If that was true, perhaps she should take Justin's advice and just go back to Windy Gates. Could it be that was best all the way round? She thought of Alden's kiss and it started to fill her with a warm, yet frustrated feeling. If I was not here, everyone could go about their business. James would be happy, and Alden could concentrate on his new heiress. Somehow, that thought disturbed her more than she wanted to admit. Her head was just too tired to think. There was always tomorrow to make definite decisions. She turned over, covered her head with the blanket and tried to put it all out of her mind. Yet just the same, she could not dismiss the memory of Alden’s kiss.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Katie woke the next morning feeling frustrated and confused. Very frightening events had happened to her twice since she had come to Winslow Hall, and she could see no apparent reason for it.
She awoke early, feeling restless in spite of the late hour she had kept the night before. The sun was just coming over the hills beyond the boundary of the main grounds. Katie jumped up from her bed and dressed quickly in her riding habit. She felt like being alone, and away from the house. The rest of the household would be asleep after the night's ordeal, and Katie decided to take this opportunity to have an early morning ride on Chance, while no one would miss her.
She slipped down the two flights of stairs, and through the hall. As she passed the ballroom, she paused at the open door. The room was still cluttered with the debris of the masquerade, from only the night before. Yet to Katie, it seemed to be a million years ago... almost as though in a dream. It was a dream that could never actually be reality, she reminded herself.
Had Alden actually held her in his arms and glided her across that floor? She came to the realization that up until last night, she hadn't really been living, but merely existing. Her life had always seemed empty. All her life she had yearned for something more, than just a woodland cottage, and being with her mother. She was looking for another part of herself. She thought it was the discovery of her true identity, but now she wondered if it wasn’t more than that?
Now she had to admit to herself that she was discovering what it was she had been yearning for all of her life, the moment that she felt Alden's lips on her own. It had been that touch. That awakening! That knowing that there was someone out there that could make her feel complete. Yet now even that scrap of pleasure was beyond her grasp.
Alden's kiss had awakened something that had been sleeping inside of her longer than she wanted to admit... something that she had been afraid to let out until now. She had been afraid to face the fact that she felt more than just admiration for Alden.
At first, she thought she hated him, and his arrogant ways. She despised the way he had treated her like an awkward child. Though, in reality, until last night, she had always felt like an awkward child in his presence. Last night he made her feel like the woman she was. He praised her on her beauty and cunning, and kissed her in a way that took her breath away. Only that kiss meant nothing to him, she inwardly seethed.
He was too embroiled with future possibilities involving Katherine Gail Winslow to have been serious in his advances towards her, regardless of what he told her concerning his attraction to her. He was used to having women fall at his feet, demanding his attention as Alain and Katherine did.
Katie had never succumbed to his charms. She was merely a challenge to him. After all, she was only the seamstress, ...a bastard child! He could toy with her affections as casually as he chose and she could never hold him to anything.
Now she scoffed at herself for being so weak and falling for Alden’s charm and charisma, like all the other women in his life. Although her anger at herself did not change the way her heart was feeling right at that moment. That feeling was something poets wrote of, and singers sang of, and her heart had dreamed of. She was helpless to stop the strange aching in her heart that she felt sure must be ...love! Was she in love… in love with Lord Alden Emerson? This was not fair!
She had fought against it from the beginning. She remembered how the light had caught his ruggedly handsome features as she sat beside him in his carriage, the first night they were thrown together unexpectedly. She still recalled the smell of his cologne as he carried her up the stairs to Lorna's bedroom, and that look on his face when he was examining her ankle. All those incidents had been so disturbing to her that she tried to calm the excitement growing within her by finding reasons to be angry with him.
Katie had to accept the fact that it had all been a way to keep herself from ever thinking foolish thoughts or daring to let herself hope that he may have similar feelings for her as well.
He was Lord of Emerson Manor, and was betrothed to another woman. Even if Katherine turned out to be a hoax, Alain had more of a chance to become Alden's wife than Katie ever had.
Katie caught her breath. She had actually thought of herself as Alden's wife! It caused her throat to feel tight, knowing that she was completely out of her mind to even think of such a thing. No, she must put such thoughts as far away as she could.
Alden had been cruel to have kissed her the way he had last night, when he knew full well nothing could come of it, but Katie's own broken heart. He thought nothing of how it may have aroused her feelings. To him it was just a brief moment of forbidden pleasure. Did he think that like her mother before her, she would be satisfied to fall into a love affair with him, with no strings attached, because she had no recourse?
The thought came to her that because she was a mere bastard, that Lord Emerson could easily take gross advantage of that fact, and put her in a compromising position, for lustful reasons. Maybe that was the only kind of future she could expect for herself from any man, considering the circumstances of her birth. How cruel fate had been to her!
She would rather leave and never see Alden again, than to love him hopelessly knowing that nothing could ever come of it. Katie told herself that she must resolve not to let Alden affect her so drastically. She could not let herself be so easily charmed by him, no matter how her heart jumped with excitement in his presence. Even so, her lips still tingled from Alden's passionate kiss. It was no use! She was hopelessly in Love with Alden!
