by Lois Richer
“I’m glad you’re with me to help.”
“Me, too.” Olivia felt her stomach butterflies begin their dance at Gabe’s grin.
This man was generous, kind, so loving to the son he’d only known for a few short weeks. Gabe was clearly a family man. It was such a shame he couldn’t let go of the past and find love again. But no matter how much she wished it for him, Olivia simply couldn’t envision exactly the right woman for Gabe.
Because you don’t want to? Though she mentally scoffed at the thought, it persisted and wouldn’t be silenced.
Delighted to see prospective customers, Harry St. Ames, the builder, took them on a tour of the yard where houses sat completed, waiting for families. Olivia tuned out the men’s discussion about insulation and R-values of windows to scan the newest homes, comparing each to the vision in her head. The models that she’d shown Gabe online still seemed the best options, although she preferred one above the other. For now she’d keep that preference to herself.
“Roam around, look through each one,” Harry invited. “Make sure you think about how you’ll use your home.”
They entered the first house. Olivia didn’t care for the floor plan, but she followed Gabe without speaking, listening as he mulled over possibilities.
“I don’t think this is it,” he said after about five minutes. “What do you think of the one next door?”
“Let’s look.” She was determined not to reveal her partiality. Yet, as they studied the open plan, the large kitchen, the huge bank of windows off the living room and the sweet reading nook tucked into the corner, she couldn’t help remarking, “Eli would love that spot. He loves it when someone reads to him.”
“I noticed.” Gabe mulled it over. “He doesn’t seem interested in reading for himself, though. I remember when I was his age. I devoured books, even if I had to sound out every letter.”
“Maybe when he has his own room, you can build a bookshelf and fill it with some of your favorite books,” she suggested as they walked through the master suite.
“This is pretty nice,” Gabe said with a grin. “Lots roomier than a bunkhouse.”
They toured several other houses, however they kept returning for another look at the second one they’d viewed.
“I think this is it,” the big cowboy said after they’d toured it again. “What do you think?”
“Let’s walk through it one more time and see if we can find any faults,” Olivia suggested, pleased that their tastes were so similar. “The kitchen seems perfect.”
“Lots of room but still homey,” he agreed. “Those windows will give a great view. I could stand at the island and look into the valley while I’m washing dishes.”
“No dishwasher?” she teased. His droll look made Olivia chuckle. “The laundry room is handy. Which room will be Eli’s?”
“He can choose, but I have a hunch he’ll like this.” Gabe walked into the blue bedroom. It featured a small turret-like jut out with a window seat beneath a huge window. “Plant a tree outside, set up a couple of bird feeders and it should have everything Eli asked for.”
“Then I think this house is perfect for both of you,” she murmured. “You can build a deck off the front from those French doors and enjoy your meals or a barbecue with friends.”
“I never thought of entertaining.” Gabe turned to stare at her. “But I could. Would you come if we invited you, Olivia?”
“Of course.” The way he was watching her sent a tiny thrill up her spine, but it also triggered wariness. She didn’t belong here, yet his words created an intimate picture that echoed a longing she’d kept suppressed inside since—no! Gabe was nothing like Martin. “You could watch a full moon and stars on a summer’s night from the deck’s vantage point.”
“We could have fireworks in that valley on Canada Day. And I could put up a Christmas tree and decorations outside.” Gabe’s bemused tone made her smile.
“You can do whatever you want. It’s your land and it will be your home.”
“Home,” he whispered. “It’s been a long time since I had that.” His eyes focused on her. “Thank you, Olivia.”
He touched her cheek, the one with the scar, with his fingertip, and for once she didn’t flinch away. Couldn’t. The intensity of his penetrating gaze held her in place.
“I don’t think I’d have done this without you,” Gabe said very softly. “I don’t know how we’ll ever repay you.”
“Just be happy,” she said around the lump in her throat. “Enjoy your home and Eli. That’s payment enough.” The quiet words slipped out. Her total focus was on Gabe, on how she’d only have to balance forward on her tiptoes to touch his cheek with her lips.
