by Kenna Bardot
"I'm a coward," she whispered as she stared at us, a hint of a mad storm in those purple orbs, and I wondered if she could really see us.
"Oh darling, tell me what happened," Jas spoke soothingly as she rubbed a hand over Haisley's shoulder and led her to the chair she had up against the wall. Hydra pulled her attention from the food she was eating and flew carefully from the table before padding over carefully towards Haisley. She laid her head on Haisley's lap, where the Goddess stroked and closed her eyes at the calming movement.
"I was there. In front of Gwynna and she was the most glorious creature ever, and I ran away. I couldn't face her. I don't know why I couldn't face her. It’s not like I’ve never seen dragons before, right? Even baby dragons. For example, Hydra. I saw you, baby, and I didn’t run away screaming like I was mad." She buried her face by nuzzling into Hydra's neck. Jas shot me a look that had me racing over and wrapping my arm around Haisley.
Jasmine stood and walked over to pick up a bottle from a shelf. "I'll have you take this draught, my dear. It'll help you relax, release that stress and panic."
Haisley sniffed and nodded as she wrapped her arms even more tightly around Hydra. Sympathy and love coursed through me, thick and potent and not all of it Hydra’s. Her lips trembled as she attempted a smile. I asked, "So did you go up to her?"
"I didn't, no. Yula was going after me and she got mad that I was holding her up so instead of walking forward. I just left." I narrowed my eyes at the name. I'd determined that I was just going to ignore their situation, but it seemed like I wasn't their only victim.
"Illyrio asked that I come back when I'm ready if Gwynna's baby still hasn't found its guard." She looked at her hands. “Do I really want to?”
“What are you scared of, Haisley?”
“What if he’s mine?” Her hand grabbed mine, squeezing hard enough that I almost yelped in protest. “I don’t know what to do if he’s mine.”
“Don’t you want one?” Jas asked as she walked over. “I thought you did.”
“I don’t really know what I want.” She looked up at Jas and took the short glass she handed her. It was filled with a clear pink liquid. "Thanks, Jas."
I stood and gave Jasmine a meaningful look. "Maybe you should rest a bit, take some time to think. Then go back when you’re ready and not a moment sooner."
"Thanks you two. Can always count on my girls." She gave us a tired smile before downing the contents of the glass in one gulp.
"I - ah - just have to go somewhere. Okay, if I take Hydra?" I asked Haisley, gently, seeing how tightly she had her arm around my dragon still. She nodded and pulled back, eyes a little heavy as she rested her head back against the wall.
"It's fine, Mireyah. Thank you." She attempted to open her eyes back up and throw me a sleepy smile.
"If I see Chett, do I tell him where you are?" She nodded at my question and yawned.
"Yes, please. I should have dragged him along with me. But I wanted to do it alone. All alone. It felt important to do it that way." She sighed and dropped her head onto Jasmine's shoulder.
There was something to Haisley’s words that piqued my curiosity. A sense that I understood absolutely what she was feeling one hundred percent. But at that moment, I couldn’t be bothered to think when I was so full of anger over the way my friend had been treated.
Hydra kept making cooing and mewling sounds next to me, and I knew she felt the rolling anger inside me as I walked down the path towards the nursery. Rather than going inside and scaring the baby, I weighed my options. Then I spotted my targets - gray-haired Bytas, Arkin and Yula. Yula's hands covered her face and her head rested against Arkin's shoulder in a move that was a perfect mirror of how I'd left Haisley with Jas. Where there I had felt sympathy, this time I only felt disgust.
Following instincts, I stomped down the empty path. "Hey!" I called out as I squared my shoulders. When he spotted me, Arkin surged to his feet. "Leave us alone, Mireyah. Haven't you belittled and humiliated us enough?"
The words had me reeling. From the things I expected, being accused of being the villain was the last thing. “I apologized for what I said. It’s not my fault everyone else agreed with me. You didn’t listen to a word I said, did you?”
