by Paul Harm
In the welcoming atmosphere of the diner the darkness could not persist and the cognitive effort on the badly-injured mind took its toll in the form of a new sensation that felt like ice-cold needles drilling through Joseph’s temples in agonizing slow motion. John looked at him and smiled a calming smile. “But maybe I’ve just been out in the night too long and homesickness finally caught up to me.” John laughed, but not without paying the price, needles approaching his temples too. When the waitress put down the tasty food and the delicious-smelling coffee and orange juice both of them sighed. After finishing the meal, they went back to the topic of Enceladus, or Joseph did. “Why is the sky different? What do you mean by that?” John looked at him for a long time, when he finally started talking Joseph knew it was a privilege of an old friend to hear the following, maybe he was the only one ever heard it from him.
“When I first moved from home to the Atlantic University I didn’t feel the change of places to be much of a difference to me. When I got homesick and looked around the unfamiliar area it didn’t bother me at all, but when I looked up in the blue sky, there it was. It felt so strange to me the clouds looked different, the sky itself seemed to have another scent. This is where I felt the difference, not in the people, the area, the animals or plants, for me it was the sky that felt so different.” John took a big sip of his coffee his hands started to shake a bit as they were both holding the cup. “When I looked into the starry night from Enceladus this feeling overwhelmed me again but with more dedication.” “So, it’s a horrible thing to you?” “No, it just made me question if evolution intended humans to travel that far from home. Space holds nothing for us, there’s nothing in the dark emptiness for human beings.” “I’m shocked to hear it! You’re one of the leading space engineers and Nano-Tek developer there is to build space stations no one ever thought is possible to create.” “That’s true, but it only serves a scientific purpose for humanity, it isn’t a new soil because we can’t take root in the vacuum of space.”
“I didn’t know you had that in you John, a philosopher’s heart! How very surprising.” Not even the fear of needles could have prevented Joseph from chuckling. John looked at him in a mixture of disgust and surprise. “Is that what they teach an empath? Because it seems to me they wasted their time on you.” “My apologies, of course you’re right. It’s just surprising, you’re the most space settling activist I know and to hear it from you what most people on Earth think, it’s just funny John.” “You’re probably right. It’s funny.” John chuckled, no more darkness in his mind. “I have to get going after this, I need to be on Lunar Complex for my transit.” “Where are you heading, John?” “Mars, of course, we have to set up the geothermic stations and we’re planning a second city in the sky.” “So, Ruby Station is already at maximum capacity?” “Ruby is a mess! It’s old, uses a lot of outdated technology and half of the staff is busy just keeping it in the sky without people suffocating or freezing to death.” “Is it that bad? But it’s only 20 years old.” “When I finished university, it was the state of the art space station, it was the Mecca of scientific endeavor and humanities’ foothold in the night, but most of the systems weren’t built for such a long operation and the maintenance of equipment is insane not to speak of the constant course corrections to stay in orbit.” “So, shut it down?”
John laughed “And what if we did, what do we achieve? We set back our hold on Mars for about the same time we’ve the station in the sky. If my plan works, we build a new station, or rather, the framework for a new station, an empty shell, and with this we can build a self-sufficient station, at least that’s the plan. We’d still rely on Earth’s technological resources but it’s just a matter of time until we can manufacture our own.” “But that sounds very good! I hope you achieve your goals then, John, really, good luck! Let me know how things are going.” “I’ll do that. What’s the time Joseph?” “About midday.” “Oh, I’ve to leave now, or I’ll miss my shuttle to Rubin, they don’t launch those things too often.” “I accompany you to the next cascade entry point, ok?” “Yeah great, let’s go.”
It was a great night and it felt like they had never been apart. It had so much familiarity in it. Joseph always missed John, though he never told him. It was the vast space that made him seem so far away. In the beginning a person was far away when he was in another town, then it became easier to travel with the invention of the wheel, the other town was closer and at the same time the possibility to move towards another country came along. So, people now lived in another country and visits were rare if possible at all, the feeling of being so far apart was nothing to be desired. But soon came the train and countries connected, ships and airplanes connected continents, shuttles and cascades connected the moon, after that first the inner and later the outer planets. That seemed to be the hard border of the human galactic activity, the outer planets.
