anxiety over the loss of, 4–5
death of parents, 7, 9, 37–38, 59–60, 69
death planning, 224–225
financial changes after loss, 107–108
resilient grieving over loss of a spouse, 110–115
storytelling to, 76, 81
unhealthy relationships after a loss, 134–137
young widows coping with loss, 110–114, 116–119, 131–133, 136–137
fear
of anxiety, 169–173
anxiety as sense of, 24
behavioral and cognitive symptoms of anxiety, 164–165
cognitive behavioral therapy addressing, 163–164
of death, 221–227
fight-or-flight response, 20–21
of having panic attacks, 35–36, 131–133
of moving forward, 131
parents’ fears for their children, 215–216
self-inquiry method for analyzing fear-based beliefs, 177–179
taking a personal inventory, 134
unhealthy relationships after a loss, 135–137
of writing through grief, 141–142
fight-or-flight response, 20–21, 189–190
finances, 107–108, 121
five stages of grief, 45–46, 50
flowers, planting, 217
forgetfulness: components of grief, 56
forgiveness
guilt over death to illness, 92–93
letting go of guilt, 100
writing yourself a letter, 102
See also amends
From Scratch (Locke), 113
frustration: components of grief, 57
fulfillment
analyzing anxiety inhibiting, 126–131
fear of moving forward, 131
overcoming deep anxiety, 129–130
Full Catastrophe Living (Kabat-Zinn), 195–196
Gawande, Atul, 231
Gilbert, Allison, 215, 217–218
“good deaths,” 61
Good to Go! company, 225–227
good-byes, 102
Google Trends, 18–19
grief
anxiety as part of bereavement, 11–12
commonly experienced components, 55–59
determining where you are in the process, 64–65
effect of death on the process, 59–60
experiencing fear, 24–25
finding the triggers for anxiety, 33–35
five-stage grief model, 47–48
lengthy healing process, 14–15
letter writing alleviating, 142–143
letting go of built up grief, 93–95
lifespan of, 62–63
planning for the future, 125–126
positive effects of, 136–137
“proper” expression of, 43–45
resilient grieving, 108–115
where anxiety fits in with, 48–52
grief counseling, 8–12, 114–115
Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy (Worden), 52–53
grief groups, 75
grief models, 52–55
A Grief Observed (Lewis), 145
grief reaction, 112–113
grief response, 112–113
guided meditation, 191–193
guilt
healthy guilt, 96
importance of processing, 85–87
letting go, 93–96, 101–104
as natural part of grief, 85
over failing to attend a death, 97–100
over loss to illness, 90–93
processing sudden loss, 88–90
reasons and forms of, 87–88
resilient grieving, 116
strategies for releasing, 101–104
therapeutic value of, 87, 96
Gupta, Sanjay, 29–33
Handler, Jessica, 148–149
Hannifin-MacNab, Susan, 110–112, 117–118, 136–137
Harry, Duke of Sussex, 93
healing process
anxiety check-in, 40–41
importance of storytelling, 67–74
normalizing anxiety after a loss, 38–39
understanding the symptoms of anxiety, 6
healthy guilt, 96
heart attack, panic attack simulating, 3, 29, 33, 35–36, 169
help, asking for, 117
holiday gatherings, 76, 214–217
homeless people, 212–213
Hone, Lucy, 115–116
honoring your loved one, 102, 212–218
hopelessness: components of grief, 57–58
How We Grieve: Relearning the World (Attig), 54–55
hypervigilance, 22, 24, 165, 167, 172–173, 179
identity
changes through loss, 55
rebuilding without the loved one, 126–127
self-inquiry method, 177–179
illness, loss through
anxiety over anticipation of death, 113–114
failure to anticipate death, 91–93
failure to remain with the loved one, 97–100
living wills/advance directives, 228–229
processing guilt and anger after, 90–91
writing during the illness, 144–145
inspiration in grief, 238
interdependence, 117
inventory, personal
analyzing anxiety inhibiting fulfillment, 126–131
questions to ask for moving forward, 133–134
resisting change, 137
