by J. P. Rice
As the goblins and the queen fell in a pile, I saw the red laces of a pair of black boots and an open hand in front of my face. I placed my hand in the Morrigan’s and she lifted me to my feet. We went to escape while the queen was writhing around on the floor under a pile of dresses and goblins.
I grabbed the Morrigan and stopped her. “Let’s take this place down. Meet me at Machu Picchu.”
Mo shook her head. “Really. We have the knife. Let’s just go.”
I said, “Fine. I’ll do it myself.”
“Fine. Let’s do it quickly,” the Morrigan agreed.
I turned to Justinian. “Keep the Goblin Queen tied up for fifteen to twenty seconds.”
The Morrigan held out her hand, and we locked fingers.
Chapter 19
MY BODY STOPPED MOVING. I knew I was going to take a beating at the hands of the goblins, but it would be worth it in the end. My eyes rolled back into my head and I felt the stiff breeze blowing through my hair. The scent of sage danced in my nostrils. Often overpowering, this was just the right amount.
I walked up the moss-covered stone stairs to get to the top of the mountain. A light fog obscured the blue sky and a dense mist hung close to the mountain peak. Morning dew clung to the blades of grass, moistening my toes as I moved forward. Through a cloudy haze, I saw the Morrigan with her back to me.
I spoke softly so I wouldn’t startle her, “You ready to fook shit up?”
The Morrigan turned and her nostrils flared as she inhaled the fresh air. She nodded and began to shift, giant black feathers sprouting from her sides. Her big body expanded, her human feet disappeared, and her tail feathers formed. Her arms morphed into wings, eyes turned solid red and a big beak took shape.
I looked down at my chest as my body bulged and scarlet scales shingled down my expanding body. Reptilian wings replaced my arms and my face elongated, stretching into an enormous jaw. Within a few seconds, I’d taken dragon form and beat my wings, preparing for takeoff.
We rose into the air, soon disappearing into the misty clouds charged with electricity. As the heavy fog dissipated, I saw that we were at the Goblin Queen’s castle, circling above. We made eye contact and nodded to each other, before tucking in our wings and diving toward the castle like missiles.
As I closed in on the stronghold, I leaned my head to the left so I could drive my right shoulder into the castle. The Morrigan and I headed straight toward the south face of the castle. The Morrigan veered to the left, and I went to the right for maximum destruction.
I cringed as I rammed the castle at the exact same time as the Morrigan. The stones rumbled and the earth below shook violently. The painful collision caused me to break out of the dream state and return to the Goblin Queen’s dressing room. I felt the pain in my shoulder as the goblins clawed at me, trying to rip my skin off. But I also felt a quaking floor beneath my feet.
Choking, I grabbed at something frilly wrapped around my neck, loosening it just enough to breathe again. I sucked in some precious air and wondered how close I’d come to dying. The goblins had wrapped a red dress around my neck that I tried to get rid of, but it was caught on something.
“What the hell are you two doing?” screamed Justinian from across the room, surrounded by goblins. I quit messing with the dress and focused on the goblins in between us. The green demons were confused without the queen directing them around. I saw desperation in their cloudy eyes and fear plastered to their faces.
The castle shook, and my knees wobbled, trying to maintain balance. I closed my fists and punched wildly, bashing any and all goblins within reach. With the castle crumbling, the goblins didn’t know how to react and turned to their master in shock.
I screamed to the Morrigan, “I’ll hold off the goblins if you guys want to escape off the balcony.” Where the hell was the Goblin Queen? Did she run after the castle started crumbling?
I checked to make sure the Morrigan still had the dagger. My heart stopped until I saw the two little rubies. Then I grabbed two smaller goblins clutching onto the raven feathers of her tight cloak and chucked them aside. Now free, the Morrigan went for the exit, but a horde of confused goblins stood in the way. The Goddess drew her hand back and fired a pulsating wave of energy at the balcony door.
