Lord Emerson hadn’t looked up from the book he was still reading. “And further on,” he continued, “is has another entry...”
“For heaven’s sake!” Katie erupted, “isn’t that enough? Must you continue to torture me with the details? The point is quite clear! It would be ridiculous for me to continue in my search for Uncle James. Even if I found him, do you think he would accept his sister’s illegitimate daughter?”
The bitter truth had made all the unusual incidents of her childhood come crashing into place like a puzzle fitting neatly into all the right spaces. “Thank you Lord Emerson, you have been very kind.” Katie struggled to compose herself. “Now could I please go back upstairs?”
Alden Emerson closed the book. He took one look at her stricken face, and could have kicked himself for being so bungling. “How clumsy of me,” he apologized, responding to the hurt look in Katie’s eyes. “I didn’t even think...I was so engrossed in learning about such incidental things as what kind of servants had worked at Emerson Manor so many years ago. I’ve never even bothered to look at these books until now. I beg your forgiveness. I am so sorry, Miss Dow. My manners are deplorable!” Why hadn’t he realized how fragile this lovely woman actually was? She had been putting on such a good front, that he had toyed with her indignation, but now he realized he had hit upon a very soft spot, and it had been shameful of him, to say the least!
Katie narrowed her eyes. Of course, his manners were deplorable! He had been rude to her off and on the entire night! Now he was suddenly coming to that conclusion? Yet even in his awkward apology, the use of her Sir name stung her ears.
Her very name was a bitter reminder that she really had no legal name. Because of her parentage, she had inherited only her mother’s maiden name. Katie now cringed at the sound of a name she had been so proud to carry, before she discovered the bitter truth of the circumstances behind her birth.
“I...I would rather you not call me Miss Dow...it is such a horrible reminder that...that I really have no... legal name. There must be some mistake,” she reasoned aloud, “why didn’t my mother tell me? Now, whatever am I going to do?”
Lord Emerson rose up abruptly from his chair the book now pushed aside. For the first time, he too looked somewhat at a loss as to what he should do either. His emotions were churning inside. He was supposed to be a gentleman, and yet he had teased and taunted this poor creature beyond endurance! Even in his trying to help her, he had only brought her painful news.
It seemed suddenly, to Katie that this self-assured man no longer was in a position to make confident decisions as to what Katie’s wisest actions should be. Up until now, he had acted so sure that he knew all the answers and was eager to inform her of them. “I’m...I’m so sorry, Miss...” he stopped short. “Would you rather I call you Katie?”
Katie nodded, as she watched his disposition change. The previously, matter-of-fact demeanor, which he had worn so boldly in his eagerness to get down to business, slid off like the skin of a snake. Now this Lord of Emerson Manor had altered into a thoughtful concerned individual who appeared to be feeling the anguish that Katie expressed in her eyes. Was it merely an illusion, she wondered?
In haste, his strides brought him around the table to her side and muscular arms lifted her up, almost timidly, unlike the other times he powerfully swooped her up in his grasp. “Of course, I will take you back to Lorna’s room. It is apparent that I have done nothing but bungle my manners this entire evening.” He shook his head as he continued to chide himself. “My actions are inexcusable! I...hope you do not think me a complete numskull! If there is something I could do to help you...I feel responsible somehow...” If he could only take back his mistreatment of her, he thought regrettably, as he felt her soft body in his arms, for the fourth time that night.
“You needn’t pity me, Lord Emerson. It is hardly your fault that I am who I am. The events of this evening have been unfortunate, but I was the one who decided to ride out here without taking into account the bad weather, or what I might discover. Had my mother been more honest with me it would have saved us both all of this unpleasantness. Tomorrow I shall return to Windy Gates and then I will no longer be a worry to you.”
“No!” The word came out impulsively, almost as though it were a command. The very thought of her suddenly leaving before he could discover more about this tantalizing woman, was something he was not prepared to contemplate at the moment. Then Lord Emerson cleared his throat, and continued in a more restrained tone. “You said yourself that you had sold everything which was a means to your support. What can you do in Windy Gates? I can’t allow you to return there with no form of security or furtherance!”