unhealthy relationships after a loss, 134–137
isolation of grief, 9
journaling, 76, 150–152, 193. See also letters, writing; storytelling; writing
Kabat-Zinn, Jon, 181 (quote), 188–189
Katie, Byron, 176–179
Kessler, David, 81
Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth, 11, 43 (quote), 45–49, 81, 85
lethargy: components of grief, 57–58
letters, writing, 152–156, 187
finding meaning in anniversaries and holidays, 214
making amends to a loved one, 101–102, 142
prompts for, 155–156
replacing communication, 152–155
resilient grieving, 114
versus talking, 143–144
See also storytelling; writing
Lewis, C. S., 17 (quote), 145
living trust, 228
living will, 228
Locke, Tembi, 110, 113–114, 116, 119, 131–133
loneliness
analyzing underlying anxiety, 127–128
components of grief, 57–58
reading and writing alleviating, 145
self-inquiry method of examining, 176–179
triggering panic attacks, 37–38
magical thinking, 50–51
meaning in loss, 120
meditation, 129
bringing attention and awareness and, 196–197
calming the central nervous system, 189–190
cultivating a practice, 193–194, 207
guided, 191–193
long-term relief from emotions and panic attacks, 185–188
mindfulness and, 181–182
observing thoughts, 183–185
tools and processes, 190–191
Western expansion of, 188–189
See also mindfulness
mediums, psychic, 211–212
memories
analyzing and letting go of anxiety, 129
death planning, 229
finding meaning in anniversaries and holidays, 214
memory writing, 156–158
Miller, B.J.
experiencing anxiety, 126
forgiving ourselves for loss, 92–93
“good deaths,” 61
letting go of guilt, 94–95
making meaning out of loss, 44–45
resilient grieving, 108–109
mindfulness
attitudes contributing to mindful living, 195–196
defining, 189
effectiveness of, 182–183
transformative nature of thoughts and emotions, 238–239
See also meditation
Motherless Daughters (Edelman), 68–69, 176
muscle relaxation, 175
names, importance of, 217
Nietzsche, Friedrich, 199 (quote)
Nin, Anaïs, 141 (quote)
normalized thinking, 170–171
normalizing panic attacks, 23–24, 27–29, 38–39, 41
numbness: components of grief, 55–56
obsessive thinking, 116
On Grief and Grieving (Kübler-Ross), 49, 81
online grief forums, 76
optimism and skepticism, 211–212
Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Facing Joy (Sandberg), 107–108
panic attacks
analyzing underlying causes of anxiety, 128
anger and guilt accompanying grief, 89–90
death planning, 225–226
fear of, 35–36, 169–173
normalizing, 27–29
normalizing anxiety to prevent, 38–39
overcoming and exploring, 30
physical symptoms, 3–4
recent deaths as catalysts for past losses, 126–127
response to cognitive behavioral therapy, 23–24
routines helping alleviate, 114–115
as symptom of anxiety, 12
symptoms and purposes, 20, 22–27
tips for alleviating, 40
worry as an unconscious mechanism, 173
parasympathetic nervous system, 31–32
Parentless Parents (Gilbert), 215
Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive (Gilbert), 215
peaceful death, 59–61
personality affecting the length of the grief process, 62–63
physical health and activity
exercise and resilient grieving, 118
physical symptoms of anxiety, 164–165
physicalization of grief, 132
yoga, 183
physical help, resilient grieving and, 118
physical response: fear of panic attacks, 169–170
physical symptoms of panic attacks, 3–4
physical world, impact of loss on, 54
physiology of anxiety, 30–33, 189–190
Pickard, Amy, 225–226
Pierce, Philip, 23–24, 173–174
planting flowers, 217
Plato, 221 (quote)
positive memories replacing negative thoughts, 103
positive thinking, resilient grieving and, 118
postponed grief, 34–39
preparing for death, 59–60
proactive grieving, 110
processing grief: Worden’s grief model, 53
progressive muscle relaxation, 175
