"But we did none of it," Hank added forcefully. "It was just talk."
"Except the bomb," she reminded him.
"Like I said, that was probably Donovan. And that bomb destroyed the LNF. After the explosion, the FBI was all over us. We were being questioned repeatedly. People turned on each other and wanted to distance themselves from the group. There was a shitload of cowards in the group, more than I had imagined. By graduation, we were done."
"Do you have any proof Donovan set the bomb?" she asked.
"No. I have no evidence that Donovan did it, but based on his mood, his actions, and his unfortunate death a few months later, I believe he was guilty. I think when he realized he'd killed someone and injured a half-dozen people, including his best friend's girlfriend, that he couldn't live with the guilt."
It was a plausible story, and, in truth, only confirmed what she thought. But she needed evidence. Someone had to have something more specific than a gut feeling.
"Who else was in on the new bold, destructive plan?" Quinn asked. "You said you were sitting around drinking and plotting. It wasn't just the two of you, was it?"
"I don't want to throw anyone else under the bus. Donovan was leading the charge."
"That doesn't make sense. Donovan wasn't that radical."
"He was changing; you just didn't see it, Quinn. You were too caught up in her. Donovan was the smartest one of all of us. You really think Gary, Vitaly, Wyatt, or anyone else could have gotten away with what happened without leaving a clue behind? I don't think so."
"You're smart. Maybe you were in charge," she said.
"I wasn't," Hank replied, giving her a hard look. "I don't know what else to tell you."
"You can tell us about today," she said, bringing them back to the present.
"I've been here all day, and I haven't been to Bolton in years."
"Did you know Kevin Reilly was speaking at Bolton today?" she asked. "He could have died in that blast."
Surprise ran through Hank's gaze. "I didn't know that, but I don't see Kevin that much anymore. If you want to talk to someone about Kevin, talk to your brother, Spencer. They work together, although they don't seem to get along anymore."
"Why would you say that?" she challenged. "How do you even know Spencer?"
"We were at a party together at Vitaly's house a few weeks ago. Spencer and Kevin got into a huge fight; they almost came to blows. Vitaly had to pull them apart."
"That doesn't sound like Spencer or Kevin," she said with a frown.
"I got the feeling they were in some competition at work. You should talk to your family," Hank continued, a gleam in his eyes. "It appears that both bombings have to do with the Carlson empire."
A knock came at the door. A young staffer poked his head into the room to tell Hank his next client was waiting.
"I have to go." Hank stood up and waved them to the door. "Let's not do this again."
"I can't promise that," she said as she got to her feet. "This new explosion has changed everything."
He let out a weary sigh. "You need to find some other people to talk to. You can't keep harassing me. I don't know anything. I get that you want revenge, Caitlyn. But the person you want to punish is already dead."
"There's someone else who's not dead, who had something to do with today's explosion, and I believe they're tied to the LNF in some way."
"Well, it's not me."
"Did you know that Lauren's sister goes to Bolton. She was there today."
"I knew she went to Bolton," Hank said. "Is she all right?"
"She's fine. She's also involved in an environmental activist group on campus. Do you know anything about that?"
"No, I haven't seen Allison in a few years. If you want to know about her, talk to Lauren. Wait a second, you already spoke to Lauren, didn't you? She sent you to me." He shook his head. "She has been in a fury since Vinnie divorced her. She thinks we all deserted her."
"Did you?" she asked.
"No. We were just better friends with Vinnie than with her. I'm sorry things didn't work out for them, but I never thought they were great together from day one. I need to get to work."
She felt frustrated and restless as they walked out of the office and then out of the gym. Hank hadn't told her much that she didn't already know, although the bigger, more violent plan was new.
When they stepped outside, Quinn put a hand on her arm, and the unexpected touch made her jump.
"I need some air," he said tightly. "Let's walk on the beach."
"All right." She could use some air, too. Talking to Hank had brought back a lot of old feelings, especially when he'd looked at her with such intense dislike and reiterated how she had come between Quinn and his friends.
She also felt unsettled by Hank's mention of her brother. The fact that they had been at a party together a few weeks ago bothered her. Spencer hadn't known those guys, although he certainly did know Kevin. But still, why would Spencer want to hang out with LNF members, people who might have been involved in an attack that had almost killed her? And what was the fight between Spencer and Kevin about?
She needed to talk to her brother, but that wasn't a high priority. First, she had to focus on the bigger plan and figure out who had been involved in it, and/or whether that plan might have gotten into the hands of a copycat. If that were the case, there might be more than one bomb going off this time around.
She glanced over at Quinn as they walked down the path along the beach. His profile was rigid, his eyes dark with emotion, and he seemed to have nothing to say. She had no idea what he was thinking, but his thoughts appeared to be grim.
When the path ended, they headed across the sand to an outcropping of rocks that prevented them from going any farther. The cold air and icy spray made her shiver, but it also helped lift the dizzying fog of confusion swirling around her brain. As they stood at the water's edge, watching one crashing wave after another, she couldn't take the silence anymore. "What do you think, Quinn?"