“You think you’re better than us because the Core Gods love you? They just think you’re entertaining, like a pet. When they tire of you, they’ll discard you and move on to the next oddity.” Anger surged in me when he used the word ‘pet.’
For the longest time, Hollis’ nickname for me had such hurtful connotations. I didn’t appreciate that he would sully the name again. “I am no one’s pet. And they don’t favor me so much as I interest them. Time and time again, I’ve beaten the odds and survived. Thrived where others have died. What can you say you have done that is so impressive?” Hydra snapped her teeth at Arkin’s dragon, who let out an angry breath.
I raised my hand to stop Hydra just as Arkin held his dragon back. “We’re just trying to honor the Dragon Guard. What’s wrong in thinking the likes of you can threaten our natural balance? You’re not natural, Mireyah.”
“You want me dead. How is that honoring the Guard?” A broken circlet, I remembered. A broken circlet that had felt too cold even in my hands.
“We don’t want you to die. What we said about you when Madi died probably went to far. But can you blame us? Ever since you arrived, too many sad and horrible things have been happening.”
“The three of you started it. You go around treating those I call friends like they're lesser than you. Like they don’t have any worth because they’re not you.” I trembled at their lies, their excuses. I could not think to imagine that they would ever not mean me harm.
"What? Are you talking about Haisley? She was standing there like an idiot and held up the line. We asked her to move along. But to what effect? Gwynna rejected Yula, and now she's heartbroken. But you won’t understand that, are you? You've had everything handed to you when there are more qualified and deserving Gods and Goddesses who've invested more of their life and energy to this," Arkin spat out with a sneer. But his left hand still held Yula's and stroked it with his thumb.
"Arkin, it's not worth it. Leave her alone." Yula sniffed and looked up, rubbing red puffy eyes as she did so.
"You weren’t listening to what I’ve just said. It may seem like I’ve gotten so much in so little time, but I've never been just given what I have. You've called me human scum, so you know where I came from. I dare you to last one day as a human. I daresay you’d be begging for reprieve at the end. I think we all know that there is no outcome in this world that will ever end in you and I ever being friends so I will ask, kindly, that you don't bother me at home ever again." My hands trembled with the anger I tried to keep pushed down. Arkin's words only cemented just how worthy he thought my being a Dragon Guard was.
Which was not at all.
"It's not our fault that you think of us. Maybe because you know your inadequacies and just how deserving you are to be a Dragon Guard. Don't blame us for that insecurity." Yula sniffed as she spoke before burying her face in her hands.
"That's all you have to say?" I took a step back in shock even as my mind reeled from their words. I wondered if they had indeed sent the broken circlet to my house. Because who else could it be? And specifically on that day.
It had to have been then, because the alternative was too awful to consider.
Arkin simply sat back down next to Yula and hugged her. "Fine, I apologize for picking a fight then. May Zeevar bless your souls."
And I walked off, I looked down to check on Hydra more often. I needed to be certain she was safe next to me.
Because suddenly, I felt even more threatened than I had that morning
✽✽✽
I didn't tell Haisley I'd confronted Arkin and Yula, especially since she'd bounced back from the experience so quickly that I wouldn’t have believed she had been inches away from a break if I hadn’t seen it for myself.
I
was certain Jas and her potion had something to do with it, but as a Majele who developed a better understanding of how external factors could affect the internal, I knew that it was not just the draught but also the strength of Haisley’s character.
The knowledge of my talk with Arkin and Yula had been perturbing, because I wasn't too sure if I'd made the best decision talking to them. All I knew was that my comfort level in the Reserve was at an all-time low and I was desperate to leave it. Julian walked me to the Express, which was noisy rather than silent as it normally was.
The voices pitched loudly in argument, reaching us even from several feet away. And they were voices I recognized as belonging to at least three of my Sires.
But a voice that didn’t belong to a man I married, raised in a shout. I entered to witness the scene before me. Elin shouting at Ryle, Shep, and Hollis.