Been that route before, her brain warned. Remember the pain.
Only too well Olivia remembered gut-wrenching feelings of betrayal. But Gabe wasn’t like that. Gabe had integrity and scruples. He wasn’t trying to deceive her. She knew all about his world at the Double M, knew his friends, even his predilection for pie. He was everything she’d looked for in love and—
“Eve would hate this place.”
That drew Olivia out of her daydream. Yes, she knew lots about Gabe, including his painful past. She especially knew how he was snagged in his anger toward his ex-wife. Everything in Gabe’s world seemed tainted by angry memories of Eve.
Which was why Gabe wasn’t interested in her as anything other than a friend.
That’s what Olivia wanted, too.
Wasn’t it?
* * *
Eve would hate this place.
As soon as the words left his lips, Gabe knew he shouldn’t have said them and not only because the words cast a blemish on what had been a fun afternoon. Olivia’s big smile had disappeared.
“Is that why you like it?” she asked.
“I really like the open layout and the way things seem to flow naturally. She liked—” He caught himself. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It really doesn’t,” Olivia agreed, her face somber.
“You want to say something.” Because Gabe was learning to read her expressions he knew her next words wouldn’t bode well for him. “Go ahead, Olivia.”
“It’s not my place,” she began, but he shook his head.
“We’re friends.” He shrugged. “I know you’re trying to help Eli and me. So be honest. Say it.”
It took Olivia a few moments to summon her courage and speak.
“It’s just—you keep bringing up Eve. Negatively,” she added. Her soft gray gaze held his unrelentingly. “That can’t be good for Eli. She was his mother after all.”
“I don’t speak about Eve at all around him,” he objected defensively. Olivia cut him short.
“You do, Gabe. Not in words maybe, but in your manner. Whenever the subject comes up it’s like an invisible cloak of fury falls on you.” Her face seemed to soften as she stared at him. “I know it’s painful for you, and I’m guessing that gets worse when you look at Eli and think about what you missed, what she took from you.”
She saw a lot, this former foster girl. Maybe too much? Yet Gabe was determined to really hear what she was saying because this was about his son, the kid that he couldn’t seem to relate to. And he wanted to—desperately.
“I’m not trying to negate your pain, but—” Olivia exhaled quickly as if for courage, then blurted, “I wonder if you’re subconsciously holding Eve’s misdeeds against Eli.”
“That’s not true!” Gabe stopped, reconsidered. Eli’s words that first day replayed. I prayed and prayed you would come.
Why hadn’t Eli said something to someone or run away?
Ridiculous! Where’s an almost six-year-old kid whose mom is dying gonna go? To whom? That was why God made parents. All those years—why didn’t you check on Eve? You should have made sure she was okay. It’s your fault the kid had no place to go.<
br />
Gabe sagged. His fault? Could it be?
“I’m probably wrong,” Olivia said somberly. “But your anger isn’t helping ease the barrier between you and Eli.”
“What do you suggest I do?” Gabe felt humbled and ashamed by her perception that he was the cause of the distance between himself and his son.
“Let’s go get Eli, involve him in this.” Olivia’s silver eyes began to sparkle. “Somehow we’ve got to get that kid talking.”
“First let me speak to Harry about buying this place. Then we’ll go.” Gabe wasn’t going to dally over this decision any longer. That feeling of guilt and Olivia’s insistence that they have their own house as soon as possible drove him. It made sense.
“Smart move.” Her wide grin made Gabe even more certain of his decision.
When they returned to The Haven to pick up Eli, Victoria needed her sister’s help. Rather than wait around until Olivia was free, Gabe thought of a plan. He whispered it to Eli and they left to put it into action, returning just before the supper hour.
“I wondered where you two had gone.” Olivia ruffled Eli’s overlong hair and smiled at Gabe. “Staying for dinner?”