As he turned to look at her, she could see the bruising around his left eye, and his nose was a bit swollen, but she didn't think he was even aware of his physical injuries. There was a deep pain in his gaze, and she knew where it was coming from.
"I was responsible."
"I didn't hear that. He said it was Donovan."
"It was Donovan because of me. The birthday party was the tipping point. Donovan started listening to crazy people. Because I didn't realize how much he had changed, you almost died." Anger tightened his lips. "He went after you to get payback. It's all so clear now. Dammit! I should have known. No one was answering my calls or my texts that morning. I had a bad feeling. I didn't act on it. And you paid the price, you and our baby."
She both wanted to stop him and wanted him to keep going. It was actually cathartic to hear the rage in his voice. She'd always felt like she was alone in her fury and her grief, even though, in many ways, she had isolated herself. She had not wanted to talk to Quinn back then. Maybe he was right. Maybe she had subconsciously blamed him for everything. And he'd tiptoed around her because of his guilt and because she was a wreck.
"There was a whole plan I knew nothing about," Quinn continued. "No one told me, because they hated me. I had betrayed them. I know someone else knew. I just know, Caitlyn."
"We'll figure out who."
"Will we? They've gotten away with it for ten years."
"But now something else has happened."
"It might not be connected to the same person."
"Or it could be," she argued. "And they didn't hate you, Quinn. They hated me for taking you away from them."
"You didn't take me away; I made the choice."
"A choice you made because I wanted to be with you. I thought we didn't need anyone but each other."
"We didn't need anyone else."
"But look what happened. Everything fell apart because we got together. And our baby—our baby died."
"I know," he said, agony in his voice
. "I am so sorry, Caitlyn. I wish I could bring her back. I wish I could change what happened. I wish you had never had to suffer the way you did."
He'd said the words before, but for the first time, she actually heard him.
"I don't think I realized until just this second how much I let you suffer on your own. I was so mad. I didn't see your anger."
"It was there. It's still there," he said, his gaze boring into hers.
She could feel his pain, and he could feel hers. The wall between them came crashing down. Her heart beat faster. Her breath came shorter. She needed to look away, but she couldn't.
And then she was in his arms, and his mouth was on hers.
She didn't know who had moved first; she didn't care.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and took his hot kiss all the way in. Emotions rocketed through her, so many she thought she might keel over, but Quinn's strong arms were around her. He was holding her up, and she was holding him up.
It felt so damn good. The way it had been before but different, too.
And as they kissed, the mood changed. The grief, the anger, turned into something else, something that made her gut ache with a hollowness that only he could fill, a need that threatened to overtake everything else. It had always been that way between them. The passion had swept them away. It was doing that now.
She wanted to sink down to the sand. She wanted to wrap her body around his, to feel him all the way to her core.
But there was suddenly cold air between them.
Quinn stepped back. "What the hell are we doing?" he asked.
Chapter Nine
Caitlyn stared at him in bemusement, her cheeks flushed, her brown eyes sparkling, her lips full and pink and just begging for another kiss. Quinn swallowed a knot in his throat and fisted his hands to prevent himself from grabbing her again.
He'd thought it was over between them. He'd thought she hated him.
But what had just happened sure as hell didn't feel like hate.
"I don't know," she finally said. "I don't know."
He ran a hand through his hair and then walked past her, standing at the edge of the sea, so close that the incoming tide ran over his shoes and his jeans, but he didn't care. He needed the water to calm down.
Unfortunately, the ocean wasn't able to work its usual magic. Looking out at the horizon, hearing the soothing crash of the waves, did little to calm his racing heart.
He'd just kissed Caitlyn, and he wanted to do it again and again.
But she wasn't his to kiss—not anymore, not ever again. There was so much pain between them, so much anger, distrust and…secrets.
Confiding in her wasn't an option. And he was done hurting her.
She moved closer. He turned his head to look at her, but he couldn't read her expression, and that was unsettling. He'd always been able to read her. When they were together, she'd worn every emotion on her face. She'd been open with him, and he'd been the same with her.
Now there was nothing but conflict, uncertainty, and doubt between them.
There were sparks, too.
He should have expected that the fire that had run so hot between them would instantly reignite.
"That was a mistake," he said.
"Yes."
He should be happy with her agreement, but he wasn't. "Why do you think it was a mistake?" He kicked himself for the question. They didn't need to rehash it. "Forget it."
"Forget what? The question or the kiss?"
He had to admit that he liked how direct she was now. Her confidence, her strength, were welcome traits to see. He'd been afraid that he'd destroyed her. But he hadn't. "Both."
"I don't think either of us will forget it, but it was probably inevitable, given our history. I just wish…"
He had both a desperate need to know what she wished and a desperate need to stop her from saying more.
"It doesn't matter," she said, shaking her head.
"Just say it." Damn, why wouldn't his mouth cooperate with his brain? "Forget I said that, too."
"That's the problem, Quinn—I have a hard time forgetting anything you've said or done. You've been haunting me for years."