"You can't keep encouraging her to go home to you every day. She's connected to a juvenile dragon who is inherently more susceptible to the dangers of the world. Add that to the fact that someone has been killing dragons, so she needs to stay where we can watch over her more."
I made a disgusted sound. Not only did he make me seem weak, he talked about me just like a typical man.
Behind my back.
Hollis stepped forward and smiled charmingly. My most diplomatic guy, at least because Tate wasn't there. "Mireyah makes her own decisions, and she's decided she prefers to go home."
Shep spoke up, "No one in the entirety of Demiorgo has a more vested interest in keeping Mireyah safe more than we do, which is why." He said nothing more and gestured to himself and the two other Gods who were with him.
"Besides, after what interrupted us this morning- " Ryle started and remembering what had interrupted us, I rushed forward and called out. "Ryle!" I launched myself at him to keep him from finishing the sentence. While I appreciated that they were willing to protect me and fight for the shit they knew I wanted, I wasn't willing to drag my boss into my drama.
"You all came to pick me up although three of you feels overkill." I turned to Elin and met his stare head on. I figured he tried to read me, but I let him because all I blasted at him was anger and annoyance. "I've already said that I prefer to go home and knowing you're willing to go above my head to my Sires to have them influence my decision? If you wanted me to really not stay here, that was the best thing for you to do. So well done."
Elin shook his head but had the decency to look ashamed. But I had to admire his determination. "Mireyah, please be logical. When Hydra gets hurt again -"
I interrupted, "I will cure her again and believe me, I can do it better. Not to discredit Jasmine but she is a Leven but as a Majele inherently connected to the dragon in question, it's easy for me to do."
"But we can protect you." He gestured to Julian, who stood like a silent sentry beside him.
"I don't mean to discredit or say that Julian or Patrick are ineffective, but you give me one guard while I have five Sires who will guard me at all times." I held up a hand when he opened a mouth to speak. "And, yes, I understand that the grounds are heavily protected. We take extra precautionary measures outside our home." I gave him a wide smile, but he just shook his head. "But you know what? All of that shit doesn't matter because I make my own decisions. I'm not putting me or Hydra in any unnecessary risky situations because I don't want us to die. Okay? I'm going home." Hydra rubbed her head against my belly, a relaxing motion that brought me calm. I took a deep breath.
“Mireyah -” I held up a hand.
“You may head Security Elin, but no one but me makes decisions for my life. Since you have no real reason to keep me here, I can go.”
Off to the side, Julian tried not to laugh. Elin frowned at me. “Fine. We’ll figure out a way to get you to communicate with us faster in case of emergencies. I’ll have to talk to the Springens, but it’ll take time. So be careful in the interim.”
I patted his cheek before walking up to my men. We walked to the Springen and left to go home.
I didn't even bother looking back.
✽✽✽
My stomach rolled, sending me to a sitting position with a hand pressed to it.
When it settled for a moment, I glanced around the room. The guys all slept soundly, undisturbed by my jostling and ignorant to the way my stomach felt like I was weightless. Like slipping on ice and the moment where there was nothing beneath my feet until I collapsed to the ice with a jarring crash. Like suddenly forgetting how to swim in freezing water and having to beg for survival as I made my way across the frozen lake at Godsvail.
When sickness stole my breath again, I maneuvered my way out of the tangle of limbs we always slept in. We were never more than mere inches apart. Our bodies had always been better at communicating than our mouths.
Not wanting to disturb their sleep, I closed the door behind me as Hydra followed me out from her bed in the corner of our room. Light streamed in the windows, the first inkling of the coming morning as it lit up the fields behind our home. They stunned in a mosaic of green and yellow, breathtaking despite the way they should have seemed monotonous in layer upon layer of the same colors.
