Trevor, who apparently thought it was hot. Trevor, who licked his lips before slowly, oh so slowly, stretching his arms over his head.
The air in Jalen’s lungs froze, supercooled by the liquid nitrogen that had replaced his blood, so cold it burned. Felt like he’d shatter if he touched Trevor and die if he couldn’t.
You can’t do this. It’s wrong.
“Hold me down.”
Crack. It wasn’t Jalen’s body that shattered—it was his resolve, hit with the force of Trevor’s words, the utter conviction with which he looked at Jalen.
“Come on. Do it. Hold me down.”
Chapter Nine
@NextDirectionShow Movie night was a huge success!
“Or do you need me to like try to get away first?” Trevor asked when Jalen still hadn’t moved. He wiggled a little experimentally. No way was Jalen confessing like the hottest fantasy ever and not delivering.
“You were sick earlier—”
“I’m not now. I’m stronger than I look.” Jalen outweighed Trevor by probably forty pounds or so, but Trevor wasn’t worried about getting crushed. Or at least not in a bad way. Crushed in a good way? Yes, please. This shit day, this shit week, all of it faded away with one sexy admission from Jalen. All these weird vibes with Jalen—where he seemed in to Trevor for more than just the show but didn’t want Trevor to blow him no strings attached—all the weird dynamics between them seemed to coalesce and focus like some experiment from physics lab, diffuse light gathering together into a ball of energy filled with purpose.
This. They were supposed to do this. Right now. With any luck, Jalen would shove him around a bit and then they could get back to Trevor’s agenda: to get Jalen’s dick in his mouth as soon as possible.
“Think so?” Jalen pushed Trevor’s shoulders flat against the mattress. In a swift motion, he straddled Trevor.
“Oh yeah.” Trevor pulled his arms free from Jalen’s light grip, tapped Jalen’s chest. “I can take you.”
“No, you can’t.” Moving faster than Trevor would have thought possible, Jalen captured Trevor’s arms over his head with one hand. Trevor’s shoulders stretched, not painfully but uncomfortable enough that he shifted under Jalen, trying to ease the pull on his joints. He shoved at Jalen’s thigh with his foot before Jalen took away his ability to kick by using his legs to pin Trevor down.
“This what you want?” Jalen growled at him, and fuck that voice was so sexy. So gruff. So seriously intimidating.
“Oh yeah.” Trevor exhaled every last bit of oxygen from his body with the force of his agreement.
“Couple of rules.”
“Really?” Trevor whined. Rules could go to heck. He wanted more playing. He could feel Jalen rock hard against his stomach. He tried to buck his hips, get a little friction, but Jalen had him too effectively disarmed.
“One, if you really want up, say red. Like a stop sign. That’s important.”
“We’re not going all Fifty Shades here. I don’t need a safe word.”
“Well, maybe I do. And if we’re doing it, we’re doing it my way. I’m in charge here right?”
“Yeah.” No way did Trevor want to be in charge. That was what was so hot about this particular fantasy. He could cross all sorts of lines he’d drawn for himself and it didn’t matter because it wasn’t his idea. Particularly not if he were held down and made to do it. Goose bumps broke out along his upper arms.
“You can’t hit my face. And don’t bite me.” Jalen’s voice was less rough and more uncertain.
“Man. You really have a thing about biting. Who bit you?”
“This friend who was blowing me. We were laying on a bed and I tickled him weird by accident and he bit me by mistake.”
“Ouch.”
“And I’m not real crazy about play bites either.”
“Okay. I . . . uh . . . don’t have that issue. At all.” Bite me. Please.
“And—this is the important part. You get off, too. This isn’t just me rubbing off on you and you do—do you even beat off?” Jalen peered down at Trevor.
This was quite possibly the weirdest position for a conversation ever. And one he couldn’t possibly lie in. “We weren’t allowed growing up. It was a huge deal with lots of lectures about self-abuse and crap. But I still did.” And thus began his cycle of getting off and feeling miserable afterward, but he wasn’t going to go into that with Jalen.
“So before, with other guys, you what, jerk off as soon as you’re alone?”