“Uh, no.” He didn’t dare look at his son lest he blurt out their surprise. “We’ve had a look at the house. Now we’re going out to the acreage to let Eli see how the house will fit there. Want to come?”
Olivia paused, glanced at the group of children filing into the house for supper and shrugged. “Sure.”
Gabe caught himself grinning as he drove to what would soon become home. Eli, too, was smiling. For once they were going to surprise Olivia.
First the three of them walked the area. Gabe pointed out different aspects of the place to Eli, who seemed underwhelmed by the whole exercise.
“Is something wrong, son?” Gabe finally asked.
“There’s no birdhouses.” Eli’s flat voice bothered Gabe.
“That’s because we have to build them. But we won’t put them up until they move in our house.” Eli nodded as if he understood, but his gloomy look didn’t dissipate.
New father or not, Gabe knew there was something else going on in that little head when the boy barely touched their surprise picnic for Olivia. Even she couldn’t coax a smile from him. Her frown told Gabe she was as perplexed as he was by Eli’s lack of response.
Gabe watched his son carefully while they ate their picnic. When he could stand the boy’s silence no longer, he blurted, “What’s wrong, Eli? Don’t you want to live here? With me?” he added after a momentary hesitation. “You can tell me the truth.”
Eli only stared down at his hands.
“You need to tell us what’s bothering you, honey,” Olivia encouraged. “If you don’t tell us, we can’t help.”
After a tense pause that made Gabe clench his teeth, Eli spoke.
“How long will I live here?”
“How long?” Gabe figured he’d clearly overestimated his progress in figuring out this kid. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“This will be your home, Eli.” Olivia’s soft voice made Gabe think she was following a hunch. “It’s going to be your home forever. Even when you grow up and someday move away, you’ll always come back here because it’s your home.”
“I don’t want to move away.” Eli’s ragged whisper tore at Gabe’s heart. “I want to stay here and maybe—” He lifted his head and looked straight at his father. “Maybe I could learn how to work with horses, like you.”
“Maybe you could,” Gabe said around the lump lodged in his throat. “That would be a lot of fun.”
“Yeah.” Eli managed a smile and Gabe grinned right back. Progress at last.
But apparently Olivia wasn’t satisfied. She touched Eli’s arm.
“Tell me about your life with your mom, Eli,” she said quietly.
The boy glanced at his dad half fearfully. A rush of shame filled Gabe. He’d put down Eve once too often for his son to be comfortable talking about her.
“We’d really like to hear,” he said with a broad smile of encouragement. “Where did you live? What did you do for fun? Did your mom have a job?” He kept his tone as neutral as possible.
“She had lots of jobs.” Eli frowned. “It was nice when we had our own place. Sometimes we went to the park and I got to fly a kite.” He smiled momentarily before it was gone. “Then we couldn’t live there no more.”
“Why was that?” Olivia voice was thoughtfully reassuring, the way a parent should be.
Gabe couldn’t decide what she hoped to elicit from Eli, but he was content to listen and wait for answers. Maybe they’d help him understand his son better.
“When Mommy couldn’t work we had to move out.” A shudder rippled across his shoulders. “I din’t like it then.”
“Because your next home wasn’t very nice?”
“We din’t have no home,” Eli said sadly, gazing into the distance.
“Oh. So where did you live?” Olivia glanced at Gabe, her gaze troubled. “With your aunt?”
“Not then. We stayed with some other people in funny kinda places. Sometimes we got to sleep outside. We had a big fire in a barrel when it was cold,” he explained. His eyes lit up. “I liked that.”
Gabe didn’t. Was Eli saying they’d been homeless?
“A campfire is fun,” Olivia agreed. “Could you cook hot dogs over that fire like we do at The Haven?”
“Mommy said no ’cause it smelled funny. Kinda like cars.” He glanced at Gabe sideways, as if fearing his father would criticize his mother. “I had to stay with the loud lady sometimes ’cause Mommy was trying to get a job so we could find a place with real beds where it was warm and people didn’t yell. But Mommy coughed too much.”
