Nay, she must ignore him. She clutched one of Lucy’s bottles to her chest and sighed. Would Lucy even continue to want her help once the babes were born? She still didn’t have enough coin to pay for passage to Spain. And she would need funds to bribe the guards and servants at Wighthurst to ensure Arias’ safety.
Fingering the silver bottle, she placed it on the desk and glanced around the room, smiling sadly. She would miss Thornewall, in spite of Edmund's presence, but, Dios mio, how she longed to hold her boy in her arms once more. Would he even know her? She hoped the servants had looked after him well. She’d considered some of them her friends during her brief marriage. She had even had visions of him during the years. They were few and far between, but they were enough to keep her strong.
Lord, just to breathe the scent of him, to hear his voice. She would give anything. Do anything.
As she glanced around to ensure all was tidy, a different scent teased at her. Surely it could not be James’? The fragrance of basic soap lingered in the air. Nay, it had to be her imagination. Still, it did not stop her from inhaling deeply and savoring it. A chill swept across her as she recalled the way his gaze followed her, traced the shape of her figure.
Shaking her head, she pressed her palms down her skirts and closed the door carefully behind her. Nothing had changed. She still needed to leave and her secret would always keep her apart from James… from anyone. No one would ever accept her visions for what they were and she risked much by telling another.
Ellise paused at the top of the stairs as she spied Edmund lurking in the Great Hall. Apparently their negotiations were at an end for the moment, as Dominic and James were nowhere to be seen. A smile snaked slowly across his face as he turned and saw her, so she sucked in a breath and pulled her chin up.
“Lady Ellise.”
“My lord.”
“May I beg a word with you?”
She peered around. Only a few servants remained in the hall, preparing for the next meal. Some glanced her way but weren’t near enough to hear their conversation.
“What can I aid you with, my lord?”
“I am to leave Thornewall soon.”
Somehow she prevented the relieved smile from slipping across her face. “Indeed, my lord.”
“I asked you a question once, darling Ellise. I could ask it again. You could…” He lowered his voice, “be reunited with your son, should you decide to submit to me.”
Ellise’s jaw dropped. “But you said… when you caught me… you told me never to return.”
“A boy needs a mother. And I still have need of a wife. You have grown into a charming woman, Ellise.”
Her mind grew hazy. He wanted her to return. Those years ago, when she had refused his marriage offer, snatched Arias and went on the run, he had hunted them down and found them in a seedy inn. His threats had terrified her and the beating he gave her had been vicious. But now he was saying he would accept her as his wife? And she could be back with Arias.
She stared into the cold blue of his eyes and shuddered. Nay… how could she succumb to a man so brutal? Who was to say the beatings would stop? And she did not want her son to ever see his mother treated so.
“My lord,” she said huskily, “you shall have to find a wife elsewhere. For I will surely never submit to you.”
Ellise stumbled blindly away, hands clenched tightly together as she escaped to the courtyard and made toward the sanctuary of the herb garden. She only hoped she had made the right decision. Her eyes itched with the need to cry. Forgive me, Arias. I will be with you soon.
Chapter Eight
Ellise tried to keep her attention on her book but her gaze kept snaking over to James and Edmund. While the Earl made her skin crawl, James made it heat.
As she stole a look at Edmund over her book, it steeled her determination. Giving in to the man would be the worst decision of her life. With his threats hanging over her head, she could never be assured of her safety. And she would not let Arias see his mother burned for witchcraft. Nay, Spain was their only hope.
She squinted and attempted to focus on the words in front of her but the dim candlelight made it difficult. While the others had chosen to sit around the unlit fire, she had tucked herself into a corner. How could she behave normally with the doubt running through her mind? It was easier to keep quiet and concentrate on her duties. If anyone had noticed her melancholy mood then none had said anything.
A small cry came from the chair closest to the fireplace and Lucy clutched her stomach. Ellise saw the blood drain from Dominic’s face. She scurried to Lucy’s side and snatched an arm. “Is it happening?”