Trevor nodded, unable to speak. It was easier that way. He’d replay whatever he’d just done and then, when he’d come, he’d be alone for the part where the shame and guilt clobbered him.
“Well, not with me. Okay? You want this, we both come.”
“I’m not sure I can.” Trevor’s voice was small and sounded far away to his own ears.
“How about you try?” Jalen rubbed his face against Trevor’s. His tone had gone soft and impossibly gentle. “This turns you on right?”
“You have no idea.” Trevor strained against Jalen’s hold, simply because he could. They were fully clothed, talking way more than doing, and he was still more turned on than he’d been in his life.
“Then I bet I can get you there.” The sexy confidence in Jalen’s voice had Trevor almost convinced, too. But other than coming in his pants the first few times he blew someone, he’d never come in the presence of another person. Certainly never set out to do it.
“Anything you don’t want me to do?” Jalen asked, all serious again.
Trevor had to think a moment. He’d figured Jalen would fling him around a little, then get his dick out. This whole . . . negotiation took things to a different level. But there was something sexy about that, too—that Jalen cared enough to make this about Trevor, too. Sexy and terrifying.
“Don’t pull my hair hard. No punching me in the junk on purpose. No bruises or marks we’re going to have to explain away tomorrow. No pics. And no sharing about this on social media. Even as a joke.” That last part was the only thing that really scared him—no one else could know about what he let Jalen do or how hard he got off on this.
“I wouldn’t.” Jalen brushed a kiss right above Trevor’s ear. “This is just between us right? Our little game?”
“Exactly.” A game. That was all this was, all it could ever be. And it was totally just between them. He’d told Jalen things tonight he’d never told another person—not his friend Lucas, not his brothers. No one knew the real truth of who he was—a dirty slut rejected by his own family. But he’d let Jalen see. Not all of it, not everything, but Jalen knew more than anyone else and he wasn’t running. No, instead he was brushing soft kisses across Trevor’s forehead while holding him with an iron grip.
The contrast electrified him, made his senses hum. Then, abruptly, all that delicious floaty feeling went away as Jalen released his hands.
“What the—” Trevor started to sit up, but Jalen pushed him flat again. It wasn’t a fair fight—Trevor wanting pretty desperately to be captured again and sent back to that place where everything felt crisp and alive and dreamy at the same time. But one of his legs was now free and he used that to snake around Jalen’s leg, try to pry him off Trevor’s other leg.
“Oh no you don’t!” Jalen sounded ridiculously happy and alert for the middle of the night, and Trevor had to laugh. “This is funny, huh?”
“Very.”
“Yeah? How about now?” Jalen ground his groin against Trevor’s.
“Uhh.” Trevor’s moan was anything but protest.
Holding Trevor’s arms with one hand, Jalen wrenched Trevor’s shirt up, dipped his head, and lightly nipped Trevor’s pec. “You said you were good with biting?”
“Don’t . . . draw blood.” Trevor trusted Jalen not to take things too far. If anything, Jalen was too cautious.
“Want this off.” Jalen pushed at Trevor’s shirt more, tangling it around his pits.
“Yours too.”
“Woul
d you be cool with going down to boxers? That’s kind of part of my fantasy.” Jalen’s grin reminded Trevor of their old Labrador growing up, the way he’d try to act all cool about dying for someone to play catch with him.
“Oh hell yes.” Trevor had never been fully naked with another guy, never really wanted that, but he was desperate to feel Jalen’s skin against his. Releasing Trevor’s arms, Jalen pulled Trevor’s clothes off—and holy heck that was hot enough to make Trevor’s dick throb. Maybe that was key—the nakedness was Jalen’s idea. Trevor merely had to go along with it and let Jalen manhandle him out of his clothes.
Jalen pulled off his own clothes until they were both in only their boxers. Jalen even got rid of Trevor’s socks. Trevor smiled at the attention to detail. Then he used a newly bare foot to shove at Jalen’s stomach.
“Oh it’s on now.” Jalen smiled ferally at Trevor in the dim light from the window, making him all the more menacing. Trevor didn’t have to playact much to try to get away from Jalen, scooting up the bed. Then they were grappling for real, flipping over on the mattress. Trevor was on top for a microsecond before Jalen had him pinned again, breathing hard as he looked down at Trevor.