Katie felt his arrogance was now seeping back into his veins, and she found him shifting back to the decisive man in control of the situation, once again.
Lord Emerson tried to explain his abrupt remarks. “I mean... after all, your mother did work at Emerson Manor, and we feel responsible for everyone who is under our roof, no matter what their status.” This sounded plausible enough, he thought. And it was true that he was suddenly feeling very responsible for this vision of loveliness he held closely in his arms.
This familiar lofty attitude was making Katie feel at a disadvantage again. Lord Emerson seemed so set on taking on the responsibility of her affairs and her decisions. The strength of his arms holding her so securely seemed to suck away her own fortitude and make her want to just crumple, allowing him to take over her every affair. But Katie’s own stubborn independence would never allow her to give in so easily.
“Lord Emerson, you are hardly responsible for my mother’s actions, any more than I am! As you pointed out, you were probably a mere child at the time, and we cannot undo what is already done. You owe me nothing. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”
“You put on a brave show, young lady, but you cannot bamboozle me.” He could not let her get away that easily! “I will not rest easy until I know your future is secure. Therefore, I refuse to listen to your arguments. This has been a shock to you, I’m sure. You just need some time to consider my offer of help. In the meantime, I hope that I can impress upon you, Miss… Katie, that I am truly sorry for all the unfortunate events of this night.”
Her name touched his lips softly, as if in pleading for her to understand. However, the misery of her own situation squeezed at her heart and roared in her ears, blocking out any notice of the change in his voice, or the pleading in his eyes. All she knew was that her horse was dead. She had no future to speak of, and her plans of finding her uncle had been destroyed. Now she had to face the reality that she was a bastard child!
“It seems, Lord Emerson,” the evenness of her tone was chilling, “that ever since we had the misfortune of being in each other’s company, the events have been nothing but unfortunate! Perhaps none of it is your fault, but that does not change any of the circumstances!”
The tone of her voice stung at his heart. “Sincerely, I hope this will be the last of unpleasant events between the two of us!” he ventured. “I hope you will believe me when I tell you in all actuality, I am not, as rude as I appear to be this night. It is probably the late hour and my long journey that has made me so careless.” He was having a hard time understanding it himself. How could he expect this woman to understand?
Katie’s position was infuriatingly awkward. Lord Emerson had made no attempt to remove himself from the spot he had been occupying when he first lifted her into his arms. A helpless humiliation crawled over her, burning her skin in a flair of emotion. In exasperation, she pushed herself away from him, trying to wriggle free of those constraining arms.
“If you are not going to take me back upstairs, Sir, would you do me the favor of letting me return on my own?” she pleaded.
“Certainly, not! I shall take you back directly if you wish.” Had Lord Emerson had his way, he would have stood there all night holding her soft body against his own, but he realized now that he was starting to alie
nate the young woman, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He quickly moved into the hallway and ascended the stairs with Katie still held firmly against him. He felt reluctant to let her out of his arms, knowing that all she wanted to do was flee from his presences. I should be shot at sunrise! He thought in disgust. He entered the room that had once belonged to his sister, and set Katie courteously on the bed, regretting the very moment he no longer felt her within his embrace.
“I am serious about what I said. I have an idea that may be of some help to you, but I must investigate it first, so do not be so eager to return to your home in Windy Gates. You are my guest here until I can secure something for you.”
Katie tossed him a disgruntled expression. “That will not be necessary, Lord Emerson, You need not...”
“It is Necessary, Miss... Katie, and I don’t have time to listen to your displeasure in my offer to help you. The help is there whether you like it or not! Apparently you are too proud to accept something that will greatly benefit you in the long run, so I will hear none of your refusals!” He had not meant to sound so commanding, but he was beginning to become exasperated with the way events were turning out. He was merely trying to be firm in his offer of help, but somehow, she had a way of always turning his words against him. Feeling he could say no more to mend the situation, he departed with a curt “Good-night.”
