Tales From the Hood

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Tales From the Hood Page 9

by Michael Buckley


  “That wasn’t very cool,” her uncle complained as he rubbed his jaw.

  “Who was that?” Sabrina asked.

  “Beats me,” Uncle Jake said.

  “Where’s Goldilocks?”

  They searched the other rooms but there was no sign of the blond beauty, or anyone else for that matter.

  “I think she left in a hurry,” Uncle Jake said. “Her clothes and suitcase are still in the closet.”

  Suddenly, Sabrina heard a loud engine start. Everyone rushed out to the balcony to find its source. The masked villain was on the narrow sidewalk below the hotel, sitting atop a black motorcycle. He revved his engine, sending a loud rumbling throughout the neighborhood, then sped along the edge of the canal. Sabrina wondered where he was racing until she spotted Goldilocks drifting down the waterway in a gondola. The motorcyclist was following her.

  “She’s in trouble,” Daphne said.

  “C’mon!” Uncle Jake cried and led the children out into the hall. They bypassed the elevator for the faster stairs. They ran through the lobby, causing the manager to cross his arms with a harrumph, and then they charged through the front doors out into the city. Outside, Sabrina spotted Goldilocks. She was surprised at the distance the boat had traveled in such a short time.

  “What now?” she asked, but Daphne had already sprung into action. She descended a flight of wooden steps and jumped into an empty gondola. A moment later, she had the barge pole and was pushing away from the dock, giving the rest of the group only seconds to climb aboard. Uncle Jake took the pole and after a few awkward attempts, the group was floating down the canal in pursuit of the beautiful woman. Sabrina heard angry shouts from behind them and turned to see a red-faced gondolier race to the steps and shake his fist at the boat and its occupants.

  Daphne waved at the man apologetically. “Sorry! This is an emergency.”

  Uncle Jake pushed harder and harder with the pole, trying to catch up with Goldilocks. All the while, the man on the motorcycle puttered along like a mechanical tiger stalking its lunch. When he ran out of sidewalk he simply steered onto one of the city’s beautiful bridges and crossed to the other side of the street. His erratic behavior turned the heads of tourists and locals alike, as the sidewalks were built for pedestrians only. On more than one occasion he forced an unlucky person to leap into the water to avoid being run over. The commotion was causing problems in the canal, too. Boats steered out of the way to avoid colliding with the unexpected swimmers. Other boats stopped abruptly, causing a traffic jam. In a matter of seconds, the family’s chase had come to a complete halt.

  “What do we do now?” Sabrina said, watching Goldilocks’s boat at the head of the line. She was still drifting along undeterred.

  Uncle Jake set the pole in the boat. “We improvise,” he said, stepping onto the boat next to theirs. Daphne was right behind him, followed by Sabrina. They moved from one boat to the next, careful not to capsize each new vessel. Soon they were making good progress and closing the gap between themselves and Goldilocks.

  Daphne called out to the woman when they were just three boats away. Goldilocks turned to them, but her attention was quickly distracted. The motorcyclist in black raced up a bridge directly over the canal and parked his bike. The bridge was under construction, and several large stones intended for the repairs were stacked nearby. The motorcyclist heaved one off the bridge and onto Goldilocks’ boat. His aim was either incredible or incredibly lucky. The heavy stone blasted through the bottom of the boat and water started pouring through the hole like a geyser. Startled, the gondolier leaped into the water, leaving Goldilocks to fend for herself.

  Goldilocks, however, stood up calmly, glanced around as if searching for someone, and then did something so odd that Sabrina wondered if the woman was insane. She began chirping and squawking at a pigeon resting on the bridge. The bird seemed just as surprised by the woman’s noises as Sabrina, and it flew into the air.

  “What was that all about?” Sabrina asked, but before anyone could answer, a flock of pigeons returned, casting an enormous shadow over the canal. They dove down to Goldilocks’s boat and dug their tiny talons into her clothes. Together they lifted her out of the boat, their wings flapping furiously. Goldilocks sailed high above the canals and over the hotels and other buildings. Sabrina gaped as she watched the woman disappear into the horizon.

  “Did you see that? It was like she was talking to those birds. They seemed to understand her!” Sabrina said.

