by Eden O'Neill
I must have missed something.
“Cleo,” he started. “Cleo and her mother dealt with some heavy stuff before I came around. Maggie had a son before we got married. Cleo had a brother. His name was Nathan.”
Frowning, I didn’t understand. I’d never heard about another kid, never seen him.
But then he’d said… had?
The tick of the word flicked a switch on in my brain, my mouth drying. “What happened to him?”
But it was like I knew. Before he even said, I knew. I saw that all over his face.
He didn’t have to say a word.
“Drowned,” he said, drowned. He pocketed his hands. “The boy was a toddler. Happened in their family pool when Maggie was still married to Cleo’s father.”
My head lifted, but for some reason, the story didn’t stop there. I saw that too all over his face, pain like he’d experienced it himself. Maybe he had in a way, being in their lives and all that. “Cleo wasn’t even ten and she was watching him. She tried to save him,” he paused, his words sobering. “Nearly drowned herself.”
Nearly drowned herself…
I needed to talk to her. Explain or… I don’t know. I just had to do something, but again, he wouldn’t let me past. Again, he stood in my way. I pushed my father, but he shouldered me back. “Let me in there now.”
“Why, Jax?” he asked, shocking me. “So you can hurt her more? Hurt this family more?”
This family…
The words actually had me smirking. I shouldn’t be surprised hearing them, and truly, I wasn’t.
After all, he’d chosen them before.
Lifting my hands, I backed off, and when Rick started to come my way, I shook my head.
“Go back to your family, Rick,” I said, making his face fall. “That’s what you want, right? What you always wanted?”
The words hurt to say, and I wanted to knock a hole literally into my chest with my fist. Somehow, I felt the cavity would hurt less.
It had to. Impossible any other way.
Rick’s throat shifted, what appeared to be sting and anguish twisting his face, but he wasn’t fooling me. He didn’t care, never had.
I left before he could say anything, but as I hit the elevators, I still heard his voice down the hallway.
“I’ve always wanted you,” he said. “Always.”
I didn’t turn after I heard them; even with the words ricocheting down the hallway, I didn’t. I physically couldn’t look that way until the elevator doors pinged open and the door to his room clicked closed. He’d gone back inside. Gone back to his family, and I escaped onto the elevator for part of mine. My friends were somewhere in this resort. My brothers.
I held my shit together and got into the elevator, letting the door close. I hit no buttons, just standing there. I needed a goddamn second before I did anything, and I was wrong about that earlier hurt. Something did hurt worse in the end, and I let myself feel it. For two seconds, I let that man hurt me again. I absorbed his words.
But then, I let them go like the horseshit they were.
Chapter Seventeen
Cleo
Jax didn’t come back to school. At least, not back to the dorm anyway. He kept his door locked, but neither Kit nor I had seen him return to the dormitory after the three-day weekend. We hadn’t seen him the rest of the trip either. Like he was gone without a trace.
Not like I cared.
He could jump off a cliff as far as I was concerned and maybe he had. I didn’t know. He very well still could be attending classes. After all, Bay Cove was huge. Odds were my stepbrother was meddling in with the many undergrads and trying to dodge me just as much as I had him. I hadn’t heard that conversation he had outside the suite with my adoptive father, but I had heard both my dad’s voice and Jaxen’s. Dad was angry, something he never got, and he didn’t tend to lose his patience.
He’d said nothing after he got back inside the suite, his expression considerably sad. He’d tried to hide it, of course, but couldn’t mask the disappointment. These antics with Jax had done that to him. That was something I knew and felt incredibly guilty about.
I’d only told Dad and Mom about Jax pretending to drown and hadn’t even wanted to spill that. I’d been crying when I came in, a mess, and they’d tugged it out of me. I wasn’t trying to protect my stepbrother by concealing everything else he’d done. Honestly, I hadn’t cared anymore, but what I didn’t want was for him to win. He’d done enough damage in my life. I knew Jax pulling that last little stunt he had wasn’t my fault. My stepbrother was a jerk, point-blank, but I couldn’t help thinking had I not inserted myself amongst his friend circle, he wouldn’t have gone off the way he had. He literally jumped off the deep end.
