by Nina Levine
His lips pull up at the ends. “You think I’d ever have a problem with spending an afternoon in bed with you?”
“Well, I actually meant sleeping. I should have known your mind would go elsewhere.”
“It’s got no other place to go if you’re involved. So you want me to take you home?”
“Yes.” I suddenly remember Maddox and pull out my phone to check if he replied to my message. “Wait, can we drop by Maddox’s place first?” When Winter looks at me, I add, “I need to know he’s okay.”
Winter indicates to change lanes. To go to Maddox’s house. “Okay, angel, let’s see what’s going on with this kid.”
Thirty minutes later, we reach our destination and make our way to his front door. Maddox opens it and I know instantly that he’s not okay. It’s in the dullness of his eyes. He gives me a chin lift. “Yo, queen, what’s doing?”
“Queen?” Winter says, sounding like he’s not sure of Maddox’s use of the word.
Maddox gives Winter his bored look. “Yeah, she’s a queen.” He changes when he’s around Winter or any of the other guys. He straps his boy armour on and hides his vulnerable side. That’s okay; I get it. But it means I won’t reach him with my usual ways, so instead of saying what I want to say, I go with, “You wanna come play mini golf with us?”
Winter, God bless him, doesn’t respond in any way.
Maddox says, “What? Now?”
I nod. “Yeah.
“I’m broke as fuck,” he says.
“Our shout,” Winter says, and I really, really, really want to throw my arms around him and show him how much I love him. But I don’t. I’ll save that for later.
Maddox shrugs like he doesn’t really give a shit how he spends his time. “Sure.”
When he goes inside to get his shoes, Winter turns to me, his brows arched. “Mini fucking golf?”
I smile sweetly. “You love me.”
With a shake of his head, he says, “I’d love you a fuckuva lot more right now if I wasn’t staring at hours chasing a fucking ball around when I should be staring at tits and ass.”
Standing on my toes, I kiss him. “You really love me.”
“I fucking do and don’t you forget it. Now get your ass in the car.”
We head to the car and Maddox joins us a few minutes later.
As we drive, I avoid the questions I want to ask him, because I don’t think he’ll open up to me with Winter in the car. Instead, I say, “Is Eloise home at the moment?”
“No, I haven’t seen her in days.” It concerns me that he’s fending for himself while he’s got no money. I know he’s been doing it for years, but that doesn’t make it right.
Winter eyes him in the rear-view mirror. “You got everything you need at home while she’s not there?” I love that he’s thinking the same thing as me.
“Yeah, I’m good,” Maddox says.
After we arrive at the mini golf centre, pay, and get set up, Winter says to Maddox, “You ready for Birdie to whoop your ass?”
Amusement crosses Maddox’s face. “She’s never played me.”
“Oh,” I say, loving this turn in conversation, “really? You think you’re good, do you?”
He grins. “I fucking know it, queen.”
Winter lifts his chin at the course. “Show us what you’ve got.”
We spend the next forty-five minutes watching Maddox show us his mini golf skills. He didn’t lie; he is good. The other thing that happens in these forty-five minutes is that Winter and Maddox loosen up with each other. By the end of the course, they’ve started ganging up on me.
I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun.
“Maddox,” Winter says as we make our way to the car after the game, “you got plans for lunch?”
I slip my hand into his. I love this man so damn much.
“Nah,” Maddox says.
“You do now,” Winter says. “And after lunch, if you’re free, I could do with a hand cleaning out my gutters.”
Maddox nods. “Sure.”
As we drive home, Winter and Maddox carry on a conversation about football. They discover they both support the same team and seem to have a lot to discuss about something their team did last year. I love football, but I don’t jump into this conversation; I want them to have something they talk about just between themselves.
I kinda zone out, thinking about Eloise and her shitty parenting, until I hear Winter say, “You should take your girlfriend to the football.” He eyes me as he adds, “Some girls love it.”
“We’re not together anymore,” Maddox says.
That’s why he’s down.
I should have known it was because of a girl.
“Why?” I ask, unable to stop myself.
“She decided she wanted to get back with her ex.”
Oh, God. I feel for him. So much.
“I’m sorry, Maddox,” I say.
“Yeah, whatever. I’m better off without her if she’s gonna be like that.”
I know it’s his hurt talking. I know he doesn’t really mean “whatever”.
Winter looks at him in the rear-view mirror. “Mate, it’s okay to feel like shit when a girl does something like that.”
“Yeah,” Maddox says after a few moments. “It does feel like shit.”
What a day this is turning out to be.
My husband has come through for me in all the ways.
