Chapter 29
At first light, Cecily went to seek out Kaden. She had not slept for the rest of the night as her mind had been too active. She knew that she must learn to control this. After all, sleep was as important as food and water for her human body. Even with an immortal spirit prolonging its life, she must still look after her human casing.
She found Kaden in the Great Hall. He was replenishing the fire with bits of wood whilst eating a piece of bread.
“Morning,” he said without looking at her. “Sleep well? I’ve been summoned by the Wise Ones, so I’ve got to go. It must be important, but I’ll try not to be too long.”
“Kaden, I’m back,” said Cecily.
Kaden spun around urgently and said, “Show me!”
With ease, Cecily produced a modest ball of green glowing light.
“Will that do or do you also want to see my mark?” offered Cecily, knowing exactly what her brand would reveal; the oak leaf, which not only represented the gateway of which she was guardian, but also life, strength, wisdom and power, characteristics of her true self.
“How did it happen?” asked Kaden.
“The usual,” replied Cecily, casually. “A dream about the one who haunts me.”
Kaden looked at her with a worried frown.
“It’s OK, I’m all right. And just for the record, I do remember everything.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re back, Cec…” Kaden stopped himself. “Do you still want to be called Cecily or do you want to be called by your natural name, Gaea?”
“No, Cecily is just fine,” she said. “I like it.”
Kaden smiled. “I’ve got to go. I don’t want to keep them waiting.”
“We’ve got to get back to the present, you know,” pointed out Cecily. “We’ve work to do and I must protect the gateway.”
As Cecily was finishing her sentence, Elisabeth appeared from the doorway that housed the stairs to the kitchen. Cecily saw her distress, as did Kaden.
“Elisabeth, are you OK?” he asked.
“I’m fine,” she replied.
She was trying her best to hide it with her tough exterior, but Cecily knew something had happened and before Elisabeth revealed it, she knew it was about Jedd. She was not blind to her feelings for him.
“It’s Jedd. He’s gone.”
Cecily’s stomach did a somersault. Surely this was not a coincidence? Her argument with him must have made him leave. Now she was reactivated, she remembered the last time and him confessing his feelings to her, only there was no time to tell him she did not think of him like that. He was her brother. She had certainly never led him on.
“I was the last to go up to bed. I saw him fly down the grand staircase and straight onto the kitchen stairs. He was in such a rush. I followed him and confronted him just as he was about to leave through the back door. I asked him what he was doing and if he was going to betray us again. I told him he should make his mind up once and for all, about choosing the Light or the Dark, I mean.”
Elisabeth stumbled over her words and Cecily’s immediate thoughts were that she was not being entirely truthful. Maybe Jedd had told her about their argument, or maybe Elisabeth had overheard.
“He was so nasty and his words were vile.” Elisabeth looked to the floor before continuing. “Like he took pleasure in hurting people. I don’t know what happened to him!”
Cecily could see that she was struggling to hold back her emotions and so she stepped in to rescue her.
“Jedd paid me a visit last night. I’ll be honest with you all, it was a bit awkward. He told me that before our last deactivation, he gave me some very important information. This was all before I got my memory back, so I didn’t know what he was talking about.”
Elisabeth gasped and looked from the floor at Cecily. She must not have realised that Cecily was back to her old self.
“He confessed that he loved me and he told me that I was the reason for his betrayal. He betrayed us to force reactivation so he could get my answer. He told me that having his memory while we didn’t was torture for him.”
She saw Elisabeth wincing as she spoke, but if they were going to work out what Jedd was up to, she had to be honest.
“But I did have my memory and he knew that! Why didn’t he say something?” said Kaden, exacerbated. “Maybe I should have realised.”
“Don’t beat yourself up, Kaden. It was his choice not to tell you,” said Cecily.
“Anyway,” she continued, “I told him I love him as a friend and he accused me of always choosing Dasrus. He then gave me some horrific details about Purdey’s death and stormed out.”
As she was speaking, Fen and Sol descended the grand staircase and made their way over to join them.
“I think that it took the argument with Jedd to force my reactivation.”
“You’re back?” asked Sol.
“Yes,” replied Cecily, with a nod of her head.
Fen and Sol beamed at her.
“But Jedd has gone.”
Cecily quickly filled them in on what they had missed.
“The question is, where has he gone?” asked Kaden. “I didn’t even notice he was missing.”
“Neither did I. Maybe he has just gone out for some fresh air,” suggested Sol.
“Surely, he wouldn’t betray us again,” said Fen.
“He was very angry last night. He said some awful things, but it was more than just the words, it was his whole attitude. He was wicked,” explained Cecily, “just like he had been with me in the months leading up to the party.”
“He was the same way with me,” chipped in Elisabeth. “Like the nice humble guy he turned into when he broke us out of the realm between realms was all an act, like all his caring and kindness was false. The minute he can’t have what he wants, he turns nasty again.”
“We all know that Jedd has always been a bit of a wild card and a law unto himself, but we know him well and we know he was fiercely loyal to both us and the Light,” said Kaden, defending his old friend. “Being reborn with his memories, still activated, has obviously been too much for him to handle by himself. I still don’t understand why he didn’t say anything. If he had his memories, he would have known about me. And how did he not slip up? Look at Elisabeth!”