I supposed that was neither here nor there now.
I’d also become the sudden recipient of frequent check-ins with both Mom and Dad. No sooner had I stepped foot in the dorm had they been calling me, texting me. The next couple days, I’d heard from them no less than a half a dozen times, and just like that, it was like that time after it all happened.
When we’d lost Nathan.
I couldn’t get my mom off me after his passing, and even worse after my biological dad finally up and left. It was statistically proven that marriages tended to fall apart after the loss of a child.
And so I was responsible for yet one more thing.
It’d been my fault Nathan had drowned because I was supposed to be watching him. I’d only been nine, but it’d been my responsibility. I’d told him to shove off that day, let go of his hand because he always wanted to play. He’d only been three. Of course, he’d wanted to play.
Of course, he wanted to play…
All that trauma had played back in a mad dash when I saw Jax’s limp body in the water. I was that little kid again.
Powerless.
He’d played me for a fool, and I really was one. Actually longing after someone like him. I had for a time.
A stupid fool.
Jaxen Brett Ambrose was a bully, and I loathed him, pure evil down to his rotten core. He was dead to me. Gone completely from my life in every way he needed to be. He wouldn’t touch any part of me anymore, and I couldn’t afford to let him.
It’d almost killed me the first time.
I forced myself to charge on after returning to school. This was made harder with Mom and Dad’s sudden worry, but I managed. When they weren’t calling, Kit was popping her head in too and checking on me. She’d said she could kick herself for getting sick.
“I should have been there,” she’d said, but I didn’t think she could have helped. The result would have been the same. I knew I would have gone into the water after Jax. I would have labored over nothing, the guy incredibly selfish.
I had made her promise me we wouldn’t talk about him again. Almost a full week of classes went by and he hadn’t shown up, so there really wasn’t a point in talking about him or to him unless we had to do so. And if he did come back, I’d cross that bridge when I got there.
Lawson: So how about that date then? You still want to hang out? I’m free Saturday.
I had to smile at the text from Lawson. I’d expected to hear from him after the weekend from hell, but he was also a guy, so I wasn’t surprised he let almost a week pass before getting back to me about our date. I really probably shouldn’t be dating, but at the present, I definitely needed a way to get out of my head.
Me: Of course! Do I have to wear anything special?
Lawson: Just bring yourself and that smile *smile emoji*
Of course, the text nearly had me squealing in my bedroom. This guy was a huge deal back home, and though he told me not to wear anything special, I instantly was out of my room and in Kit’s. She had a way better closet than me and dressed me in something chic yet comfortable for the evening.
The pink dress flared out at my hips and stopped about mid-thigh. All my other dresses were basically church-going length and used for when I made speeches at chari
ty events or attended press schedulings for Dad.
Kit also gave me a pair of brown booties that made my legs look really long. Especially in a dress cut for my petite friend. I wanted to wear my hair up, but my friend urged me to sport it at length. I’d be sitting on it all night, but she said it’d be worth it.
“It complements your pretty eyes,” she said, hugging me in front of her vanity mirror. She wanted me to go out just like that and bare shouldered, but nights had been chillier recently. I convinced her to let me wear my white knit sweater, and after doing my makeup, she released me to my date. Lawson texted when he arrived, and rather than make him come up and try to navigate my dorm, I decided to come downstairs.
When I got outside, he sat behind the wheel of a black Mercedes, but got out upon seeing me. He had a red rose in his hands, and though he’d told me not to dress up, he looked incredibly stylish in his black dress shirt and twill pants. They hugged his firm thighs heavily, his dark hair swept and styled. He presented the rose to me with a handsome grin, taking the initiative by brushing a kiss on my cheek.
His lips warm, I leaned into them and definitely hoped to feel more than I had. The chaste kiss left nothing but a subtle warmth in my cheek at the brush, but I figured that may just be because he only kissed me on the cheek.