Exhaustion descended upon Katie, in one fell swoop, the moment Lord Emerson had removed himself from the room, and the door had met the jamb. Now she no longer had to give a show of strength for Lord Emerson’s benefit. Her shoulders slumped and the tears, that had been scratching at the back of her eyeballs, at last, escaped. Like a bursting dam, they streamed down Katie’s cheeks falling unchecked as her body trembled with every sob.
Lord Emerson, whishing he had been a little less abrupt, paused at the door, and started to open it again, to apologize for his unintended rudeness, but as he pushed the door open a crack, he could hear the heart rending sobs coming from the poor woman, and knew she would be all the more humiliated if he intruded on the scene, so he quietly closed the door again and departed, his own heart starting to ace for some strange reason, at hearing the agony of her despair.
Katie slowly shed the green dress in its soft satin splendor like a caterpillar shedding its cocoon. Only instead of gaining beautiful wings and flying away, she felt instead, she had changed from a hopeful butterfly into an ugly caterpillar, spelled out by the shameful word bastard.
Katie left Lorna’s lovely dress it in a heap on the floor, having lost even the strength to lay it neatly on a chair or hang it up. Crawling under the covers, which she discovered had been changed, after being soiled by her wet muddy clothes, she found herself too drained to think, and since thinking was so painful anyway, she let herself drift off to a restless sleep.
CHAPTER FOUR
It was late the next morning before Katie pulled herself out of the miasma abyss of comforting sleep. Heavy velvet curtains, covering the windows, kept the room in thankful shadows. Katie felt confused at her surroundings, and then everything came flooding back to her, as her head cleared, and she realized where she was.
Bess must have been there earlier, for the green dress was no longer abandoned on the floor. She stretched herself out of sleep, pulling her back up against the soft satin pillows just as the young maid, lightly knocked at the door, and then pushed her way in bearing a tray.
“Here you are Miss.” She greeted Katie with a cheerful smile, and placed the tray expertly on Katie’s lap.
A small white envelope on the tray beside her toast could not miss Katie’s notice. She lifted it and her slender fingers slid beneath the seal. Troubled green eyes fell upon the penned contents inside as Bess busied herself with pulling the drapes back and letting the sunshine stream in, embracing the room with its brightness and erasing all evidence of the gloomy storm from the night before. Katie’s brows knitted in bewilderment at the bold, angular script sprawled across the page
Miss Katie,
I hope you had a good night’s rest. I didn’t want to wake you when Bess informed me you were sleeping so soundly. I have ridden over to Winslow Hall to arrange a position for you with Lady Yarnell. She mentioned to me, not long ago, that she was in the need of a seamstress. Since you once owned a dress shop, I feel you could easily fill this position for her. I would hate to see you return to Windy Gates with no way to support yourself, and no family to care for you. Since Lady Yarnell is a close friend of mine, I am sure I can persuade her to give you employment. I will return shortly to inform you of the outcome.
Lord Alden
Katie stared at the striking, ornate scribbling for a moment, and then crumpled the note in her hand. How dare he take her affairs in hand without even consulting her first! He acted as if he were solely responsible for her welfare. The angry thoughts whirled through her head, like an out of control windmill. Hadn’t he done enough damage? She thought she had made it perfectly clear to him that he did not owe her anything, and that she didn’t need his assistance. Apparently, he chose to ignore her refusal of his help! He seemed so set on dictating her every move and taking over her destiny!
Furiously, Katie pulled the bell rope for Bess, who had left the room after opening the drapes, and threw the covers back impatiently. Her abrupt movements jostled the bed, almost upsetting the tray of food as she swung her legs over the edge of the mattress. Bess appeared instantly, her smile fading when she saw the look on Katie’s face.
“Is there something wrong with the meal?” she asked timidly, her young expressive face a cloud of concern.