A boy I’ve known for barely a moment in time has stolen my heart. Again.
And I’ve experienced both sadness and joy in the space of a morning.
It turns out that sharing our hurt and pain, and not numbing it, has a way of bringing us together. It has a way of shining light where dark used to live.
41
Winter
* * *
I suck back some beer during the club barbecue and watch Birdie dance. I can’t recall the last time she danced. She used to dance all the time before IVF. Fuck, was the last time she danced that night with Max right before we started IVF? The night she pulled me up to dance to our song.
I leave my chair and make my way to the corner of the clubhouse bar where Memphis set up the music through Spotify. I search for the song I want and select it, ending the current song.
As soon as Darius Rucker’s voice filters through the speakers, Birdie searches the crowd until her eyes land on me. She smiles that sexy smile of hers that will always make me give her whatever she wants, and runs her fingers through her hair while she sways her hips.
Fuck. Me.
I cut through the crowd and join her. I can’t fucking stay away; the pull to her is too great.
“Do you know how good it is to see you dance and smile?” I say as I get my hands on her.
Her smile grows and she puts her hands around my neck. “It feels good.”
“Max told me once that he’d never met a woman more vibrant than you. I hate that IVF stole your vibrancy.”
That smile doesn’t leave her face. “You know, I think I’m finding it again.”
“Yeah, baby, you are, and it’s the best damn thing in the world to watch.”
“It still hurts every day, and I’m not sure if that will ever go away completely, but I’m learning there’s life out there after IVF.”
“You know what I’ve learned?”
Her eyes sparkle. “Tell me.”
“That eight years without a holiday is a long fucking time.”
“That is true. Maybe we should plan one.”
“How does Hawaii sound?”
“Ooh, you know I’ve always wanted to go there!”
So damn beautiful.
I kiss her, taking my time with it. “Buy a bikini. We leave in two weeks.”
Her eyes widen. “What? How? We can’t afford—”
I kiss her again. “We can’t afford not to take it, angel.”
“I’ve got work.”
“No, you don’t. Cleo’s sorted it.”
When she turns silent, I say, �
��Did I fucking finally find a way to stop all your questions?”
She threads her fingers through my hair. “Highly unlikely. Don’t you know I have thousands stored deep inside?”
I chuckle. “I don’t doubt it.”
“I think I have something I want to tell you,” she says softly.
I slide a loose piece of hair off her face and tuck it behind her ear. “What?”
She bites her lip. “I’m not saying we should do this now or anytime soon, but I’d like us to look into fostering.”
“I’d like that, too.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. We knew this was always an option. I think it’s a good one.”
“I don’t know if I ever fully considered it. I think I always just assumed IVF would work eventually.”
“And now you’re considering it? Or you’ve already considered it?”
“Now I’m open to it. Maddox helped open me up.”
“Maddox?”
She smiles. “I think I’m more interested in fostering teens than younger children. Kids like Maddox need someone in their corner, and I think we would make really fucking good someones.” She pauses briefly. “And can we just discuss Maddox?”
“Okay.” She’s lit up and I fucking love it. At this point, I’d discuss anything she wanted.
“Why is he still living with that woman? She’s a drug addict, and she’s never home, and I’m sure she either has, or still does abuse him. Why aren’t we standing up for him and demanding something better for him?”
“I’m one step ahead of you, angel.”
“How?”
“I talked with Maddox yesterday while we were doing the gutters. I made it clear to him I don’t think that living with Eloise is the best option for him, and then I detailed alternative options I can help him with if he wants.”
She stops swaying. “And?”
“And he’s packing his bags today.”
“Oh my God, Winter Morrison, tell me already! Where’s he going?”
I kiss her again before giving her what she wants. “He’s coming to stay with us on a trial basis. If he likes it, he’ll stay. If not, I’ll help him find somewhere he does like. And while we’re overseas, he’ll stay at the clubhouse and the boys will look out for him.”
I don’t know what I expected from her when I told her this news, but it’s not what I get.
Her eyes tear up and she says, “You are the very best man in the world, and I’m so glad I chose you.” She kisses me through the tears streaming down her face, and when her lips leave mine, she whispers, “I will always choose you.”
“That’s a good fucking thing, Birdie Morrison, because I will always choose you, too.”
As we lay our hearts down for each other, I think back over everything we’ve been through. We’ve loved, we’ve raged, we’ve damn well battled. But at the end of every day, we found our way back to each other and fought for the only thing worth fighting for: our love.
We’re stronger.
Wilder.
Softer.
We’re built for eternity.
