She sighed. Couldn’t he even admit it, now that she had helped him start? He should be grateful.
“Don’t underestimate me, Preben. I’m not stupid.”
“Sorry, you know I don’t think that.” He was avoiding her eyes, and all of this was just sad. She wouldn’t offer him any more help. He had to be able to say something on his own. She drank more wine and ate some nuts, even if her desire for snacks was gone, along with the last of her patience.
“Uhum, I might still have feelings for Christel. Or they flared up again when I met her.” He stared at the parquet in front of him.
She was relieved that he had finally admitted it. At the same time, she was sorrowful and disappointed that their engagement was over. They’d had two lovely years together. Now she was left behind, alone. She wasn’t sure if she preferred that he had never gotten over his wife, or that his feelings for her had flared up here at the guesthouse. Probably the latter. To be honest, it didn’t matter. What mattered now was to look to the future, and not wallow in self-pity. All the blame was not on him alone. She should have understood he wasn’t ready for a new relationship. Even though they had taken things slowly, and been friends before starting a relationship, it obviously hadn’t been long enough. Besides, she had concluded that it was better for them to split up. But she was sad it was over.
“I’m so sorry, Bettina. I should have recognized it earlier. But something happened to me when Ted was born. Something I can’t explain,” said Preben.
She nodded and had trouble keeping her voice steady. Her eyes were welling up, and she blinked furiously. “However hard it is to admit, I think you’re meant for each other. You and I are way too different. The feelings we have for each other are not strong enough. I know that now.” The tears trickled down her cheeks, and she dried them off with her fingertips. Through her tears, she could tell he was just as moved.
“Regrettably, I think you’re right. It has taken me some time to get it. And even longer to admit it.” He put his arms around her, and they stayed like that for a long time.
“Do you think we can be friends?” He looked at her, pleading, and she knew this was important to him.
“I don’t know. Maybe later. Anneli is fond of Ted, and I don’t want to disappoint her. Moreover, I think Christel is an amazing person. But right now, I need some time to myself.”
She freed herself and started clearing away bottles and glasses. Then she went to her room, got ready for bed and lay under the thick, soft down comforter. Her thoughts went in all directions. It was good to get things out in the open. But it would be weird to be alone again, without anyone to share her ups and downs with. The house would require much of her attention in the future, as would Anneli, Mathilde, and the new guests. And Lauritz, but he was leaving soon. Either way, it would occupy her thoughts on something other than Preben and the breakup.
She pondered for a long time. Sleep would not come, and eventually, she heard Preben sneak in and go to bed. She pretended to be asleep. She couldn’t deal with more emotions and discussions now. Not that there was much to discuss. It would be a civilized breakup. They hadn’t married yet, and they didn’t have children. But it still hurt. It felt strange to lie here in the same bed as her fiancé. Ex-fiancé, she corrected herself. That felt even weirder. He was no longer hers. Right now, he wasn’t anyone’s. But it wouldn’t be long before he was Christel’s again. She could feel tears pressing at her eyes, but forced herself to think about how happy they would be. It helped to focus on their happiness. Her thoughts turned to Erik, and she slid into a more comfortable world.
***
Preben stayed awake for a long time before falling asleep. He was annoyed at himself for not having understood earlier where all this was heading. Then he could have spared Bettina some of the pain and grief she was feeling now. How difficult it must have been for her to have Christel living here for so long. And it hadn’t helped that he had been there so often. She had seen through him, long before he knew what was happening. Talk about being slow on the uptake. He was sorry it had ended like this. But he was also relieved. Now he could own up to his feelings for Christel. He had never forgotten her. When he thought back on the last few years, he could see explicit signs of whom his heart belonged to. If only he had realized it earlier…
***
When they were eating breakfast the next morning, Bettina felt more invigorated. Everything seemed lighter and easier in the morning than in the evening. She was aware of the fact that Christel didn’t know anything yet. Preben would have to talk to her after the meal. And then they would both leave.
She concentrated on making breakfast. Mathilde didn’t look too bad but was still pale. Lauritz looked like he had been partying all night.
“Were you out last night?” she asked and gazed at her brother. Perhaps he had gone to Oslo to try his luck after she went to bed.
“Out where? There’s nowhere to go. This place is devoid of everything, even the tiniest bar.” He tucked into the bacon and didn’t look pleased.
She smiled to herself. He clearly had a better life under the Spanish palm trees, with a beer or two in hand. Hopefully, it was so dull in Solvik that he changed his mind. She had a hard time imagining him here permanently, when he couldn’t even stand it for a few days. She could always hope.
“Yes, that’s life in the countryside.” She’d better not remind him it was half an hour to the capital’s nightlife. The distance between the two places felt much shorter, due to the highway.
“It’s sad you’re leaving, Christel,” Anneli said between mouthfuls of cereal.
“I’m leaving, too,” Preben said and seemed surprised that he had said it aloud.
Everyone looked at him.
