by Hunter Frost
“Really?” Al said, smiling. “You’d do that for me?”
“It’s only fair.” I grinned. “I’m actually really looking forward to it.”
“You’re,” he began and sat up, shaking his head in disbelief, “increíble.”
His hand drifted down my chest. “Let me hold you for a bit.”
I nodded and smiled at him. He was saying all the right things, and it confused and overwhelmed me.
He pulled down the covers and we got into bed. He pressed himself behind me, spooning me and wrapping an arm around my waist.
It felt comforting being in his arms, his hot breath on the back of my neck. His warm body against mine.
“This was the best Christmas gift of all.” He nuzzled my ear.
I sighed. “The night’s not over yet. There are still more gifts to come.”
“Fuck, that’s sexy. Where did you come from, cariño?”
“Born and raised here in San Francisco.”
“Not heaven?” he teased, kissing my neck. “I could have sworn heaven.”
“Not that I know of.”
“What would you like for Christmas, El?”
My heart immediately screamed, “You!” But I knew that was just a fantasy. All of this was part of the fantasy.
Al’s fingertips were running lazily over my belly, his body tired and slightly sweaty, whispering sensual things in my ear. This was what I wanted . . . always.
“I want to worship your feet,” I said, hoping to save myself from exposing the rawness in my heart.
“But I’d let you do that any time you asked.”
I chuckled. “I know.”
“So silly,” he said into my hair, and it was in that moment that I fell for him. Completely.
I squeezed his hand as the feeling rushed over me.
I was lost in him.
And because Alejandro Rios could never return that love willfully, after tonight, things had to change.
Chapter Fourteen
Alejandro
I woke to my alarm blasting the Eurythmics version of “Winter Wonderland.”
My eyes worked hard adjusting to the morning, even if it was only the gray, overcast light coming through my bedroom window.
As the world came into view, so did the details of last night; the hot sex, the foot worship, the sweetness that was Ellison.
It was a night of firsts. Crazy, considering I’d thought I’d done it all. Boy was I wrong. I took a deep breath, feeling ready to take on the morning but content to lie here if it meant I could spend more time with El.
Yet, the bed was empty.
He must be in the bathroom or in the kitchen making coffee.
I got up, realizing my entire body was sore and spent. I smiled and glanced over to the nightstand.
A folded sheet of paper lay there.
In my experience, notes on nightstands were never a good thing.
I picked up the paper that had my name written in block letters and unfolded it.
Al,
That was the most satisfying night of my entire life. Inside and out.
But I’ve been lying to myself. My feelings for you are too deep. I’ve fallen for you, completely.
I know you aren’t looking for a relationship, nor anything that requires you to commit yourself to one man. And well, that’s exactly what I want.
I want you. Alone. All to myself.
I can’t have nights like these knowing you are out with someone else the next. That’s just not me. We can’t do this anymore.
Maybe one day we’ll be able to be friends, but it’s so hard to resist you. I’m sure you know that by now.
I hope you’ll respect my decision to keep our relationship strictly professional. That’s all I ask.
Love,
El
I flopped down on the edge of the bed.
Ellison had fallen for me.
How could I feel both giddy and defeated at the same time?
Thinking about Ellison being in love with me didn’t earn the same reaction when other men had confessed their feelings. It had happened a few times after a one-night stand or reoccurring hookup. I’d wanted to get away as fast as I could.
Now, I just felt oddly sad. Sad that I couldn’t give him what he wanted. Because if there were anyone I would do that for, it would be El.
But as he said about himself, that’s not me. I’d be kidding myself if I thought I could commit to one man and maintain an actual relationship. I’d only end up hurting him more. And I couldn’t live with myself knowing I’d gone down that road only to crash and burn and take El with me. He was too sweet and too good for that. He didn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve him. He was right.
Suddenly the day seemed much darker as I got ready for work.
The next two weeks went by in a depressing blur of meaningless tasks and mindless meetings.
Ellison avoided me whenever he could. He sent others on his team when I had issues with my computer or the network, which surprisingly seemed much less frequent.
There were no texts, though I wrote a lot of them, and emails, before deleting them. I didn’t know what I was hoping to accomplish with those messages. Some were flirty. Some were heartfelt. Others were long, rambling rants to why we were both stupid and needed to let ourselves be with one another without any restrictions or labels to what it was or what it would or could be.
But I realized most of my feelings were selfish. I wanted what I wanted. And I was trying to get around everything Ellison said in that letter without hitting the nail straight on the head.
I wanted my cake and to eat it too. From the frosting to the soft, gooey center. I guess I just didn’t want to stay with one baker?
I felt pathetic and raw.
In meetings we were civil, but El rarely spoke to me. I probably looked like some pitiful puppy, hoping he’d look my way. Otherwise, he stayed out of most meetings, allowing Mason to fill in. Honestly, I could have forced him to attend, but I found myself not wanting to upset him. I wanted to respect his wishes.
I had trouble sleeping. El was always on my mind. I rehashed every conversation and analyzed everything he said about my family and my actions.