“His actions have been calculated if you ask me,” said Elisabeth, now staring at the floor again. “He didn’t want to forget or he would have shared his secret with Kaden. He said it himself, he planned the whole thing just so he could get the answer to his question. He is selfish beyond all measure. He has done what no warrior of Light should ever do. He has put himself first. Look at the death and destruction he has caused.”
Cecily witnessed Elisabeth once again fighting her emotions.
“I should have done more,” said Kaden, reproaching himself again. “Looking back, there was definitely something off with him. He was shifty and secretive, as well as unusually harsh and nasty. I should have known something was wrong.”
Cecily placed a comforting arm around her friend’s shoulder.
“There’s something else,” said Elisabeth. “A pendant. I noticed it the night he carried me into the realm between realms. I had never seen it before then. It’s a black stone encased in a gold frame. He was wearing it last night too. It had obviously become untucked from his shirt by accident, as when I asked him about it, he stuffed it back in his shirt and told me to mind my own business. What could it be?”
Kaden looked worried. “That doesn’t sound good.”
Cecily noticed Kaden drift off and she knew he was deep in thought, trying to make sense of everything.
“Sorry to change the subject,” interrupted Fen. “We’ve just spoken to Lady Bramble. She and the children are desperate to go home. Lady Bramble said the children are terrified. They think this place is full of ghosts.”
Cecily quite understood how unnerving it must be for them. As a human, she too had felt the same way about random people walking in and out of rooms, whis
pered conversations and the echoes of jovial laughter. It was strange, although rather than the people of this time being the ghosts, they belonged here. It was the group of visiting companions themselves that were the spectres.
“I’ve really got to go,” said Kaden, snapping out of his trance. “I’ve kept the Wise Ones waiting long enough. We’ll have to work out the enigma that is Jedd later. Maybe the Wise Ones can shed some light on the situation.”
His friends murmured in agreement.
“When I return, we’ll form a plan and get back to the present. We’ve still got to ensure the safety of the Bramble family, especially Oscar. But at least now that Cec has her memory and powers back, she can shut down the gateway. That should take some pressure off. I’ll be as quick as I can.”
And with that, Kaden transformed into a bright ball of light.
Just before he disappeared into thin air, Cecily heard him say, “I’m so glad you are back, Cec. I’ve missed you.”
The message was for her ears only and it resounded in her head. She smiled to herself.
After Kaden had gone, Fen and Sol announced that they would go out and have a look around to see if they could locate Jedd. Elisabeth was to stay at Bramble Hall and keep Lady Bramble and the children company, when they eventually appeared from one of the upstairs bedrooms. Cecily needed some alone time to think about their situation and to rediscover her powers before they journeyed back into real time. However, she needed to talk to Elisabeth before she went anywhere.
After Fen and Sol had left, she beckoned Elisabeth over to a couple of the comfortably upholstered chairs by the fire, which was now spitting and crackling thanks to the wood Kaden had added to it.
“Elisabeth,” began Cec, “I just want you to know how truly sorry I am about Jedd.”
“Don’t be sorry to me,” snapped Elisabeth, defensively. “He is probably in the process of betraying all of us.”
“I didn’t mean that,” said Cecily quietly. “We don’t yet know that he has betrayed us a second time and until then, we have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I meant that I’m sorry for the way he feels about me. I don’t feel the same way about him. I never have and I have certainly never led him to believe otherwise.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” sniffed Elisabeth. Cecily noticed that Elisabeth was unable to look her in the eye.
“Oh, but I do. I know how you feel about Jedd and I know those feelings are more than brotherly love. It was hard for you to hear what I said about our argument. I can see the pain on your face, Elisabeth.”
“What does it matter?” she snapped again. “We can never be together anyway. We are Cerbereans.”
Elisabeth started to weep silently, so Cecily got up and perched on the arm of her chair and held her friend’s hand in an attempt to comfort her.
“Exactly, you can never be together as Cerbereans.” Cecily did not know why, but as she spoke, she felt overwhelming sadness. “All the more reason for you to focus and regain your strength. I know you love him, but the reason your emotions are so raw is because you’ve only just been reactivated.”
“And because of the way he has treated me, not only his hostility and the things he has said, but also the kidnapping.”
She was fighting back the tears but Cecily thought it best for her to get her emotions out, and so she let her cry. At least the source of Elisabeth’s hostility to Cecily was now clear. She just hoped that Elisabeth could see past it and realise that Cecily was not to blame.
They sat together for a while in silence as Elisabeth tried to compose herself. When it seemed she had, Cecily said, “Come on, get a handle on those emotions. We’ve a job to do and we must stick together.”
Elisabeth nodded stoically, staring into the fire.
Cecily looked up and saw that Lady Bramble and the children were making their way down the grand staircase.
“Will you be all right with them?” she asked Elisabeth.
“Yes, I’m OK now,” she said, her tough exterior firmly reclaimed.