“That must have been very hard, Eli. I’m sorry.” Olivia hugged him close. “Were you hungry sometimes, too?”
“Uh-huh.” He studied his shoes for a moment, then grinned at her. “But not when we went to the big church with the bells. We got to eat lots there. An’ they had birds, lots and lotsa birds. A man in a funny dress showed me where the birds lived up in the bells. It was cool. I drawed a picture for Mommy, but Bobby teared it up.” Again Eli glanced at Gabe fearfully.
“That’s when you went to live with your aunt, right?” Olivia shook her head at Gabe when he would have interrupted. “Bobby and April are your cousins. Your aunt’s children,” she explained when Eli’s face wrinkled in confusion. “I don’t think they were very nice cousins, were they?”
Eli risked a quick look at Gabe before he shook his head.
“They were bad,” he whispered. A tear fell from his downcast eyes. “But I din’t tell.”
“You can tell me,” she murmured.
“Mommy had to go ’way ’cause she was sick. They said it was ’cause I was dumb, too dumb to help her. They said—” He sniffed and then a sob broke out. “They said I made her sick.”
“But that’s not right, Eli.” An infuriated Gabe had to speak or blow up. “You didn’t make your mom sick.”
“I didn’t?” Confusion filled Eli’s little face. “But that’s why Aunt Kathy said she had to lock me in the room an’ I had to stay there all day ’lone. ’Cause I made Mommy sick.”
“She was wrong, Eli. She lied.” Gabe couldn’t help it. He picked up his son and gathered him onto his lap. “I don’t know why she lied, son. Sometimes people do that. But it was wrong, and it was not true. You are not dumb. And you didn’t make your mother sick.”
“How’d you know?” Eli’s big eyes peered into his, waiting for an explanation.
“One time when we were married, your mom got sick. She had to go to the doctor because she was coughing so hard. The doctor told me your mommy had that cough for a long, long time, even when she was a little girl. He gave her special medicine that he said she’d have to take whenever she got the
cough. You didn’t make her sick, Eli.”
“Oh.”
Gabe couldn’t tell whether it was relief or confusion flooding his son’s face. All he knew was that he had to make this better, even though it meant praising Eve.
“You were a good boy and your mother loved you very much. It wasn’t her fault that your cousins were mean. She wouldn’t have left you there if she’d known about that.”
Gabe suddenly recalled several disparaging comments his ex-wife had made about her sister and the treatment she’d received from Kathy when they were kids, before they’d both gone into foster care. Eve must have been desperate if she’d left Eli with Kathy. But why hadn’t she come to him? If only— Anger made his jaw clench.
“Eli, when they made you stay in the room, did you miss school?”
Surprised, Gabe twisted to glance at Olivia. He’d never even thought of that. Eli slipped out of his grasp and moved about four feet away before he sank onto the ground, shoulders slumped in defeat.
“It’s okay, son. It doesn’t matter. We will—”
“Gabe?” Olivia’s tone forced him to stop and look at her.
Those expressive eyes of her were trying to tell him something. But what?
“May I ask Eli a couple of questions?”
Hesitant, afraid he’d missed some key thing that he, the boy’s father, should have noticed, Gabe nodded, and wondered, What now?
* * *
Fully aware of how important her next questions would be, Olivia sipped from her water bottle as she organized her thoughts. She had to ask, though she was almost certain she already knew the answers. The point was to get Eli’s fears into the light where they could be dealt with.
“When you cut yourself today, could you read the sign that said to stay out?” she asked Eli after she’d shifted so she was seated cross-legged beside him.
“I know some of the letters,” he mumbled, head hung low.
“But not how to make them words, right?”
He shook his head, obviously ashamed.
“Bobby and April said I’m stupid.” A tear plopped onto his T-shirt. “I guess I am stupid ’cause I can’t read words.”
