as still as she was.
“Why the tears?”
She leaned forward to kiss me and shifted my cock inside of her. I moaned against her mouth, and she gave a small shudder. Her lips brushed mine, and I took her up on the invitation, tasting her mouth. Kissing had always seemed a necessary evil many women required during intercourse, but with Kiara it spiked my own arousal.
Slowly, she pulled back, eyes dark and teary. “I feel like I’m finally free of him.”
I stroked her back gently, trying to understand. I had killed him as brutally as I was capable of, and yet this act of tenderness finally destroyed the demons of her past, the memories of his actions. I tightened my hold on her, bringing our bodies flush together, my back pressed against the headboard. For once I didn’t know what to say, and it was an unsettling experience.
I began moving, rotating my hips slowly, gently, and she gasped. She looked into my eyes and brushed her lips over mine. Trust. Tenderness. And so many more emotions I didn’t understand. I’d never truly resented my incapability to feel, but in this moment I did.
“It feels so good, Nino.”
I angled my hips the same way, and Kiara’s lids fluttered, but she didn’t close her eyes. It was as if she needed to see me, so I returned her gaze. Her lips parted for a soft moan. It was a perfect sound, more perfect than any melody Kiara had ever created on her piano and she had created some of the most beautiful melodies I’d ever heard.
Brushing my thumb over her clit, it moved easily over her heated flesh coated with her juices. My other hand cupped her breast, my thumb flicking over the hardened nub. She cried out and clenched around me.
My eyes rolled back as I fought for control. I wanted to go harder, faster. Fuck. I forced the urge down and focused on my wife as she rocked her hips almost helplessly, trying to find more pleasure but uncertain of her moves. I let her discover the motion she loved as I kept slowly thrusting upward. Every time her eyes widened or her lips parted, my fucking heart clenched. I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me. It wasn’t a physical response I’d ever encountered during sex.
I flicked my thumb over her clit faster and sped up my thrusts. Kiara’s walls clamped tightly around my cock, her nails digging into my skin. She rocked faster, barely meeting my thrusts. It was uncoordinated and unpracticed and yet the best thing I’d ever watched. The fucking best thing I’d ever felt.
Her eyes grew wide, body tightening as she came with loud moan. And finally I let loose, slamming harder into her and hoping she could take it but too far gone to ask, until my release hit me like a tidal wave. My head fell back against the headboard as I spent myself inside her. The fucking tightness in my chest remained.
She fell forward and clung to me, her face buried in my neck, her lips leaving kiss after kiss against my sweaty skin. I ran my hands over her back and arms but stayed away from her neck. That was still a spot she was nervous about. She softened under my touch, breathing deeply.
“I love you,” she whispered, and we both stiffened at the same time.
Her breathing hitched against my throat.
Love?
CHAPTER 19
KIARA
I love you.
Nino grew tense beneath me, and I stiffened in turn. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t believe I uttered those words. I hadn’t considered saying them because I knew Nino couldn’t say them back. Love. For him it was something unfathomable, illogical, impossible. He simulated affection for me. Every act of tenderness, every smile and soft expression was a conscious effort.
I swallowed. The words had slipped out without my intention because I’d been so relieved and happy and grateful. I had never told someone I loved them, not even my mother, and no one had ever said it to me.
Nino had been nothing but patient and gentle with me, and it wasn’t something I’d expected. Not in my wildest dreams, not from a man like him, and not from a Falcone. I felt safe with him. But saying the words I’d barely dared to admit to myself had been a mistake. I knew it deep down.
Gathering my courage, I pulled back and sat up. Nino was still inside of me, but he was starting to go soft. I was afraid of looking into his face and seeing him stare blankly at me. It was impossible for him to understand why I had said these three words.
When I raised my eyes, Nino looked like he was trying to comprehend what had just happened. His brows drew together, his gray eyes piercing me to the very core as if he was trying to see into my heart and soul, laying me bare when I had already bared myself to him by admitting to my foolishness.
Embarrassment washed over me, and a deep longing that seemed to tear at the seams of my heart filled my chest. I began to pull away, but Nino wouldn’t let me. His arms tightened around me. “No,” he said firmly. “Don’t run.”
Had it been that obvious on my face that I wanted to run away, even if there was no way for me to run from my emotions?