When I’d go out, I was a complete downer. I’d have a few drinks, watch Jorge dance, and then leave. Once or twice I tried to bring up Ellison to Jorge, but nothing I said could truly convey what I was feeling. I’d decline any offers of drinks, numbers, or invitations from other men. I couldn’t even tell you if they were hot. I was sure Jorge would stop texting me altogether soon enough. I couldn’t say I’d blame him either.
On the night of the NetSmash Christmas party, I got dressed in a haze. I was supposed to be excited for the reveal of our branding project, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.
I arrived just before I was to present onstage because I had no interest in spending any more time here than I needed to. It was tough enough to wait the five minutes backstage with Ellison, Mason, Lisa, and a couple tech guys before we’d go up. We said our hellos, and that was it. El talked to Mason, leaving me to stare at my shoes. We’d already discussed what we were going to say and in what order, so I had no reason to butt into their conversation.
And when Trent called me up to the stage, I said my piece, introduced Ellison and his team, and they took it away. They presented the redesign, the website projected on the massive screen. Ellison made sure to give me credit for my ideas, and I thanked him.
It was all very anti-climactic.
I was congratulated afterward by an array of colleagues, and they wanted to chat briefly about the concepts, but my gaze kept following Ellison. He was swarmed by people as well. I chuckled knowing how much he hated that kind of attention.
Then I watched as Parker and Charlie hauled him off to a quiet corner to talk. I was glad he had friends he could turn to.
I glanced at my iPhone to catch the time. I had plans to meet up with Jorge for drinks at a club down the street. He threatened to drag me th
ere himself if I bailed and make me go thong shopping with him if I didn’t snap out of this funk.
I had to do something.
Downing my drink, I went to get my coat without saying goodbye to anyone. It was better that way considering the state I was in.
I grabbed the trolley, decked out for Christmas in blinking lights, holly, and shiny ornaments. People seemed happy, huddled together in their scarves, hats, and thick coats, laughing despite the bitter cold that stung their cheeks bright red. I sat near the back, away from the couples, my mood worsening as the trolley made its stops, the night full of life and love. Just not for me.
At the club, Jorge wasn’t hard to find. Tonight, he wore a red silk blazer with a sheer white top underneath and a Santa hat with a glittering ball at the top. He looked me up and down as I sunk into the seat next to him at the bar.
“Okay, you need to get over whatever this is.”
“This?” I asked, raising a brow.
“Yes, this.” He grasped my face. “Mija, the world is passing you by as you slink around like a beaten donkey.”
“Interesting comparison.”
“It’s true,” he said, tapping my cheek before letting go. “You’re bringing me down. I hear Luscious on Geary has a great selection of thongs.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know why I can’t kick this, Jorge. I hate feeling this way, but I’m just . . . I don’t know. Lost.”
“About your employee? Elliot?”
“Ellison,” I corrected him.
“Well, isn’t this a first? Alejandro Rios has a heart. Are you pining?”
I glared at him. “No,” I said quickly, pouting as the bartender came over.
But I looked passed the bulk of him and saw a familiar face.
My heart thumped. “He’s here.”
“Who?” Jorge asked.
“Ellison. And he’s with someone.” And that someone was touching El’s arm, repeatedly. What. The. Fuck? “Come with me,” I said, yanking Jorge along by the wrist.
“Ay!” Jorge yelped but kept ahold of his pink martini as I pushed through the crowd.
I didn’t have a plan as to what I would say or do, but something inside me burned hot at the sight of El with another man.
We made it to the opposite side of the bar in record time.
“Ellison?” I asked, acting surprised to see him.
His eyes went wide and the man with him turned toward me. “Alejandro! Uh, hi.”
“I guess you left the Christmas party early too.”
He nodded. “Yep,” he said and awkwardly looked between me, Jorge, and the guy. “Oh, Devin, this is Alejandro, my boss over at NetSmash.”
“Ahh, okay. Great to meet you, Alejandro,” Devin reached out to take my hand and I shook it, maybe a little too hard. Devin. That name rang a bell. Oh yes, this was the guy from Ellison’s high school that his mother tried to get him to ask out. And the one I encouraged him to call. Of course I did. Dios, Alejandro.
“Likewise.” I gave him the once over. He wasn’t horrible to look at. What a shame.
“And I’m Jorge,” Jorge said curtly after a short pause.
“Lo siento, Jorge,” I said quickly, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Ellison, Devin, this is my friend Jorge.”
The guys all shook hands.
“This is the guy your mother was talking about? The old high school crush?” I asked.
Ellison pressed his lips together nervously, and I couldn’t tell if he was blushing or if it was the reflection of the red Christmas lights on the bar.
“Yeah . . . he’s the one,” Ellison finally said as Devin gave El a conspiratorial grin. Ugh.
“How’s the catching up going so far?”
“Alejandro,” Jorge warned, taking a sip from his straw, glaring at me. Was I doing something wrong? I was being civil. As civil as I could be when all I wanted to do was shove this guy across the bar on his stomach.
“Actually, this is the first time we’ve met up,” El replied.
