by E. L. Todd
“Well, you are…”
“Come inside or leave.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Ooh…someone got a backbone. I haven’t seen this side before.”
I grabbed the door and began to shut it.
“Okay, okay. I’m coming.” He pushed the door open and came inside. “Thank you for the invitation.”
“Ooh…someone has manners.”
He chuckled then looked around at my apartment. I had white couches, and a teal green coffee table. Vases of flowers were on the tables, and my other decorations were dispersed through the apartment.
“This place is…girly.”
“Thank you?”
“It’s nice,” he said. “Just very girly. I like it.”
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked as I headed to the refrigerator.
“I’m assuming you don’t have any beer?”
“Nope.”
“Then what do you have?”
I opened the refrigerator and took a look. “Cranberry juice, iced tea, and water.”
“God, this place is girly,” he said with a laugh. “I’ll stick with water.”
“Hey, water is the best thing for you. Beer has a bunch of empty calories.”
He sat on the couch and pointed at his chest. “Do I look like I need to worry about empty calories?”
I tossed him the bottle of water. “You’re really full of yourself.”
“I just know what I have to offer.” He took a long drink then leaned back. “Man, this couch is comfy.”
I sat on the other couch. “I fall asleep on it all the time when I watch TV.”
“I need to get new furniture. It’s as hard as steel.”
“Then why did you buy it?”
He shrugged. “Lexie picked it out. When she left she didn’t want any of the furniture because she wasn’t sure who I fucked on it.” He spoke with hostility but the tone was directed at himself.
“Well, did you…?”
He closed his eyes like he was in pain. “Yes.”
I shook my head slightly.
“Yes, hate me all you want. I hate myself too.”
“I don’t hate you…I just feel bad for her.”
“Same here,” he said coldly.
“Why did you change after the divorce and not before?” I crossed my legs and watched him.
He stared at my coffee table for several seconds before he spoke. “Because I was a dickhead. I didn’t care about her feelings, and every time temptation came my way I couldn’t turn it down. I kept getting away with it, so I kept doing it—like a child.”
“Then she left?”
“Yeah. I signed the divorce papers and didn’t feel any real sadness at the time. Months passed and I kept hitting the sheets with different women. Then one day…” He paused for a long time. “I missed her. I missed all the things about our marriage that had nothing to do with sex. And I realized I was going to die alone without having anything meaningful in my life. I wouldn’t have kids, and I wouldn’t have someone to grow old with. I realized I made the biggest mistake of my life and there was nothing I could do to reverse the decision. I tried to get her back anyway but it didn’t work—thankfully.”
“Thankfully?”
“She shouldn’t settle for me. I fucked it up too many times. Conrad seems honorable and trustworthy.”
“He is,” I blurted.
“I’ve been pretty much celibate since I had that realization almost a year ago.”
“You don’t even date?”
“No,” he answered. “I’m not in the right place. I still miss my ex. That wouldn’t be fair to the next girl who came along. And if I’m ever in a relationship again, I want to do it the right way.”
“Wow.”
“What?” he asked.
“That’s a really big transformation.”
He shrugged. “I wish this transformation happened when I was still married.”
I wanted to say something to make him feel better, that he was just young and stupid at the time, but that wouldn’t be right. His actions were inexcusable. Just because he was contrite now didn’t justify what was already done. “Better late than never.”
“I suppose…”
We sat in awkward silence, just staring at each other.
I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. A basketball game was on so I left it there.
Jared kept staring at me.
“What?”
“You hate any type of attention. Why?”
“I just do.”
“Come on, B. I’ve told you a lot of personal shit.”
He had a point. “I don’t know how to say this without sounding…ugly.”
“Give it a shot.”
“I’m just used to people staring at me all the time. Everywhere I go and everything I do involves stares. Men look at me and like what they see. To them, I’m just a piece of eye candy. I just don’t like it. It gets old.”
He nodded. “I understand now.” He turned to the TV. “I don’t think that makes you sound ugly. I don’t know if I could handle being a woman, especially a pretty one. Every man looks at you and thinks about fucking you. You’re constantly vulnerable and somewhat fearful. I don’t blame you for feeling that way.” He drank his water and kept watching the TV.
“Thanks for not thinking less of me.”
“I definitely have no right to think less of anyone.”
His mistakes humbled him, just like mine had humbled me. I always put Conrad down because I thought he wasn’t good enough for me. In the end, I was the one who wasn’t good enough for him. Now Lexie got to cherish him and have the happily ever after that should have been mine.
“You drive to Connecticut every day for work?”
“Yep.”
“Are you going to continue living in the city? Seems pointless to commute to work when you don’t socialize with people anyway.”
“I do socialize with people,” I argued. “I admit I’m quiet and withdrawn but I’m not totally a hermit.”
“So, you’re going to stay here?”
“I might buy a house out there eventually but I can’t afford it right now.”
“And law school is officially over?”
