“Yeah, that’s what I thought!” he shouted back at her before disappearing around the corner of the building. She grumbled something under her breath and threw back the rest of her coffee. Though she was tempted to start drinking his cup, he returned moments later in a pair of sweatpants.
She offered the mug to him while studying the tattoo across his chest. Black lines emanated from a circle like rays of light around a sun. Except, the center bore a stylized feline face. A lion.
“Since I’ve clearly scandalized you with my naked body, I’ll tell you something embarrassing.” He took the cup and sank to the ground beside her. “My mom and I have matching tattoos. She always called me her sunshine, so she wanted to get a sun. I convinced her to make it look like a lion.”
Carol grinned. “You mom sounds like…a mom. You guys have a good relationship.”
She stared at the woods ahead. Somewhere past those trees, Carol had a family. She had parents and a brother that she’d left behind when she’d been bitten. With no way to control her beast, she hadn’t tried to reach out to them. She wouldn’t put them in danger. Not until she knew she wouldn’t hurt anyone she loved.
The possibility of seeing them again felt far away, like a possibility she would never reach.
Before she’d been kidnapped, the thought of seeing her brother had driven her. It had been the force that propelled her towards balance. She missed him so much, their awful jokes and wild rides through back streets late at night. When she thought of him, her heart ached in ways she never thought possible.
She swallowed the pain. Van must have heard. He leaned away so he could get a good look up at her.
“I asked if you had any plans today. Do you have an answer for me yet?”
The look she gave him was unamused. “Does it look like I have a life?”
“Ah, you have a point. So, that means you’re free. I just need to find a set of somewhat respectable clothes.”
“For what? The last time we went out together, we pissed off a dragon.”
“Are you suggesting that bad things happen when we’re together?” He placed a hand over his heart in mock offence.
She was about to say no but remembered that the dragon had returned when they were cooking the day before. “Damn. We are a catalyst for trouble. Are you sure it’s worth risking the world just to hang out for a few hours?”
He stood and tugged her off her feet. She let him, finding herself too close to him. He was everywhere she looked. His tattoo on his chest. The stubble of his jaw. The golden cascade of his hair. His piercing blue eyes that stole her breath.
“I’m willing to risk anything for you.”
His words were thunder through her soul. They shook everything loose and brought burning tears to her eyes. She blinked them away and tried to hide her surprise.
Van hadn’t abandoned her the night before. The realization unfurled inside her, little by little. He was not telling Dante that she was a lost cause. Instead, he’d been outside her door. He’d been keeping watch for her.
She glanced to the patch of grass she’d found him in. “What were you watching for last night?”
Van went silent. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I just wanted to make sure you felt safe. That’s all.”
His words rang false, but she didn’t press the issue. Not when he raced upstairs to grab her shoes and began dragging her toward his truck.
“Where are we going?”
“You need some new clothes. We’re going to make sure you have good running shoes and a sports bra that will keep you from hurting yourself.” He listed off things she needed.
She pulled back, yanking her hand from his grasp. “I think you forgot that I don’t have any income. I can’t afford any of those things.”
“That’s not for you to worry about.”
Yes, it very much was for her to worry about. She refused to be his charity case. He couldn’t spend all his time and money on her when she could give nothing back. What could she possibly offer him that would make this all worth it? She wasn’t really funny. All she did was crack jokes at his expense.
She couldn’t cook, either. She was an absolute failure who had set more than one fire while trying to make macaroni and cheese. Out of the box. But, to her defense, the boxes were stupidly flammable.
Van loaded her into the truck and buckled her in. She argued with him the whole time but made no real effort to get out. She could go along with this, she thought. She would look at some clothes, pretend to like some things, and leave without picking anything out. As long as she didn’t pick anything out, he wouldn’t be able to pay for things.
Van yanked open the driver’s side door, now wearing a t-shirt and jeans instead of a pair of ratty sweatpants. He threw her a wild grin and turned over the engine. His first stop was a coffee shop drive thru. She said she didn’t want anything, and he ordered a dozen donuts anyway.
He reminded her that she’d gone for a run that morning and that her wolf would need sustenance. When she asked how he knew she’d gone running, he grinned wickedly.
“I might have peeked at you on your way back. You were a sweaty goddess.”
She rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the smile that took over. It stuck with her as they walked through the clothing stores. When she didn’t pick anything out, Van began to watch her closely. At first, she thought he suspected her of trying to cheat her way through the morning excursion. Then, he began grabbing things off shelves and racks.
When he directed her toward the fitting room, she realized he’d grabbed everything she’d touched or looked at longingly. A sigh clogged her throat. There were a lot of things. He couldn’t possibly plan on buying all of this.
“Didn’t you just pay to replace the flooring in the bar?”
Van shrugged. “We’re at a brand name store. Nothing here will bankrupt me.”
“But…I can’t. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pay you back.” Her brow furrowed. She stared at the t-shirts and athletic pants in dismay. She liked everything he’d picked out. They felt like her style, unlike the hand-me-downs she was currently living on. “There’s nothing I can do to make up for this.”