It seems like all of history there was this strange game where every time you try to reach your loved ones, they seemed to get further and further away, just so you could invent better and better technology to catch them, so they could use that technology to... you get the idea by now. Joseph’s heart beat heavy in his chest as he walked down the streets of Salera but in reality, he was walking through his memories from early school, the incident where John had been taken, the start of university and their summer revivals. Even though all of his friends seemed to drift further apart, John always felt the most far away, maybe because he was. And with that thought Joseph made himself chuckle and was thrown back into the present. “I’m going to miss you, you know.” “Joseph, don’t get sentimental on me now, it’s not that easy for me either. While you go back to your beautiful and kind wife and see your intelligent and amazing daughter every now and then, I’ll be sitting in the sky over Mars on Rubin, harvesting the storms and planting the seeds for a new tomorrow for a galactic human empire, which I’ll never see.”
It hit Joseph hard, unexpected. - I’m a fool. - By now John had crossed the point in his life where he spent more time in the night than on Earth or Lunar. Disconnected from friends and family, he hovered over Mars generating a second Earth for a generation he would probably, no, surely never know. He was a hero in a way, because of his work there would be billions living, Earth was maxed, more people were not good for the ecosystem on the blue planet. “I’m sorry, John. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.” “You should have thought about that before you forced me boozing, so much gin and tonic!” John laughed while he tapped Joseph on the shoulder. Joseph joined in and so they went the last couple of meters arm-in-arm, the bromance was real, it always had been. “I’m going to miss you John, as always.” “I know, it’s part of what keeps me sane up there.” He smiled while resting his heavy arm around Joseph’s shoulders, the hug lasted a couple of seconds and included quite some back rubbing, like two primates who had not seen each other and had therefore missed each other for a while. But in this case, they would not see each other for a long time. John’s work(place) simply did not allow it. The problem with the wheel, if you remember. Somehow a strange thought made his way into Joseph’s consciousness, a goodbye forever and that hit Joseph hard. He wiped away a tear as the embrace stopped and placed a soft hand on the back of John when he disappeared into the cascade’s pod. Joseph stood there and watched the pod take off, destination Atlantic Ocean - Lunar Cascade. On the shores of the Atlantic the pod would continuously accelerate until finally released from the network, shot into the sky at the Lunar Cascade, and from there he would board a shuttle or a ship and be gone to Ruby - the outdated station in the Martian orbit.
On the way back to his flat Joseph suddenly felt the urge to fetch an old painting from the office. He thought that was odd, but he headed for the office anyway. On the way there, many things crossed his mind. His family, the way life worked out for the people he held most dear and the state of the world in general. It was a weird train of thought. It was like his brain and soul needed a new orientation or were reev
aluating whether the old ones still fit with who he was as a human being. It seemed to fit somehow. When he opened the door to his office, his secretary was there. “Good to see you, Mr. Grey, your patient arrived just a couple of minutes ago.” “Good Morning Gabriela, my what?” “Mr. Grey if I may suggest you get into the bathroom first, I’ll serve Ms. Finch some tea in the meantime.” “Ms. Finch is here? But she didn’t show up in weeks.” “Mr. Grey, go into the bathroom or I tell her you called in sick, you look horrible, and if I may say, you smell.” “Point taken.”
There it was again, a shake in his core. Not because of Gabriela, he hired her because she did not dance around the truth. It was her. Melinda was here, strange timing, no call before she came in, no sign of her being back or anything, and now she was sitting in his office on a day he did not plan on working at all. And she arrived just a couple of minutes ago. - How did she even know? Did she know? - The warm shower felt like balm for the soul and the uneasy thoughts stopped bothering Joseph for a while. Refreshed and fueled with good old caffeine Joseph was good to go not even ten minutes later, but he still felt last night. The shower transformed his mixed feelings about Melinda being here today into a very strong scent of curiosity, and curiosity has quite some power over body and mind. Awake and alert, that would be a fitting description for Joseph’s condition at the moment.
