by Tara Marlow
“Miss Thompson? Are you going to answer the question?” her Maths teacher asked. She looked up and felt the heat rush straight to her cheeks.
“Sorry, Sir. What was the question?” It had been like this most of the morning. Thankfully, the bell rang for lunch before the teacher could ask her the question again. She mumbled her apologies when she headed outside with the rest of the class.
I’m pissed. I am so angry at him. Grace texted Lowell, her fingers flying over the keys.
Your Dad? She was relieved when he responded quickly.
Yeah. I don’t know what he’s up to, but I’m done.
She paused before hitting send, then added: Let’s colour my hair.
No response. Hmm. She waited for a few minutes. Well, fine. She’d colour it, whether Lowell helped her or not. His text came in five minutes later.
I may have a better solution. I’m pinning new fliers for the studio at the local community board. The Hairdressing School is looking for volunteers. Specifically, for brunettes wanting to go blonde.
Sign me up!
Wait. It’s tonight.
Good. Better now than never.
* * *
Grace sat in the stylist’s chair, picking at her cuticles. The room was insanely loud and there were way too many people in it for Grace’s liking. A young apprentice stood behind her, painting dye through her hair with a brush. At least she assumed that’s what was happening. It was far different from how she did it at home.
Lowell dropped her off on the way to his class, and right now, she was freaking out. She wished Lowell was there. He was a calming force. There were two ‘briefs’, as they called it, happening in the school tonight. Hair cutting and colouring. Now, with her hair eighteen centimetres shorter, she stared at her image and heard her father’s words: Blend in. Chopping her hair off and going blonde was the total opposite of that.
And right now, the apprentice assigned to her looked very nervous. Grace noticed her hands shaking and she would not shut up.
“It’s like, really hard to go from brunette to blonde,” the girl said. Grace guessed she was about seventeen, but she looked twelve. Her hair was bleached to an unnatural white-blonde, with some weird teal colour threaded through. The orange eyeshadow was an interesting contrast to the look.
“Some people, well, their hair goes orange. And, like, it’s really hard to get it normal from there.” The girl was not helping Grace’s anxiety at all.
“Maddii!” The Supervisor’s high-pitched scorn reverberated across the room. How the supervisor heard the girl, Grace did not know, but she was relieved she had. The girl smiled meekly at her in the mirror. Maybe now Maddii would shut up and get on with it.
When the apprentice was done painting, she stuck her under a dryer, thrust a magazine at her and told her she’d be back. Grace left the magazine on her lap and closed her eyes, willing her anxiety to tamper down.
She heard a timer go off and her dryer being lifted, so she opened her eyes again. Maddii looked down at her, picked up her hair, unwrapped a foil, then put the dryer down, setting another five more minutes on the dryer. Hopefully, her hair wouldn’t end up bleached like Maddii’s. The supervisor assured her it would be a ‘lovely honey blonde by the end of the evening’, but she didn’t see the supervisor anywhere on this inspection.
By the time Lowell returned, Grace was pale, and her cuticles were shredded.
“How’s it going, Jelly?” He looked at her hair, plastered in purple goop.
“My hair turned orange. So now they’re turning it purple. I don’t know what they’ve done Lowell, but it’s not good.” Grace hadn’t seen Maddii in a while. The supervisor had taken over.
“Don’t worry, you won’t walk out of here with purple hair. They have a reputation to uphold. I checked into them earlier today. You’ll be okay Jelly.”
“You will,” said the older supervisor, approaching them from behind. “I’ll make sure of it. You said your hair had been dyed for a while?” Grace nodded, fear and concern stealing her voice.
“Don’t worry. You will leave here in less than an hour looking fabulous, I promise.” And with that, the woman walked away to inspect another apprentice’s work. Maddii had been side-lined, but Grace knew it was not her fault. Grace hadn’t been completely honest about how long her brunette colour had been in. Maybe that affected the outcome after all.
