by Aimee Carter
“I’m sorry,” I say, settling back down and pulling him into my lap. “Let’s build another one together, okay?”
He huffs, but as Hephaestus begins to form the foundation, Eros’s anger is forgotten, and he gleefully reaches out to help. Together the three of us start to build, and as I watch Hephaestus’s steady hands set each block into place, I know I’ve made the right choice.
* * * * *
Goddess of the Underworld
Part One
For the first sixteen years of my life, Mother told me my wedding day would be one of the happiest in my eternal existence. That the birds would sing, the air would smell like flowers and the sun would shine. Every last detail would be perfect.
Like an idiot, I’d believed her.
The sun didn’t shine in hell, and unless bats counted, there weren’t any birds in the endless Underworld palace, either. To make things worse, the infinite rock surrounding the cavern weighed down on me, growing heavier with every passing second. I was trapped, literally and figuratively. And I had no idea how to dig myself out of this one.
Mother did manage to keep her word about the flowers, though. As I paced from one end of the chamber to the other, eleven steps in each direction, I had to zigzag my way around the endless bunches of wildflowers that covered every available surface. The perfume was strong enough to knock out Cerberus, but at least it didn’t smell like death.
“Persephone?” Mother poked her head into the room. Given the way she glowed, I would’ve guessed this was her wedding, not mine. “It’s time. How are you feeling?”
She knew exactly how I felt about all of this. She didn’t want the truth—she wanted false affirmation that I was as happy as she was. “I don’t want to do this,” I said. No use holding back now.
“Sweetheart,” said Mother in a tone she must have thought was understanding, but was really the same one she’d used to convince me to do this in the first place. She stepped inside the chamber and closed the door behind her. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong is that I don’t want to marry Hades.” Searching for a place to sit, I spotted a chair in the flowered jungle, but a bouquet of purple blossoms already claimed it. I huffed and sank to the floor instead. “You told me the Underworld wasn’t so bad.”
“It isn’t.” She knelt beside me. “You’ve only seen the palace. There’s an entire world out there—”
“It feels like a cage. It’s heavy and unnatural and—I want to stay in Olympus with you.” My voice hitched, and I blinked rapidly. Breaking into tears would’ve been a surefire way to make Mother believe I was simply too emotional to think clearly. I’d never thought more clearly in my life, though.
Mother wrapped her arms around me, and for a moment I allowed myself to lean against her. “You’ve known this was coming for a long time, my darling. I would never allow this if I wasn’t absolutely certain you would love him.”
“But I don’t.” Didn’t she understand that?
“You will, in time.”
“What if I never do?”
“Persephone, look at me.” She tilted my head upward, and my eyes met hers. “You will. Trust me.” Her confidence should’ve sparked the same in me, but I was empty. “I’ll come visit you all the time. This is the beginning of the rest of your life, not the end.”
She was wrong—it was the end of everything that mattered. The end of days picking flowers and soaking in the sunlight, the end of nights sitting in her lap as she told me stories. A deep ache filled me, and I swallowed hard. No crying. Not today.
“I am so proud to call you my daughter,” she murmured. “Eventually you will understand why I asked this of you. In time, you will be happier here with Hades than you could ever be with me in Olympus.”
Mother had never been so wrong so many times in a row before. I couldn’t be happy, not in this underground cavern. Not without the sun. Not without her.
“Hades loves you already, my darling. He is quiet, and he doesn’t love out loud like you may be used to, but that doesn’t make his love any less strong. You’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
Reluctantly I nodded. I’d seen it, that piercing stare when he thought I wouldn’t notice. The way his eyes seemed to follow me as I moved across the room. Not in a predatory way, but as if he was concerned. As if he cared. Maybe he secretly wasn’t crazy about this whole thing, either.
“Do you trust me not to hurt you?” she murmured. “Do you trust me to want only the best for you?”
I loved her. I trusted her. And her pride filled me in a way I was certain Hades’s so-called love never could. But maybe she was right—maybe in time I would love him. Maybe if this wasn’t an arranged marriage, I would’ve loved him anyway. But she and my father had stolen that chance from me.
“You’ll find happiness here,” she said. “You’ll find your purpose, and I will never be far. We all have roles in our lives, Persephone—roles we may not initially enjoy, but roles we soon realize are necessary. You were born to do this, my darling, and Hades loves you. Trust me when I say that. I love you too much to ever allow anyone to hurt you, including myself.”
I swallowed. She did love me. Out of everything in the world, that was the one thing I knew to be completely, unequivocally true. And because of that, I let her help me up, my legs unsteady beneath me.
“My beautiful girl. The love of my life.” She plucked a purple blossom from the bouquet in the chair and secured it in my curls. Strawberry-blond now, as autumn set in. “You are perfect.”