Katie, herself, had been the result of a hopeless love affair. She was not going to let that unhappy reality of her life repeat itself upon the head of another misconceived child. She would not love Alden only to lose him in the end, and be left to live a life of loneliness as her poor mother had, with perhaps a child to care for as well. She must forget about the persistent aching in her heart, and the longing for Alden's arms to enfold her. She tried to push away the memory of the sweet, heavy desire that had flooded over her when Alden's lips touched hers. She had to stop torturing herself with unattainable fantasies!
Feeling impatient with herself, Katie crossed the dance floor, and passed through the glass doors out into the courtyard. Her head was bent deep in thought and she didn't see Alain until she heard the deep intake of breath.
"Why Katie, you...you startled me! What are you doing here? I mean why are you up and about so....so early?" she asked, in a strange tone. "I mean ...after your late night last night, I assumed you would still be in bed."
Katie smiled, trying to ignore the surprised look on Alain's face. "I could ask you what you are doing up so early too. You have never been an early riser!"
"You know I went to bed early last night," Alain defended. "Besides, there is absolutely no reason why I should explain my actions to you. However, just to satisfy your curiosity, I ...I couldn't sleep and thought I would come down and look at the remains before the maids cleared everything away. Was the ball enjoyable?"
Alain seemed nervous, and Katie wondered what the reason was? She realized, however, that Alain was in no mood to confide in her at the moment. "Yes. Yes it was very grand! You should have gone Alain, your costume was a great hit, and Katherine thought I was you at first, until she heard my French accent,” Katie giggled. “She was obviously jealous that your costume was more elabo
rate than her own. However, she took a great disliking to me after she let her feelings concerning you slip, so I never got the opportunity to talk to her and see if I could get some inside information from her, concerning her disappearance or return.
“You should have worn the costume, Alain, I was the object of much attention and Katherine was quite put out, to say the least."
Alain looked a little envious of Katie for a moment and then she looked away and asked sort of matter-of-factly, "Is that all? Did anything exciting happen last night?"
It was on the tip of Katie's tongue to tell Alain about her narrow escape, and then she decided that the less she spoke of the incident, the easier it would be to find out who was at the bottom of it. "Not really...except that Alden discovered who I was, and that I had used your costume. I was lucky that he didn't reprimand me."
"I assume you took the passage back to your room without any mishap. If I recall correctly, the last time you used it, you ended up falling over your balcony railing.”
Katie looked at her closely, but could only see polite curiosity in her expression. "Yes...as a matter of fact, I did make it back without mishap. Maggie was waiting for me when I arrived at my room, and we had a nice little chat."
"Oh," Alain frowned, "I wish you wouldn't spend so much time with that meddlesome old coot. She fills your head with ridiculous stories, like the ghost in the passage, and claiming my mother was murdered by my father. It’s unhealthy! I swear I don't know where she comes up with all those myths. I hope you don't believe everything she tells you."
"Well, she was right about there being a secret passage," Katie pointed out.
"She probably knew it was there all the time, and just spun a story about it to make it more interesting, but never mind about Maggie. I suppose we will have to put up with her. After all, she has been here since time began! She's part of the house now, like the paintings on the walls or the furniture."
Alain paused a moment and seemed to be taking in Katie's riding habit. "I see you are dressed for riding," she observed. "I was going to suggest that you take the day off and go riding, or whatever else you wish. You have worked so hard this last week getting those costumes ready. It was quite a mean trick for Katherine to give you so little time to prepare them. I think you deserve to do as you please for one day."
"Why, thank you Alain," Katie said sincerely. "I did manage to get one ride in last week and was planning to take another short one this morning, but I would like to explore more of this lovely countryside."
"Then by all means, do so. Why don't you take a lunch? Then you can spend the whole day and I won't expect you back until this evening."
"That does sound lovely," Katie admitted. "Only I dare say, I won't be gone all day. I am quite out of shape for long rides. I'm sure my muscles will give way before the day is out."
"Well, whatever. Take as long as you like."
Alain went on into the house, and Katie watched her go. She pondered on Alain's actions. Asking pointed questions about Katie using the passage, and then getting upset at her for talking to Maggie all the time. Then this strange suggestion that she spend the day riding just wasn't like Alain to think of anyone but herself. Katie wondered why she wanted her away from the house all day?
This was ridiculous, Katie told herself. Now she was becoming suspicious of everything, and everyone. Perhaps Alain was just growing up a little. Now that she wasn't the center of attention anymore it may have caused her to think of others. There was no reason for her to suspect Alain of anything anyway. Katie was fond of Alain. Alain wanted her to help her prove Katherine was a fraud. It was getting to the point where she was afraid to trust anyone, except Maggie and perhaps, Alden. Could she even trust them, she wondered? Such a thought was distressing. There had to be someone she could turn to, she hoped.