The rippling cascade of magic crashed into the goblins and pushed them through the door and over the rail of the balcony, clearing the runway for escape. The Morrigan helped Justinian get loose, and they sprinted out the back door. I went to follow them outside, but something grabbed me from behind.
An icy, death grip sent more pain through my shoulder and stopped me in my tracks. Her voice sent chills down my spine. “You aren’t going anywhere. We can both be crushed by these beautiful stones.”
Why wasn’t she trying to escape? I understood ship captains that wanted to go down with their vessel, but this was a bit excessive. Whatever her reasoning, she had me trapped in a crumbling castle. The floor shifted harshly to the left, angling on an incline.
We both tumbled, and the queen lost her grip on me. I scrambled to my feet and dodged rolling goblins as I tried to reach the exit. My fingernails scraped against the stone floor as I tried to claw my way to the exit. A cold hand landed on my right ankle as I made it to the doorway. I hooked my hand on the framed and tried to drag the queen out with me, but her strength coupled with my exhaustion made it impossible.
I was about to give up and accept death when a cartoonish voice cried out, “Help is on the way.” Titania zipped in through the open door and flew near the ground. She approached my leg and reversed her body. The dragonfly shot fire from her stinger, engulfing the Goblin Queen’s face and head.
The queen cried out in agony and the smell of burnt hair and flesh filled my nostrils. The queen released me, focusing on patting out the fire surrounding her head. The skin on her face melted as she slid across the room. With the queen rolling around trying to put out the flames, I darted for the exit, but the floor shifted again, pulling me away.
I dove forward with my arm extended and snagged the side of the doorjamb. My boots scraped against the floor as I frantically tried to shove myself through. With a burst of strength, I dragged my exhausted body through the door frame. I tried to get rid of the red dress around my neck so it wouldn’t slow me down. After a few seconds of struggling, I nixed that plan and just dealt with it.
The balcony had also tilted, causing me to run up a slight incline to get to the tree branch. As I ran for the branch, I peeked over my shoulder and saw Titania and several goblins following her.
I yelled to Titania, “Set the branch on fire as you fly along so the goblins can’t follow us.”
I ran up the incline, worried that my slower speed would prevent me from making a successful jump. As I reached the edge of the balcony, I dove for the branch. I hit the sturdy branch face first, then I wrapped my arms around the timber as my body listed to the side.
With panic streaking through me and salty blood filling my mouth, I twisted my body and hooked my knee on the branch so I could straighten out. By the time I stood up on the wide branch, Titania had already started the scorched earth technique. The fire that came from her stinger was like napalm and stuck to the live branch. Despite the moisture running through the limb, her strong flames instantly ignited it.
Considering I wasn’t a tightrope walker, the branch was crooked, and a trail of flames was chasing after me, catching up rapidly, I worried about falling. In the dim conditions, I put one foot in front of the other, concentrating on the soles of my boots hitting the branch. The crumbling castle shook the land, and the branch swayed in response. I kept my head down and stopped for a second to maintain my balance. Studying the movement of the branch, I started moving again.
Titania flew next to me, shouting something that I couldn’t understand. As I continued racing toward the trunk of the tree, I thought about how this tiny creature had just saved my life. With their humongous hands, one of the goblins could have easily swatted
and killed her like a fly.
But she had thrown all that aside and had come back to save me. Justinian could have gone straight to the tunnel, too. He didn’t have to come to the queen’s changing room and save the Morrigan and me. After my experiences with Tyr, Jonathan and Octavius, I had questioned if I had any true friends. Owen and the Morrigan were the only two names I could come up with.
I was proud to say that I’d be adding two more names to that list. It was like I was building my own family.
But before I started handing out trophies, we needed to finish this mission. It felt good to destroy the Goblin Queen, her castle and most of her goblin horde. However, I knew that any survivors would come after us to exact revenge.
So we had to haul ass out of Sleepy Willow before they caught up to us. Without the queen, they didn’t pose as much of a threat, but if they took us by surprise, anything could happen. I saw the trunk of the tree straight ahead. My biggest worry was getting from this tree to the other one up the hill near the tunnel.