Cecily said good morning to the Brambles and made her way out of the front door. She would let Elisabeth bring them up to date on the situation. Cecily needed to be outside in her world and so she headed straight for the comforting familiarity of the woods.
As she walked down the mud track that in the future would be the gravelled driveway, she thought about Jedd and she wondered if he would betray them once and for all. It was a lot for the Light to expect the Cerbereans to spend so long as humans in between activations and for them not to feel as humans feel. She did not doubt the extremes of the unrequited love that both Jedd and Elisabeth were experiencing. Just as she wished more than anything that Elisabeth could overcome her anger and resentment, she wished the same for Jedd and hoped that his feelings would not lead him down a path of revenge he might one day regret.
As she was thinking about Jedd’s confession to her and how it explained how rotten he had been to her during this lifetime as humans, she suddenly realised that she and Jedd were not so dissimilar. He was bitter and angry at lifetimes he remembered that no one else did, waiting for the answer to a burning question from someone with amnesia. He was desperate. Cecily had been bitter and angry at the lot she had been given in life: her beloved father dying while she was still so young, being left with the worst mother in the world and the doldrums of the daily grind. For different reasons, they were both bitter and angry at the world, yet both Jedd and herself behaved in exactly the same way. They chose to keep their problems to themselves and pushed everyone else away.
But that was where the similarities ended. Now reactivated, Cecily could see the bigger picture. She saw the threat of the Dark looming and she knew all too well what it was capable of. She had a job to do and her job was to fight the Dark, to protect humans and the Earth, her domain. Jedd had lost sight of the bigger picture and Elisabeth was right, he had put himself before the cause. This could ultimately end in destruction. Whatever Jedd decided to do, it was now in the hands of the Universe. His deeds were already written and destiny would decide his fate. And that faith in the Universe, her true father, was why she was able to detach herself from the things happening around her. She remembered her chat with Kaden yesterday when he explained that sometimes he found it hard to get caught up in everyday human stresses and it was the same for her. She still felt some residual human anger at Jedd for the way he had treated her, in fact, the way he had treated them all, but it was out of their hands. What will be, will be. And that is what she had to focus on now. She had to ensure she was strong and ready for the battle ahead. The future was preordained, that much she knew, but she would try her upmost in the fight ahead to prevent the Dark from conquering Earth. And if they were beaten? Well, she would fight again and keep on going for as long as it took to defeat her enemy.
Cecily was now deep in the heart of Bramblegate Woods and she decided to let their beauty distract her for a while. The weather remained overcast and dull, but at least it was not raining like yesterday. In this time, they had been transported back to the beginning of spring and the trees and flowers were waking up after a long winter. The rain of yesterday had helped their blossoming on a little and today things seemed greener. She took a deep breath, revelling in the earthly smells. She thought back to her human lifetime of late, to her time as Cecily Stalks. Cecily Stalks must have been quite in tune with her spiritual side, as she had felt the comfort of the nature around her and appreciated its beauty and serenity. She felt the same affinity with nature as her goddess counterpart and was also at her happiest around it. She thought about her human mother and father.
Yesterday, her emotions about them had been so fresh and real; however, today was a different story. Today she was detached from those feelings. The life she had lived up until she got her memory back seemed so far away, like she was watching a film or reading a book about it. There was no doubt in her mind about the love and respect she felt for her human father and now she could r
emember everything, she realised he had been her father many times before, protecting and caring for her human self. He was a true Light Worker. However, Purdey was a tricky one. This human lifetime was her first encounter with Purdey. Cecily had a feeling that she was a new soul who had made her choice about the Dark very early on. That was the only thing that could explain her behaviour because Cecily herself was a mother, the Earth Mother, and one thing you never did was abandon your children. So Cecily felt that Purdey had got what she deserved. She had made her choice. All the hatred she had felt towards Purdey had gone as she could now think about things more objectively.
She thought back to her human experiences of the dreams, snippets of her past, true life, trying to awaken her consciousness. Everything seemed so obvious to her now. She thought about the shadow beasts that had haunted her and how terrified she had been. Getting her memory back was like waking from that nightmare and she realised she had nothing to fear. And then, even though she tried to stop herself, she thought about when she met Cian, the time they had shared together and how much human love she had felt for him. Then she thought about the pain he had caused her by his betrayal and lies. Her human self had thought that she had made herself vulnerable by baring her soul to Cian, but now she knew that was not so. There was nothing he did not know about her anyway. But she did not like where this train of thought was leading her. Somehow it was hard to be objective and see the bigger picture. These memories stirred feelings.
And there it was without warning. The niggling feeling she used to experience as a human, her brain prompting her to remember something, thoughts she should dissect and analyse. She had the feeling deep down that something was not right, that something was missing, still forgotten, but there she stopped herself. She locked away what was coming in a box, returned it to the back of her mind and threw away the key. She would not go there. She would not think about it. She decided to leave her human self, Cecily Stalks and her memories, behind. This Cecily was aware that memories make us who we are. They mould us and shape us. But not her mortal memories. She was different now and she must focus on building her strength for the battle ahead. So, what about the memories that make you who you are now? she thought to herself. Those she could handle by locking them away, as she just had.
Blackout Page 22