“I’m going to head over to Woolies. Don’t worry, I’ll be back in an hour to get you. It’ll be great, Jelly.”
* * *
An hour later, Grace gazed at her image in the mirror. She couldn’t believe what she saw. Her hair had been cut into a chin-length bob. Her naturally curly hair had been cut by the supervisor in such a way it fell into ‘beach waves’, the apprentices gushing over it. It was slightly shorter at the back, and, feeling it with her hand, Grace decided she liked it. It was modern and it felt so soft. She’d never had her hair professionally cut before.
“Wow, she was right! You do look fabulous, Jelly. That colour is amazing!” Lowell exclaimed, walking back in with bags in his hands. Grace leaned into the mirror, studied herself, trying to get used to the change.
The mouth was different, the lips fuller, but there was no doubt she was staring into the face of her mother.
22
Two days later, with her Saturday morning shift over, she found Daniel waiting just outside the supermarket.
“Wow. I didn’t recognise you. You said you’d coloured your hair, but wow! Looks great. Really great.” Grace reached for the long fringe and pulled a little over her scar. No matter what the style, she insisted it stay long enough to cover the ugly injury.
“Are you still okay to go on an adventure with me today?” he asked. She nodded, though hesitantly.
“Where are we going?” she asked uncertainly. Daniel sounded mysterious when he called last night, saying he had a surprise for her. Right now, he looked like a bouncy new puppy, bright eyed and excited. Comparatively, she was dog tired after standing for hours and knew she looked a wreck. Her wrinkled button-down shirt had popped a button an hour ago, and her black nylon work pants smelled like spoiled milk, courtesy of a broken milk jug at her register. Plus, her feet were killing her. She would have preferred to go home, shower, and crawl into bed. But, she didn’t want to douse the pup in cold water.
“I know you have studying to do, but it sounds like you need a bit of a break. At least for a few hours.”
She hated surprises. Especially the type that meant being whisked away somewhere. That usually meant something had gone terribly wrong, and she was on the move again.
“You’ll love this, I promise. It’s one of my favourite places. It’s really peaceful.”
“Okay,” she said. She was too tired to argue right now. Plus, Lowell was right. She had to live her life. She had to trust the moment. Trust Daniel. When he told her to pack some jeans, boots, and a warm jumper, she’d bundled all that into her backpack, but with the chaos of her workday, she’d forgotten about their date.
“I forgot to change. Do you mind if I duck back in and do that? Work was insane.” He agreed, his eagerness exhausting her. When they finally reached his truck, the bed was covered with a tarp. That was strange. The unknown made her nervous.
“Daniel. Where are we going?” Daniel started the engine.
“It’s a surprise. Really Grace, you’ll love it.” She didn’t like the sound of this. It was happening too fast. She was losing control.
* * *
After driving an hour south, then another twenty minutes on a dirt road, Daniel parked the truck. They were overlooking an expansive field of wheat coloured grass, swaying to its own rhythm in the breeze. A line of gum trees, robust and steadfast, hugged the s-curve of the river, their leaves dancing in the wind song. Grace heard rapids flowing in the distance, the splashing water finding its own place in the river. A chill slithered down her spine, despite the warmth of the truck’s cabin.
“So? What do you think
? Gorgeous, right? I’ve been camping here since I was a kid, but no-one really knows about it.”
Oh, but she did. It was all very familiar. She felt ill. Her heart raced. She couldn’t think straight. Yes, she had been here before.
Daniel opened his door and came around to her side. She stared numbly into the distance. She wiped her clammy palms on her jeans. She was shivering, but not from the coldness of the winter afternoon.
“Come on, I want to show you something.” She crawled out of the truck. He took her hand. She was good at hiding her emotions after years of living with her father. She was never more thankful for that skill than she was now.
With Daniel leading the way, they made their way down the trodden path toward the river. While this was public land, it was a rarely used campground and was not easily accessible. But somehow her father managed to get their rusted-out car down the rutted track. It had been a good place to hide.