Katie tried to push the worry from her mind. Today was to be her own and she didn't want to spoil it with speculations about who was trying to harm her or maybe just scare her. It was probably all just in her mind, she tried to convince herself. There was probably a very simple answer she hadn't even thought of.
She decided to check the garden entrance to the secret passage before she took off for her ride to see if she could discover why the trap door had gotten stuck. She ran quickly to the willow tree and pulled at the ring attached to the age old door. It lifted easily! Had she imagined it to be locked last night, or had someone removed the evidence? She was more confused than ever. None of this made sense!
Katie looked around to see if she could see anything unusual such as a large rock that could have been placed on the door, or evidence that something had been jammed between the frame and door, but as far as she could see there was nothing. She shrugged her shoulders, and decided to forget about it for the moment. No harm had come to her anyway, and it was such a gorgeous day. She might as well go on her ride and figure out the mystery later.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Katie decided she would only ride until noon so there would be no need for her to fix something to eat. She hurried to the stables and saddled Chance. She could not help but remember the day Alden gave her Chance and that accidental tumble in the grass with him. Would such thoughts plague her forever? Why couldn’t she just get the man out of her mind? If only he had not kissed her! It was not decent that he had the power to stir her emotions so.
She tried to push the thoughts away, as she placed her foot in the stirrup, climbing up on Chance’s back with ease. It was exhilarating to ride out alone, without having to worry about when to return. She rode up over the ridge and began to canter easily over the rolling hills of the moor land.
It was then that she remembered Alden's invitation for her to join him riding, and she longed to have him mounted beside her with his cape flowing in the wind as if it had a free spirit of its own. Why did she torture herself with such thoughts, she scolded? It was better not to indulge in such daydreams. It was better that she was alone and would return before Alden even began to wait for her at the ridge beyond the woods. She knew if he were there now, it would be very difficult for her to keep herself from ridding in that direction, on the chance that she could be with him.
It was just as well that Alden should discover she had no intention of encouraging him. She hoped he would think that she did not care for him other than the friendship he had offered. She could not allow him to know of her foolish ambitions, or that she dared to think that he might ever entertain the thought of marrying someone of such little consequence as herself. As much as she dreamed it, she knew it was not safe for her to be in Alden's presence alone again… ever!
Katie took her time extending her ride into a slow and relaxing gate, so she never insisted that Chance do more than an easy canter. Riding Chance gave her a feeling of freedom and control. She felt nothing could touch her out here on the moors by herself, and she experienced pure pleasure as she roamed the moors and explored the wooded trails along the border of Winslow Hall and Emerson Manor.
How grand it must be to own such beautiful country side, she thought. Alden and Katherine, if she were Katherine, were certainly lucky to have possession of it all. Soon it would be joined as one Estate when they finally married. Katie frowned slightly, but refused to let anything put a damper on her day. She wondered aimlessly, what anyone would do with so much property and two huge Mansions? How could they live in both houses, she wondered? Surely, they would let Alain remain at Winslow Hall, instead of sending her off to the summer house, which she seemed to dread.
The sun was high in the sky when Katie started back. She felt content with herself as she stopped to drink in the landscape. She paused long enough to watch a fox scurry across the field and into the woods.
Katie’s eyes fell on a lacy patch of daisies clustered in the grass, and could not resist the urge to dismount and make herself a daisy chain while Chance grazed in the cool green grass not far away. She thought of her mother and how she had taught Katie to make such a chain when she was small.
Only as she remembered the incident, Maggie's face seemed to take the place of her mother's and she realized how close she had become to the old woman since she had arrived at Winslow Hall. It was almost as if Katie had known the old nursemaid all her life. She had missed her own mother so, when she died, and now it suddenly came to Katie that she was not so alone anymore.
As she finished the daisy chain Katie toyed with it in her hand. There were Irises running riot over the fields, holding up their regal heads among themselves as if gossiping about the lowly daisies at their feet.
Katie placed the wreath of daisies on her head at a lopsided angle, and curtsied clownishly to the Irises. "You see," she said in a very dignified tone, "No one ever uses Irises for a crown. You are not so much better than the daisies that you should bob and snicker so!" She flounced to the ground as she added, "I suppose I shall remain a lowly daisy also, and try as I may I shall never be a lovely, delicate Iris."
"But you make a very breathtaking daisy!" she heard the deep voice behind her say amusingly.
Katie knew without turning who it was. She didn't turn to face him. She was afraid of what her face might reveal. She only sat very stiffly and said, "I thought I had made it quite clear that I did not wish to go riding with you!"
"You certainly did, but I waited for you at the ridge anyway," Alden said rather softly. "When you didn't come I decided to fetch you, but Alain informed me you had left early this morning. Why didn't you wait for me, Katie? Why do you insist that you don't want me along?"
Katie turned slightly, daring to look at him. "I...I wanted to be alone," Katie told him truthfully, still afraid to look him in the eyes.
Alden dismounted, tethering his horse to a bush, and came up behind her. Katie felt her skin quiver as Alden knelt beside her, his hands touching her shoulders.
"What is the matter, Katie? I thought we were friends?" he said turning her towards him.
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