"I could say the same."
"But you had a choice. You always knew where I was, or you could have easily found me. I haven't been in hiding. I wasn't a ghost."
"Even though, it was my choice, you still haunted me, Caitlyn." He paused. "But I had to move on, and so did you. In the end, it was the right decision. Look at you now. You're this kick-ass woman who is brimming with intelligence, fearlessness, and confidence. You became who you were meant to be."
"Or, as my grandmother used to say, I just bloomed where I was planted."
"Well, that also proves how strong you are."
"I am strong, Quinn. And I wouldn't have been who I am if that bomb hadn't gone off, if you hadn't left me, if I hadn't had to reinvent myself. All of that is a part of who I am now. But I still wish none of it had ever happened. I wish our baby was alive."
He sucked in a breath at the reminder. "So do I."
"I also wish you hadn't hurt me the way you did," she said, her gaze holding his. "You didn't just break my heart, Quinn…you broke my soul."
Her words stabbed him once more. "I'm sorrier than you'd ever believe."
"Maybe that's true. Maybe it's not. I don't know what to think." She stared at him for a long minute. "Was it really my father who chased you away, Quinn?"
"He was part of it. My guilt was the other part. Your dad thought you would be better off without me. How could I disagree? I couldn't comfort you. I couldn't help you. You wouldn't let me. Everything I did annoyed you. You once asked me why I had to breathe so loudly. My very existence pissed you off."
Guilt floated through her eyes. "I know I was hard on you. I was having a rough time handling my emotions. And I took them out on you."
"I understood that. I just didn't know how to make things better. And deep down I knew that what had happened to you was on me. I might not have set the bomb, but I didn't see what was happening right in front of me. I didn't walk away from a group that had become militant."
"You didn't see the radicalism; you only saw your friends. To be fair, I didn't see it, either. I thought even if there was a protest that day it would just involve signs or minor vandalism. I never expected a bomb to go off. I missed the signs, too."
He couldn't allow her to blame herself for anything. "You did nothing wrong, Caitlyn. You weren't responsible for anything your family had done. You didn’t force me to choose between you and my friends. You didn't drag me away from the LNF. None of it is on you," he said forcefully, needing her to believe that.
"Okay," she said with a slow nod. "But it's not all on you, either. I was hard on you after the explosion, Quinn. I have to acknowledge that." She took a breath. "I also have to say that part of the reason why I had trouble talking to you about the loss of our baby was because of the way you acted that morning before the explosion. We weren't connecting. You were on your phone. You were saying the right things, but I didn't feel the emotion behind your words. I thought that maybe you didn't want the baby, but you were trapped. You wanted to be responsible. You wanted to step up. And then when I lost her, I thought maybe you were secretly relieved."
"No! God! I wasn't relieved, Caitlyn."
"You didn't really ask about her afterward."
"I didn't know what to say. You were in so much pain, and I was, too. Sure, maybe you took me by surprise with the news. It wasn't the best timing, but I wanted to have that baby with you. You two were going to be my family." He needed to make her understand that. "I was shattered when you miscarried. But I was grateful that I hadn't lost you, too. So if I didn't express it the right way, I'm sorry. But I did want her. I swear I did."
She drew in a breath and ran the back of her hand across her eyes in a rough, defensive gesture. "The damn wind is making my eyes water."
"Mine, too."
She gave him a t
eary smile. "Thank you for saying that."
"It's the truth, every single word."
"I want to believe you."
"I hope you can. I might have been worried that we were young, and we weren't ready. I had a lot of debt. I had no family to lean on, and I knew your family would be furious when they found out. They were already worried that I was out to get your money or take you away from them with my radical talk. One of the last things your father said to me…" He stopped, realizing that he didn't need to tell her that. It would only hurt her more. And he had never wanted to be a wedge between her and her family. He'd lost his parents. He knew what it felt like not to have a mother or a father. He'd never wanted Caitlyn to feel that kind of isolation.
"What did he say?" she asked.
"It doesn't matter."
"Stop deciding what matters and what doesn't," she cried out in frustration. "You're not in charge of this, Quinn. You don't get to make all the choices of what is said or not said."
"Your father said it was for the best."
She paled, but she didn't immediately say he was lying. She turned her head toward the sea, the wind tugging strands of hair out of her ponytail.
He felt like an asshole for what he'd just said. But she'd wanted the truth, and he'd given it to her.
"I heard him say something like that to my mom," she muttered.
"You did?" he asked in surprise.
She turned back to him once more. "Yes. He felt badly that I had to go through it, but in the long run, he thought I'd be better off without the baby. I hated him for saying that."
"Did you ever confront him?"
"No. I've rarely confronted him about anything. Even when I try to stand up to him, he usually changes the subject or avoids me. I guess I don't press that hard, because there's no point. I'm sure you think that's cowardly."
"I think it's understandable. He's an intimidating man." He cleared his throat. "But just to say it one more time, I wasn't relieved, not one bit. I always wanted the baby, and I always wanted you."
Daring Deception Page 9
