‘I don’t think Wilf would have survived whether you were here or not. His injuries were too severe, and he sunk into a deep melancholy remembering his father’s death at the hands of my cousins all those years ago - it affected him badly.’
‘And Cecilia, you say she suffered, and I quite understand why. It must have been terrible for the Elwoods. Is she improving now?’
‘Oh yes, she is indeed, and the house is joyful again.’
‘I am relieved. I will call on them at the earliest opportunity.’
‘Yes, do come. I haven’t told them about us, so please don’t say anything other than the coincidence of our meeting again. I am not sure I can cope with any more explanations or drama.’
‘Esther, look at me. Now, dry your eyes and answer me plainly. I am sure this won’t come as a shock to you after our talks in Gibraltar, but will you consent to be my wife?’ He paused, looking down at my hand in his, before raising his eyes and studying my expression, ‘I know I made a mess of this before in the most ungallant fashion, but I loved you then and I love you still - more, if the truth be known.’
I started to answer but he put a finger to my lips, saying, ‘Let me finish, Esther. You must hear me out,’ he continued. ‘You are such a brave woman and I know I can’t replace Wilf, nor am I as young and vigorous as he was, but I can offer you my love and security and I would be honoured if you would allow me to make a home for you and Beth.’ He continued, ‘I would not dictate to you. You could order your life around your midwifery and I would support you in everything you do. Please, just say that you will consent.’
Now that I had the chance to tell him all that was in my heart, I stumbled, my words didn’t seem adequate to say what I was feeling, but as I looked into his eyes, I saw kindness and compassion and so much more: I saw love.
‘Yes,’ I whispered, ‘I would like nothing better than to be your wife and for you to be a father to Beth.’ I hesitated before adding, ‘You know that I loved Wilf, but I am not sure now that we would have been happy in our marriage because we wanted different things. He didn’t want me to work outside of our home and he had no compassion for people who were not close to him. You were right when you told me that my life would be limited by such a marriage, but I loved him enough to try, and it might well have cost me dear - but I wouldn’t have given up on him.’ I paused for breath. ‘Now, however, I see things differently. I have grown up. I know my value, and I know you would cherish me and Beth. I would love and feel honoured to be Mrs. Grieve.’
He pulled me closer to him and I felt such joy as I laid my head against his shoulder and cried a little more with the overwhelming surge of emotion that took hold of me.
Later, as we talked more of his life since he left Lewes, he told me how exciting his adventures had been, but that he had also been made aware of the great injustices in the King’s Navy. He was resolved to work towards making life better for all the unfortunate people who got caught up in the fighting with France with little or no thought by the authorities for their welfare or that of their families. He was considering resigning from his role of coroner and accepting a position in the King’s service where he might be able to use his influence amongst those who ran the country.
As I listened to him outlining his ideas, I was struck again by how different he seemed now to the man who had left Lewes. He looked different, more vital and committed; and his views, which I had previously criticised to his face, had become more compassionate and thoughtful. Perhaps a life at sea had been a lesson for us both.
Chapter Forty-Four
Saturday se’nnight, a poor woman dropped down dead as she was gathering a few chips, two of her neighbours who observed her fall ran to her assistance but her pulse was totally stopped. On Monday she was put in her coffin and just as the joiner was about to do the last office, the corpse changed colour, and had all the appearance of returning to life; notwithstanding which, we are informed, they carried her to the grave and buried her.
Sussex Weekly Advertiser and Lewes Journal 1750/1806
Later that day I returned to South Farm with Dr. Grieve at my side. I went to see Cecilia while he sought out Farmer Elwood. Cecilia was not greatly surprised by my news which was a shock to me.
She smiled delightedly, putting her arms around me and giving me a hug, before saying excitedly, ‘I knew it, I told John that he was partial to you Esther. He used to listen avidly to you when we had our discussions round the dinner table and he visited much more frequently than he did before you arrived.’ Her face clouded over a little as she continued. ‘But, I must admit, I wasn’t sure he would ever take such a big step as offering marriage, we knew him to be such a confirmed bachelor. So many ladies have set their caps at him and didn’t appear to get anywhere. John and I discussed it several times but then he went away and we thought it had just been in our imagination, or, that the social implications were too great, particularly when you were so clearly in love with Wilf.’ She paused, both of us remembering Wilf. ‘Esther, my dear, I couldn’t be happier at this news and I know John will be too, I can’t wait to tell him.’
