Marcus & Mia

by Hannah Meade

  Emily catches this and serves me a grin. "Is that Marcus?"

  I blush harder, which probably gives me away.

  "You guys are so cute, I swear. I was always voting for you guys."

  "Can we change the subject now?" If she says anything more, my face is going to turn into a tomato.

  Emily rolls her eyes, amused. "But tormenting you is so fun." I give her a glare, which finally shuts her up. "Fine. Fine. So come down to the beach with me." She grabs my arm and pulls me out the door, while I am still in my pajamas.

  "Uh, Em?"

  She replies but does not look back at me. "Hm?"

  "I still have my pajamas on." I am sure wherever she is taking me I probably should be a little more dressed than this.

  She just shrugs. "I know."

  I dig my heels into the sand and yank my arm back, causing Emily to crash into me. "Ow!"

  "Where are we going?"

  She grins mischievously. "It is a surprise. Do not ruin it."

  I sigh, battling with myself about whether I should trust her or not.

  Emily sends me a pleading look, begging me with her eyes.

  I give her my arm. "Take me away."

  She grins, back to pulling me along.

  ~~~

  After ten minutes of dragging me, Emily finally stops and gives me back my arm. "Just stand here." Then she disappears.

  I sigh and plop down on the sand, wanting desperately to just go back to bed. My eyes are just starting to close when I hear sand swishing around. I whip my head towards the sound and Ryan is there, walking towards me.

  Shit. What is he doing here? I stand up quickly and brush the sand off my pajama pants. I have not seen him since I kissed and ditched him.

  He approaches me and gives me a small smile. "Hi, Mia."

  I nod and look down, not meeting his eyes. "Hi, Ryan."

  Silence. He does not say anything. Is he expecting me to say something? And where the hell is Emily? Did she send him out here? Why would she do that?

  "So, what are you doing here?" I might as well take the first step. It is obvious he is not going to.

  "What happened?"

  I wish he did not have to ask that. "Ryan..."

  "Was it something I did? Was I a bad kisser? Tell me what went wrong, because that kiss felt amazing. At least to me."

  Wow. I feel like shit now. He thinks it is his fault. "It is not you, Ryan. It is definitely not you. I really, really enjoyed that kiss. I was just really drunk and I should not have done that."

  He looks down at his feet. "Do you have a boyfriend or something?"

  "It is complicated."

  He nods and looks back up at me. "I see."

  "I am sorry. I did not mean to lead you on. I never meant for what we have to go that far." I hate saying all of this, especially since half of it is not true. But I have to end this, or I will never figure out what I really want.

  "I get it. You do not have to explain yourself." He looks around, like he is uncomfortable being around me now.

  I sigh and make my exit. "I have to go, Ryan. I will see you around." I step around him and walk back to my apartment, the place Emily hopefully is.

  Halfway there, I turn back around and see Ryan sitting on the sand. His knees are pulled up to his chest and he is looking out at the ocean, shaking his head every so often. In that moment, I desperately wish I could go to him and tell him all that is just bullshit. I wish I could grab his face and kiss the fuck out of him right now, just like last night.

  But I do not do any of that. I just turn my head back around and finish the walk to my apartment.

  I walk up to my door and let myself in, not expecting to be welcomed with silence. Where is Emily? "Emily," I call out. No answer. I walk around the kitchen island and into the bathroom. Nothing.

  I glance in my bedroom, not expecting anyone to be in there. Except I see a flash of black on my bed. What the hell? I push open my door a little more and see Marcus casually sitting on my bed. I push my door open the rest of the way. "Marcus?"

  His head snaps up at my voice and he smiles. "Hey." He gets up and saunters over, placing his hands on my waist. "I have been waiting for you to get back."

  He is so close I can feel his hot breath blowing on my face whenever he talks. "What are you doing here?"

  He uses his right hand to close my door, then precedes to push me against it. "Just thought I would come by for a visit. I did not see you at all yesterday, so I have to make up for that." He leans closer, opening his mouth just a little.

  I smile and do the same, allowing his lips to meet mine. He pushes his hands against the door, trapping me in. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him even closer.

  "MIA, WHAT THE FUCK?"

  I jump, knocking my head against Marcus's. "Ow!" we say in unison.

  I open the door and rub my head, already searching for signs of an ice pack. "God damn, Emily. What do you want?" She is standing by the door, looking majorly pissed off.