So hot. Trevor’s own breath came in harsh pants that sounded obscene in the quiet room. Jalen ramped the hotness times a thousand when he started rocking against Trevor while keeping him restrained. Trevor’s own list of top-ten fantasies underwent an immediate reshuffling. Grinding had never even been on his list—too intimate, too demanding, too close to affection and lovey stuff.
But there was nothing loving about this. And yes, it was demanding, but in the best possible way, Jalen using his body. A broken moan escaped Trevor’s throat.
“Like that, do you?”
God help him, he really did. “Ungh.” Without permission, demands sprung from his mouth. “More. Want more. Hold me down harder. Bite me again.”
“Oh yeah.” Jalen kept Trevor’s wrists clamped in one big hand while he mouthed a trail down Trevor’s neck, getting serious with the love bites once he was below Trevor’s collarbone. Trevor writhed and swore and fought against Jalen’s grip even as he strained for more.
Jalen’s stubble rasped against Trevor’s chest and his teeth scored the sensitive flesh before his tongue soothed the burn. Trevor pushed his hips up, meeting Jalen’s hard thrusts as best he could. Raising his head, Jalen murmured, “I want to kiss you so bad.”
“Do it.” Fifteen minutes ago that would have been on Trevor’s please don’t list, but now he was crazy for it.
Jalen’s mouth slammed over his, a punishing kiss unlike anything he’d known before—forget his flesh; this scored his very soul, wrenched him open, left him wanting and filled in the same instant. Unlike when they’d kissed on set, there wasn’t any room for Trevor to worry about what his tongue should be doing and whether he should move his head this way or that—no, this was all the Jalen show. Jalen taking. Jalen demanding.
And something inside Trevor genuflected and rejoiced at being able to simply be. He might be struck by lightning in the next instant, but he didn’t care. This was the most religious experience he’d had in years.
“Wanna come all over you.” Jalen’s whisper was every bit as dirty as his kiss. “Gonna let me hump you till I come?”
“Do it. Want it.”
Jalen released Trevor’s hands for the moment it took to get rid of their boxers. Naked. He was naked with another guy and intensely grateful it was so dark so Jalen couldn’t see his brief moment of real panic. He channeled that feeling into thrashing a bit, making it hard for Jalen to pin him again.
“Oh no you don’t,” Jalen growled, while smiling like Trevor’s struggle gave him a gift.
Yes. He could do this. He could give Jalen this, just as surely as he could suck someone off—he could let Jalen take, give him what he needed with the pull of his arms and the wiggle of his hips, meet him hard dick for hard dick. The same power he always felt when he went down on a guy surged through him. He was doing this. He was going to get Jalen off.
Jalen’s dick was damp against Trevor’s, dragging against the hair of his lower stomach and pubes. He wondered for a second if he should trim like Jalen, then lost himself again to the pressure of Jalen’s hold. He wasn’t here to worry.
“Gonna get me off. You’re so fucking hot like this. Letting me hold you down.”
“Please. Do it.”
“What’s it gonna take for you? Anything? Tell me what you need.”
You. I just need you. They were both drenched in sweat from their exertions and Jalen made little grunts as he kept the motion of his hips up. The room smelled and sounded like pure dirty sex and the pressure of Jalen on his body was perfect.
Almost.
But not quite.
“Hold me down harder,” he whispered.
Jalen pressed down more with his legs, one hand clamping around Trevor’s wrist hard enough to pinch, a delicious lick of sensation that went straight to his dick.
“Need you to come. Not gonna come until you do.”
“That a threat?” Trevor gasped. That sounded like a pretty good way to spend eternity, trapped here with Jalen grinding on him.
Jalen undulated his spine, a sinful twisting motion that brought his mouth back to Trevor’s chest. “You said no marks others could see. But I can mark you here?” His lips traced right above Trevor’s nipple. “Just for me. Want you to see it tomorrow.”
“Make me feel it tomorrow.” Holy crap, had he really said that aloud? Really voiced that deep need?