She rang the bell and when Cilla came in she asked for a bottle of the best Canary to be brought up along with any little savoury tarts that Mrs. Fisher might have. Cilla looked surprised but hurried back to the kitchen. I could imagine her telling Mrs. Fisher that something was afoot; the Mistress did not normally take wine, not even sweet wine, during the day. I smiled at the thought.
‘Esther, this makes me so very happy. You have been such a dear friend to me, and with all the troubles we have endured, we have managed to come through it all safe and sound. I really can’t believe that everything has turned out so well, especially after the nightmare of your aunt and her savage scheming.’
I was touched by her delight for me and Beth, but I would never forget that Wilf hadn’t come through it all. It was a sorrow that I would bear, I think, for the whole of my life.
I chose not to tell Cecilia of the doctor’s earlier suggestion to make me his mistress! It didn’t seem right and I knew she would be greatly shocked. I didn’t want to damage my future husband’s reputation in her eyes.
My friends and the workers at South Farm have all been happy for me and Beth. But I soon realised that our marriage was not universally welcomed. Some in the town were critical of my elevation to a status to match their own. I discovered that Dr. Grieve had a sister whom he didn’t see regularly as she lived in Scotland, and it transpired that she too was not kindly disposed towards me, having had correspondence with friends who still lived in the district. But we both ignored the gossip and bad feeling, and I hoped that I would be more accepted once the event had taken place. And, if I am not, then as long as it does not affect my future husband’s ambitions, we won’t care.
I felt so light-hearted as I waited for the day to arrive when I would become Mrs. Grieve. We planned a quiet wedding with just a few friends, not wanting to remind Beth of the earlier wedding. Things would be very different this time.
My news clearly had not got as far as Brighthelmstone because I had a letter from Mrs. Campbell with no reference to the wedding. It read:
My dear Esther,
I was so pleased to hear that your daughter, I am afraid her name escapes me, has been returned to you. I am writing this note to tell you that Charlotte and I have moved from Lewes to be near the sea, which I missed so, and for more stimulating company than was available in your little town. Mason (who I have heard you refer to as Prickship!) suggested that I be accommodated in the small pension where he now resides. This struck me as a good idea as he can be my chaperone when I leave Charlotte with her new nanny (a wet nurse who has admirable qualities) which leaves me free to enjoy the delights of this lively place. Mason is making good progress and will certainly re-join Captain Campbell on his return from the Australias.
In the meantime, do send my compliments to your employers
, Mr. and Mrs. Elwood. Perhaps I might meet up with them again when I have been introduced into their circle of friends rather than just being an acquaintance of yours and, of course, there is always the prospect of meeting His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales.
My good wishes, Esther, and I hope your days are now happy and fulfilled. Mason sends you his compliments and hopes that you will call on him. I told him that you would be very busy now the child has been returned, so, don’t feel obliged.
Margaret Campbell
I laughed as I read this. As if the Elwoods or the Prince would be in the same circle as her! Vain, selfish woman, and poor Charlotte, to have such a mother. I wondered how Mrs. Campbell would react when she heard about my marriage. I would have the pleasure of writing to inform her, once I am wed.
On the same day as this letter arrived, I met Billy-alone in the middle of the High Street in Lewes. I had been visiting Mrs. Makepiece and Beth’s grandfather who seems to spend more and more time at her home now and, I fancy, not only to see Beth. I wondered if his wife cared? Billy handed me a scrap of paper that had been pushed under the door of the piggy house at Miss Wardle’s. The writing was the same as that on the earlier note when Job got in touch to say he had Beth.
Miss Esther,
I be glad all is well with you now you have Beth. I am taking the king’s shilling and will be on a ship by the time you read this. There is no life for me in Lewes as me pa and brothers are wicked men and will do everything they can to set me down.
Please tell Beth that I do love her so and I will always be thinking of her and you together as is right. Do not try to find me. Maybe I will return one day when she be growed.
The note was unsigned but finished with:
I do rite this for the boy. He be a good lad and if I hear more of him I will tell. A friend.
My eyes filled with tears as I read this and clutched Billy’s arm for support. ‘He is such a good lad, Billy, and I hope he survives the seas, what with the French and all the privateers.’
Billy nodded. ‘Aye, Miss, I do think he will. He knew how to look out for ’imself from his earliest days in that family.’