“Hello Melinda, I didn’t expect you today to be honest, how have you been?” He stated casually while he was entering his office. Melinda’s green eyes radiated a strange sensation. “We need to talk, Joseph.”
X. Therapy Session
“What do you want to talk about today, Melinda?” “My dream, of course, the second one. The one in the desert.” “What happens in the desert?” “My heart is broken. I’m standing in the ashes on the foot of a volcano and there are two caves. In one of them I can’t see, the other one houses my lost love and his new love while I remain in solitude. It smacks me to the ground when they kiss, I think I’m dying. I feel how every part of me dies a slow and painful death in agony for what feels like an eternity, while the ash rain descends upon my lying body. While I wish them the best of luck and the most horrible misfortunes my heart breaks into a thousand pieces. All I want to achieve is my peace with this because I know I’m going to die and I don’t want my last thoughts to be a curse.” Melinda’s head bowed as she seemed to be in physical pain. “What happens next, Melinda?”
There it was again; this woman was something else. He was listening to her for not more than five minutes and a new sensation filled his being, something so strange and so familiar he still could not put his mind to it. “I’m gone. Darkness took me over, I’m ok with it, after all these sensational feelings I’m just happy to no longer be a vessel for them. I awake in a desert at night, it’s a majestic sight a bright white crescent hovers just above the dunes in the sky, in its middle a thin cloud passes through. The surrounding mountains give it a mystical touch by casting long shadows through the desert. Everything glows in a dark blue and violet, the night sky shows the full beauty of its divine heritage. If I had to name the beauty of it in a person it’d have to be princess Scheherazade herself. My pain is gone, but I’m terribly lonely, and I don’t know what to do. After admiring the scenery for a long time, I decide to head in one direction to get towards the mountains. I feel like I just came here to die again but this time I’m truly alone. Even my broken heart abandoned me to die out in the desert all alone, I feel nothing but emptiness and a long list of regrets circling my mind. I lay down and tears roll down my cheeks, I feel sorry for myself and I feel tired of living.
I pray for help and guidance while I slowly become comfortable with my inevitable fate. I know when the sun rises in the east I’ll be dead within hours, there’s no tree, no rock no nothing that would cast a shadow to hide and the sun will scourge me from existence. I open my eyes and the beauty of the firmament sets my soul at ease, I’m ready. I feel something smiling at me and all of the sudden a shooting star leaps across the starry night. It banishes the night and its light has the power and intensity of a full moon. I follow its trail and soon lose track of his direction as the night takes over again. As I stop chasing the approximate direction and despair befell me again all of a sudden, another shooting star leaps through the sky, it’s the same direction as far as I can tell. I follow its glowing tail, and my soul feels touched by a divine blessing, something guides me, and I feel the pain of my broken heart returning, it hurts but it’s something, at least the emptiness passed.
After following the reappearing shooting stars for hours, I finally reach a mountain. As I search the base of the mountain, I find a stairway climbing up its rocky body. I climb up the stairway and after a while I hear the soft trickle of water. It’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. After another couple of stairs, I can hear birds singing and as I climb up the rocky stairs, I realize that the sun is rising with me. I’m one with this place and this place is one with me, when I finally reached the oasis a waterfall and a little basin appears, and I drink the most refreshing water I have ever tasted. Next to me a deer drinks too, even though the majestic night is gone, an even more majestic day takes shape around me. I look around and the oasis is a hidden sanctuary untouched by the brutal and lifeless desert surrounding it and all the animals of the forest come out and drink at the river. It’s sensational, and the area is huge. I spend the next couple of weeks there and I don’t ever want to leave.