“No Bess, I’m just not hungry. Where are my clothes? Have they dried yet?” The maid hesitated. “Well, Bess?” Katie asked insistently.
“It’s... it’s just that Lord Emerson had me throw them out, Miss.” Bess stammered, her face drawn in frustration. “He said they were too soiled for cleaning, and besides there are enough of Miss Lorna’s things for you to wear.”
“But Lorna’s things do not belong to me, Bess! He can’t just give his sisters clothes away!”
“Not to sound presumptuous, ma’am, but if she had been wanting them she would have taken them with her, or sent for them by now,” Bess reasoned, trying to gain control and smooth things over. “Besides, if we just leave them, they will soon be out of style, and no one will get any use out of them.”
“Well, nevertheless, Lord Emerson had no right to throw my clothes away!” Katie felt determined to be angry at Lord Emerson, for reasons she was not even sure of herself, but she did not want to analyze her feelings, she only knew it made her feel beholden to him if she accepted his gifts and help, and Katie had never had to be beholden to anyone before. She was not about to start now! She did feel a little sorry for Bess, who was caught up in the middle of things, merely by following orders. “Never mind, Bess,” she said a little more gently, “ I thought Daric retrieved my saddle bags. Where are they? I had some things in them I could wear.”
A worried looked puckered the maid’s face, and she didn’t seem to know what to do or say. “I don’t know anything about that, Miss.” Her helpless position was expressed by the wringing of her hands.
Seeing how uncomfortable Bess was becoming, Katie softened. “Not to worry, Bess, it wasn’t any of your doing. Find me something of Lorna’s that is suitable for travel and bring my boots please. That is, if Lord Emerson didn’t throw them out as well! I’ll be returning to Windy Gates as soon as I’m dressed.”
“Oh, you can’t do that, Miss! Lord Emerson left me with strict orders that you were to remain here until he returned. I’d get in terrible trouble if you were to leave before then!”
“Bess, I am not Lord Emerson’s ward! He cannot order me to do anything! I shall take the responsibility upon myself. I am sure that Lord Emerson is decent enough to understand that, and will not hold you accountable for my actions. You tell him that for me. Now please find me something to wear. I’ll need a carriage to return home in,
as my horse has been shot.” Katie swallowed the lump in her throat at the memory of Shancy. Lord Emerson owed her that much, she thought.
“Yes Miss.” Bess bobbed, her face torn with indecision, not knowing which person she should obey. She turned reluctantly towards the closet. Presently, the confused maid laid out a gray traveling suit for Katie, along with her newly cleaned riding boots, and then hurried downstairs to see about a carriage.
Katie found her ankle was still sore, but she was able to put her weight on it without wincing in pain, she pulled the wrapping from her ankle and gently pulled her boots on as carefully as she could. Her nimble fingers pulled the garments laid out for her, onto her slight, but attractively curved frame. With the expediency of someone in a rush, she dressed as quickly as she could, thinking furiously about the way Lord Emerson was just assuming that she would meekly go along with whatever he suggested!
As Katie stepped out onto the front porch, favoring her lame foot, the sun greeted her with a balmy freshness, which always seemed to follow in the wake of a storm. While she waited impatiently for the carriage on the front drive, she could not help but notice how the cobblestone drive looked so clean and scrubbed by the hands of Mother Nature and Katie found herself stopping and taking in her surroundings involuntarily at seeing the expanse of the grounds that surrounded Emerson Manor.
The grandeur of the aged architecture, which supported the great Manor itself, was noteworthy of her pause to appraise its graceful stone structure, even at the angry haste that she found herself in. Perplexingly, the walls seemed to call out to her in a surprisingly friendly fashion, and this puzzled Katie, since she thought she wanted to put Emerson Manor as far behind her as possible. Presently, a carriage, pulled by magnificently matching grays, approached before her, then halted, and the same driver from the night before, climbed down to assist her with the door. Katie barely looked at the coachman.
Winslow's Web Page 6