Don’t compare him to him.
I didn’t, refused as Lawson pulled away and gathered my arm. I didn’t want this guy to be like my stepbrother. If I did, I’d be setting myself up for nothing but disappointment.
I was well aware of that fact, smiling at Lawson as he led me to his pretty car. It was sleek and expensive and just so happened to be a slightly newer model than one of my parents’ cars. I wasn’t surprised. Most of the people in my neighborhood growing up were either politicians or businessmen. I knew Lawson’s father himself was an alderman, his mom on the PTA of our prep school.
“You look lovely,” he said upon getting inside, and I tried not to let the fact I noticed his gaze drag well over my body in this too tight dress.
Actual heat graced my cheeks. I’d never been good with compliments, never put myself in a position to get them really. I was too busy with school and my volunteer work typically.
Instead, I buried my hot face in the rose and asked him where we were going. He’d been elusive about that, though, saying the location was a surprise. Flashing his deep dimples, he merely put his car in drive and cruised us off into the night.
The sun was starting to set on campus, making it completely beautiful and lush with its bright tones. Lawson kept us on the highway, driving along the beach until we came up to a pier about four or five miles away from campus. The location was known for its exquisite restaurants with oceanic views and definitely required more than my smile to eat inside. The place was completely posh, and not only did Lawson get us reservations, he had us at one of the best tables with amazing views of the shoreline.
“Just bring my smile tonight, huh?” I asked, admiring the scenic landscape. I worked off my sweater into Lawson’s hands and he placed it on the back of my chair. I grinned back at him. “This place is pretty fancy.”
“Is it?” Lawson passed that off, pulling out my chair and letting me sit. He pushed me in. “Didn’t notice.”
Right. He totally noticed because he looked damn good himself, his dress shirt tugging across his muscles when he worked himself into his chair. I eyed him, and he merely chuckled.
“I figured you’d prepare anyway,” he said, his eyes dancing with candlelight. The flame flickered on our table, waving in the calmly lit room. His dimples deepened. “Girls always do. Guys always say that kind of thing. That their dates don’t have to try, but somehow they always turn up beautiful. Doesn’t seem to matter what we say.”
His gaze lingered on me like it had in the car, and at yet another compliment, I truly did feel that heat in my cheeks. Lawson relieved it a little to order us drinks, but then after, his attention was right back on me. He smiled. “You really do look beautiful, and I thank you for even coming out tonight after I made you wait so long.”
It truly wasn’t a big deal, and I was floored he was even interested in me. Guys like him and girls like me were miles apart.
He braced his hands behind the candlelight, but before either one of us could say anything more, the waiter returned with our drinks. We’d had our menus, but I failed to even look at mine. I started to open it, but Lawson faced the waiter.
“Steak tartare to start,” he stated, taking the initiative. “Then for our entrees, I’ll have the blackened chicken Parmesan and the lady will have the salmon with avocado salsa.”
My menu falling, I’d never had anything ordered for me. But then again, I didn’t go out on many dates. This was probably commonplace, and since I liked salmon, I went with it, smiling as he looked at me.
“You’ll love it,” Lawson said, replacing our menus with my hand. He’d taken it right away, aggressive but assertive. He was clearly a guy who knew what he wanted. He looped our digits to the side of the flickering light. “Now, tell me about your weekend. You hung out with your mom, right?”
Since I had, I told him about it. I thought I’d leave some details out. But in the end, it erupted like word vomit. I told him all about my stepbrother from hell and how he’d turned up out of the blue. I even mentioned him pretending to drown and me almost drowning trying to save him. By the end, our entrees had arrived, and I quickly realized I’d gone on so long about my stepbrother that the sun had completely set outside and our meals had actually arrived.
I cringed upon seeing my salmon and his blackened chicken arrive between us, that I had drudged on for so long and about topics I really didn’t want to talk about. My stepbrother was a complete asshole, and here I was doing the opposite of what I wanted to do tonight—forget about him.