Van looked over his shoulder. A moment later, he ushered her into the small changing room and closed the door behind them. She opened her mouth to protest and tell him that the attendants wouldn’t like it, but when he turned his grin on her, she lost all will to fight.
They were in the small space, the air smelling like the two of them. The scent drove her wild and tightened her demanding core. She wanted to reach out and wrap her arm around the back of his neck. The urge to pull him down to her should have surprised her.
But it didn’t. Being near him felt right. This was where she belonged. The way he grabbed her hips and tugged her closer felt right.
He ran his thumb over the bite mark on her shoulder. It had healed over, but when he touched it, lightning struck. Her whole body lit up with electric sensation. A moan swam in her throat. He hushed her with a whisper in her ear, reminding her they needed to be quiet.
The world was spinning outside that door, but in this small space it was just the two of them. It was just the feel of his calloused hands on her skin, just the press of his enlarged cock against her thigh.
Still, this didn’t answer why he felt the need to treat her the way he did. She couldn’t understand his sincerity, his joy when she was around. Carol felt like she was missing a piece of the puzzle. She worried she would never find it, for when he tilted her chin up and his lips descended upon hers, all thought vanished.
He cupped her cheek, hand gliding back to grasp the back of her neck. She felt safe, cradled in his embrace. Nothing could go wrong. No one could hurt her here.
A growl erupted from him, low and familiar. Her beast rose with the same sound. It was hunger. He staggered forward, pinning her to the wall. The whole changing area trembled at the impact. Then, footsteps rushed toward them.
Someone
banged on their door. Carol had to clasp a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing as the attendant threatened to call security on them.
So much for trying things on.
They stumbled out of the dressing room and made a run for the check-out. Van slapped his credit card down, still laughing. His hand never left Carol’s. Her heart fluttered at the touch. When his gaze slid to hers, she felt something like hope.
Without him, she sunk into the darkness. She lost all will to make this life work for her. But, being around him gave her a glimpse of a life that could be great. There was a chance she could know love and happiness.
Her beast rose with a sharp I told you so, even though it wasn’t something her beast had ever tried to say. The quaking creature had never promised her a better future. It had never given her hope that things could be better.
Not the way he did.
***
Van wanted more. He wanted to get her alone and show her all the ways he had craved her. Each time he touched her, a smile lit her eyes. The light chased away the haunting shadows and turned her into the woman he wanted to see for the rest of his life.
He needed to tell her that. He needed to tell her that she would be the only woman for him, that whatever money he had was hers, too. Their life was intertwined, inexorably. There was no separating him from her.
Yet, he still feared losing her. He worried that she was fragile and putting that much expectation on her shoulders would make her want to crumble. That wasn’t the goal. He needed to build her up, first. Carol needed to know that she was worth the world on her own.
They made their way to the food court. The smell of fryer grease hung heavy in the air, along with various human scents. Humans carried a menagerie of perfumes and body odors around them. He couldn’t understand not noticing the smells, but he’d never been human.
Carol didn’t seem to notice. She stood still, her attention across the food court. Van put himself between her and whatever it was that had drawn her to a stop. He took her face in his hands. Her gaze snapped to him and her breathing quickened.
“You’re safe with me,” he whispered. He glanced over his shoulder to see what had shaken her, but he saw nothing strange among the crowd of humans.
No one watched her with any kind of interest. Everyone was wrapped up in their phones or focused on their foods. Carol saw something he didn’t. She shook her head and spun around. Her feet seemed to struggle for traction on the polished tile floor and then she was gone.
Van surveyed the food court one last time. He sniffed but couldn’t smell anything over the oppressive grease fryers. He couldn’t linger. Carol was already out of sight. He needed to find her and make sure no one hurt her. There were people out there who could be looking for her, people that the doctors had sent information to.
He found her at the truck. She was yanking on the door handles, but it was locked, and she couldn’t get in. He pressed the button on the key fob to let her in. She didn’t seem to notice because she was already sinking to the ground in defeat.
Van’s heart twisted. “What’s wrong? What are we running from?”
Carol shook her head. “I’m not ready. I can’t do it. I thought I’d have more time.”
Van knelt beside her. “More time for what? If you’re worried about Dante, the rumors that he puts shifters down are just that. Rumors. They spread because of idiots who thought they could challenge him and died in the process. Dante has never given up on a shifter.”
She swallowed gulps of air. “That’s reassuring, but I’m not worried about that right now.”
She stared past him. When he glanced over his shoulder, all he saw was the shop door. No one stood outside. No cars drove past them. He couldn’t find what it was that had bothered her, and it was driving him wild. He wanted to fix this, but without knowing what was happening, he could do nothing.
“Do you need to go somewhere else?”
She was quiet for a moment, eyes still on the door behind him. He wanted to reach out and touch her but feared spooking her. His mate’s panic was breaking him.
