by Alex Wolf
“Nobody will look at me as anything but Decker’s glorified assistant and Deacon’s ex-girlfriend.”
Tate huffs out a long sigh. “You have to do what’s best for you. There are plenty of great firms out there and I’ll personally write you a letter of recommendation. But right now, don’t do anything sudden. Men expect us to act emotionally because that’s all they think we are, a big ball of emotions waiting to explode. Step back and get out of your head. Make sound, logical decisions. Sit down and do what you do best; analyze. Trust me. I’ve been there.”
I nod. I know she’s right. When men act petty or get angry, everyone just brushes it off. Like Decker and Deacon fighting like children in the conference room. It won’t be brought up in reviews or management discussions. But everyone remembers when a woman does it and she’s seen as a time bomb waiting to go off. “I’ll think about it.”
“It’ll be a real shame if we lose you. I mean that as a colleague and as a friend.”
“Thanks.”
“Anytime.” She glances at her watch. “Why don’t you take an early lunch. Let the temperature cool a little around here.”
I leave her office feeling a bit better, but I still can’t shake Deacon’s hateful stare from my mind. I walk past his office and start to knock but my pride won’t let me. I didn’t do anything wrong. If his first reaction is to throw other women in my face instead of talking to me like an adult, he’s not mature enough for a relationship.
Tears burn in my eyes once more when I pass the supply closet. Our closet.
I do need to get the hell out of here for a while. I make it to my desk and fire off a text to Heather asking if she can meet for lunch.
Quinn
It’s been two days and I can’t stop thinking about Deacon. I miss him more than I should. More than I realized I ever could. I miss his smile and his random texts. I miss him yanking me into the closet.
Neither of us have made an attempt to reach out, and he hasn’t been in the office. I have no idea if he went out for drinks with Dexter or not. I tell myself I don’t care, but I do. Which eats me up because I don’t have time to worry about him or be jealous.
I have school and my father to think about. The one thing I’m certain of is I’m glad I listened to Tate about taking my time to think things through. I haven’t decided what to do about my job yet. I would love to resign if Dad and I could afford it. It would free up time to be home with him and study.
It makes me hate Decker even more for paying me so well. I’m dependent on him now. I have to think about our bills and Dad’s medical care. However, I know I’ll never be taken seriously at The Hunter Group. I’ll always be the girl who hooked up with Deacon Collins in the supply closet and slept her way to the top, or the girl who was the best at fetching Decker’s coffee.
Even if it’s not true, perception trumps reality, always. Once people know Deacon and I were together, it’ll be all anyone talks about at the office. I could transfer to Dallas, but then I’d have to move Dad across the country. There’s no way in hell he’d go for that. He’s a Chicagoan, born and bred.
My chest squeezes tight at the thought of Deacon and I let out a sigh.
Dad glances over at me. “What’s the matter, kiddo?” His eyes crinkle at the sides, showing his age.
I haven’t said anything to him about Deacon. Regardless of how pissed I am, I can’t bring myself to say anything bad about him. I don’t know if it’s to protect Dad or Deacon. Probably both. I can’t keep this charade up forever, though. My dad can read me better than anyone.
I get about halfway through the story and trail off, no longer wanting to think about everything. It hurts too much.
My dad snickers.
I glare at him. “Why are you laughing?” How is any of this remotely funny to him? Can’t he see I’m hurting and conflicted? My damn life is at a crossroads and I have no idea what I should do.
“I’m not laughing at you. I just remember those feelings.”
“Huh?”
“Being in love.”
I roll my eyes. “I am not in love.”
“Sure.” He snickers again.
My face heats up, but deep down I know he’s right. I do love Deacon and that’s why this hurts so damn bad.
Dad gets this far off look in his eye, like he’s reliving the past. “When I met your mom, she was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen. She had your big green eyes. Of course, back then I still had my red hair.” He pats his bald head and laughs.
I smile.
He never talks about my mom…about before.
“I made a lot of mistakes with her. But God did I love her and wish I could’ve been the man she wanted me to be. I miss that feeling. I miss her smile and sometimes I see it when you laugh.”
“You think she ever thinks about us?” I’ve never allowed myself to truly miss her. I mean, you can’t miss something you never had, but I had a small sliver of Deacon and I miss him so damn much.
The jerk.
“Maybe. I know I think about her and wonder if I should have gone after her. Or asked her to stay. Things were complicated, kiddo. She had dreams she wanted to go after, and she did. I think I got the better end of the deal.” He winks at me.
“Gee, thanks.” I nudge him with my elbow.
“Do you love this guy? Be honest with yourself.”
For some reason, everything crashes into me at once. Maybe it’s just me admitting to myself I’m in love, and all the hurt that follows knowing he must not feel the same way. He’d have come after me already. My hands shoot up to cover my face and tears stream down my cheeks as I nod at my dad.
“Oh, sweetie.” He wraps an arm around my shoulder, and I collapse right into him.
He smooths the hair on my head as I cry into his shoulder. When I finally rise, he’s smiling.
“God, I really wish you would stop smiling at me right now.”