  “Yeah, I forgot about that,” Uncle Jake said. “Goldilocks can talk to animals.”

  Sabrina scanned the bridge for the motorcyclist but he was gone. All she heard was the sound of his engine fading in the distance.

  “Who was that guy, anyway?” Daphne asked as their boat bumped into the gondola of some Japanese honeymooners.

  “I don’t know,” Uncle Jake said. “But now I know why Goldie keeps moving around so much. He’s chasing her. She’s in danger.”

  When the family returned home, there was no time to relax or even discuss what had just happened. Granny Relda and Barto the miniature orc were waiting. Judge Hatter had moved the trial up by three hours. If they didn’t leave for the courthouse right away they would miss the day’s proceedings. Granny ushered them all downstairs and into the family car. Uncle Jake started the massive jalopy, and after a good ten minutes of knocks and rattles, and several loud backfires, the vehicle was on the road headed toward the courthouse.

  The courtroom was more packed than the day before with many fresh faces in the crowd.

  “Stay close, people,” Barto insisted as he eyed the spectators suspiciously. Sabrina watched her sister roll her eyes at the little security guard, but said nothing. Her attention was focused on Snow White, whom she spotted near the door. Ms. White smiled when they entered and Sabrina waved at her. Granny thanked her for coming, though their conversation was short and stiff. Even Briar Rose was there. She kissed Uncle Jake on the cheek, and he returned the gesture by kissing the palm of her hand. They all squeezed into seats.

  Robin and Little John had warned them that the trial would be more difficult the second day, and they weren’t kidding. Bluebeard continued his prosecution of Mr. Canis by calling witnesses that had been victimized by the Wolf hundreds of years before. There was a steady stream of talking lambs, pigs, and assorted forest creatures. Little Bo Peep, complete with staff and flock, complained that she hadn’t actually lost her sheep but that the Wolf had eaten them. And just as he had done the previous day, Judge Hatter refused to allow Robin and Little John a chance to ask their own questions. Nottingham and Mayor Heart watched the proceedings with amused expressions, openly cackling whenever the family’s lawyers were prevented from defending Mr. Canis.

  The day dragged on, and by late afternoon, Sabrina wondered if there was a citizen left in Ferryport Landing whom the Wolf had not tried to devour. She watched Canis, waiting for an outburst from him. If he were to escape, there would be nothing Nottingham and the mayor’s card soldiers could do to stop him.

  “Does the prosecution have any more witnesses today?” Judge Hatter asked.

  “We are finished for today, your honor,” Bluebeard said.

  Robin leaped up. “We have a few witnesses we’d like to question.”

  “Very well,” Judge Hatter said as he got to his feet. “Let’s meet in the morning.” He strolled out of the courtroom, oblivious to Robin and Little John’s angry shouts.

  “This is outrageous!” Little John bellowed, knocking over his chair and startling many of the onlookers. Nottingham, standing nearby, laughed heartily.

  “Yes, it is, isn’t it?” the sheriff said cheerfully.

  Little John looked like he might lunge at Nottingham, but Robin Hood held him back. “He’s not worth the headache, my large friend.”

  Nottingham laughed even harder as he joined Mayor Heart, and together they left the courtroom. The crowd of onlookers started to follow, and Bluebeard rushed forward, shoving people ou
t of his way. He grabbed Snow White by the wrist before she could leave. Sabrina couldn’t hear what he was saying to her, but Ms. White looked nervous and pale. Daphne noticed them talking, too, as, clearly, did the jury member in the black-hooded cloak. Though Sabrina could still not make out his face, he hovered on the edges of the crowd, obviously trying to listen to the villain and the beautiful teacher.

  “What should we do?” Daphne said.

  “Don’t worry,” Barto said. He took out his walkie-talkie and barked a couple of orders into it. A moment later, a battalion of little green trolls raced into the room, surrounded Bluebeard, and tackled him. Bluebeard fell to the ground and swatted at them viciously, but there were too many for him to overpower. Taking advantage of the distraction, Snow snuck out of the courtroom, but not before she turned to the family and mouthed the words thank you.

