“Haha, Preben lives in Oslo, too, so there’s enough help to go around.” Willy chuckled and nudged his son as if they were conspiring. “You can always go by her house and see how she’s doing.”
Preben apparently thought it was the most natural thing in the world. “Sure I can, no problem.”
Bettina didn’t know what to think of this. Was her fiancé going to resume contact with his ex-wife? The one who was expecting the child they both wanted so much, but couldn’t have? It was unthinkable and almost ridiculous. His never-ending will to cooperate made her annoyed and frustrated at the same time. There had to be other people in Christel’s social circles who were better suited for the job than him. They would need to talk about this once his parents left.
On their way inside they met Mathilde in working clothes, ready to handle the rampant weeds. Christel disappeared upstairs to rest.
Bettina and Preben sat in the living room with a cup of coffee. She was confused and didn’t know where to start. She had so many questions. “It’s evident that your parents miss Christel,” she said and curled up on the sofa.
“I guess that’s understandable. They’ve known each other for many years. But this is not a competition, Bettina. They adore you, too.” He pulled his fingers through her hair and picked a curl that he twirled around his finger.
She knew he was right, but still felt a sting of jealousy. Or insecurity. Because what was Preben feeling deep down? About everything that had been before, what was happening now, and the latest events? There was only one way to find out, but she needed the answer to another question first.
“What was the real reason your marriage ended?”
He twisted and didn’t seem to find a comfortable position on the soft sofa. “Do we have to discuss this? Can’t we talk about our wedding instead? There are so many things we disagree on.”
Yes, exactly. That was a separate issue. But it wasn’t as important now. First, they had to figure out the things they had never discussed. Things they should have mentioned before getting engaged. Things that were awkward to talk about, and which he tried to ignore.
“It doesn’t seem like you’ve been completely honest with me. I told you I didn’t want a big belly at our wedding. If something is wrong, you could have brought it up then.” She looked at him, but he was busy staring into the distance. “If you knew that it wouldn’t be possible, why didn’t you say so?”
“I’ve never lied to you, Bettina.”
That might be true, but he hadn’t told the whole truth. “There are many types of lies. To keep something from me can be just as bad.”
He didn’t say anything and sipped his cold coffee. “There were several factors, but it’s private. I don’t discuss these things with anyone.” He cooled his face by waving a folded napkin and looked like he wanted to run away as soon as he had the chance.
His words were hurtful. “I’m not just anyone. I’m your fiancée. Moreover, it’s clear you’ve discussed your problems with your parents. Your father was well informed.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” he said and kissed her cheek. “I didn’t mean you. Christel had trouble getting pregnant.”
Bettina didn’t think so. Her belly indicated the opposite. The problem wasn’t on her end.
“There were so many disappointments every month when we didn’t succeed. It became too much in the end.”
She could relate to that. It must have been exhausting. “Didn’t you check if there was anything wrong with you?”
“Of course. We can both have children.”
So where were the children? Something wasn’t right. Why had Willy blamed his son if there was nothing wrong with him? “What about the thing your father said at the table?”
He went over to the window and opened it to get some air. Cold wind seeped in, making the curtains flap. Anyone would get hot and bothered by this conversation. He was so ambiguous. Couldn’t he just say it like it was?
“My father didn’t say that I can’t have children. It just takes longer. But we have more than enough time, Bettina. Don’t worry about it. We have a wedding to arrange first.” He closed the window and went back to her. He pulled her toward him and held her for a long time.
She was stunned. “Enough time” was a vast exaggeration. If there was one thing she didn’t have, it was time. She wasn’t particularly patient, either. Well, that wasn’t always the case. She had been patient regarding Mathilde and her condition. But to wait for children for years, no, her patience didn’t reach that far. She knew that for sure.
Bettina closed her eyes. So Willy had been right. Preben had a problem. He would presumably have just as much trouble getting her pregnant as he’d had with Christel. She was extremely curious about those tadpoles. According to his father, they were slow, and in that case, it was understandable that they didn’t reach their goal. But were they few, or was the quality poor? There were many factors here, so she would have liked to know more. But she knew that this was awkward to talk about, and didn’t want to make things worse for him than they already were. It didn’t matter what the real reason was, as long as the result remained the same – he couldn’t make anyone pregnant. Or rather, that he needed more than eight years to get there. Which meant he was unable to have children, according to her calculations. Christel was the evidence. She had taken care of the matter herself. Not everyone had the option or desire to solve the problem the way she had. There were other alternatives, but it was up to each person to decide what was right for them.
“I’m disappointed you haven’t been honest with me, Preben. You should have told me this. It’s not my job to dig around and inquire what challenges you had in your marriage. But as long as it concerns me, I have a right to know.”
“Sorry, I should have been more open. But it’s hard to talk about. I didn’t think it was that important to you. You have a daughter already. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if you didn’t have another child.”