He cupped my cheek and kissed me, his expression softening. “You are overwhelmed and relieved because we had sex. It’s okay. Don’t be embarrassed.”
Deep down, I knew this act of kindness as well was a conscious effort. He made his facial muscles go soft because he knew I wanted it, because he knew
I needed it.
“I meant what I said,” I whispered because I was done running. Nino was right. All my life I’d run from memories, from my family, from men. I was done running, and even if Nino couldn’t understand my feelings, that didn’t change the fact that I had them.
Nino regarded me, his eyes almost ... expressive for once. “Kiara,” he began in a low voice.
“I know,” I said quickly, my throat tightening. “I know you can’t return the emotion. I know you don’t feel anything for me, and it’s okay. You are trying to be a good man, even though it’s not in your nature. You are treating me right, you are simulating affection for me, and that’s all right. It’s more than I expected when we married and it’s enough.”
His gaze became searching, and again, I got the feeling that he was trying to peer straight into my heart. Maybe he succeeded because he asked quietly, “Are you sure?”
No, it had been a big fat lie. The idea that Nino could never feel for me what I felt for him filled me with despair, but he had been upfront about his disposition from the very start. I couldn’t hold it against him. I wouldn’t.
“Does it matter? You can’t change who you are. You can’t make yourself feel, so even if it bothered me, that wouldn’t change a thing. I prefer not to fret over things I can’t change.”
“That is a logical choice, but you aren’t the logical type, Kiara.”
I kissed him fiercely, my lips lingering against his as I looked into his gray eyes. As soon as I did, they softened again. Simulated affection. He was so horrifyingly good at it.
“I can try to simulate love,” he murmured, and my heart jerked violently. “It’s not difficult. Humans have a certain way they act around each other when they are in love.”
I was torn between wanting to agree ... because if Nino was as good at simulated love as he was at everything else, he could make me believe his emotions were real. I could allow myself to believe a lie. I knew it. But what happened in the moments when I realized the truth, when he forgot to show emotion? These moments would tear me apart if I allowed myself to believe his love could actually be real.
“Kiara,” he said quietly, softly, and even that timbre in his voice was fake, and yet my heart surged with warmth upon hearing it.
I shook my head, my lips brushing against his because we were still so close. “Don’t simulate love. Everything else, I can deal with, but not love. If you ever tell me you love me, it has to be because you really do love me.”
Nino’s arms tightened around me and a flicker of wariness filled his expression. He knew it was never going to happen. Nino loving me was an impossibility.
Could you love someone who didn’t have emotions? Someone who analyzed love as if it were a mathematical problem?
It wasn’t a question that needed answering.
I knew the answer.
I loved Nino, even if he could never love me back.
I had fallen asleep in Nino’s arms. And as usual, when I woke the next morning, I was curled into him just like every morning, but today felt different. Light streamed in through the gap in the curtains, and I sighed, my fingers tracing along Nino’s stomach.
“How do you feel?”
His voice startled me, even though I’d known he was awake. He always woke before me. I didn’t lift my head and pressed my cheek tightly against his chest. “Good.”
Nino’s hand stroked my arm. “No lies.”
“I’m not lying,” I said and finally looked up into his calm face. It wasn’t exactly cold. “Yesterday, I finally freed myself of him and you helped me do it. That’s all that matters.”
Nino’s fingers moved to my spine then slowly trailed higher, brushing my neck, and I stilled, waiting for the flicker of panic; there was a moment of unease, more because I waited for the panic and memories to surface than because of Nino’s touch. He eased his fingers into my curls, cupping the back of my head, and I smiled.
“See. I told the truth.”
His eyes narrowed slightly, but I wasn’t sure why. He looked almost confused, which was strange for Nino. I propped myself up on his chest and kissed him, and he readily returned the kiss and soon pulled me on top of him, his erection digging into my thigh. He pulled me down until his tip brushed against my opening, but he didn’t slip in. Instead, he kissed me and his hands massaged my ass cheeks. I allowed myself to drown in the taste of his lips, allowed the strokes of his rough fingertips to steal the last of my tiredness.
He pulled back slightly, his expression tense with desire. “I want you.”
I kissed him harder, answering him with my body and not with words. His fingers moved between my legs, slipping between my folds, and he exhaled.
“So wet,” he murmured.