“Aren’t you off on the weekends? I didn’t think computer geeks worked then. Except for hackers.” Lauritz looked at him suspiciously. “Not sure what a hacker looks like, but you do have a slightly rough appearance and sort of wild hair…”
No one seemed to take Lauritz seriously, and Preben tried to explain himself. “Uh, well… the thing is… we have broken off the engagement.”
Everyone, except for Bettina and Ted, looked at him, appalled. He was blushing fiercely and didn’t like having everyone’s eyes on him.
“Goodness, you don’t say.” Lauritz suddenly beamed.
Christel glanced at Bettina apprehensively.
“We decided it last night,” Bettina said and started clearing the food. She didn’t want to discuss their private life with everyone present. It was better to talk to each one later. Everyone except Lauritz, she corrected herself. She had no interest in sharing her most profound thoughts with him.
“Go and get changed, Anneli, and I’ll see you later.” She was playing a handball match, and Bettina was going to watch it. It suited her perfectly today.
“And now that I was starting to get used to Preben and his bike. Oh well, there’s nothing to do about it. I’ll go get some rest.” Mathilde stood.
“I’ll walk you upstairs,” Lauritz said and took her arm. “We have to look out for you, you know.”
“Then you can talk to Christel,” Bettina said to Preben. He could certainly explain this himself. It wasn’t her job.
“I will.” He lifted up Ted and the baby bouncer in one movement and walked out into the hall with Christel.
***
They went upstairs to the second floor, and into the room that had belonged to Christel the last few weeks. Preben placed Ted and the bouncer on the floor.
“What’s going on?” Christel sat on the sofa and looked at him, astonished. Preben looked uneasy, but she knew him so well. He was spontaneous, but he didn’t take things lightly. This decision couldn’t have been easy.
“We ended our relationship last night.” He played with one of Ted’s toys.
She was taken aback. This wasn’t something you did out of the blue. “But what about all your plans?”
He didn’t say anything for some time. “C
ancelled.”
“Did you decide this together?” He wasn’t talkative, which didn’t surprise her. Communication had been part of their problem as well. He was usually easy to talk to, but talking about his feelings proved to be difficult. Apparently, he hadn’t changed much in that arena.
Preben shrugged. “Bettina was the one who brought it up. She made me see that things aren’t like they should be.”
Christel nodded. This didn’t come as a surprise. It was like before, when she’d had to take control of things. Some people never learned. “Shouldn’t you have figured this out earlier? Or was Bettina the one who recognized it?” She had no right to ask, but she was curious. She had gotten to know Bettina so well during her stay here. Strange what a birth could do. Technically, she was Ted’s midwife, and had cut his umbilical cord.
“We both agreed.” He had started playing with Ted again. It was easy to tell he liked it more than talking about the breakup and what had happened. She was glad that they’d agreed. It would have been a pity if Bettina was hurt. She had grown so fond of the kind and hospitable hostess. But she felt like there was something he wasn’t telling her. And she couldn’t force him.
“That’s good.”
Preben sat next to her on the sofa, and they both looked at Ted, who was kicking his feet.
“Christel, my feelings for you are strong. I don’t know what your feelings for me are, but I still love you.” He looked at her while talking.
She gasped. “But Preben, how can you? You were planning your wedding with another woman a few days ago.” She would never have thought it. Hadn’t the bond between him and Bettina been stronger? And their love greater? Or was she the one who was standing in the way of their happiness? She rested her head in her hands. Had her visit destroyed everything for them? If so, it was horrible. She felt guilt overwhelm her like a flood that she didn’t want to be a part of.
“Is it my fault?” Christel looked at him with teary eyes. She had become so emotional after giving birth, and didn’t like it.
He put his arm around her. “Yes and no. We’ve spent lots of time together since you checked in at the guesthouse. My feelings for you have flared up again, and I can’t hold them back any longer.”
Christel had never thought this could happen. She had come to terms with the fact that their marriage was over. She had helped Bettina as best she could with the planning of her wedding. Sure, it hadn’t been easy, and many thoughts and feelings had emerged. Thoughts on how their wedding had been ten years earlier. No, it had required all her goodwill to stay positive. But she felt like she had succeeded. All her energy had been spent focusing on the baby. Everything was about him, and how life would be as a mother. It wasn’t until now that she allowed herself to notice her feelings for Preben. Earlier, it hadn’t felt right. He wasn’t hers. Now it seemed like he could be hers again. But was this what she wanted? Her thoughts were running wild, and she was more confused than ever. She had come to terms with a life alone with Ted, hoping to find someone to share her life with later. Right now, there were so many new things to figure out. New routines that should be formed with a newborn in the house. But of course, she missed being in love. Especially now that Ted was born. It would be nice having someone to share the excitement of his progress with.
She thought about Preben again, who was sitting with his arm around her. They’d had a good time together the last few weeks. Almost like when they were married, before they had wanted children and their problems had become so severe. Now the problem was solved. Admittedly, she’d had Ted on her own, but Preben adored the boy. That he wasn’t his didn’t seem to be of any importance to him. He treated the boy like he was his own. Her feelings overwhelmed her once more, and she breathed deeply. Was she ready to open her heart again? The last years of their marriage hadn’t been joyful. There had been bitterness. It was easy to forget, in the middle of the happiness of having a newborn. Would all this return if they got back together? Or was it something they had put behind them? It would be better to take one day at a time and see if there could be something more between them in time.