Chapter 20
WITH THE GOBLINS RUNNING away from the crumbling castle, they could be right in the escape path I planned to travel. I made it to where the branch connected to the trunk and turned to Titania. “Can you take a quick trip and just see if there are any goblins roaming around?”
Titania nodded and took off, leaving a trail of bright colors that soon disappeared. I saw the fire coming toward me so I maneuvered over to another branch and got ready to shimmy my way down to the ground. I hoped the Morrigan and Justinian hadn’t run into any trouble. I’d almost forgotten about them.
I watched the last standing part of the castle—a corner tower—collapse onto the smoking heap of rubble.
Titania came back, and as she hovered in front of me, she explained, “It’s all clear. No goblins around.”
“All right. I’m coming down so we can get the hell out of here.”
I climbed down to the ground, and as soon as my boots hit the muck, I tracked toward the tunnel to get out of here. Titania flew next to me through the dim woods, and my head jerked left and right, searching for goblins.
I tried to keep my heavy breathing quiet as I worked uphill. Turning over my left shoulder, I looked through the tree branches at a smoking pile of busted stones that once stood as a mighty castle. Pride surged through me at the thought that I’d shut down a factory for cannibalism. The citizens of Sleepy Willow could rest much easier without worrying about the goblins.
Through the dawn-like atmosphere, I saw the bright red laces of the Morrigan’s black boots. Right next to her was a nude Justinian in human form. His were powers had faded, and he cupped his genitalia, trying to hide his impressive manhood.
As I approached, I discovered that the red dress around my neck was caught on itself. I unraveled it and tossed it to Justinian. “Here. Put this on so you don’t look ridiculous.”
He caught the red garment, and I realized they had the tunnel open and ready to go. As Justinian put on the dress and the girls cracked up, I whirled around again, making sure there weren’t any goblins in the area. In a sudden panic, my eyes darted to the Morrigan’s beltline, searching for the dagger named Gareth.
A flood of calm washed over me when I recognized the bronze handle on her right hip. The Morrigan began to enter the tunnel, and I asked, “Have you tried to get the dagger to talk yet?”
She shook her head and disappeared into the earth. I followed her in and the air immediately became thick and stale. My breaths were shallow and unfulfilling, causing my lungs to feel like heavy bags.
About a half-hour later, my head popped out into Boskytown, outside the confines of the Goblin Queen’s swamp. I sucked in some air and looked around nervously for any goblins.
I looked over my motley crew. The Goddess of Death, a big-breasted dragonfly, a werewolf in a dress and a talking dagger. For a talking dagger, the guy hadn’t said a word yet.
“We should keep moving, but pull out Gareth and see if he’ll break his silence.” As the words escaped my lips, I had a sinking feeling that this knife was an elaborate decoy to get us out of Pittsburgh.
“Hey. Who’s screwing with the death cards?” the Morrigan asked Gareth bluntly. She flicked the blade, “Hey. I’m talking to you, pal.”
The dagger remained silent as we continued walking toward the exit portal of Sleepy Willow. As we walked, each of us took turns trying to get the dagger to talk. I wondered if we had just wasted a deadly trip to this netherworld because the dagger hadn’t uttered a peep.
All the built-up frustration coursed through my system, and I growled, “Just throw the fookin’ thing in that pond over there. I’m already sick of looking at it. It’s obviously not the right dagger.”
The Morrigan shrugged her shoulders and wound up to throw the knife out into the deep part of the pond. As her arm whipped forward, a gruff voice cried out, “Hold on for just a second.”
The Morrigan tried to hold on, but her momentum caused Gareth to slip from her hand. The blade plunged into the ground. I ran over and pulled it out.
Son of a bitch. He’d finally broken his streak of silence. “So this is you, Gareth?” I asked.
The ten-inch double-edged steel blade had a mirror finish, although it had faded along with the engravings on both sides. The bronze hilt was shaped like a stick figure man, with legs acting as the guard and an ornate head with outspread arms serving as the pommel. Two tiny rubies embedded in the head acted as eyeballs. Oddly enough, it carried a human quality.