Following Daniel, she remembered the couple of months they’d spent here. She’d been about fourteen. It was hot that summer, but the cool water offered a lovely respite from the heat. Her father set up a tent under the gum trees to the right of the area, hidden from vehicles coming in, but they had space there to spread out. Thankfully, Daniel was leading them off to the left. She wasn’t ready to face the reality of an old home just yet.
They weaved their way through the tumbled grass toward the edge of the river, where an old hollowed-out log rested. There was a deep pocket of water just below the edge. Grace would sit on this very log for hours, stealing glances at a platypus that occasionally surfaced. She used to daydream about what was to come, once they left the river.
“Beautiful, right?” Daniel took her hand and guided her to the log. He leaned over and kissed her cheek, then looked down into the water. “My parents’ place isn’t far from here and it’s one of those hidden gems only the locals know about. My dad and I used to camp here with friends, back when I was a kid.” She let him ramble. She was stuck in her own memory lane.
“Grace?” Daniel asked, snapping her back to the present.
“Yes, it’s lovely. The water looks inviting,” she said, trying to divert his attention away from her. “Maybe too cold right now.”
“Freezing, I bet. When I was older, I used to come here as an escape from the farm. It’s peaceful and never crowded. I mean, some people camp here for weeks at a time, it’s so great.” He stroked her hand with his thumb as he held it in his. It’s what he did. She usually found it calming, but right now, she was hoping he couldn’t feel her pulse race.
“Over there is a shelf just under the water. The water goes deep just beyond. You can sit there on that shelf and the water will cascade over your shoulders. It’s like relaxing in a spa...” His voice drifted away as she remembered that shelf. She’d discovered it by accident. Her father had been in a rage one night when she didn’t start the fire early enough. He punched her, knocking her against a huge gum tree. Subconsciously, she lifted and rotated her arm. That tree caused a serious bruise on her shoulder. She’d found reprieve sitting on the ledge, letting the cold water numb the pain the following morning.
“And over there,” Daniel continued, ‘lives...’
“A platypus,” she finished absently. Daniel’s head whipped around to look at her. Shit. Why did she say that? She looked over at him. He looked confused.
“I’ve been here before,” she said, looking back to where the platypus once swam.
“You have? Seriously?” He took that as a positive and not the negative that it was.
“Yes, with my father,” she mumbled.
“Grace...”
“It was a long time ago.”
“Really?” He struggled to find the questions he wanted to ask. Was she ready to reveal the truth, as she had with Lowell?
“When?” he finally asked. She was silent for a while. She looked back at him, deciding she had little to lose now. Unless he was a snitch. Then she was diving in deep. She decided to brush off the creeping paranoia.
“About four years ago? We were moving. This was just one place we stopped along the way. We were here for a bit. It was before we moved to Sydney.”
“A bit?” he asked. She nodded, but said nothing more. He held her hand while she told him of the places they lived, moving from place to place because of her dad’s job. That was a bit of a lie, she knew. Her Dad picked up odd jobs in each new place to keep the wolf from the door. It wasn’t like he was pursuing a legitimate career. Her heart boomed in her chest. She could feel her pulse pounding through her fingers. She felt deeply uncomfortable sharing this much. By the time she’d finished telling him, she was trembling.
“We should go,” he said and stood.
“No, Daniel. Let’s stay awhile. This is your special place. I want you to show me.” She also wanted to be sure her memories stayed in the past, where they belonged.
“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, or scared, or...”
“I’m okay. This is good. Maybe it will shake off some of those demons,” she said and looked back toward the water, catching a ripple in the water. The platypus had come out to say hello.
“Look. Over there,” she pointed towards the water and quietened her voice to a whisper. She knew the platypus was shy, and she didn’t want to scare it away. “Hello, old friend.”
“You’ve seen him then?”