“Oh, honey. It’s not because you’re having problems with the guy, or because you’re hurting. I know you’re in pain.”
“What is it then?”
“It’s because I haven’t been able to do this in years.”
“Do what?”
“Be the one taking care of you.”
Well, if I was crying hard before, the floodgates open up now.
“And don’t worry. I’ve got a shotgun shell down there with Deacon’s name written all over it. I don’t care how good he was at football; nobody messes with my baby girl.”
“Thanks, Daddy.” I curl up into his side again.
“Joking aside, sweetheart. I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you. You may not think it, but he’s suffering right now. Bad. Trust me, I know things.”
“I don’t know what to do. It’s complicated. He probably hates me.”
“As much as I still dislike some of your mother’s choices, I still love her. I think I always will. Finish law school and go work at a different firm. He’ll come running, begging for forgiveness.”
“When did you get so wise?”
Dad belts out a laugh. “I’m not wise. Just been through a lot of shit. Experience has its merits.”
I shake my head at him. This talk was nice, and I feel a little better.
My heart hurts a little less.
But I still miss Deacon and I can’t see that feeling ever going away.
Deacon
“Good job getting that contract shit squared away. I know you’ve been working around the clock. Everyone was happy with the terms. Don’t fucking do it again.” Decker semi-smiles at me as his eyes dart over to a picture of him and Tate. After a few long seconds he says, “It may have been a mistake to bring up Quinn. And I shouldn’t have said all that other shit.”
I smirk. “Almost sounds like an apology.” Yeah, I did work my ass off, you prick. I had to draft an entire new contract and get it negotiated between the parties, then had to offer a hundred free legal hours to each of them to keep them from going elsewhere.
“You
fucked up. Don’t press your luck.” He shuffles some papers on his desk and I can’t help but glance over at them. He mumbles, “Sorry.”
“What was that?”
“Don’t make me kick your ass. I’m your big brother; I don’t give a fuck how many extra pounds of gut you’re rocking under that suit.”
“Hard as granite, bitch.” I rub my abs and laugh. “I shouldn’t have yelled at Tate that way, either. It was purely from a professional standpoint and not personal. But, she’s your fiancée and I feel bad about it.”
“I appreciate that. It’s like a daycare around here trying to deal with all of you.”
This is how it’s always been between all of us. One minute we’re about to fight, the next second we’re best friends. It is what it is. Although, Donavan and Decker’s little feud is still ongoing and worries the shit out of me.
“By the way, I fixed the Dr. Flynn problem. Would’ve told you sooner, but you ripped my ass about the contract.”
Decker’s eyes dart up to mine. “Really? You made it go away?”
“Yeah, I do a lot more than just party with clients. I work hard around here, even if I fuck off sometimes.”
“How’d you get it taken care of?”
I tell him everything that happened and by the end he’s grinning like a madman.
“Well, fuck. Good work.” His eyes roam over to the wall. “Maybe I’m too hard on you sometimes, but it’s only because I know how good you could be.”
“Yeah. Anyway, I have some shit to take care of.” I stand up from the chair.
Decker slides some papers off to the corner of his desk.
I notice Quinn’s name and bend down so I can read it.
“Shit.” Decker tries to cover it up but I’m faster.
I snatch it off his desk.
“Don’t…”
I hold a hand up and start reading. By the end, the paper is balled up in my fist and my eyes dart around his office.
I haven’t spoken to her since everything blew up a few days ago. I know she probably thinks I’m an asshole, but I had to fix this mess and it’s taken up all my time. I figured she was mad as fuck and I just didn’t know what to say to her. I thought I’d give her a few days to cool off then reach out. But now…
“You weren’t supposed to see that.” Decker runs a hand through his hair and cups the back of his neck. “God, I wish everyone would keep their personal shit out of the office. I’m no good at dealing with it.”
“I’m your brother.” I shake the paper in front of his face. “You should have told me Quinn was resigning. Tate told you about us. You know how I feel about her.”
“Are you sure she knows how you feel about her?” He glances to the paper in my hand.
I rush out of his office on a goddamn mission, ignoring the question.
Fucking women.
Two days and she already resigned.
I head to her desk and she’s not there.
Fuck.
She can run but she can’t hide from me forever. The contract shit is done, and I have nothing but time on my hands. We’re going to talk about this whether she likes it or not and it’s not going to be pretty.
I pause to think through the problem. If anyone knows where she is it’ll be her little buddy Tate. This was probably her idea, anyway. I swear that woman wants to ruin my life. If Decker had any clue what was about to happen, it’d be world war three, because I know Tate is still seething from everything I said to her, but I don’t give a fuck.
I may have promised to be nice to her, but that was before I knew about this.
I barge into her office without knocking. She ends her phone call and looks up at me with wide eyes. Her face slowly morphs to red and I’m begging for her to give me a reason to take out all this frustration on her.
“Where is she?”
“How about you fuck off out of my office then come back and ask nicely.” She folds her hands neatly on her desk and continues to stare at me.
