by Eden O'Neill
I had no words, only that I didn’t have to think about it. There hadn’t really been another option.
At least, not in my mind.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Jax
My stepmother and father were in a frenzy after that, a round of calls back and forth. Maggie had the idea to reach out to as many family members and close friends as she could and had even contacted Cleo’s dad. Unfortunately, he was ineligible. He said he’d wanted to, but his struggle with certain vices in his life wouldn’t allow it. He’d even offered to fly out as soon as humanly possible. He wanted to be there, to see her.
And so that light of Cleo’s brought out everyone else’s, more than one person outside of this hospital wanting to help her. Maggie and my dad just needed names at this point, people willing to help. Before we all knew it, they had over half a dozen. People literally willing to donate their kidneys for this girl.
I wasn’t surprised.
Those names were waiting on standby while Maggie, Rick, and I waited for the results of our own tests. And eventually, they did come in.
“Mr. Ambrose?”
My name was called, mine and not my dad’s or stepmom’s. Dr. Fieldhouse had come back, wanting to just talk to me.
I knew I was the one without her even telling me.
It was just the look she gave, that all-telling look, and I didn’t need to be taken off into some room. I didn’t want to be spoken to and stressed that I could change my mind and that I could wait for a donor to come through. Cleo might not have time.
“I want to do it,” I said, probably the easiest decision I’d ever made. I didn’t need to think about it. If something I had inside me kept her alive? Well, really there was no decision at all. I stepped up, ready for it.
I just needed to know where to go.
*
My own phone calls came quick after that, everyone either trying to talk me out of it or to really consider what I was doing. The worst had been my moms, of course.
“Don’t you do anything until me and your mama can get down there,” my mom had said.
She’d told me they were booking the first trip down to Florida, but by the time they got down here, who knew the kind of state Cleo would be in. Dr. Fieldhouse and her team had her stable, but waiting for the sake of my moms’ arrival wasn’t a good enough reason. Cleo needed me, needed this.
I’d been able to talk them down eventually, my friends eventually. They called in succession after I finally texted them all back.
“Jaxen Ambrose, if you die, I’m going to kill you.” This from Royal’s girl, December, and who was I kidding?
This girl was like a sister to me.
I loved her like I loved her own sister, Paige. Paige’d been one of my dearest friends, and we’d all lost her way too soon. She passed away when we all were in high school, and the event had brought December into our friend circle. We all loved her, our good friend.
“It’ll all be fine,” I said, assuring her like the calls before. LJ and Knight had said something similar. It’d been a little more threatening if one could imagine. If I died, they’d make me suffer for it in the afterlife, a damn promise on Knight’s end especially. The big guy hadn’t broken down or anything, but he’d been close enough to it to have to get off the phone.
I heard it in his voice.
I’d admit hearing that had made me a little emotional too, but after getting my shit together, I called up Royal, my last call. He put me on FaceTime with himself and December, both of their mugs staring back at me from my hospital bed.
“You better be,” December said, holding the phone. Her cheeks were all red, her eyes puffy. “I can’t lose someone else in my life I care about.”
She had lost a lot, one of the strongest people I’d ever known, male or female. I grinned. “Aww, December. I didn’t know you cared.”
“You know I love you, you stupid asshole,” she chuckled, more emotion than I wanted to hear in her voice. I barely had the strength for any more of it. My moms had basically broken down before they finally let me go. December sniffed. “You call us as soon as you can.”
“Yeah, have your dad call us even if you can’t,” Royal said, frowning. He was tucked in beside her on the line. “As soon as you’re out of surgery, I want a call.”
Rick had a list of people to both call and text, his name on there.
“He already knows,” I told him, then watched as my buddy rubbed his fiancée’s shoulders. She blew me a kiss before leaving the line, but Royal stayed.
“I guess all I can say is don’t die,” he said, one of the only people not to either try to convince me out of this or make me think longer, harder. He smiled a little. “Who am I kidding? I couldn’t get rid of your ass even if I wanted to.”
He was damn right about that, making me chuckle. I tilted my head. “No other final words? No ‘really stop and think about this, Jax?’”
I gave my best stick-up-his-ass Royal impression, the guy always taking himself way too seriously. That was just him, our leader. He kept all us guys’ heads on straight and had since school.
Royal shook his head, somewhere inside his apartment now. “I’d only be wasting my breath.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re in that bed right now, aren’t you?” he stated, smiling wide. “And that tells me everything I need to know.”
I guessed it did, this guy my first best friend.
“Love ya, guy,” he said, tapping the phone with his knuckles, and I did the same.
“Love ya.”
Before surgery, my dad came in one last time, checking on me and making sure everything was okay. He brought Maggie too for a time, and after she hugged me, she said a silent prayer. I’d never been much of the religious type, but in her words, Cleo definitely lingered in my head. I willed all I could for those prayers to go to her.
“Thank you so much,” she said. One would think she’d be all cried out by now, but even still, she patted away more tears. Rick had given her his handkerchief, and it was a permanent staple in her hand most of the day. After she left the room, my dad came over to me.