  When she was safely gone, Sabrina turned to Barto, whose chest was puffed up with pride. “I owe you one,” the girl exclaimed.

  “Just doing my job,” Barto said. “Though, if you felt it appropriate to mention this to Puck, I’d be most grateful, I would.”

  Now that Snow was gone, the juror in the black cloak had vanished as well. Sabrina turned her attention back to her grandmother, who was busy trying to reassure Robin and Little John.

  “You’re doing your best.”

  “Our best is not going to keep your friend alive,” Little John grunted.

  “I agree,” Robin said. “We’re going to have to change our game plan.”

  “How so?” Uncle Jake asked.

  “If they won’t let us question their witnesses in court, I think we should ask them questions outside of court,” Robin said. “If only we knew who some of the eyewitnesses were.”

  “Eyewitnesses?” Sabrina asked. “It was six hundred years ago.”

  Granny’s face suddenly blanched. “There’s at least one eyewitness I know.”

  “Mom,” Uncle Jake said. “You don’t mean—”

  “Aww, no!” Daphne cried. “Not the nutcase.”

  Granny nodded. “We need to go talk to Red Riding Hood.”

  After her “pet” Jabberwocky had attacked the town, Red Riding Hood had been hospitalized in the mental-health wing of the Ferryport Landing Memorial Hospital. Even an irresponsible lunatic like the town’s mayor, the Queen of Hearts, knew that Red Riding Hood was too dangerous to be allowed to roam free. Heart had consulted some witches, who had put a magical barrier around Red’s room. It allowed the girl to receive doctors, nurses, and any visitors brave enough to come near her, but it prevented Red from leaving. Sabrina didn’t have a lot of faith in the spell. Red had managed to escape a similar one before with disastrous results.

  When the group arrived, Sabrina sensed the jittery hospital staff shared her nervousness. There were only a few people working in Red’s wing but they all looked tired, with dark circles under their eyes and unkempt hair. The slightest noise sent a few nurses into hysterics. It didn’t help matters that besides Red, the hospital was completely empty. Since most of the humans from Ferryport Landing had been run out of town, there was no one who needed medical care. Everafters never got sick, and when they were injured they healed very fast without the need for bandages and prescriptions. Red’s insane screams echoing down the lonely halls made the hospital very creepy.

  A nurse met them at the door. She looked exhausted. Deep lines had formed in the corners of her chubby mouth and her eyes were almost vacant, as if someone had turned the light off behind them. In addition, Sabrina had never seen a woman as fat as Nurse Sprat. She suspected the woman weighed upward of eight hundred pounds. She had also never seen a nurse eat a foot-long roast beef sandwich while she was on duty.

  “The child is quite popular this week,” Nurse Sprat said between bites. “You’re her second group of visitors in the same amount of days.”

  “Bluebeard,” Robin Hood said.

  Nurse Sprat nodded. “Creepy guy. He and Red are like two peas in a pod. He was in her room for hours asking questions.”

  “Did you hear what any of them were?” Little John asked.

  “Nope. Truth is, I stay as far away from the patient as possible. She’s what we in the medical profession call a loopty-loop.”

  “We’re aware of her troubles. What kind of treatment are you using on her? Drugs? Therapy? Counseling?” Robin asked.

  “Treatment?” Nurse Sprat asked. “She’s completely off her rocker. There’s no treatment for a brain like hers. Poor thing. The things she’s seen. I’d probably have a couple screws loose, too, if I saw my grandmother get eaten.”

  Nurse Sprat led them down a long, sterile hallway and stopped outside of a doorway that read MEDICAL PERSONNEL ONLY. The door had a dozen heavy-duty locks and a metal bar across it. Obviously, the staff had as little faith in the barrier spell as Sabrina did.

  “She’s right in there, folks,” the nurse said, and she went about unlocking the door. When she was finished she opened it and stepped aside.

  “You’re not going in with us?” Granny Relda asked.

  “No way. She gives me the heebie-jeebies. But if I hear you screaming, I promise I’ll come running.”

  “Thanks,” Sabrina grumbled.

  “By the way,” Nurse Sprat said as she waddled back down the hall. “Keep your fingers in your pockets. She’s a biter.”

