Flawless: (Fearsome Series Book 4)

by S. A. Wolfe

  Ah, the hopeful ignorance of youth.

  “Not quite.” I laugh. “But tall men and women run in our family. You’ll meet them soon.” I pause too long, and Finn’s eyes narrow.

  I’ve been talking to him like I’m his old pal instead of the father who wasn’t there for his birth, his first steps, his first words, his first day at school, and every day after that.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks.

  “I’m not sure what Harmony—I mean, your mother—has told you about me. I just found out about you yesterday, and I haven’t told my family yet because I wanted this moment with you alone so I could meet you first.”

  Finn looks down at his empty plate, then back at me with those sweet, puppy-dog eyes, and I feel like I’m letting him down. But then his mouth quirks into that grin I’m already familiar with. “I understand. Mom told me that she just dumped this on you. She told me the whole story right before we moved here. I looked you up online and thought about contacting you, but Mom made me promise not to. She said she had to do the recon first.”

  “She said that?” I ask. “A recon mission on me?”

  “She wanted to make sure she knew everything about you before she introduced us.”

  “She wants to protect you. That’s what mothers do.”

  “I thought you looked pretty interesting, and since my grandpa died, I was ready to meet you. Am I what you expected?”

  I smile. “Better.” This kid is going to make me fucking cry. “Isn’t there anything you want to ask me? Like why I wasn’t around for the first decade of your life? Do you want to yell at me or something to make you feel better?”

  “No. I was really mad at my mom when she said we’re moving and that I would have to leave my friends and my school, but then she told me about you. She said you didn’t know I existed. I was mad at her for a while about that.”

  “How long did that last?”

  He shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe it was a few hours. Or maybe it was ten minutes. When I was done being angry, I was excited that I have a dad, for real.”

  I’m relieved that he harbors no ill will toward me. At least not yet.

  “It must have been a weird shock. I’m sorry about your grandfather, by the way. I didn’t know him well, but it sounds like he was very good to you.”

  “I miss him. I know he was tough with my mom sometimes—they argued a lot because he was bossy. But he was always nice to me. We had a lot of fun together.”

  I watch him eat two sticky buns, and then he works his way through more courses. In between bites, he tells me more about growing up in Seattle. He likes to talk and is comfortable enough with me that he carries the whole conversation for the next half hour. He wants me to know everything about him.

  “When can I meet my uncles and Grandpa Stu?” Finn asks brightly.

  “I think your mom has a say since she manages your schedule, and you don’t want to miss math club or something she may have planned.”

  “I can miss math club for this.” His smile breaks me.

  If I knew children caused chest pains like this, I’m not sure I ever would have voluntarily chosen to be a father. I hope it’s just the circumstances, and I won’t spend every day aching over every little thing he does.

  “Other than school, I can do any weeknight or the weekend, and Mom won’t mind.”

  “Let’s ask her when she gets back from the yoga class.”

  Bash and Talia make another appearance. Bash must be feeling almost as mystified as I am about me suddenly being a father.

  “Thanks for the breakfast,” Finn tells them. “That was the best breakfast I have ever had in my whole life.”

  “Are you sure? In nine years, six months, and two days, this is the best one?” I tease.

  Finn laughs. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

  “Thank you,” Bash says, then nudges Talia. “See? Wouldn’t you like to be my sous chef?”

  She shakes her head.

  “Everything all right?” Harmony says, surprising us all. We didn’t see or hear the heavy front door open. She must have skipped the diner. Is she having second thoughts about me and had to race back here?

  “We were just discussing how Talia should come work for me,” Bash replies.

  “I thought you were one of the cooks here,” Harmony directs at Talia with a little bit of edge to her voice.

  “No. I have my own catering business,” Talia explains. “Peyton and Bash were kind enough to let me use their kitchen while mine is being repaired.”

  “Ah,” Harmony says flatly. “How is everything going here, Finn?” She writes Talia off, but Talia is clearly watching Harmony.

  “Great. Peyton wants me to meet the rest of his family, but he said we need to discuss this with you.” Finn glances at me. I wonder if I’ll ever earn the title of Dad.

  “That sounds nice.” Harmony puts her arm around Finn’s shoulders, and I suppose it’s to put me in my place, to show me she’s the parent here.

  Greer takes that moment to return to the dining hall. “Harmony,” she declares, greeting her with a big sisterly hug. They didn’t show any of this love yesterday, but you bring a kid into the picture and my sister turns on the MacKenzie family charm.

  Harmony gives her a stiff hug in return.

  “Greer and I could arrange a night this week,” I say. “At my home, I thought. We’d get my dad and brothers and all the cousins up there so Finn could meet everyone at once.”

  Greer lights up. “We’ll throw a party!”