“Oh yeah. I used to sit here for hours while Dad slept off the booze. ‘Pete the Platypus’, I used to call him. He would bob his head up and play hide and seek with me. Pete always came out after a rough night. I used to think he was my guardian angel, popping up to check on me.” Daniel squeezed her hand tightly, like he wanted to squeeze her pain away completely.
“Maybe he was?” he said, enveloping her into his arms. The platypus glided through the water, only to turn back toward them, poke his head up, then plunge back down.
“We really don’t have to stay,” he whispered into her hair.
“No, let’s do.”
“Then I’m going to get you another jumper. You’re shivering.” She nodded, and he leapt up and ran back to the truck, returning with another layer and a lightweight blanket.
“Thank you,” she said as he wrapped the blanket around her legs. Although it was only about four in the afternoon, the sun was setting behind the surrounding hills, casting a soft glow in the fading light. He settled back beside her.
“You know, it wasn’t all bad. Being here was one of the better times. Since it’s too far away to get to the shops and back, he was sober for a couple of weeks. Once he dried out, he was okay to be around. He taught me how to trap rabbits and fish. Good life skills for any teenage girl to have, don’t you know?” she jested, smiling at Daniel. “It was just the beginning and the end parts I’d prefer to forget.”
He sat silently, letting her relive the stories at her own pace.
“We set up camp over there,” she said, pointing to a cluster of gum trees. She could see the grasses were flattened around the area. Someone had made a fire ring out of river rock, closer to the water.
“We placed a tarp between two trees over our old, battered tent. Dad found it in a garbage bin somewhere. One pole was missing, and it had a rip at one end. It leaned to the left, but it worked mostly. Dad slept outside by the fire most nights. Passed out, I suppose. And yeah, it was probably illegal to have a fire, but we always had one. I was always up at dawn, rebuilding the fire, and he’d crawl into the tent when I made too much noise. He slept in the tent all day for the first few weeks.” She paused for a minute, taking a deep breath in. She looked over at the movement in the water. The platypus poked his head up again, then dived back under.
“He drank off his supply after a few weeks. He was ... well, let’s just say when he realised he was running low, he got a little manic, frantically trying to work out a plan. But nothing seemed to work out, so we just stayed for a while. A few people came and went, mostly to check out the place. Usually on those days, Dad
slept, and I went walking. I’d disappear for hours. Thought about running away, but I didn’t have any money. I had nothing really, and we were a long way from anywhere.”
“I wish I’d been here then. I would have taken you with me.” She laughed.
“No, you wouldn’t have. You wouldn’t have looked at me twice. I looked like a wild child, born of the bush. Other than swimming in the river, I hadn’t bathed, hadn’t washed my hair in, God, I don’t know how long. Weeks probably. With only a sliver of soap, I’m sure I stank to high heaven. I’d wash my clothes in the river too.” Grace made a poor attempt at laughter when he reached over and ran his fingers through her newly blonde hair. It was shorter than it had ever been, the soft waves taking on a life of their own. Back then, her hair was a mass of greasy, curly knots.
“If only I’d known,” he mumbled, then pulled her back into his arms. They sat for a long time, watching the platypus play in the water.
“Are you hungry? Figured we could eat here before we head back. I brought a bunch of stuff. Even a small grill, in case you were in the mood for a barbecue. If not, there’s plenty of stuff to snack on. And I have a lantern since it gets dark fast.”
“Is that what’s in the back of your truck?” she asked, the tension in her neck easing a little.
“Yes,” he replied.
“Yeah, you should know something,” she said, smiling at him. “I really hate surprises. But I’m glad you brought me here.”
23
“I need my birth certificate.” Grace lay on the floor in Lowell’s lounge room with university information spread out around her. “I can’t do anything without it.”
“Does John have it?” Lowell asked, walking in from the kitchen, where he was preparing dinner. After conversations with Miss O’Donnell and with Daniel, she needed to figure out what was next. Her mantra of ‘finish high school’ was one thing, but then what? Dreaming about becoming a journalist without a plan was simply wishful thinking.