  "Where the hell did you go?"

  "Huh?" What is she talking about?

  "Where the hell did you go? I was looking for you on the beach and you were not fucking there. All I found was a seriously depressed Ryan who did not have a clue where you went. Would you like to explain yourself?"

  My eyes glance down at Emily's hands, which hold a Sprinkles Cupcakes bag. So, that is what she wanted to give me on the beach. But why did not she just tell me she had an errand to do and bring them too me in my apartment? What is so special about the beach? "Well, Ryan showed up shortly after you left. We um...talked. I came back here, thinking you were here. I thought you wanted me to meet Ryan and then left. Anyway, I came back to the apartment and Marcus was here instead. We got a little carried away." I blush despite myself. It is just a natural instinct, inscribed in every girl's DNA.

  Emily glares at me. "So, you were too busy with your boy toy to worry about your best friend? And to think I got you cupcakes." She slaps the cupcake bag onto the kitchen table and stalks out the door. I wince as it closes with a loud 'SLAM'.

  Marcus finally decides to grace me with his presence and hugs me from behind. He whispers in my ear, "Should I go?"

  I relax into his touch. "No."

  He kisses my neck, most likely leaving a hickey for everyone to find later. "I will make the mac ‘n’ cheese." He releases his hold on me and walks into the kitchen. I feel a chill run through my body after he leaves.

  I watch him get the bowl of boiling water ready and smile. He knows me so well. Mac ‘n’ cheese is the best thing ever invented. If I could choose one thing to eat for the rest of my life, this would be it. My mouth waters just at the mention of the cheesy-noddle heaven. What makes this time even better, though, is that Marcus has picked out the box with SpongeBob characters.

  "You need to buy more, babe. I am using the last box."

  My eyes widen at the thought of not having any of it in my apartment. "I will get some after work.”

  He lifts his head up and grins at me. "You just cannot bear not being able to see a box of this in your cupboards, can you?"

  I shake my head furiously. "Nope."

  Someone knocks on the front door. I pad around the kitchen island and open it, revealing Ryan. I quickly shut it, hoping Marcus did not see who it was. This is something I am not ready to explain yet.

  He turns his head and gives me a weird look. "Who was that?"

  "Uh, nobody. I will be right back, okay? You just make the food." Without waiting for an answer, I open the door just enough for me to slip through. I walk out backwards, trying to cover up Ryan on the way out. I shut the door and turn around, coming face to face with Ryan. "What are you doing here?" I whisper.

  Not answering, he grabs both sides of my face and pulls me to him. I am so surprised; I do not have any time to react. I stand in shock as Ryan looks at me, glancing back and forth between my eyes and my lips. My heart is beating rapidly, and I am sure he can hear it.

  Ryan slowly lea
ns down and meets his lips with mine, closing the distance between us.

  I know I should have stopped then. I should have pulled away and gone back to Marcus. That is safe. That is the right thing to do.

  But I just cannot make myself stop. Ryan deepens the kiss, threading his hands through my brown locks. I let out a small moan, unable to stop myself.

  I lift my hands up to Ryan's face, cradling his face in my palms. I arch my back, letting myself attach closer to him.

  He pulls back all too soon. I open my eyes, my mouth still wide open. We are both breathing hard, our foreheads pressed against each other. "I just had to make sure you still felt something for me."

  That brings me back to reality; the reality where Marcus definitely could have heard me moaning right on the other side of the door. "Ryan..."

  "It does not have to be complicated, Mia. What do you want?" He just stands there, evidently waiting for an answer.

  I pause, taking time to actually think about his question. What do I want? Marcus has hurt me, but he makes me feel so good. Ryan does not know a single thing about me, but he makes me feel safe. How am I supposed to choose between the person who hurts me over and over but continues to love me and the person who has not hurt me yet but has not even had the chance to?

  "Mia."

  I shake my head. "I do not know, Ryan. Like I said before, it is complicated."

  "It does not have to be complicated." He walks away, leaving me feeling guilty. How can I say no to him? But how can I say yes?

  I walk back into the apartment, where Marcus has two full bowls of mac ‘n’ cheese on the counter. He looks at me and smiles. "Everything alright?"

  I look him straight in the eye. "Yep."