I bit my lip when two of his fingers pushed into me. The sensations spread from my core into every nerve ending, and I arched up, allowing him to push deeper into me. How could I have ever thought this wouldn’t be good? Nino managed to make everything good for me.
He watched me with toe-curling intensity as I rocked my hips against his fingers. My pleasure was mounting, and I could feel myself getting closer. Nino pulled his fingers out before I could find my release, and I huffed in protest, squirming on top of him for some friction against his pelvis.
“You’ll get it,” he growled, and I shivered hearing his voice.
He gripped my hips and pulled me down until finally his tip slipped into me, and I moaned at the sensation. He pushed his hips up, sliding all the way in, and I shuddered through my release, desperately clinging to him as my walls clenched around his length.
I buried my face against his throat as he rocked his hips, driving himself into me again and again. No pain, no fear, no memories.
Only Nino’s warmth and the pleasure only he could bring me. Clinging to his shoulders, I looked into his eyes, and in my mind three words repeated themselves over and over again.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
Neither of us broke eye contact as Nino slammed into me over and over again, and when his thumb flicked over my clit, I threw my head back as pleasure coursed through me. Nino growled against my throat, his tongue swiping over my pulse point. Then he bit down lightly as he released into me.
Listening to his pounding heart, I relaxed. Love: a game for fools. I wasn’t sure where I’d read the phrase, but I knew it was true.
That night Nino had his first fight since we got married. I was more nervous than he was, which wasn’t really all that difficult. But still, I was really nervous.
I put on the elegant red cocktail dress that I had bought with Nino. It wasn’t as luxurious as the other dresses, but it accentuated my curves in a way I had never allowed before. I had always been worried that displaying my body would make people blame me for what happened, that it would make them see that I wasn’t the epitome of purity I was supposed to be, but I wanted to be rid of that thinking as well.
Nino had already left an hour ago so he could prepare for his fight, and I was supposed to ride with Savio. In the last few weeks, he had avoided me, probably because he resented me for the whore-ban in the communal space in the house.
When I walked toward the main part of the house, I found Savio lounging on the sofa, texting someone on his phone. He had a strange smile on his face as he stared at his screen, but he quickly shoved his phone into his pocket when he noticed me and straightened. His dark eyes scanned me from head to toe, and despite him being two years younger than me at only seventeen, he managed to make me nervous with his attention.
“You look hot in red,” he said, surprising me.
“Thanks?” I said hesitantly, not sure how to handle his compliment.
He nodded and came toward me. Savio was almost as tall as Nino and held himself with complete confidence.
I tensed when he stopped beside me.
“You don’t have to get all tense because I’m close,” he said. “You are family. I’m here to protect you.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“So far you haven’t seemed too happy having me around.”
He shrugged. “It’s annoying that I can’t fuck girls where I want now that you’re here. I have to go to my part of the house. I really liked to fuck on the pool table.”
I grimaced. “Okay. I’m glad you and Remo both fancy the table.”
He smiled, and it transformed his face, making him more approachable. He was more controlled than Remo in some regards but nowhere near as calm as Nino, and he was way cockier than both of them.
“Come on. I don’t want to be late for the fight. Nino’s going to rip that asshole a new one.”
Savio led me toward his Ferrari. He drove like a madman, and I clutched the seat as if that would save me if he crashed the car. Apparently, Adamo wasn’t the only one who enjoyed racing. I definitely wasn’t a speed junky.
When Savio and I entered Roger’s Arena, a shiver passed through my spine. The place was crowded with people. Every table and booth was occupied, and many people stood against the wall. The scent of blood, beer, and sweat hung in the air, and the neon tubes attached to the mesh wire on the bare concrete walls emitted an eerie glow.
My eyes scanned the words they formed. Honor. Pain. Blood. Victory. Strength. The bar was cast in the same red glow, and the women behind it worked in overdrive to serve the customers quickly. Looking down at myself, I realized how well the blood red of my dress fit the occasion.
Savio nodded toward a red leather booth close to the cage, where Fabiano and Leona were sitting. “Come on. Let’s go over to them.”
In passing, we greeted his friends and their fathers and a few people I didn’t know but who obviously knew who I was.
Arriving at the booth, Leona gave me an encouraging smile. “It’ll be okay. Nino is undefeated in the cage.”
Fabiano nodded. “He’s brain and muscle ... that’s too much for most opponents.”