I chewed my lip. “I’m sorry. You asked me about my weekend and…”
I made a gagging noise like I thew up words at him. Which I basically had, but calm and cool, Lawson merely shook his head. He finally let go of my hand at his point, something I realized he hadn’t done the whole time during my word vomit. He’d listened to the whole thing, taken it in. “You have nothing to apologize for. The guy sounds like a total ass.”
“Oh, he is, but I definitely shouldn’t be giving him this much power.” I sighed. “He’s already taken enough of it.”
A chuckle before Lawson picked up his wine glass, and when he gestured to mine, I picked up my glass as well.
“To your stepbrother then,” he said, serious as he clinked my glass. “Because that’s the last second he’ll take of your energy.”
I liked the sound of that, sipping my wine. I realized in all my spiel, I’d already downed half of it, and Lawson was completely on that too. He gestured the waiter to us right away, and it was nice not to think about things. He had all the boxes checked, taking care of everything. All too quickly, my top off arrived, and we relaxed into deep conversation.
As we finished our dinner and just talked, I discovered I liked just listening to him. It was easy with him, no pressure, and since he took care of everything, I could just be. Before I knew it, I was sitting there with my third glass of wine, and though I didn’t normally drink that much, I found I didn’t want to leave right away. He’d done what I wanted in the end, gotten me out of my head.
I think I might have done that a little bit for him too. He had my hand again, seeming like he enjoyed listening to me too.
“Well, I’m full,” he said, sitting back. Our hands still together, he stared at our digits, toying with them before staring warmly at me. “Ready to go?”
Since I was, I let him pay the check, and though I thought we’d go to his car, we ended up on the pier. We just talked some more, strolling along the dock. Eventually, we made it to his car, but once we were there, Lawson suggested we take the scenic route back to campus. It was the long way, but he said there was a place he wanted to show me that had awesome views of the ocean.
; Honestly, I was really tired. I’d also been drinking more than I should have, which made me drowsier. I hadn’t wanted to disappoint him, though, so I agreed under the caveat we’d return to campus before it got too late. He promised we would, and as we drove, I really did enjoy spending time with him. He was easy to talk to, no pressure, and did appear to get just as much joy out of spending time with me.
Our nighttime cruise ended up being on the top of a hill with a large expanse of the sky as it met dark ocean. As it turned out, the place was a hiking trail, and Lawson’s hand never left mine.
His fingers traced down my palms, constant little touches. Sometimes he’d get my wrist or even my arm when he put his around me after we parked. The whole experience was terribly romantic, and since I was a hopeless one, I was here for the whole thing.
I just wanted to feel protected, to feel safe and cared about. Laying my head on his chest, he talked to me about random facts involving the history of the trail and the ocean. Pretty soon, my eyes started to drift closed, and that’s when he pinched my chin.
And kissed me.
It was soft, warm, and I wanted to imprint him into my entire being. I wanted this kiss and him to be important. I wanted it to have the most feeling out of every other kiss I’d ever had. I wanted to remember him above all else and beyond anyone else. I wanted this to be it.
I wanted him to be someone else.
I fought for this feeling with him to cover the lasting impression of another, to be priority in my memory of kisses. In fact, I tried so hard it took me a second to realize when things got too hot and Lawson’s hands ventured to places I wasn’t ready to go. Gripping my thigh, he pushed my legs apart, and as Lawson’s fingers graced my panties, I shoved them away.
So many questions in his eyes when I pulled back, and I felt bad. I gripped his shirt. “Sorry.”
“No. It’s okay,” he said, his finger tracing underneath my chin. “Just too much?”
I nodded, a small smile on his lips before he kissed me again. There was less pressure than before, which I liked. He kept things really chill, easy as his tongue tasted mine. He tasted like wine, and though hints of his cologne were a little overwhelming, I didn’t mind since he was such a good kisser. His big hand eased behind the nape of my neck, and kissing harder, he moved it down. He got one good squeeze of my breast before I pushed him away again.