She couldn’t believe him. “But it should have been my choice. It’s a matter of trust, Preben. I have to be able to trust you to tell me the truth, not just parts of it. We can’t keep secrets from each other. That’s not how I am.” She had run out of air and had to take a breath. She felt the need to think through things, get some perspective. “I need time alone to digest all of this.” She lacked answers to the other things, but they would have to wait.
He nodded and looked relieved. “I’d like to go on a bike gathering, so that works well.”
She looked at him, dumbfounded. He could have skipped that last comment. He should have been more interested in being here and comforting her today. Again, she saw how different they were, and reached for her head to massage her temples. She had slept awfully and had contemplated Willy’s comment every time she woke up throughout the night.
“I think I’ll leave at once, so you can get some rest.” He went to the room to pack his stuff.
Rest, sure. She still had his ex-wife to take care of, and Mathilde. But it helped that his parents had left. If only she weren’t so confused…
***
Preben left Solvik in bright sunshine. He had slept poorly, and it wasn’t just due to the silence outside. He had spent the night being annoyed at his father, who was unable to keep his mouth shut. A son being unable to fertilize women wasn’t something to talk loudly about. But his father joked about everything and didn’t take anything seriously. It had its advantages at times, but often situations came up where it would have been best to be discreet. Like now.
He had never meant to keep this from Bettina. The plan had been to tell her, and he had been waiting for the right moment. He’d had a strong desire to open up to her. But it was a delicate situation, and particularly unpleasant to talk about. Bettina had Anneli. Sure, she wanted a baby, but he wanted it more. He had none. That’s why he had asked her to stop using the pill right away. He knew he should have told her all of this when he had the opportunity yesterday, and he re
gretted it. He hadn’t meant for her to find out like this. No wonder she was frustrated and disappointed in him. He’d give her time to think it all through. He would come back tomorrow night, and see if her spirit had improved.
***
Christel felt the baby kicking. When they were at her apartment delivering the baby equipment the day before, it had felt unreal. Preben, sitting next to her driving the car, the way they chit-chatted, and how he helped her as if it was the most natural thing in the world. She noticed how easy it was to slide back into their old roles, as comfortable as it was. She tried to fight it with everything she had. He was no longer hers, and the baby wasn’t his. She was making a life alone with the little one. And she was looking forward to it, even if she missed having someone to share the joy with. Everything was more fun when there were two of you. That’s the way it was. But she would think about that later. It was all about the baby now.
Her thoughts went to Bettina, who she was fond of, and the shock she had gotten at dinner the night before. Christel could tell she didn’t know anything about it. Preben had let her down. He knew Bettina wanted another child, and that it was hopeless for him to fulfill her desire. After all they had been through, she knew precisely what Bettina was getting into, and how it would end. With hope and disappointment, loss and sorrow, and many tears. She didn’t wish that upon anyone.
Christel had spent a lot of time thinking, before deciding that enough was enough. She simply couldn’t take it any longer. Preben hadn’t been able to handle her sadness every month when they discovered she wasn’t pregnant. He was the eternal optimist and had an unshakeable faith in his swimmers’ competitiveness. He was convinced that everything would work out the next month. If only it had been that easy. As time went by, it became harder to talk about their problems, and communication between them got strained. In the end, their whole lives revolved around getting pregnant. Their relationship had become more of a duty than pleasure after years of trying. That was when she started nursing the idea that it couldn’t continue like that. She felt sorry for giving up and leaving. Especially since she still loved him.
She had to face the consequences of the decision she had made. He had begged her to stay, but she couldn’t. And now he loved Bettina. They were getting married. She had to remember that. She would help and support Bettina as best she could the days she had left of her stay in Solvik. She owed him. It was just so tough assisting with wedding arrangements when her own memories kept flowing. It couldn’t be easy for Bettina to have her fiancé’s ex-wife living here. But she was so sociable that they had become close friends. Perhaps they could stay in touch after she had married? She would appreciate it.
***
Bettina cleaned the empty guest room and bathroom. She put the dirty linens in the washing machine, and made the beds with clean ones, so the room was ready for new guests. She had received several bookings over the phone, and she rejoiced that the guesthouse was starting to fill up.
Mathilde was still in the garden, digging, so she went to make some sandwiches for lunch.
“There you are,” Christel said. “Anything I can do to help?”
She smiled warmly. It wasn’t Christel’s fault that Preben hadn’t told her how things were. And it wasn’t her job to tell her. But now that it had come to light, she was curious.
“There isn’t much to do. Help yourself to some juice, and sit down and talk with me instead.”
Christel did as she was told and sat heavily on the chair. “I have an appointment with the doctor later today, to check that everything is fine. This last week and a half has been relaxing for me. And I think my blood pressure is quite stable, although I don’t know what I’m talking about.”
“I suppose the doctor will have the best answer, but it’s super that you feel fine. Then everything is as it should be.”
“I think so, too.” She drank nearly the whole glass. “I’m sorry about the shock you got yesterday.”
Bettina nodded slowly. “I would have preferred to be told this before we got engaged.”
“Would it have made a difference?”