I vowed to keep Job alive in Beth’s heart and wished him well in my own. I was quite certain he would return one day to see Beth. I wished I knew which ship he was on so I could send him a letter of reference, or introduction, to Captain Campbell.
Our wedding was a very simple affair, conducted by a kindly minister from St. Michael’s Church. Only our closest friends were invited and, as we left the vestry and stood beneath the magnificent round tower that had played a small part in my earliest days of living in Lewes, I felt like I had come full circle. We escaped for a few stolen minutes as I took my new husband to see the tiny garden with its unusual gravestones. The herb I had discovered was still there and flourishing; I looked upon it now as an omen of our future happiness.
We all returned to South Farm where Beth would stay while we have a few days away. When we come back we will make our home in Dr. Grieve’s house with Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins continuing as housekeeper and gardener. I looked forward to living a long life with a man whom I had come to love as well as respect. John and Cecilia Elwood have given Flossy to me as a wedding gift and I don’t think I could be happier than I am now. I am even to take my table! I am going to give Billy and Cilla the beautiful bed that Wilf engraved for us. Farmer Elwood will put it in store until they are ready to marry and I will endeavour to find a carpenter who I will ask to try and carve their initials onto the headboard replacing mine and Wilf’s.
Epilogue
Aunt Tilly survives the voyage to Australia as recorded in Captain Campbell’s journal. No more has been heard of her. Through the shipping agent Esther stays in touch with Sarah who marries her sailor and settles for a life at sea. She tells Esther to keep her dress and promises to stay in touch once she has learned to read and write.
Smugglers still operate in the Lewes area and Esther remains wary of their power, fearing that another, with a score to settle, will either step into Aunt Tilly’s shoes or that she will find a way to threaten them from afar. The Coad family remain a threat to both Esther and Beth.
Author’s Note
This is a work of fiction and is not intended to be a true reflection of historical facts.
The following publications were of great value in the writing of this novel:
The selection of postings from Sussex Weekly Advertiser and Lewes Journal (The British Newspaper Archive) are entirely random and were chosen to give a snapshot of the times between 1750 – 1806. Clearly, then as now, newspapers only report newsworthy items, but they give an idea of the scale of hunger, violence and the activity of smugglers and other ne’er-do-wells. Britain was at war and times were very hard for those near the bottom of the social scale; so hard that there was need for a soup kitchen in Lewes. The snippets at the head of many chapters and the spellings and punctuation are as printed except for ‘s’ printed as ‘f’ in the journals. I was greatly interested in the list of local smugglers and wonder if their descendants still live in the area.
(The Sussex Weekly Advertiser and Lewes Journal can be viewed as the forerunner to today’s Sussex Express and County Herald).
The postings from the Diaries of a Ship’s Surgeon are disturbing to read, particularly relating to the first wave of transportation. I have sorrow for the lives of those who suffered but, as always, you can find humour amongst every human condition. One of the postings from an eloquent physician made me laugh. It went along the lines of a man who had an ulceration of the penile gland. He was told in no uncertain terms that it would heal if he stopped continuously pawing it! The Diaries can be found online at: The National Archives: Royal Navy Medical Officer Journals (ADM101 Series).
The Convict Ships by Charles Bateson is a work of scholarship and a disturbing account, with specific detail of the transportation years: the squabbles between agencies, self-interest and instances of cruelty beyond belief. There are detailed lists of ships, crew and circumstance for anyone wanting to investigate their own family background. The early years of transport - the first wave - were tragic and the suffering endured by often petty criminals, whose crimes were theft, pickpocketing, soliciting etc., were extreme. It was amazing that any of them got to their destination at all, given the condition they must have been in. The first wave did not have a medical man on board and later some of the appointed medical men were worse than useless. Many of those transported looked forward to a better life and perhaps found it, but many died of rampant disease, cruelty, and man’s inhumanity to man.
Midwives & Medical Men by Jean Donnison tells the history of women performing midwifery services in their community ranging from the worst that a Mother Midnight could do, to local women who were caring and knowledgeable from their own life experiences. Midwifery eventually became an honourable profession for certain classes of women but was then hijacked by male physicians who actively sought to dislodge them from their historic role in helping women give birth. An interesting book.
The Coach Roads to Brighton by Geoffrey Hewlett is also a knowledgeable and interesting read.
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