After some time, I wake back at the foot of the volcano, ash covering my body I can’t see, almost can’t breathe either. I need to get up and so I do. There’s lava flowing and the mountains smoke, everything is covered in ash, beautiful white ash. Like eternal snow it conserves everything it buries under it. My love is gone, I’m alone in the ashes of a gone past, so I get up with the little strength I have, and I make my way into the cave I couldn’t see into. I’m gone.” Melinda released a heavy sigh. She did not look at him while telling her story, the glitter at her checks told Joseph enough to not ask questions about it.
He was shaking himself, as usual this woman broke all his defenses he so carefully implanted into his being in order to be a therapist in the first place. The air was crackling, and the room seemed like a high voltage area, just a word and a thunderbolt with the strength of a thousand fusion reactors behind it would blow up this room, the city, the continent, maybe the whole planet. Who knows, maybe that was even true. But as a matter of fact, tension tended to release itself over time and after a couple of minutes the air was danger free again. Surprisingly enough it was Melinda who started talking again. “I’ll see you three more times, because you need to know all of my dreams and there are five.” Joseph sighed “Yes, ok, but don’t you want to talk about the implications those dreams have on your psyche? I mean that’s why you’re here, right?” Melinda smiled at him.
“It’s you who needs my dreams.” Melinda’s green eyes focused on him and the world around him vanished for an instant. Like prey driven into a corner, his heartbeat accelerated and his pupils widened, a strange sensation ran down his spine and his body and mind froze. “I don’t think so, Melinda.” He laughed an almost too comfortable laugh revealing his inner world as he chuckled the fake laugh alone, which really was a battle for dominating his own mind again.” If you say so.” Melinda’s glance softened, and the world reappeared around Joseph. “But you’ll need them, anyways, so you better pay attention to the details, that’s all I’m asking of you. Three more times I’ll tell you my dreams, three more stories you need to hear.” “Melinda, I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me here. You’re my patient and I’m your therapist, you can tell me as many dreams as you see fit.” “You’re my therapist, yes, still I need to tell you three more dreams. Remember that, because maybe I won’t be able to tell you in person.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “It means, my dreams might be delivered another way.” “You’re very cryptic, Melinda. If you don’t want to talk about it it’s o
k, we don’t have to and if you prefer me to read, you can always write to me and we may talk about it afterwards. You know I care about you.”
Now that last sentence was an overstep unusual to a professional. But it happened so let us just move on. She smiled. “You don’t understand. I’m willing to talk about it, but I mightn’t be able to, so this being said, there’s something you need to remember, there are five dreams.” “Ok, Melinda there are five dreams. I’ve got it.” “Yes, they’re important. I’ll be gone for today; my next visit will be soon.” “Where have you been the last couple of weeks?” “I can’t tell you, but it was as far as a human can travel these days.” Melinda let out a laugh and stood up while she swung her bag across her shoulder. “I have to go now.” “Oh, ok, so soon? But what about the other dreams?” “Soon, I have a lot to do, but soon, Joseph.” “It’s ok, Melinda, I’ll see you another time, just one more question. How did you know that I was here today?” “I was lucky. Goodbye, Joseph, it was a pleasure as always.” “Good bye, Melinda.”
Joseph sank back deep into his chair, his arms now resting at his side and the notebook with scribbles lying on the table. He sighed. – What a day. I need a coffee. Something is going on with this lady, I’m sure of that now. - He slowly fell asleep just to dream about an ash rain and a fire spitting volcano for the rest of the afternoon. Of course, it probably looked nothing like what it looked for Melinda, but it was in principle about the same setting, close enough, except of course the emotions, you could never copy emotions. His coffee cup stood in the middle of the table when he woke late in the afternoon and the sun set in a red glare beyond the horizon. “Transparency to zero.” Joseph commanded as the outer wall became transparent and it was quite a sight. Joseph enjoyed flocks of dark birds flying in front of red and purple glowing clouds as the sun slowly vanished beyond the horizon. Curiosity started to grow in the back of Joseph’s mind. Who was that woman? By now he was sure that therapy was not why she came to him. He stared into the sunset.