“They haven’t let you see her, have they?” I asked. As far as I knew, none of us had. Things had been moving very quickly, urgent.
Rick shook his head. “No, but the doctor says she’s still stable.”
“Good.”
He nodded, and when he looked like he wanted to take my hand, I gave it to him. He squeezed it, reaching in and hugging me, but when he started to pull away, I found myself holding his shoulder.
I just stayed there in that moment and let myself feel it. For two seconds, I let myself be completely consumed by the fact that this was my dad.
And I was his kid.
I needed whatever this moment was from him. I just needed it.
“You come back out of this, you hear me?” he stated, fucking choking on the words. He patted my back. “I’m not going to lose you. I spent too many years without you.”
I closed my eyes.
“I’ll be fine,” I said, gripping his shirt. I squeezed. “I’m your son, right?”
A nod before he fell away. He touched my face. “Hell yeah.”
He started to pull back, but I held his hand.
“Can you give this to Cleo for me?” I asked, taking off my Court ring. I gave it to him. “Just in case she wakes up before me. I want her to have it.”
I’d explain it to her once I saw her again. But I didn’t know how long that’d be with me going under too.
Rick studied it. “Is this some kind of class ring?”
How funny as she’d asked the same thing. I nodded. “Something like that.”
I watched him pocket it. “Of course. If I see her first, of course.”
“Thanks.”
He shook my hand again, touching the top. “I love you, son,” he said, and letting go, I knew he didn’t expect any more from me. I mean, why should he? Neither of my parents expected me to forgive
them. My mom had said it herself.
“You too, Dad,” I returned, easy. Because I did love him, and even if we had our issues, even if he and my mom lied, I had too. I’d lied every day I said I didn’t need him. I’d lied every day I convinced myself that hate would fix all the pain inside.
But what I said, what I felt proved a far better feeling than any hate I’d felt for this man. It was like breathing air.
It was feeling again.
A glisten to his eyes as he looked at me, but he didn’t make me say anything more. He just touched my hand again.
And that’s all I think was needed.
Dad walked with me as far as he could, until the elevators cut us off and I was left to the care of Dr. Fieldhouse and her team. He said he’d call my mothers and tell them I was about to go up.
“Tell them I love them too,” I said, knowing I’d already said it. Of course, I had when they called. I did love them. I’d love them forever.
Dad had nodded to me, waving. After that, it was a quick ride upstairs and into the room I thought only reserved for me.
Which was why my breath caught at seeing Cleo.
They had her lying there, in my operating room with the bed upraised. She was in a medical gown just like me, a sheet covering her waist.
And she was so bruised.
The right side of her face was completely purple, under her eyes puffy and the same. They’d cut her hair too, chopped at her shoulders and a bandage was on her head from where I guessed they’d shaved it.
My stomach clenched, my heart raced, and my need to be close to her bogged me down like a heavy weight. I wanted to rip all the leads away and take her, hold her and make her safe. I wanted to be the one in that bed.
And wished so hard that it had been me.
She’d been collateral damage in all this, and as the doctor wheeled me closer, I just stared at her.
“We figured you might want to see her,” Dr. Fieldhouse said. “She’s been a hell of a fighter.”
I bet she had. The fact that she survived me and all the things I’d done her greatest feat. I swallowed. “Can I touch her?”
I shouldn’t have asked that, had no right to ask that, but when Dr. Fieldhouse nodded, the first thing I did was reach for Cleo’s hand.
It warm, soft and so beautiful like her. I didn’t want to let it go.
Touching her was so dumb.
It made me want for more things, things I had no right to have. It had made me give my ring to my dad to give to her, but I didn’t give that to him with intent. Fact of the matter was, no one could have that part of me after her, impossible. There was the me before.
Then there was the me with Cleo.
She’d always have that part. She’d always have that piece, and with this surgery now, it was like a symbol of that. I could go the rest of my life knowing I’d always be a part of her.
Even if, in the end, that’s all it could ever be.
I fingered her wrist up to her elbow, relishing in those moments as long as I could. Eventually, Dr. Fieldhouse asked me if I was ready, and I didn’t hesitate. The moment I went to sleep, Cleo would be relieved of her nightmare.
And the moment she woke up, I’d be relieved of mine.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Cleo
My limbs sagged. My body pulsed. My lashes fluttered open, and the soft light in the room shot a bolt of pain straight into my scull.
I moaned.
“Rick… Oh my God. Rick, she’s awake. Go get the doctor!”
Awake?
I’d been asleep.
I knew that now, my mom’s voice as she materialized in front of me. My mouth felt like someone had shoved about thirty cotton balls up in it.
“Baby. Oh my God.” Mom touched my face, tears in her eyes, and I didn’t understand. Soft fingers ghosted the tender flesh of my cheek. Everything throbbed. Everything hurt, and my head felt like someone had bashed me over my noggin, then swung back and gone for a second round.
“Mom…” My voice strained and cracked, and the mere sound caused my mom’s tears to fall. The word “miracle” fell from her lips, my arm pinned to the side. I couldn’t move it. I couldn’t move anything. My whole body felt like a reinforced, steel weight, and a slight shift had my whole body radiating in awareness, pain. Especially my side.