“I don’t know what to say.” Christel looked at Preben, who was watching the sleeping child. “This is very unexpected. I mean, I’ve noticed how obsessed you are with Ted, and I know how much you want a child, but it hadn’t crossed my mind.”
He looked at her, bewildered. “Christel, I’m not telling you this so I finally can have a child the easy way. The truth is, my heart belongs to you. I know that now. That said, it seems like I already love Ted like my own.”
She nodded. She hoped he was telling the truth, but didn’t know for sure. What if he wanted her back because of Ted? She felt chills all over her body. She couldn’t even entertain the thought. That would be awful. She knew she needed time to think this through. It wasn’t a decision she could make here and now.
“Preben, this is so sudden. I don’t know if I’m ready for it.”
He pulled her closer. “Let’s take our time and see how it goes. Spend time together. Don’t worry about it; we’ll figure it out.”
She was grateful that he got her. His suggestion sounded sensible. She welcomed his soft lips in a long kiss, like she had done so many times before. It felt like coming home.
21
Christel went downstairs to talk to Bettina while Preben watched the sleeping baby. She found her standing by the coffee maker, filling a cup. “How are you holding up?” She helped herself to a chocolate chip cookie. She would miss both her hostess and her cookies when she left.
Bettina looked at her and smiled. “I’m all right. Did you talk to him?”
She nodded. “I never should have come. It’s all my fault. And thanks to me there won’t be a wedding.”
“I guess there’s some truth in that, but it’s not the whole truth. This is for the best of all of us. It would have been a mistake to marry. I know it now, but I should have realized it earlier.”
“That’s a comfort. I don’t know what will happen to Preben and me. Time will tell, but I’m not in a rush.”
Bettina hugged her warmly. “He loves both you and Ted. Go home and enjoy it, without feeling bad.”
Christel felt light as a feather inside when hearing this. She knew that Bettina was telling the truth. This wasn’t something she was saying just to make her feel better. She meant it.
“I’ll miss you. You’ve given me an unforgettable stay here.”
“Come visit us. We’ll miss you, too.”
***
When Bettina waved them goodbye an hour later, it was with a mixture of relief and grief. She swallowed hard. It would be empty without them. But Christel had promised to come and visit with Ted. Preben had stacked the baby equipment into her car and after that mounted his bike. He had hugged her goodbye, and the whole thing had felt unreal. Luckily, Anneli had left to warm up for the handball match. She had to get going if she was to make it on time.
Mathilde and Lauritz were still in the apartment upstairs. She couldn’t stand thinking what they were planning for the guesthouse. But there was nothing she could do, except count down the hours to his flight. She decided to get to know Mathilde better now that they had more spare time and no guests to pay attention to. But it would have to wait until tomorrow. Right now, everything was about her daughter. She was excited to watch the match. Following her new handball team would be fun.
***
Bettina finally got the chance to talk to Mathilde alone. Jane and Anneli were in her room listening to music after the successful match the day before. Lauritz had decided to eat lunch at Lombardi’s, where he could sit in the bar, drinking.
“The house is calm now,” Mathilde commented and sipped her sherry, although it was early in the day.
“Almost too calm. I’d started getting used to having people around me.” Bettina put her mug on the coffee table. She had been lying awake in bed for a long time, pondering about life. The bed was way too big for only her. She missed Preben but k
new that she missed the friendship and someone to share everything with more than she missed him. The certainty of having made the right decision helped. It would never have lasted with him. And it was a good thing they had recognized it before the wedding planning started for real.
“Yes, it’s been quite a crowd. Your fiancé, his ex-wife, and your future in-laws. And your brother on top of it all.” Mathilde gulped her sherry as if to show that she needed strength to digest it.
Bettina couldn’t help but smile. “It’s been a lot for all of us,” she had to admit. She told her how everything was connected, and what had led to the breakup. She might as well be upfront. This was her aunt, and they were going to live and work together for years to come. Being open was essential.
Mathilde nodded and studied her over the edge of her glasses. “I’m sorry. I understand Preben, since I was never able to have children myself. It’s been a huge privation, as I’ve mentioned before.”
Bettina could relate to her. “Let’s talk about something more uplifting. How did you come up with the idea of starting a guesthouse?”
“It was a spontaneous idea that Herman had a few years ago. He was getting close to retirement and wanted something to while away the time once he stopped working. I was looking forward to taking it easy, but I supported him.”
“But you’re the one who decorated the house. The furnishings are so pretty; you have excellent taste.”
“Thanks, but so do you. The guest rooms are more beautiful than I could have dreamed.”
She refilled her aunt’s sherry glass. “Have you always been interested in gardening?”
“It’s been my hobby for years. That and cooking.”
It made sense that Mathilde had been upset when she only wanted to serve breakfast.
“You mean dinner?”
“I do. I planned on serving three-course dinners for the guests.”
Time for New Beginnings Page 25