“I don’t know if I can escape him,” she whispered.
“Escape who? I can keep you safe if you just tell me.”
The laugh that escaped her was strangled. She shook her head. “It’s not me who needs protecting. It’s him. My…I didn’t think he would come looking for me. That was clearly a mistake. Of course, he would come looking for me. He’s my brother.”
His breath caught. “You saw your brother in there?”
She nodded. “I disappeared after that asshole bit me, because I didn’t trust myself. I still don’t. Van, I’m a fucking mess. I can barely keep my head on straight. My brother…he doesn’t need to see me like this.”
“Well, we can buy you some time. He didn’t see you in there. Right?”
She shook her head.
“Good. We have new clothes for you. They should help you look like you have your shit together. As for the rest of that, we can work on it while he keeps looking.”
“I can’t let him look forever. It’s not like I’m going to miraculously change overnight. Not with everything hanging over my head.”
Chapter Ten
Carol told him about the buyer. She told him about the shadow she’d seen hunting her. She told him about her reaction to chemicals, how her beast would fight her for control whenever she smelled them. Reason told her she was not back in the cage, but her beast never believed it.
Van mentioned that Dante had used cages to contain wild beasts until recently. At that, Carol let out a strangled laugh. The cages were gone. She would never be caged again.
She pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes. “Nothing is going to change overnight. There isn’t enough time. Where would I even begin?”
“For one, you need to talk to your beast more often. Open communication helps more than you would think.”
She snorted. “So, you want me to talk to myself?”
“Well, kind of. I guess. You’re making this sound weird when it’s really simple. Why are you fighting my help?”
Carol wasn’t fighting anything. She didn’t think Van understood how helpless she felt. It was like she was standing in the bottom of a hole with no way to climb out. Time and time again, she’d tried. It had broken her to try and fail so many times. The urge to give in was creeping on her.
Van reached over and took her hand in his. He gripped it tight as he drove. The feeling of his skin on her gave her a small flicker of determination. For him, she wanted to try. She wanted to know a future in which this didn’t hurt. She wanted to know a future where she could be happy and help others without losing her mind.
“Before I was bitten, I was a paramedic.” She hadn’t told any of the pack about her past. She held tight to it as if it were her only tether to her humanity. “I used to be level-headed and quick to react in an emergency. I really liked it. Helping people felt good. They would send me flowers or thank you cards, and I would know that it was all worth it.”
Her beast whimpered. If she closed her eyes, she could hear the sounds of the machinery the doctors had kept in the cottage. The smell of the medical chemicals burned her nose.
“The doctors took that away from me. I can’t go near medical equipment without freaking out. My beast sees it and thinks we’re right back there.”
Van was silent through the whole thing. Her confession floated in the air around them. She’d given it voice, brought her past to the present. The many fractured parts of her life refused to come together until now. Until she told someone about them and realized every person who lived those lives were the same.
It was her.
“Are you going to find him?” Van asked. “Your brother, I mean.”
“I want to, but I don’t know if I deserve to. I abandoned them. Maybe I had every right to run away, but I could have said something. It would have been easy to send a letter. A text message or an email, even.”
“You can st
ill reach out to him,” Van reminded her. “He’s here now.”
Carol shook her head. She couldn’t go anywhere near her brother. Not when she was breaking down at least once a day. A request came to mind, but she swallowed it down. She couldn’t ask those around her to do everything for her. It was on Carol to make this work. If it didn’t…
Then she would talk to Dante. Not Van. Her lion wouldn’t understand.
Van pulled up at the back of the bar, the door to her apartment outside the window. She wasn’t ready to go back to the small space. She didn’t want to be boxed in by the four walls, but she couldn’t go back to town yet, either. Not with her brother snooping around.
She would meet him, but only when she was sure that she was ready. Now was not the right time. Not that any time ever felt right. She knew that the distance between her human self and the beast was too large. At some point, they would come together, but now was not that moment.
“Want to go for a run?” she asked, hand on the door handle.
Van drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. She thought he would decline. He had been spending a lot of time with her. In the end, he had a job to go back to. The moment they shared in the dressing room had passed and she could no longer keep him all to herself. And she wasn’t about to step into that bar and be surrounded by rowdy shifters just to hang around Van.
She craved freedom, the wind in her hair. Not the stagnant air of a drinking establishment where it smelled of dried whiskey and sweaty bodies. Just the thought of it soured her stomach.
“I don’t have any more adventures for us,” Van said.
Her stomach dropped. She shoved the door open and stumbled out, onto her own feet. Her beast wriggled inside her. She tried to ask it what it wanted, but she couldn’t hear its response over her own mixed feelings. Disappointment crowed loudly. It howled in pain.
Weren’t they something? Why couldn’t she bring herself to ask? If only she asked Van what he wanted from her, then she would know. She wouldn’t have to wonder about his intentions. Though he seemed to show interest in her, she still worried that he would figure out she wasn’t worth his time.
The Lion's Loyalty Page 9