I felt like someone had cut me from the inside out, and when I attempted to move again, Mom placed a hand on my shoulder.
“Don’t move, baby,” Mom said, but her smile was so wide one would have thought I brought her the stars. It appeared I had, her eyes glistening in those tears. “You’ve been in an accident.”
An… accident?
I remembered it well, crashing and colliding. I even remembered when the rolling had finally stopped, and things had suddenly gone dark.
I hadn’t been here, though, clearly a hospital room around me. They had me in a bed, hooked up and IV’ed to all kinds of stuff. My left arm was also secured to my side, fastened down, and I couldn’t move it. My fingers and toes curling, those appeared to work, though.
“Cleo.” My adoptive father appeared, so much joy on his face. He had a fist pressed to his mouth as he came over to me. “Hey, sweetheart.”
“Hey, Dad.” Soft words, but they proved enough to bring tears to his eyes as well. He touched my hair and I realized someone had cut it. It currently sat in a slight curl at my shoulders.
“Welcome back, Cleo.”
In the door frame stood a petite woman, dark eyes, kind smile. She had a white jacket on and a stethoscope around her neck, so I assumed she was the doctor my mom had spoken about.
She smiled. “My name is Dr. Fieldhouse. How are you doing this morning?”
This morning. It’d been morning when things went dark. Was it the same day?
I forced my mouth to make words, and when they strained at my vocal chords, the doctor sent for water. Mom helped me sip through a straw, and after, I nodded my thanks. I relaxed with a sigh into the bed. “I feel like I was hit with a cement truck, but other than that? Right as rain.”
The laugh was a mistake on my part as it completely radiated my insides in even more pain, but its presence brought a smile to more than one person in the room. My parents, for starters, looked like they’d melt into a literal puddle of joy. How long had I been out? Were my injuries bad?
They sure felt like it. Like everything hurt. Even my toes. Though that could have been in my head. Honestly, how was I even alive right now? I hadn’t been in a head-on collision, but close enough. I’d been hit at all sides on the highway.
“Well, I’m happy to see, despite your current state, you’re still in good spirits.” Another warm smile on me before the woman checked me out, touching, feeling, then listening with her stethoscope. “Breathe for me.”
I did and after that check, she returned the device to her neck. “Well, I’ll say you really have beat some odds here. That accident you were in was quite bad. Required a few surgeries, and you’ve been off your feet for almost two days.”
Wow.
“Do you remember what happened? Your accident, I mean.”
Since I did, I nodded. I’d been stupid, trying to send a text.
Jaxen.
Immediately, my thoughts traveled to him, to his own texts that fluttered in. I hadn’t gotten to answer them. He told me how he felt, and now, it looked like I had ignored him. Did he know about my accident? He wasn’t here.
“Well, besides a head injury, a few broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and some internal damage, you are right as rain.” The doctor winked, but did smile. “We’ve fixed all that, though. You should be just fine after you’ve healed up and, of course, rested.”
Jesus, all that had happened to me?
I really must have had someone looking down on me. All of this was wild.
At this point, the doctor had her clipboard in her hands when a nurse gave it to her. Once in hand, the doctor appeared to be checking off and noting things on it.<
br />
“You had some swelling to your brain, but even with that, you should be able to start getting back to your old self in about four to eight weeks and, generally, the same time frame for the rest of your ailments. We will need to make sure we monitor your kidneys. Especially, the transplant. But—”
“Transplant?” I gazed up after my mom adjusted my bedding. She’d been smoothing it down and getting it arranged for me. I looked at her. “I had a kidney transplant?”
“Yes, baby,” Mom said. “And it was a miracle. You did so well. Jaxen too.”
My mouth dried again, as if I’d never had water.
As if I’d never ever had water.
“What do you mean?” I whispered, and Dad angled a hand toward me. He had something in his palm.
Something I recognized.
The chunky ring had a gorilla mouth on it, Jaxen’s metal ring. But why did he have it?
Dad placed it in my hand, closing my fist around it. “He wanted you to have it. Said if you woke up first, he wanted you to have it.”
“Well, is he awake?” I shifted and fell back in immediate pain. The room erupted in frenzy, a need to keep me laying down, to tend to me, but no one was telling me about Jaxen. “Where is he?”
“Mr. Ambrose is in his own room, resting.” The doctor smiled again. “He had some issues coming out of the anesthesia, but he’s being monitored.”
“What kind of issues? Dad?” I faced him. “Mom?”
“He just got really sick, baby,” Mom assured, absolute dread filling me. She touched my adoptive father’s shoulder. “We’ve both seen him, though. He’s resting like the doctor said.”
“Well, can I see him?” Another move and an absolute bad idea. Forget someone hitting me with a cement truck. They basically backed up and did it two more times.
“You gotta be careful, Cleo.” The doctor nodded. “Any physical movement won’t be possible for you at this time. Just focus on resting. Getting yourself better.”
“But what about Jaxen?” He’d donated a kidney for me. I just… “When can I see him?”