“Aye,” Lucy whispered. “I think so. ‘Tis a sharp pain. In-in my back and my belly. I have been aching all day.”
“Aye, ‘tis happening.”
“God’s teeth…” Dominic muttered, his usual confident posture diminished.
“My lord, can you carry Lucy to the solar while I gather what I need.” She beckoned to Winnie. “Will you ask Mary and Margaret to fetch cloths and water? Then I need you all in the solar.”
Winnie nodded and scurried away, her round behind bouncing as she went. Ellise locked her gaze briefly with James and recognized the same concern reflected in his eyes as she felt. The babes were coming too early. It could only be a few sennights but every day counted and the longer the babes stayed in Lucy’s belly the better.
Dominic scooped Lucy into his arms and she burrowed against his chest. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and Ellise’s heart panged. If anyone deserved healthy, happy babes then it was Lucy and Dominic. She uttered up a quick prayer for the babes and for Lucy as she watched the two of them ascend the wooden stairs to the solar.
“Can I offer any aid, Ellise?” James asked.
“Aye, keep Lord Dominic from the room. I shall send him back down in but a moment. ‘Twill likely be a long night and he will have need of distraction.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“This will be harrowing for both of them,” she warned. “But he cannot be present. Lucy needs to be in a calm environment and men have no place in childbirth.”
“I should not like to leave y—my wife’s side at such a time.”
Ellise froze. Had he just said what she thought he said? Shaking her head to herself, she pressed a hand to his shoulder. It mattered not. Now was not the time. “All shall be well.”
“How is it you are the one reassuring me?”
“How is it you are taking so well to being ordered about?” she countered.
“I suspect I would do anything should you command it so.”
She did not answer. Could not answer. A wealth of emotion simmered in the air between them, as if brought about by the thought of new life entering the world. Somehow it charged the connection between them, reminding them of what they could have.
What we could have? What once seemed an impossibility now seemed almost tangible. A marriage to James. Babes. She wanted it all. At a time like this, her past, his past, their differences were all so insignificant. Surely he would accept her for who she was?
With one last touch to his shoulder and a glance into his green eyes, she hurried off to the kitchen to fetch the tonics she’d prepared. What was it she saw in his gaze? Regret? Hope? Love…? Her heart constricted at the thought.
~***~
James glanced up from his book and shook his head as Dominic paced in front of the empty fireplace. “You’ll be no good to Lucy if you do not eat or at least rest for a bit.”
Dominic gave him a look of barely disguised irritation. “How can I eat when that—” he thrust a finger up to the wooden balcony that led to the solar, “—is happening?”
A cry rent the air and James winced. The night had been and gone and there was still no sign of the babes.
“No more babes,” Dominic declared. “Sons or not, I’ll not go through this again.” He swept a hand through his long hair.
“All will be well. She has Ellise. I’ve seen tha
t lass’ knowledge of herbs. She’ll not let Lucy come to harm.” James hoped his voice reflected more calm than he felt. Aye, Ellise was indeed more knowledgeable than any woman he knew, but some things could not be cured by way of herbs.
His thoughts turned to Ellise. No doubt she worked tirelessly to aid Lucy through this trying time. Was she exhausted? He selfishly longed to snatch her away from it all and bid her to rest. To wipe away the fatigue and hold her in his arms.
To have her bear his sons…
Where had that thought come from? But it had been creeping up on him since yesterday eve. The impending arrival of Dominic’s babes only served to remind him that he had yet to sire a son. And there was only one woman he wanted one with.
Dominic resumed his pacing and James laid down his book, unable to keep his mind on it. “Mayhap we should get some air.”
“Nay,” Dominic snapped. “What if the babes come? What if—” he trailed off, face looking suddenly pale.