“Yeah, it’s me. Can’t believe you crazies invaded the Goblin Queen’s shack for me. I don’t know if I should feel special or just assume that you all are insanely stupid. Is that? Is that a guy wearing a dress over there?” he asked, speaking with the slightest hint of a Scottish accent.
I said, “Yes, but don’t worry about that. We need you to tell us who was involved with the death cards.”
“Oh, shit,” uttered Gareth. “I shoulda known that’s what this was all about.”
“So you do know who is producing the fraudulent cards?” asked the Morrigan.
I spun around, checking for goblins, and Gareth said, “I might know something about it.”
“Well, fucking spill it,” the Morrigan demanded. “We almost died to get you out of that hellhole.”
Gareth deepened his voice. “I think maybe we should have a little talk. I see that you want information out of me, but I want some stuff too.”
“What the hell do you want?” I asked, as we continued toward the portal shack.
The dagger explained, “It won’t be a long list, but I have some demands before I tell you who is behind the death cards.”
Great, now the dagger wanted to wheel and deal. We were being held hostage by an inanimate object. “How about instead of meeting your demands, we throw you over the nice red-hot coals of a fire?”
He chuckled. “The way I was forged. I’m not susceptible to fire.”
“Then I’ll inject liquid nitrogen into you and shatter you into a thousand pieces,” threatened the Morrigan. She pointed around. “Does that work for you guys?”
“Yeah,” Titania and Justinian chimed in at the same time.
“Now hold up. Just give me a second to catch my bearings,” he said and released a long sigh. “I can see I’m dealing with some top-level negotiators here. If you destroy me, the death cards will go on. The Morrigan’s reputation will suffer to the point where the other Celtic Gods will realize she is useless if she can’t control the dead and harvest their souls.”
The dagger was firing daggers and had gone straight for the kill shot. I was interested to see how the Morrigan would react to the insult. She took a few deep breaths through her nose and stared coldly at Gareth.
Tightlipped, she grabbed the dagger from me. “What the hell do you want? And whatever it is, we better be able to do it in Pittsburgh.”
It surprised me that she hadn’t opted for her usual go-to. Destruction.
Gareth said, “
Pittsburgh, huh? Give me a chance to gather my thoughts and make a list. Right off the bat, I want to get drunk. It’s been ages since I’ve tasted good whiskey.”
“That should be easy. What else?” I asked, dumbfounded that I was negotiating with a weapon.
“After getting hammered, I’d like to experience pleasure from a certain type of lady,” Gareth hinted.
“You’re barking up the wrong tree, there,” I told him.
“Two trees,” the Morrigan added.
“Make it three. I’m a good teammate, but this is too much,” Titania explained.
“That isn’t my intention. And, by the way, don’t seem so grossed out by the prospect,” he said, sounding offended. “No, I was referring to a lady of the night. A professional. I normally wouldn’t, but I’ve been out of the mix for a while.”
“Okay. I’ll take you to a prostitute, but you might want to temper your sexpectations. I can’t make any guarantees on the lady’s behalf,” I told him.
Gareth responded, “Sexpectations. Good one. Didn’t think you broads would be funny. Don’t worry, I’m pretty damn smooth with the ladies. Just get me in the room, and I can work my magic.”
We entered the coppice right outside Boskytown, getting closer to our destination. I checked behind us for goblins, but the coast was clear. “Yeah, you sound like a regular panty-dropper. If that’s it, we can bang this out, pardon the pun, by the end of the day.”
Gareth interjected immediately, “Wait just a minute, there. I wasn’t finished with my demands.”
I huffed in frustration as I hopped over a thorny bush. “You said it wasn’t a long list.”
“The word long could mean two different things to two different people. I will cap this at seven requests.”
“Seven? What the hell are you talking about?” questioned the Morrigan.
“Sorry, but I ain’t no cheap date,” explained Gareth. “I know you need information I have. We could still have the list finished by the end of the day.”