“I withdrew from the program.”
He continued to watch the TV. “Considering it’s your last year I’m surprised.”
“The winery is where I belong. My family planted it with their bare hands. They are no longer here so that’s the closest I can be to them. Besides, I work with my brother every day and it’s nice to spend time with him.”
“But law school was your dream. You put in…like six years.”
I wasn’t sure if I should tell him the truth. But then again, he was open with me and was the only friend I had. “My original motivation to practice law was personal. I wanted to be a DA to put scum behind bars. My mother was murdered years ago and the killer walked. I’ve never been able to let that go.”
Jared slowly turned my way. “I’m sorry…”
“But now I realize even that will never make me feel better. Being at the winery that my mother loved brings me closer to her. And I know she would want me to let her death go and move on. Besides, it would make her happy to know my brother and I are close again.”
Jared stared at the coffee table before he turned his gaze back to me. “You know who killed her?”
I nodded.
“That’s…” He seemed speechless. “I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks…” I felt the water bottle in my fingers and kept my gaze glued to the TV.
“Now I understand why you’re a recluse…and I’m sorry for being a jerk about it.”
“Don’t apologize,” I said. “You’re right. I shouldn’t hide from the world. I’ve been doing that for a long time and it hasn’t brought me any satisfaction. Conrad was the first guy who forced me to live my life to the fullest. And now that he’s not here I’m not sure how to do it without him.”
“
That makes two of us…I had to start over when I lost Lexie. It’s pretty disconcerting.”
“And now we have another thing in common.”
He gave me a faint smile. “I guess we do.”
Chapter Fourteen
Clementine
My bulging stomach made me so uncomfortable that I was counting down the days until my son would be here. Obviously, I wanted to see him. But I also just wanted to get rid of him from my body. He was kicking more than ever, especially in the middle of the night while I tried to sleep, and his size made my body sore and full of aches.
Sometimes I had a hard time breathing because the weight was too much. My knees hurt when I walked, and don’t get me started on my breasts. They were so sore that if Ward barely touched them I yelped in pain.
Now I sat on the couch and sipped iced water while I read a book. It was all I could do. I couldn’t even take a morning stroll or prepare dinner for Ward when he came home. I felt helpless and useless.
I had new respect for any woman who’d carried a child.
A knock on the door took my thoughts away from the book I was reading. I set it down and considered getting up to answer the door. Since my pregnancy was such a burden, I was very selective when I got up and moved about. Just thinking about getting up exhausted me so I stayed put.
Then the knock sounded again.
Whoever it was knew I was home and was determined to see me. I took a deep breath before I forced myself from the couch and waddled to the front door. I took my time getting there and broke a sweat from the small movement. Then I looked through the peephole and saw Jeremy on the other side.
I wished I had a gun.
He had a lot of nerve showing up here. I wish I were thin so I could grab a vase and bash his skull in. Being pregnant inhibited most of the things I could do. But I wasn’t stupid enough to answer the door. I had nothing to say to that monster.
“Clementine, open up. I can see your shadow through the peephole.”
Just hearing his voice pissed me off. “What do you want?”
“Open the door and I’ll tell you.”
“You have no right coming here.”
“It’s a free country,” he said coolly. “I’m not breaking and entering. I knocked on your door and I’m patiently waiting for you to let me in.”
“Well, I’m not going to open the door. So you should leave.”
“Then I’m not going to walk away until you open this door.”
“If you want to speak that badly, you can call me.” I didn’t reach for the lock.
“I have something to say and I think you’ll want to hear it. Please open the door.”
“I don’t want to look at you. You ruined my entire life.” My hands balled into fists at my sides.
“I know. And I can change that if you let me talk.”
“Change that?” I asked with a laugh. “No, the damage is done and there’s nothing anyone can do.”
“That’s what you think.”
Now I was intrigued, and that irritated me.
“Please open the door, Clementine.”
“How do I not know you aren’t trying to hurt me?”
Jeremy released a sigh loud enough to move through the door. “That hurt, Clementine. I’ve never hurt a woman in my life and I certainly would never hurt you.”
“Well, you already did,” I hissed.
“Physically,” he corrected. “And I wouldn’t hurt an innocent child. Give me more credit than that.”
“Stop harassing me and just go.”
“Clementine, let’s talk. The sooner we do, the sooner I’ll get out of your life.”
“Yeah right,” I said sarcastically. “You keep showing up.”
“I promise this time.”
“Like that means anything to me.”
Jeremy released another sigh. “I’m tired of talking to a plank of wood. Please open the door.”
I knew he wouldn’t go away unless I answered it, and I didn’t want Ward to come home and see Jeremy on the doorstep. I could handle my anger but Ward couldn’t. He would do something stupid that he could never take back.
I unlocked the door and opened it. “Now talk.”
“May I come in?”
“No.” I stepped out and shut the door behind me. We were on the stoop, visible for passerby to see.