Never had James ever seen the Lord so unsure of himself. But then he knew well what love did to you. Love? James almost laughed aloud. Aye, love. Love had stripped him of his certainty, his knowledge of the ways of the world. Where all had once been so clear, it was now muddled. And it was due to Ellise.
He shuddered as another cry drifted down from above. And then…
Both men stiffened and froze.
“Was that—?”
James nodded. “Aye, I think so.”
“Dear God.” Dominic made to run up the wooden steps but James leaped in front of him, blocking the way. “God’s blood, James, let me past! I must see my babe. I must see Lucy.”
“Ellise will send someone down when they are ready. Do not forget she is carrying two babes and that is certainly the cry of only one.”
Dominic backed away, body slowly relaxing as he huffed. “Och, but this is torture. I should rather fight an army of border reivers than do this.”
“You did that once,” James reminded him, “and lost.”
“Aye,” Dominic offered him a wicked grin, “but we won the second time.”
“Thanks to Lucy.”
His face dropped. “Aye, thanks to Lucy.”
Footsteps made them pause and James watched as Winnie popped her head over the railing of the gallery.
“Well?” Dominic demanded. “God’s teeth, woman, don’t just stand there. ‘Tis bad news, is it not? Tell me, Winnie, or I swear I’ll have you locked in the donjon.”
Winnie shook her head and grinned. “Cease yer empty threats, my lord. All is well. Come see yer lady wife and yer sons.”
James noted the working of Dominic’s throat as he nodded and he swore a slight sheen of sweat graced the Lord’s forehead.
“Well, James, will you come and meet my sons?” He shook his head in disbelief. “Sons. Sweet Lord, I have sons.”
Slapping a hand to Dominic’s back, James grinned. “Aye, that you do. Come then, let us meet the next Lords of Thornewall.”
James hung back as they ascended the stairs to allow Dominic a moment with Lucy as Winnie waited outside with him.
“Is all well?” he whispered to her.
“Aye, milord. Very well. They could do with a little weight but they’ll be strong boys with a bit of time. Lady Ellise is indeed a blessing from God. I should not like to see her leave.”
“Leave?”
“Aye, when she marries Lord Wighthurst.”
“She’ll not marry him.”
“Why ever not, milord? He’s rich and handsome enough. He is not blessed with a cheerful temperament as she, but she’ll not see a better offer.”
“Why should you say that? Ellise is worthy of any man.”
Winnie smiled slowly. “Aye, worthy indeed. But ye menfolk are slow to see the true value of a woman. All ye want is a woman with riches and land.”
“That is not true.”
“Is it not?”
James bristled. Damn the maid for expressing everything he’d come to realize. And damn his own stupidity for not seeing what sat in front of him.
Dominic thrust his head out of the doorway. “Well? What is keeping you? Come see my sons!”
Unable to resist a grin at Dominic’s exuberant expression, James followed him in. His gaze was instantly drawn to Ellise and not the babes as it should have been. Sat to one side, her hair in disarray, she looked weary but ecstatic. Gaze locking onto his, they stared for too long, a thousand emotions burning through the air between them.
Finally he dragged his gaze away and settled it on the babes. Lucy sat in the canopied bed, propped up on several pillows. She too looked exhausted but content. Cradling one of the boys in her arm, she smiled up at Dominic, love shining through her face. James’ gut panged. Hellfire, what he would not give for what they had.
His gaze settled back on Ellise and he gulped. Could he have that? Would Ellise even have him? There he had been talking of nothing but finding a rich wife and doing his duty, with little care for her feelings. And now Wighthurst was interested in her. Mayhap he had already missed his chance.
Dominic gingerly picked up one of the boys as James approached Lucy’s bedside. James offered her a deep bow. “My congratulations, my lady.”
“My thanks, James,” she whispered, not even glancing away from the babes.
“Have you named them?”
Dominic grinned. “Aye, this handsome lad shall be Dominic and the other, William, for my father.”
“Noble names indeed.”