“We’ve been talking on the phone.” Devin smiled. “I hear you’re to thank for getting him to finally give me a call.”
“Oh, yeah.” I didn’t expect Ellison to have moved that quickly, especially with this guy. I thought maybe he’d be suffering the way I had. Apparently, he had Devin to take his mind off things.
And here I couldn’t get El off my mind no matter what the distraction.
“It’s going really well, if you ask me. He’s only said wonderful things about you, Alejandro.” He smiled at me, then at Ellison, and then his devil hand slid over El’s knee.
And I flipped out.
I grabbed Devin’s wrist. “Cabrón, get your hands off him.”
“What? I w—”
“Save it. Touch him again and you’ll regret it.”
Devin got up from the bar and shook my hand off. He was bigger than I expected. Broader. What sport did El say he played in high school?
“Excuse me?” He looked down at me. “You have no right to tell me what I can and can’t do.”
I pressed close and thumped him on his big, dumb cashmere-sweater-covered chest. “Watch me.”
Devin pulled back, maybe to wind up a hit or maybe to back off, but Jorge caught his arm anyway. “Nooo!”
Ellison jumped in between Devin and me and pushed me away. “Alejandro! Stop it! Get a hold of yourself!” He sounded more confident, more firm, and much more attractive than ever before.
A bald, tattooed bouncer appeared behind the bar. “Everything okay over here, boys?”
“Maybe if this guy would mind his own business,” Devin said, still being held by Jorge. Jorge didn’t look like he wanted to let go.
Ellison turned and put a hand on Devin’s chest. “It’s okay. Give me a second?”
Devin glowered at me. Maybe he noticed Ellison still had my arm.
“Fine. But be careful.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I will,” Ellison replied before leading me toward the back. He found the exit and pushed, leading us both out into the night.
“Shit, it’s too cold out here,” he said after the door closed. He scrambled to get back in. But it was locked. “Crap!” He kicked the door angrily. “Now we’re stuck out here and it’s freezing!” He threw himself against the brick wall and removed his glasses to clean them on his pants, but when he put them back on, they were lopsided. He was adorable.
“What the hell was that, Alejandro?” He growled, throwing me out of my stupor.
“I-I don’t know, something snapped when I saw him touch you like that.”
“Why? What does it matter to you? I’m not yours.”
“I know, I—”
“You don’t want a monogamous relationship. That’s what I’m looking for when I go out on dates like this one. Wasn’t that clear in my letter?”
“Quite. I think I memorized the entire thing.”
“Then why are you acting like a jealous boyfriend who just caught his lover with another man?”
“Because I want you.” I said it with as must conviction as I felt.
He huffed. “You can’t have me, Al. Not when you want everyone else as well.”
I gulped. This was it. I felt it deep within my chest and my gut. “Only you.”
“What?” He looked at me like I had asked him the air speed velocity of an unladen sallow.
“I want you and only you.” I said, leveling my gaze with his.
He paused for a moment, but then chuckled and waved me away. “You don’t mean that. This is jealousy and adrenaline and . . . whatever else you’re going through that’s talking. Not you.”
“El, I’ve been miserable without being able to merely talk to you these last weeks. I’ve missed you like crazy.”
He shook his head.
“I thought it was only sexual at first,” I continued. “That I was obsessed with you because you’re new and different . . . and kinky. But it’s not only that. I missed our late night texts, our chats in
the office, our phone calls just because. You’re so much more than I ever expected, El. I didn’t know what it was. I’ve never felt like this about anyone. I’ve fallen for you too . . . all the parts of you.”
Ellison stared at me, his lips parted, his glasses still crooked.
“Ellison.” I reached out and put a hand on his. “Are you in there? Did you freeze?”
He began rubbing his arms. “You really want me? And no one else?”
I nodded. “Just you.”
“You’re sure?”
I grinned. “I’ve had plenty of time to think about it.”
El licked his lips as he considered me.
“And obviously I don’t want you to have anyone else either.”
He smiled. “Obviously. I thought you might punch Devin’s lights out.”
“I didn’t know I had a possessive streak. I’m sorry for that. Will you forgive me?”
He nodded. “Of course.”
“Thank you, mi amor.” I brought his cool hand to my lips and kissed it. Then he pulled me close and kissed me, our mouths and bodies tangling as we sought one another’s heat. His hands threaded into my hair, and I reached around his waist and pressed him against me.
When we finally came up for air, El said, “You’re my boss.”
“I am. Are you willing to give me some time to figure that whole situation out?”
He kissed me again. “I’ve wanted you since I first fixed your computer when I started years ago. I can wait as long as it takes.”
“I’m yours, El.” I liked the sound of that more than I thought I would.
And I kissed him this time. My Ellison.
“I should go back in and apologize,” I said, wanting to get out of there as fast as I could and take Ellison home.
“What are we going to tell Devin?”
“The truth?”
“We could try that.” Ellison smiled at me, and I couldn’t believe my luck. And how stupid I was for not coming to my senses earlier.
We went around the building to get back in the front door. Devin and Jorge were sitting together at the bar laughing and talking.