He stepped back slightly and his eyes moved to my distended belly. “Any day now, huh?”
“Yeah.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“I imagine you’re quite uncomfortable.”
“Get on with it, Jeremy,” I snapped. “What do you want to say?”
He put his hands in his pockets. “I can make all of this go away. I can repair your image and make everyone forget what happened.”
“Now you know how to brainwash people?”
He wasn’t ashamed. “I’ll personally go to your father and tell him it was all a lie.”
“I already admitted to everything, idiot.”
“I’ll tell him I threatened you to. If you didn’t cooperate I would hurt you or the baby.”
“My dad would shoot you. I’m not joking.”
“I’ll bring backup so he won’t be tempted,” he said. “I’ll say you cooperated because you didn’t have a choice, but in reality you did none of those things. I’ll make all of this go away.”
I kept my guard up.
“If you come back to me.”
I shook my head slightly. “What the hell is wrong with you, Jeremy? You were a much different person when we were together. What happened?”
He held my gaze without blinking. “I lost you. And I knew what life was like without you. It was cold, miserable, and empty. I need you in order to be happy. I’ll do anything to make that happen.”
“Even break my heart?”
His eyes softened slightly.
“No, Jeremy. I will never go back to you. Ward is the man I’m spending my life with and raising this baby with. When you and I broke up, I was devastated. I wished you weren’t married so we could be together. But now I’m so grateful it never worked out between us. Ward is honorable, honest, and loving. He’s twice the man you’ll ever be and I would much rather be shunned by my family than spend even a day without him. So, go fuck yourself, Jeremy.” I entered my townhouse and slammed the door in his face. “And if it’s not too much to ask, get hit by a cab on your way home.”
***
Ward came home and put his stuff down. Then he approached me on the couch. “How was your—” He fell silent when he saw the pissed look on my face. “What are you mad about…? Is it the laundry? I can do a load right now—”
“That piece of shit came here today.”
“Piece of shit?” His eyes narrowed. “Your dad?”
“No. Jeremy. He came to the door and wouldn’t leave until I agreed to talk to him.”
“Why didn’t you call me?” he snapped. “I would have been here in twenty seconds.”
“Because I know you would have done something stupid.”
“Like I give a damn.”
“Well, I do.”
Ward ran his fingers through his hair then down the back of his neck. “What did he want this time?”
“He said he would tell my dad everything was a lie.”
“Because…?”
“If I agreed to go back to him.”
Ward threw his hands by his sides. “This guy is a fucking psychopath.”
“I know.”
“What did you say?”
I gave him a pissed look. “What do you think I said?”
An apologetic look spread on his face. “Sorry, that’s not what I meant…”
“I told him to fuck off then I slammed the door in his face.”
“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Ward moved to the seat beside me then pulled the hair out of my face.
“No. He wouldn’t do that?”
“Are you sure?” he asked. “If there’s any doubt we need to call the cops
and get a restraining order—something. I’m sure Sean would let me work from home to keep you safe.”
“I really don’t think he would do that.”
Ward still seemed hesitant. “This guy has officially run out of options. Now he’s desperate. And desperate people will do crazy shit.”
“I can’t picture it…”
Ward moved his hand to my thigh. “I should probably take paternity leave anyway. You’re barely managing on your own at this point.”
“Paternity leave?”
“Yeah.”
“Guys get time off for pregnancies?”
“At PIXEL they do. It’s a benefit Sean and Mike provided.”
I smirked and tried not to laugh. “Why doesn’t that surprise me.”
“I’ll put in the request and I’ll stay home with you until our son gets here.” He rested his hand against my stomach. “By the way, we really need to pick a name.”
I already had one in mind.
“How about Sean?”
I cocked an eyebrow while I stared at him.
“Kidding.” He grinned from ear-to-ear. “Mike?”
“My son will not be named after a controlling Preston.”
“Then what did you have in mind?”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about it so just hear me out…”
“I’m listening, darling.” He patted my thigh.
“Ward Jr.”
He tilted his head slightly and a foreign look came into his eyes. “You want to name our son after me?”
“I want him to be just like you. You’re the strongest, sweetest, and most caring man I’ve ever known. You will be such a great role model to him. There’s nothing else I’d rather call my son.”
His eyes watered and the emotion was evident. He cleared his throat and he looked away for a second. Then he turned back to me. “You’re sure?”
“I’ve known since I became pregnant.”
“There will be a lot of confusion in the house with two Ward’s.”
“I want confusion. I want chaos.”
“If you’re sure, then I would be honored to be a namesake to my son.” He cupped both of my cheeks and looked into my eyes. “Thank you for making him for me.”
“We made him together.” My hand moved over his wrist.
“I don’t want to get greedy because I appreciate everything you’ve done in carrying my son but…I would really love it if you gave me a daughter.” He looked into my eyes as he spoke. “I want to look at her and see your face just as you’ll look at our son and see mine.”