“Should you like to hold him, James?” Lucy asked.
James froze as he eyed the small child in Lucy’s arms. Ellise chuckled and he rolled his gaze over to her, narrowing his eyes. Some warrior he was, scared of a tiny babe. Lucy lifted the child and James carefully pushed his hand under his head and settled him in his hold.
The fair-haired babe lay happily in his arms, eyes scrunched shut. His face was still pink and wrinkled, and a tiny hand stretched and fisted at his shirt. He failed to resist yet another peek at Ellise and the emotion seemed amplified as a knot built in his throat. Her smile vanished, a haunted look stealing into her eyes.
It confirmed everything he had come to realize. He wanted this. But he only wanted it with Ellise. No other woman would do. Tears sat in her gaze as she stared at him and the child. Could he dare to hope that she would consider an offer from him?
~***~
“Why do you sit alone, Ellise?” James’ voice came from the door to the hall. All was quiet and the noise echoed through the room as he shut the door carefully.
She tried to force her head up but she could not. If she did, she was sure she would crumble. Staring at her hands, she tensed as he came up beside her. Warmth from the fire bathed her but she still trembled as she fought to hold back the tears. Seeing the babes, seeing James hold little William was too much. Her eyes itched with the need to dissolve into a weeping mess. For so long, she’d been strong, positive, so confident she was doing the right thing. Her determination to get her son back on her own terms had meant so many years apart. Should she have just given into Edmund and suffered whatever he would do to her for her son’s sake? Would it have been worth it? If she had gone crawling back on her hands and knees, would Edmund have taken her as his wife after all? If she’d offered herself up, body and soul, mayhap he would let her see her son. Clearly he still wanted her. All the wasted years…
And yet she still could not submit to him. She was so close to gaining their freedom. She almost has enough riches now. All she needed now was to get hold of her son. Somehow.
James’ hand came upon her shoulder, making her jolt. She turned her head slightly, so he would not notice her unshed tears. Fear and sorrow throbbed in her chest. It would be so very easy to tell him all, she realized. And dutiful man that he was, mayhap he would help her. But could she really draw him into this mess that she feared was all her doing? If she had just submitted to Edmund when she’d had the chance, none of the pain of the past years would have been necessary. A
nd, of course, James knew nothing of her secret.
She saw him kneel beside her out of the corner of her eye and a hand reached over to take hers. “Ellise, should you not be happy? You have done a fine job this night.”
“Aye,” she replied huskily, “I am indeed happy.” Still she did not look at him. Not only would it reveal her sorrow but just looking at the angelic man seemed to crumple her defenses.
“Will you not tell me what saddens you?”
Sucking in a breath, she pasted a smile on her face. Stealing a glance at him, she noted his furrowed brow but still he said nothing. A more patient, understanding man, she’d never met. Would he understand all her problems too? Would he accept them? Accept her son? She ached to believe that he would. That he might see her as more than just duty.
A hand crept up her cheek, slightly forceful, the roughness of it soothing, like a balm to the pain in her heart. James urged her around to face him where he crouched in front of her chair.
“Tell me what makes you sad, Ellise, and I shall do all I can to defeat it.”
His words forced several tears to escape and she closed her eyes. She half-expected him to leave her to her grief when she made no response but instead he swept them away with his thumb and moved closer. He pressed apart her thighs and settled on his knees between them. Both hands came around her hips and inched her nearer. Ellise remained stiff as the heat of his body engulfed her and warm lips swept across her damp cheeks.
Bristle tickled her skin and she released a sigh and sagged into him. Of their own accord, her hands wrapped around his neck and she took the comfort he offered. For so long, she’d depended on no one but herself. For so long, she had tried to bear the sorrow of losing her son alone. For one night, she wanted to share her pain, even if she never gave voice to it. She allowed herself a little sob and James pushed his cheek past hers and forced her head into the crook of his neck with his hand under her hair.
The Borderland Legacy Page 41