  I close the door behind me, physically shutting out my blatant lies.

  Nineteen

  Marcus stays over for the next few nights. I do not mind, because while I am at work, he does some of the cleaning in my apartment. For all I care, he can stay forever if it means I have my own maid.

  My mind is still reeling from the other night. I had kissed Marcus and Ryan in the same night, and I have to choose. I cannot keep playing with both of them. That is not fair to anybody.

  I really wish I had Emily to help me out with this, but she is still mad at me. I have called her about ten times and every time it has gone to voicemail. I do not even really understand why she is mad at me. She is the one who left me on the beach, not knowing what I was waiting for. How was I supposed to know she was coming back with cupcakes for me?

  Emily is the kind of person you do not want mad at you. When she gets mad, she gets pissed. You will not be hearing from her for a couple days, at the least. It could be the simplest thing, like stealing her lip gloss. She will blow it out of proportion and shut you out. It took me a week to get her talking to me again after I accidentally ate the enchilada she saved for herself. In my defense, she never labeled it.

  So, here I am, sitting on my ass, waiting for her to call me. My phone mindlessly buzzes with incoming notifications from Instagram and Snapchat, but none from my calls.

  I jump straight up off the couch when I hear a light knock on the door. I rush to open it, hoping to see Emily's familiar face on the other side of it. Instead, I see my mother. I stare back at her with wide eyes. Why is my mother here? How does she even know where I live? "Mom?"

  She smiles. "Hi, Mia."

  I stand by the door, not knowing what to say. The last time I spoke to my mother, it was not pretty. I had planned on never speaking to her again.

  "Can I come in?"

  I hesitate, but step back anyway and allow her to enter my apartment. She looks around, silently judging.

  I close the door and stand with my arms crossed over my chest. She is taking too long. I just want her to say what she came here to say and get out. I am done playing games with her. "What brings you here?" I refrain from asking how she found me. I know she is a mom and moms always find out things. I am smart not to ask how.

  She clears her throat and looks at me. "I am sorry, Mia. I came to apologize for..." She pauses, struggling to get the right words out. "...for everything. For not being a better mother four years ago. For not listening to you at our party. I have been a shitty mother to you, especially for not supporting you when you needed me most. I regret not helping you raise Amelia when Andrew could not. I am sorry that you had to turn to one of your friends to help you. I know I do not deserve it, but is there any way you could every forgive me?"

  Wow. I was not expecting her to say all that. She has never apologized for anything she has done in my life, especially something that concerns Amelia. But even after all that, I am still not sure if I can forgive her. A simple apology does not change the past. "I do not know, Mom. You were not there for me when I needed you the most, and I do not know if I can ever forgive you for it. This does not change the past."

  She looks down, assuming I had rejected her. Which I mostly had.

  "But..." She looks back up, hope filling her eyes again. "I can move on from this. It took me four years, but I think I can start to get past this."

  Tears form in my mother's eyes and she runs over to hug me. "I love you, Mia. I am so sorry. I will make it up to you, I promise."

  I wrap my arms around my mother, water dripping from my own eyes. "I love you too, Mom." No matter what faults she has, she is still my mother. A love between a mother and daughter never stops, especially not from an argument.

  She pulls away, wiping her tearful eyes. "I probably should go. Your father will be back soon. He will want to know where I am."

  "And what will you tell him?" I have not even given thought to where my father is. It is strange that he is not here. My mom came and apologized while he is off somewhere. Does that mean he is not sorry for what he did?

  "I cannot tell him I was here."

  I step back, looking appalled at my mother. "And why not?"

  "Mia, he does not even know I came here. I cannot tell him. He will disagree with me and...hurt me."

  My heart stops. Since when does my dad hurt my mother? "What do you mean, he will hurt you?" My voice shakes, and I am sure she can hear it.

  She looks at me, not saying anything. I start to think she did not hear me. She seems to be off in her own world, staring off into space. Then she shakes her head and gives me a fake smile. "Nothing, hun. I should go. We will talk soon. I love you." She kisses me on the cheek and walks out, leaving me speechless.