  “Perhaps I should guard the door,” Barto said as he peered into Red’s room.

  Robin Hood led the group into a bright white room with prison bars on the windows. Crayons and colored pencils were scattered about, many smashed underfoot and smeared on the room’s marble floor. Thousands of drawings were taped to the walls, all depicting the same scene: a small house in the woods surrounded by a mother, father, grandmother, a dog, and a small girl in a red cloak. The mother was carrying a baby in her arms.

  Red Riding Hood sat at a tiny pink table bolted to the floor. She was having a tea party with several stuffed dolls. All the dolls were mangled and beaten. Most were missing their eyes, others legs and arms.

  “Party guests!” Red Riding Hood cried, clapping her hands and laughing. “Please, do have a seat. There’s plenty of tea.”

  “Relda, if you’d like to ask the questions, feel free,” Little John said, eyeing the girl nervously.

  “Of course,” Granny said. “I’ve had some experience with Red.”

  “Yeah, like that time she tried to kidnap you and kill us,” Sabrina said.

  “Lieblings, stay close to me,” Granny said to the children.

  The group approached the table tentatively, like they were sneaking up on a gorilla. Granny Relda was the first to take a seat, followed by Daphne, Robin Hood, and then Little John. Sabrina was happy to stand. She felt she could keep a better eye on the deranged Everafter if she were on her feet.

  “It’s a lovely party,” Granny Relda said.

  “Thank you,” Red Riding Hood said as she gestured to an empty plate at the center of the table. “Would you care for a cookie? My grandmother made them.”

  “Thank you,” the old woman replied. She reached over and pretended to take one of the imaginary cookies. Robin and Little John did the same, while Red Riding Hood poured imaginary tea from a pot into everyone’s cups.

  “Red, how are you feeling?” Granny asked.

  “They took my basket,” the little girl said. “I need my basket. I have to take it to my grandmother’s house. She’s very ill.”

  “I’m sure they will give it back to you, Red. We were wondering if we could ask you some questions,” Robin said, then pretended to take a sip of his tea.

  “I have questions,” Red said. “So many questions. The people in the white coats won’t answer them, though. They say it’s all my imagination.”

  “Well, how about if we play a little game? You can ask me a question and I will try to answer it, and then I’ll ask you a question and you can do the same,” Granny Relda said.

  “Games! I love games!” Red cried. “Me first!


  “Very well, what is your question?” Granny replied, as Robin Hood took a tape recorder from his briefcase and turned it on.

  “Where is my kitty?” Red asked.

  Granny looked at the girls for help. It was clear she didn’t understand Red’s question, but Sabrina knew all too well what Red wanted to know. She was referring to the Jabberwocky she had used to terrorize the town. It was a nearly unstoppable killing machine with a thousand teeth, but to Red it was a cuddly kitten. The family had used an enchanted sword known as the Vorpal blade to kill it.

  “She’s talking about the Jabberwocky,” Sabrina whispered.

  Granny’s face flushed. “Red, your kitty is sleeping.”

  “Sleeping?”

  “Yes, he went to sleep and he didn’t wake up,” Granny said.

  “Oh,” Red said, then grew quiet. “I love my kitty.”

  “Perhaps you could get a new one,” Robin Hood said.

  “A smaller one with less teeth,” Sabrina replied.

  “And one that doesn’t breath fire,” Daphne added.

  “Your turn!” Red said, rebounding from her sadness.

  “What can you tell us about the Wolf?” Robin asked.

  Red Riding Hood peered at him for a long time. It was obvious that she was confused, but Sabrina remembered what Red had once called Mr. Canis.

  “He means the doggie,” Sabrina said. “You remember the doggie, right?”

  “Oh, yes! The doggie,” Red said. “I loved the doggie but he could be bad.”

  “Bad?”

  “Very bad. He bit Grandma,” Red said.

  “We know,” Granny Relda said. “We were wondering what you remember about the night he bit your grandma.”

  The little girl sat quietly for a moment. Her eyes drifted off as if she were struggling to remember something dancing on the edges of her mind. “Cages,” she said softly, then looked around at the room. “So many cages.”

 

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