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Also by Nina Levine
Storm MC Series
Storm (Storm MC #1)
Fierce (Storm MC #2)
Blaze (Storm MC #3)
Revive (Storm MC #4)
Slay (Storm MC #5)
Sassy Christmas (Storm MC #5.5)
Illusive (Storm MC #6)
Command (Storm MC #7)
Havoc (Storm MC #8)
* * *
Sydney Storm MC Series
Relent (#1)
Nitro’s Torment (#2)
Devil’s Vengeance (#3)
Hyde’s Absolution (#4)
King’s Wrath (#5)
King’s Reign (#6)
King: The Epilogue (#7)
* * *
Storm MC Reloaded Series
Hurricane Hearts (#1)
War of Hearts (#2)
Christmas Hearts (#3)
Battle Hearts (#4)
* * *
The Hardy Family Series
Steal My Breath (single dad romance)
* * *
Crave Series
Be The One (rockstar romance)
* * *
Billionaire Romance
Ashton Scott
* * *
www.ninalevinebooks.com
Acknowledgments
This is the book I’ve been afraid to write for a very long time. IVF is something my brother and sister-in-law went through. I have to be honest and say I was a super bad sister to them back then. I only realise that now, after having spent hour upon hour researching IVF for this story. I was that family member who avoided asking them about it or talking about it, because I didn’t want to intrude or cause them pain if they didn’t want to talk about it. I read in many of the accounts from real life IVF couples that this is often one of the most unhelpful things loved ones can do. So maybe, if someone you love is going through IVF, check in with them and see if they do want to talk about it with you. I wish I’d been there a lot more for my brother and sister-in-law.
* * *
Anyway, I got off topic there. I wanted to write an IVF story for many years, but I was scared to write it in case I didn’t do it justice. In case I didn’t get the emotions quite right. I didn’t want anyone who’d been through it to be upset because I missed the mark. So, I avoided writing it. Then, when I committed to writing it as Winter & Birdie’s story, I struggled to actually sit down and do it. I was fucking petrified I would get it wrong. Instead of writing each time I sat down, I opted to do research instead. I know way more about the female reproductive system than I ever needed to know.
* * *
Holy hell, if you’ve been through IVF, I am in awe of you. If you’re going through it, I’m sending all my love. I think you might need it.
* * *
I’m so glad I didn’t give into my fear and scrap this book. I fell in love with writing all over again telling this story, and I love every word of it with all my heart. When my editor thanked me for telling it so accurately and honestly, I knew all those hours talking myself off the self-doubt ledge were worth it. This is a messy, emotional, raw story that I am so proud of writing.
* * *
To my long-suffering editor, Becky, thank you. Why you still work with me escapes me, but I am so very grateful that you do. I say it every book, and I truly pray for it, but I do hope I can get my act together soon and meet a deadline or two.
* * *
To my amazing and very dedicated beta reader & assistant, Jodie, I don’t know anyone else like you in the whole world. I mean, you just got up for me at 6am to read my words one last time before we hit publish. You blow me away, woman. You’re always there with me, every step of the way. You always know exactly which parts need work and which parts to leave the fuck alone. For this book, I’m particularly grateful for the phone calls we had where I could hear your emotion after reading certain scenes, and where you told me all the parts that meant something to you. I really kinda needed that on this book, because I just doubted myself so much over it. Thank you for being you and knowing what I need even when I don’t.
* * *
To my readers, thank you for still being here! This is the 19th Storm MC book! If you’re still here, I FREAKING LOVE YOU!!! You’ll never know the ways you impact my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
* * *
To my bloggers & reviewers, thank you so much for helping me get the word out there about my books! I used to be a reviewer and blogger, so I know the hours you put into it. I truly appreciate every minute you decide to spend reading and reviewing my books.
* * *
To Wander & Letitia, my dream team! Thank you for always creating magic for me and my covers. I love you guys.
About the Author
Nina Levine
&n
bsp; * * *
Dreamer.
* * *
Coffee Lover.
* * *
Gypsy at heart.
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USA Today Bestselling author who writes about alpha men & the women they love.
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When I’m not creating with words you will find me planning my next getaway, visiting somewhere new in the world, having a long conversation over coffee and cake with a friend, creating with paper or curled up with a good book and chocolate.
* * *
I’ve been writing since I was twelve. Weaving words together has always been a form of therapy for me especially during my harder times. These days I’m proud that my words help others just as much as they help me.
www.ninalevinebooks.com
Copyright © 2020 by Nina Levine
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Editing by Becky Johnson at Hot Tree Editing
Cover Design by Letitia at Romantic Book Affair Designs