I ached to believe her, but as she led me into an antechamber, a melody from the strings of Apollo’s lute filtered through the air. And instead of reminding me of harmony and love, the notes were mournful to my ear, fitting perfectly with the bleakness of this realm.
This wasn’t my wedding. It was my funeral.
She looped her arm in mine, and a pair of double doors opened, revealing the throne room of the Underworld. With its obsidian pillars and curtains of black-and-gold that hung from high windows, it was nothing like the throne room of Olympus. Nothing like my home.
Mother stayed with me until we reached the front of the throne room, where Hades stood between a pair of diamond thrones. His, a black one I’d seen countless times during council meetings, and mine. White diamond—a present from Hades, welcoming me to the Underworld. And from the council, welcoming me as their equal.
But I would never be their equal, and they knew it as well as I did. An equal would’ve been allowed to make her own decisions, not pawned off in an arranged marriage at sixteen. If they thought I would lie down and take it, they were dead wrong.
“I love you,” whispered Mother. I stayed silent. Taking my hand, she placed it in Hades’s, his skin warmer than I expected. His silver eyes met mine, and a shiver ran down my spine.
I was his for eternity now.
* * *
I couldn’t hide behind the wedding forever. The other members of the council seemed to enjoy themselves, dancing and drinking well into the night. Hera remained close, eyeing me every so often, but she didn’t speak to me. Could she sense the mountain of anxiety forming in my chest? Could she see my fear growing with every moment I remained inside my stone cage? More than the rest of us, she cared about marriages being successful. Could she tell how much I hated mine already? Did she regret giving her blessing?
I wished she hadn’t. Maybe then my parents would’ve never forced me into this. I was hours into my marriage, and already I felt
weighed down by rock and invisible chains. Not exactly an auspicious start.
At last only Hades, me and Mother remained, and after Hades excused himself for his chambers—our chambers now—she pulled me into a tight hug. “He loves you,” she murmured. “I know it may not feel like it, but he would have never married you if he didn’t.”
I buried my face in her shoulder. It wasn’t his love I was concerned about. It was mine. For as long as I’d been aware of what marriage was, I’d known I was promised to Hades, and I’d been absolutely certain I would love him by now. Enough to be content, at least, if not thrilled. And while I tried to grab on to the single wisp of love I may or may not have felt for him, it was beyond my reach.
But it would come closer the more time I spent with him, the more smiles and words and touches we shared. It had to. Aphrodite hadn’t chosen her husband either, after all, and now she’d spent the entire day cuddling up to him. And Hera, who had chosen hers, was completely miserable.
So maybe Mother was right. Maybe love was in that room, waiting for me, and all I had to do was go in there and get it.
“You’ll come visit me?” I said. “Or I could come visit you.”
“Both,” she said, kissing my cheek. “All the time, as much as you want. Just make sure you don’t neglect your duties down here, darling. And remember—happiness is a choice, but so is misery. Choose wisely.”
She let me go, and I reluctantly dropped my arms. Giving me a reassuring smile, she turned to go, but before she reached the door, I blurted, “It’ll be okay, right?”
Mother looked over her shoulder. “It already is. Go to your husband, Persephone. Give him a chance to make you happy.”
She left, the door closing behind her, and I exhaled. Hades was really my husband. My king. I was married now, and things would never go back to the way they’d been. This was my life now.
Time to face it.
The door into Hades’s chambers opened easily. I stepped inside, expecting it to be dark and dank, like the rest of the Underworld, but instead the large room was lit with dozens of floating candles. They cast a soft glow on the plush bed, where Hades sat waiting for me, and a fist wrapped around my guts. This was it.
“Persephone.” He rose and offered me his hand, his silver eyes searching mine. I didn’t know what else to do, so I threaded my fingers through his. We were friends, sort of. Growing up knowing who I was going to marry took the choice out of it, sure, but it’d also given me a lifetime of getting to study him. Mother was right—he was a good man. He did love me. And being here with him wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever experienced.
I stared at him for the space of several heartbeats, and at last I whispered, “I’m sorry, I’m not—I’m not really sure what to say.”
He smiled, crinkles appearing around his eyes. “Then allow me to break the silence by saying how lovely you look tonight. You always do, of course.” He touched one of my curls. They would change with the seasons, auburn in the coming months before turning black for the winter solstice, and then as spring came, they would lighten to brown. Finally, in the summer, I would be blond. It’d never served a purpose before, but now I would never lose track of the seasons in the Underworld.
I sank onto the edge of the bed. It was strange being alone with him—despite Mother’s insistence that he and I get to know each other, she’d always been present. He felt older somehow, and power radiated effortlessly from him. As he sat down beside me, however, he gently cupped my hand in both of his.
“You’re nervous,” he said. It wasn’t a question, and he didn’t wait for me to answer. “I am, too.”