  ~~~

  Emily comes by a few hours later, not even knocking. I am watching Pretty Little Liars on Netflix when she barges into my apartment. I jump about ten feet in the air, not expecting anyone to be here. It does not help that someone on the show just scared the living hell out of the four main characters, too.

  I whip my head around to see who is breaking into my apartment, holding the remote in my hands as a weapon. I see Emily and relax a little, thanking God it was not a burglar. "What the hell?"

  She shrugs, coming to sit by me on the couch. She does not say anything.

  "Are you just going to barge into my apartment, casually come walk over to sit by me on the couch, and not say a single fucking thing?" My heart is pounding rapidly against my chest still, threatening to spill out. Meanwhile, Emily is breathing quite normally and scrolling through her phone. "Emily!"

  She sighs, locks her phone, and turns to me. "Look, I am just done being pissed at you. Okay? So, deal with it. How was your day? Where is Marcus?"

  "Em. Really. Why are you here?"

  "I am sorry, Mia."

  "Sorry for what?"

  "For getting pissed at you the other day. For something so ridiculous. It has been a rough couple of days, and I guess I just took out my frustrations on you."

  "What is going on?" As far as I know, her life is going great. She has found a great job at the hospital about a month ago, which she still has. Her relationship with Derrick is going good; they have been dating for about a week. I do not know what can be going wron
g.

  "My dog had to be put down on Monday and I still cannot get over it."

  I reach out my hands and envelope her into a hug. "I am sorry, Emily." Losing a pet really sucks, especially when you have to make the choice to put it down. Nobody wants to make that decision. It is incredibly difficult, and I really feel for Emily. I had absolutely no idea.

  She shakes her head, tears streaming down her face and onto my shirt. "It sucks, Mia. It really does. At first, I was devastated. I could not bear the thought of being without Sammy. Now, I am so frustrated that it had to be him. It had to be my dog that got cancer. It had to be my dog that got sent up to heaven." Her voice cracks at the end, making my heart drop. She is so broken up about this. I wish there was somehow I can make it better, but you do not get over this by a quick hug. It is going to take time for her to get past this.

  I push back my own tears threatening to spill over. I knew Sammy well; I took him on many, many walks. I even watched him a few times when Emily could not. But right now, I have to comfort Emily. I cannot do that if I am grieving about a pet I miss too. "It is going to be okay. Eventually, you will accept that he is gone. You will move on and be happy, again. It is just going to take time." I should know. I lost my cat a couple of months ago. My cat, Tinkerbell, had been getting sicker and sicker in the couple weeks before we put her down. She had lost too much weight and she was not eating as she should. Emily and I had to finally take her to the vet, where they did surgery on her. They found three large masses, which were cancer. After much consideration, I made the hard decision to put her down. I was in depression for a couple of weeks. I did not come out of my room for anybody. Emily was the one who actually got me out of my room and back into the real world. Now, I get to be here for Emily.

  Emily pulls back and wipes her eyes. "I know. Thanks, Mia. Um, can I stay here tonight? I just really do not want to go home to an empty house again."

  "Of course, Em. You are always welcome to stay here. However, Marcus might be coming over tonight. He texted me earlier and wondered what I was doing later."

  "That is fine. I hope you know I was not mad at you and Marcus at all. You guys are so cute together, and I was not lying when I told you I was rooting for you two."