I pitched forward, swallowing down a wave of nausea before I made my way to the couch and laid on my back to quell the sickness. Sickness I shouldn't feel. Coming next to me, Hydra laid her head on my belly, staring up at me with warm eyes on molten fire. My limbs were heavy, weighted down by exhaustion, but I lifted my hand to rub her head and the patch of scales behind her ear. The scratching sound they made as I rubbed them always soothed me, something that was entirely unique to a dragon. In all my life, I'd never felt a texture quite like it. Hard, but flexible. Armored, but bumpy and fibrous.
She tilted her head, nuzzling her face against my stomach sweetly as she stared at me, and I could feel her urgency. The way she pushed me to think. To figure out what she already knew.
When her tongue darted out, grazing my shirt so lightly that I barely felt it on my skin, I glanced at the stomach she seemed so fixated on. Nothing had changed, nothing noticeable. There was no injury from our training that I might have and not felt.
My hand froze on her head as the other went to my stomach and lifted my shirt. I stared at the smooth, pale skin there as realization settled over me.
I couldn't remember.
I looked to Hydra again, and her eyes were smug as she poked at my belly with her nose as if confirming my thoughts. "When was my period?" I asked, as if she would keep track of my cycle. I'd never given it much thought, never paid much attention. Before becoming a Goddess, it had been impossible for me to get pregnant with them.
Even as a Goddess, the odds-
It was nearly impossible so soon, and yet I couldn't remember my last period. I didn't remember suffering through cramps, or abstaining from sex.
My heart raced in my chest. Pounding within me in a steady staccato that I thought would steal my breath. The nausea. The dijari fruit being too sweet. There was only one conclusion that made sense. One thing that could make a Goddess feel sick and turn away her favorite foods.
I was pregnant.
My eyes burned as my fingers stroked over the skin of my belly, as if I'd somehow be able to feel the life growing inside me. There'd been a time when all I'd wanted was a simple life in my village, with a husband and kids who loved me. That and working in Serenity's shop were my aspirations for my life, but now that I'd lived through the Challenges at Godsvail and the Sire trials, that felt like a previous life.
Like those were another person's dreams.
That wasn't to say I wouldn't want a baby, that I wouldn't love it with every part of me. But tears fell freely, thinking of how protective my Sires would become. If I thought they were unbearable when I wasn't pregnant, I knew the pregnancy would put them over the edge. The tentative accord we'd finally struck would be a thing of the past, and between them and the Dragon Guard wanting to protect a vulnerable pair, I'd lose all my freedom.
I didn't have
much as it was.
I had to find a way for us to come to a compromise to keep me safe, but not to stifle me or my dreams. I wouldn't sacrifice the rights of humans and the cause Lathyn and I already worked toward, not to appease the worry of my husbands. They could protect me. They could guard me.
And damn the Gods, I could protect myself. I'd survived worse, with far less strength and without magic at my disposal.
I would survive my revolution too. I didn't have a choice, because it wasn't just me anymore.
There were two other lives depending on me.
Twenty-Nine
Mireyah
“You did so much better on your first day than you’re doing now. And we didn’t even increase the level all that much.” Zephyr stood over me as I lay on the thick white mat. Zia joined him, her white eyes widening. “Did I go overboard?”
I shook my head, but even that slight motion was enough to make me nauseous. I held a hand to my mouth, waiting for my world to recalibrate before I even attempted to speak. “No, you’re fine. I’m just feeling a little off today, I don’t know why.”
Hydra crawled over to me and laid her head on my tummy where most of the nausea rolled from. I stroked her cheek, thankful at the soothing properties that her warmth gave me. “I’m fine. Help me up?” I held out a hand, which Zephyr took, pulling so I could stand.
“Hit me, I can take it. So I need to block it out?” I asked Zephyr, and he showed me, letting me feel what his magic was like when he blocked. I felt fairly confident that I could replicate it.
Zia took my hand again and flooded me with her pain. I pushed my Majele out, but it was like a hook to my insides, then a pull as something attempted to drag it out.
I almost fell to the mat again when she stopped and Zephyr frowned at me. “Your Majele isn’t wrong, but you’re reacting poorly.”