psychic mediums, 211–212
relationships
Attig’s grief model, 54–55
“good deaths,” 61
grief as a reflection of the nature of, 34–35
persisting after the loss, 200–201
storytelling, 72–73
unhealthy relationships after a loss, 134–137
resilient grieving, 108–115
accepting the loss, 120
asking for help, 117
choosing resilience, 121–122
connecting with others, 120
creating rituals, 119–120
designing a plan for, 121
embracing change, 137–138
establishing routines, 114–115
examining responses to guilt and anxiety, 116
finding positive distractions, 118–119
making meaning in loss, 120
nurturing your physical body, 118
seeking positives, 118
taking charge of life, 130
time line of, 131–133
retraining your brain
Byron Katie’s self-inquiry method, 176–179
catastrophic thinking, 167–168
cognitive behavioral therapy, 162–166
returning to normalized thinking, 170–173
tools for treating anxiety, 173–175
Rilke, Rainer Maria, 235 (quote)
rituals
anniversaries and holidays, 214
the power of, 212–214
resilient grieving, 119–120
routines: resilient grieving process, 114–115
Sandberg, Sheryl, 107–108, 125 (quote), 134
self-inquiry method, 176–179
skepticism and optimism, 211–212
sleep disorders, 36
spirituality. See belief systems and spirituality
stages of grief, 45–46, 108–115
storytelling
death of a loved one, 80
finding the beginning, 79–80
healing memoirs about loss, 92
impact on the healing process, 67–69
importance and elements of, 69–74, 83–84
journaling, 76
letting the story change, 76–79
listening to other people’s stories, 81–82
methods for, 75–76
omissions, 80
positive experiences, 81
truth and beliefs, 80
voicing regrets, 86–87
writing versus talking, 143–144
See also writing
Strayed, Cheryl, 145–149, 202
Stress Reduction Clinic, 188
subconscious mind: fight-or-flight response, 20–21
successor trustees, 229
suffering, learning from, 94
suicidal thoughts, 58
suitcase analogy of storytelling, 73–74, 128–129
support groups, 57, 75, 120, 133
support networks
asking for help, 117
connecting through writing, 144–145
for cultivating a meditation practice, 194
importance of connecting with people, 120
resilient grieving, 114
unhealthy relationships after a loss, 134–137
sympathetic nervous system, 31–32
symptoms of anxiety, 3–4, 12, 22–27, 29, 44. See also panic attacks
therapy
avoiding, 6–7
cognitive behavioral therapy, 162–166
exploring feelings of fear and regret following a loss, 38–39
exploring your story, 76
letting go of guilt, 103–104
for loss of parents, 8
talking about feelings of guilt, 103–104
See also cognitive behavioral therapy
thoughts
daily flow of, 181–182
noticing through meditation, 183–184, 192–193
physical response to fearful thoughts, 189
See also retraining your brain
time
Attig’s grief model, 54
changes in storytelling, 70
Tiny Beautiful Things (Strayed), 147
Torch (Strayed), 146–147
trauma, long-term anxiety resulting from, 113–114
triggers for anxiety, 33–35
truth: self-inquiry method of examining beliefs, 177
unhealthy relationships, 134–137
University of Massachusetts Medical Center, 188
visualization
alleviating panic attacks, 40
forgiveness and amends, 102–103
improving coping skills, 30–31
letting go of guilt, 104
volunteering, 212–213
Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life (Kabat-Zinn), 189
Wild (Strayed), 145–148
William, Duke of Cambridge, 93
Worden, J. William, 47, 52–53
writing, 148–149
Cheryl Strayed’s Wild, 145–148
daily journaling, 150–152
explaining the effectiveness of, 144–149
fear of, 141–142
letters
to loved ones, 142, 152–156
prompts for getting started, 149–150
prompts for memory writing, 157
remembrance and memory writing, 156–158
See also storytelling
yoga, 183
Anxiety- The Missing Stage of Grief Page 23