My jaw ticks. Does she really expect me to say please? I’ve about had it with this chick, but I’ll be damned if I don’t walk out of her office, swallow my pride and the desire to rip the door off the goddamn hinges. I want answers, and this is the best way to accomplish it, but inside I’m raging. I do my best to hide it behind my eyes and walk back in. “Will you please tell me where Quinn is?”
I expect Tate to laugh hysterically at me, but she doesn’t.
What the fuck?
“It’s real, isn’t it?”
“What? I don’t know what you’re saying. Can you please just tell me where she is?”
“You’re in love with her.” She eyes me from head to toe. “Like, batshit crazy in love. I’ve never seen you look mad a day I’ve known you, and now you’re about to rage on anything in sight.”
I stand there, unable to form any words. I just look at the ground and nod.
“You know what, Deacon? You might not believe this, but I actually like you.”
“Huh?” I huff out half a laugh. I’m more surprised than anything.
“Yeah. And I think you and Quinn are great for each other. Even though I shouldn’t break the girl code, I’m going to tell you where she is. But hear this and listen up. If you piss her off, hurt her more than she’s already hurting, I’ll take that golf club from your office. You know the one I showed you how to use when I first came to the firm, because you suck at golf… remember that?”
I grind my teeth and ignore her insult because I want to know where Quinn is more than anything in the world. “I remember.”
“And do you remember all that shit you said to me in the conference room?”
“I’m…”
“Don’t apologize for it. You didn’t mean any of that shit. You were pissed off at Decker and took it out on me.”
“That’s correct.”
“Okay, so yeah, the golf club…”
“Fuck, I remember, okay? Jesus Christ.”
Tate smiles. “Well, you talk to me that way again, or tell Quinn how you found out where she was…I’ll shove it so far up your ass it’ll knock your goddamn head to the eighteenth green. We clear?”
“Yeah, yeah. I get it. You’re a badass and I’m an asshole, so just tell me where she is.”
Tate takes in a deep breath and looks away at the wall. “She went to a coffee shop to study on her lunch break. The one two blocks over is her favorite.”
I nod and head toward the elevators.
“You’re welcome.”
I swear to God I hear her mumble, “Asshole,” as I turn the corner.
I don’t give a shit.
Quinn
I didn’t expect to be so sad when I turned in my resignation letter, but I feel deflated, like a balloon after a date with a needle. I’m still struggling with what to say to Deacon and when to talk to him.
My dad was right. I do love him. I loved him the second we started dating, I just couldn’t admit it to myself. I want to tell him, but I’m scared. Half of me loves him with every fiber in my body and wants to chase after him. The other half screams to cut my losses and go on with life.
I take a sip of coffee and flip through my study notes. I can’t concentrate. About the time I decide to get up and leave, I glance toward the entrance.
This can’t be happening.
Not now. I’m not ready.
Deacon walks through the door and damn near collides with a hipster. His jaw is set, and his eyes scan the room, until they land on me.
What the hell?
I’ve given him space. I sat around waiting for him to make a move and just say something. Anything. He’s given me silence in return and now he wants to look at me like he’s irritated?
“Were you going to tell me?” He marches toward me and looks down his nose, right into my eyes.
I blink a few times.
This is all wrong.
I was supposed to have time to prepare before I talked to him. “Deacon... I—”
“
I’ve been working my ass off fixing that contract and I kept thinking, Quinn will come talk to me. Surely, she’ll come to me and explain why she went behind my back and threw me under the bus to my brother and…” He stares out the window, unable to even look at me. “God, I don’t even want to say her name, but Tate of all people. Instead you give me the cold shoulder and pretend like nothing happened.” His eyes land on me once more and his voice rises a little more. “I was going to apologize for everything I said that day in the hall.” His jaw ticks and everyone in the place stares at us, but he doesn’t seem to care. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t go anywhere with any girls. All I’ve done is work my ass off.”
“Deacon, if you just—”
He cuts me off and talks over me, shaking his head. “Never took you for a quitter, though. I thought you were tough, all that stuff about earning everything you get. Thought maybe I meant something to you, but I guess I was wrong.”
Tears form in the corners of my eyes and the back of my throat burns. “I’ve been wanting—”
“Just don’t, Quinn. Save it for the next guy who loves you and break his heart.”
I can’t stop shaking. I want to say so many things, but he won’t let me, and I’m not even sure they’d come out of my mouth if I wanted them to.
Deacon takes one final look at me and says, “Good luck with your law career.”
He’s already out the door before I can process what just happened. I don’t even know what to think right now as I wipe my eyes and hurry to collect my things.
A barista comes over with some tissues. God, he’s made me cry twice this week already. How could he possibly think any of this is my fault?
“Honey, are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Thanks.” I gather my stuff in my arms and quietly slip out the door as fast as possible. He didn’t even give me a chance to explain. Why would he think I would get him in trouble on purpose?
Then he basically says he loves me while insulting me at the same time.
You made the right decision. You don’t need that in your life.
I curse the tears that won’t stop coming and walk toward my car. Once I’m inside I call Heather. I need her more than anyone. “Hey.” The word comes out as a croak.