Apparently he had, because Jalen attacked his nipples and the skin around them, nipping and sucking and light bites that had Trevor moaning and arching up into his touch even as Jalen held him down. His chest was going to be a mess tomorrow—stubble burn and hickeys and sore nipples—and . . .
“Oh God.” At that wicked thought, his balls lifted and he was right there, dangling over the precipice of an orgasm he’d thought impossible. “Going to come.”
“Do it, Trev. Come for me.” Jalen’s breath was warm and soft against Trevor’s abraded skin, and he thrust harder against him, his dick slapping against Trevor’s own, catching all the sensitive places Trevor hadn’t even known he had.
And then he was coming in huge shuddery waves that seemed to start in his toes, pulling every bit of tension, every fear, every reservation out, and transforming it into pleasure, white and pure.
Above him, Jalen moaned and grunted, hips snapping in quick thrusts until he stiffened. A fresh burst of heat hit Trevor’s belly, mingled with his own come.
“Oh fuck.” Jalen released Trevor and flopped next to him. He dragged a hand through the come cooling on Trevor’s stomach, rubbing it around a little while he made happy, satisfied noises. Okay, that was a little weird. Not weird bad, more like Jalen was trying to take care of him even though they were done, like the encounter didn’t have an endpoint for Jalen, like he needed this cuddling and touching as much as he’d needed the other, kinkier stuff.
Like he needed Trevor, not just the body he’d rubbed off on. Jalen mopped up their mess with one of their shirts before he pressed a kiss to Trevor’s neck. “Tell me I didn’t hurt you.”
“You didn’t hurt me,” Trevor said automatically, even as a strange ache descended on him. His wrists and thighs and chest all felt tingly as blood returned to well-used places. Used. That was it—the cloying, sickening feeling that always followed orgasm. He rolled away from Jalen to face the wall. He’d been used. He’d let dirty, dirty things happen to him, again because he was weak. There was nothing left to do except ride out the tidal wave of shame.
Jalen had already figured out that Trevor wasn’t really the cuddly post-sex type. But this was kind of extreme, even for him—his back muscles were rigid under Jalen’s hand and he was breathing shallowly.
“You okay?” Jalen asked, even though he could see Trevor wasn’t.
Trevor made some noncommittal sound.
“Need your blood sug
ar meter? That was a bit of a workout—”
“I’m fine,” Trevor said, even as his back trembled under Jalen’s hand. He was way too cold for the sweat they’d just worked up. Heck, Jalen wasn’t sure he’d cool off for a week. He grabbed the blankets from where they’d landed on the floor and wrapped them around Trevor. He kept up his rubbing on Trevor’s back because Trevor hadn’t asked him to stop, and it was better than the rat gnawing up Jalen’s gut with worry he’d fucked things up.
“Did I go too hard?” Please say no. Please say no. Trevor had been into it. Jalen would bet his life on that, but that didn’t stop doubt from yapping at him. This had been a terrible idea.
“It’s not you.” Trevor finally rolled back over but kept an arm over his face like there was a blazing sun in the room instead of murky darkness. “This is just how I get. Every time.”
“Every time you come, you mean? This is the whole feeling-terrible thing you mentioned? I thought that was only when you were a kid?”
“No.” Trevor half-moaned and half-laughed. “I wish. No, I get off. It feels amazing for about five seconds. Then the feeling like crap settles over me. It’ll leave. Eventually. Just go to sleep.”
“Nothing doing.” Jalen wrapped himself around Trevor’s back. “Does this make it worse?”
Trevor waited a long moment before answering. “No,” he said softly. “You can do that.”
Jalen wished he could do something other than hold Trevor and hope he wasn’t lying about this happening all the time. It made Jalen feel lousy because even now the last dregs of pleasure coursed through him. He’d had that fantasy for five years now, but the fantasy didn’t come anywhere close to the reality of Trevor letting him hold him down, of grappling together, of rubbing off knowing Trevor would let him do whatever he wanted—even mark him. Oh man. Jalen couldn’t wait to see those marks tomorrow. His tired dick gave a little leap at the thought, even as the rest of him vowed not to touch Trevor again. Not if he couldn’t ensure this was as good for Trevor as it was for him.
Love Me Tenor Page 10