She cut up half a cucumber and put it aside. “I don’t know. But I feel tricked, which I can’t stand. He knows I want children, and that he’ll have trouble fulfilling my wish.”
Bettina was aware of the fact that Christel knew better than anyone what challenges she was facing. She had been in the same situation herself. There was also the chance that Christel was feeling a certain loyalty toward Preben. But she needed an answer, so she would have to take the chance. “Was that the reason you left him, Christel?”
She nodded. “It was too much hassle.”
Bettina went to get herself a latte and sat down for a moment.
“I’ve been feeling guilty about leaving him. Honestly, I left because he couldn’t give me a child. It sounds terrible, but it’s true. And it’s not a good feeling,” Christel said and looked at her. Then her mouth turned into a smile. “But Preben is happy with you now, so I no longer have to feel bad.”
Bettina felt her heart sink. Those words should have pleased her, but she didn’t know how she felt. She had tried to analyze her feelings but was none the wiser. Were her feelings for Preben strong enough to overshadow everything else? Was it more important for her to be with him than to have another child? It was a tricky question. If she chose to break off the engagement, she would be no better than Christel.
“Looks like we have more in common than I ever would have thought,” she said and got up to continue with lunch.
Sounds were coming from the hall. “Now the garden is like it’s meant to be,” Mathilde said when she walked into the kitchen. “A garden is a lot of work.”
Bettina smiled and was glad her aunt had taken over. “I noticed that. I don’t have a green thumb like you, but it may be possible to learn. That way I can help you. It’s a big garden to be in charge of on your own.”
Mathilde opened the box of grapefruit juice. “Don’t worry about it. We just need to find a way to cooperate. What a nice lunch you’ve made. Smoked salmon and all. Should I get Anneli?”
Bettina shook her head. “She left for the pool with her friends, and to eat tacos afterward. She loves swimming.”
“I’ve noticed that you too like swimming, even in cold water. I can’t fathom how you do it.”
She smiled to herself. So her aunt had noticed some things from her room in the Tower. She had apparently not been lying in bed all the time, but had been at the window, keeping an eye on life on the outside. She was still baffled by the changes. Maybe they hadn’t given her a fair chance. In all these years after Aunt Olga passed away, they had never gotten to know Mathilde. They couldn’t change the past, but they could make a better effort in the future. And they could rejoice in the present.
“You get used to the cold water. It’s amazing when you get back up on land.”
“I would think so.”
Bettina was dusting in the living room when Christel came home from her doctor’s appointment. “How did it go?” She took a break and grabbed a brown stick from the tray that had found a permanent place on the coffee table.
Christel did the same. “It was fine. He’s stopping by tomorrow. I told him he was in for a surprise.”
“So you didn’t tell him about my aunt’s resurrection?”
Christel laughed. “No, I want to see his face when he notices her walking around. Even if the high heels are back in the closet, she’s a lovely woman when she remembers to put on some makeup.”
“You’ve reminded me that I need to call my parents and tell them what’s happened. But let me hear about the baby first. Is he coming soon?”
“Ted, you mean? He has a name already.”
She looked at her, puzzled. She hadn’t heard anything about this. “The doctor gave him a name?” She didn’t get it. She knew that Christel liked Erik, but not that it had turned serious between them. When had she had time for that?
“No, not the
doctor. I chose it long ago.” She looked down.
Bettina felt like there was something she wasn’t telling her. “How did you pick that name?”
“We chose it together. I mean, I picked it.”
Bettina felt unusually slow and sighed to herself. The past kept catching up with her. “Oh, you mean when you were married.”
Christel nodded and looked embarrassed. “I didn’t think I’d ever see Preben again.”
Bettina thought to herself that she needed to rise above these trivial issues. Everyone had a lived life. It was something she had to deal with. She had to pull herself together and take a broad view of things, even though it felt strange right now.
“Preben wasn’t delighted about the name I’ve chosen when I told him. He felt like it was our name. I tried to explain to him that life goes on. And I think he understood.”
Bettina was thoughtful, but Christel had given her the answer she had been looking for. They’d had plenty of time to talk, both at the Babyshop and on the way home to Oslo with the equipment. They must have discussed lots of stuff. Once again she felt like an outsider but tried to ignore it. Being jealous of such a considerate woman was petty. She forced her thoughts in another direction. “Let’s talk about my wedding instead. What more do I have to plan?”
Christel thought about it. “What kind of menu do you have in mind?”
Menu? True, they had to have food. But what? She had no idea. She supposed it depended on the venue of the wedding. Whether they were going to spend the day in a grand building or sit at garden tables as she wanted. She pictured decorated tables and festive guests in bright sunshine and a pleasant temperature. And with the garden full of flowers. They would sit there until late at night having a good time. Informal, but with a fantastic atmosphere. The apple trees would be blooming at that time. Pale pink and white flowers would light up the whole garden. They could order catering to prepare food in her kitchen and serve the guests outside under branches heavy with blossom. Could it get more stunning than that?
Time for New Beginnings Page 18