I scoffed. “You’re King of the Underworld. What do you possibly have to be nervous about?”
He hesitated, brushing his thumb against my knuckles. The gesture was almost intimate in its simplicity, and a shiver ran through me. “I am nervous that I cannot give you everything you deserve.”
“What do you mean?”
He squeezed my hands. “You could do so many things with your existence, yet you are down here with me. I cannot tell you what that means to me. No one…” He paused, and the cords in his neck stood out. “No one has chosen me before, not because of who I am. Not for pure reasons. That you are willing to try is everything I have never had before.”
Warmth filled me, and I inched closer to him. It wasn’t so hard to see his life through his eyes, all those eons of loneliness. “I’m going to try,” I promised. “I want—I want to be with you.”
I wasn’t sure I did, really, but I also wasn’t sure I didn’t. I would’ve liked the choice, but that had always been out of my control. This—the here and now, how good we were together, that was at least half in my control. And knowing Hades was willing to try to make this work made all the difference.
“I know that this marriage will take time to settle for both of us, but we will grow together. We will learn together,” he said, raising my hand to his lips.
Yes, we would. Underneath his piercing gaze, I relaxed. It would be all right. Mother knew what she was doing, and she would’ve never married me off to Hades if she wasn’t absolutely sure we would work. But even as I thought it, I grew painfully aware of the stone surrounding me. No matter how I felt about it, I was still trapped down here. Fooling myself into being happy wouldn’t change that. It wouldn’t give me my choice and freedom back.
I straightened and took a deep breath. Yes, it would. Happiness was a choice, exactly as Mother had said. And this was a choice I could make.
I didn’t ask. I didn’t hesitate. Instead I leaned in and kissed him full on the mouth, the kind of kiss I’d never given anyone before. The kind of kiss Aphrodite gave to Hephaestus. The kind of kiss I wanted Hades to give to me.
It was warm and wet and not what I expected, not at all. It didn’t sizzle or sparkle or make me love him. It didn’t open up a whole new world of possibilities. It was just that—lips against lips, a soft mouth against my own. And to make matters worse, Hades didn’t kiss me back.
I opened my eyes. His were open as well, cloudy with questions, but I didn’t give him the chance to speak. I knew what he would say if I did—was I sure I wanted to do this now? Did I want to wait until we knew each other better?
But I wanted that love. I needed that love to make the rock melt away, to make everything not so bad. And if I could make myself love him as much as he loved me…maybe it would all be okay. Maybe this wouldn’t be a prison.
So I kept kissing him. My hands fumbled down his front, pushing away his clothes and brushing against his warm skin. I could do this. I would do this, and once we were together in the most intimate way possible, it would all click. We would be happy, and it wouldn’t be an illusion. It would be my choice.
As I drew him down onto the bed, however, he broke away. “Persephone—”
“Don’t,” I said. “Please.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed, but he fell silent. I kissed him again, pulling him as close to me as possible. I’d never had someone pressed against me like this before, and his body was solid, weightier than I’d expected. Not that I’d expected much, but it still felt foreign.
I didn’t let myself stop. Soon enough we were both completely undressed, and as he settled over me, I pushed away every last shred of fear that haunted me. We were doing this together, and no matter how exposed and terrified I was, lying there in his bed, I would not back down.
One night of swallowing my fears, one night of being with him
like this, and that wisp of love would turn into a howling storm. I just needed to get through tonight.
“Do it,” I whispered, and when he opened his mouth again, undoubtedly to protest, I silenced him with a burning kiss.
Everything would be fine. Better than fine.
It had to be.
* * *
It wasn’t fine. It wasn’t even close to fine.
Our bodies didn’t fit. Maybe it was my virginity, or maybe he was unnaturally blessed, but whatever it was, it was hot, sticky, uncomfortable, awkward, everything it wasn’t supposed to be. And had I not been immortal, I was sure it would’ve been one of the most painful experiences of my life.
To make matters worse, he didn’t seem like he knew what he was doing, either, and we both fumbled through it. It might’ve been intimate, but it wasn’t sexy or loving. It was all physical, nothing emotional, and by the time it was over, I was struggling to hold back tears.
Hades rolled off me, his chest heaving. As his eyes searched mine, his brow furrowed, and he brushed his fingers against my cheek. “I’m sorry.”
I shook my head, too close to breaking down to speak. It wasn’t his fault. I’d been the one to pressure him into this, to force us both before we were ready. But the part of me drowning in anger and disappointment blamed him. He could’ve done what I hadn’t had the courage to do and walked away. He could’ve said no to my father when he’d suggested this marriage to begin with.
“It will get better,” he whispered. “I love you.”
Silence surrounded us, and I knew without asking that he was waiting for me to say it back. To offer him one small affirmation that this wasn’t a complete disaster. But it was, and a tear slid down my face, too fast for me to catch it.