  “I want to go to Peyton’s party,” Finn says. “Can I?”

  “Hold on.” Harmony swirls one graceful hand into the stop signal. “First, I thought we should have Peyton come over to our house. Tonight, for dinner, if you can,” Harmony says. “I think it would be nice for Finn to have you in our home, and you can get to know us better. And then we can meet the MacKenzies later.”

  I should have known that I’m sharing the parenting with Harmony. I assumed it would be like divorced parents who shuffle their kid between houses and the parents lead separate lives, but it’s clear—Harmony said we. She’s coming to the dinner at my home, and why shouldn’t she? She’s his mother and has to vet all these people from her past before they can get near her son. But it makes me slightly uncomfortable having this discussion in front of Talia.

  The blue-eyed beauty I’ve become so fond of stands on the sidelines, taking all this in as if she’s merely an unimportant bystander. Except she’s not. I haven’t told her what she means to me. I’m still figuring it out, but I know she’s more than a warm body to fill my bed.

  She’s watching Harmony, a woman who is the mother of my son. I barely know Harmony, but I’ll be connected to her forever through Finn.

  “This is so exciting,” Greer says. She loves family togetherness more than anyone. “Peyton, you go to their house tonight, and I’ll cover you here! I’ll have Cooper and Imogene watch my kids.”

  “Finn, it looks like I’m coming to your place tonight. Better clean your room.”

  “Don’t worry; my mom will put me to work. But when can I see your house?”

  I turn to Greer. “What’s my schedule like this week?”

  “Your busiest nights are Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. The reservations are loaded, and there are private parties those nights. Sunday is your easiest, but that means waiting a week to introduce Finn to the family. No way to that.”

  “Then why don’t you do tomorrow night?” Talia asks. “Mondays are easy for both of you to take off.”

  “I can manage the front and back of the house for you,” Bash adds. “Seriously, you always forget I can cover you and Greer.”

  “And I’ll cater the food,” Talia says. “I’ve refused you as a client before, but Finn is the exception.” She laughs, but the joke falls flat for Harmony.

  Harmony makes an extra-long study of Talia, measuring her with her invisible standards. She doesn’t show indifference, yet neither does she exude any warmth towa
rd Talia’s generous offer.

  “How’s tomorrow night for you, Harmony?” I draw her attention back to me.

  “I think it will be fine. I know Finn is anxious to do this sooner rather than later. Why don’t you come over tonight at six, and then we make tomorrow night’s dinner for the same? It’s a school night, so I want to get Finn back home at a reasonable hour.”

  “Perfect,” Talia answers for me. Harmony raises an eyebrow at Talia’s forwardness, but Talia doesn’t seem to notice. “I’m going to go take care of the grocery list and plan out some nice dishes for all of you. Peyton, why don’t you text me later with a head count, or at least an estimate? And, Harmony, if there are any food allergies or food preferences, please let me know. Or tell Peyton, and he’ll let me know. I look forward to seeing you again, Finn.” She smiles and gives a little wave to Finn, who returns her wave, and then she disappears into the kitchen.

  I have to hand it to Talia for handling an uncomfortable situation so well. Then again, maybe it isn’t awkward for her if she doesn’t consider time spent with me to be a thorny issue. She still has Adam Knight on her short list of contenders, and I’m the fill-in guy. I’d be more upset about this if I weren’t dazed with loony happiness over Finn.

  “We should get going,” Harmony says. “Finn needs to vacuum the house.”

  “Ha!” Finn exclaims.

  “Here.” Harmony hands me her business card. On the back she’s written their home address and her personal phone number.

  I walk them out, and as we cross the empty parking lot toward their car, we see Talia on her bike coming around the back of the restaurant. She keeps that junky thing stashed by the back door, and I’m always tempted to chuck it in the dumpster. The bike frame rattles like a tin can as she navigates across the gravel lot and onto the main road.

  “I like her,” Finn says.

  Harmony seems to peer more closely at Talia in the distance as she steers her bike toward The General Store. Then, in usual form, she hops off the bike, and we watch the bike coast on its own and hit a wooden column in front of the store. Talia walks into the small grocery as her bike clatters to the ground.

  I sigh.

  We stop at Harmony’s car, and it beeps when she unlocks it. I want her to stop watching Talia and judging her. What amuses me, what I find endearing about Talia, makes Harmony grimace.

  “What is she doing?” Finn asks, standing at the open car door. The wheels on Talia’s bike are still spinning.

  “I guess she’s going to buy some groceries,” I reply.

  “Her biking skills could use some work. She’s a little reckless,” Harmony adds with a sharp snort.

  “She needs to learn how to brake,” Finn says, his brow furrowed in concern. I feel a little rush of pride for his thoughtfulness.

  “I think you’re right.” I put my hand on his shoulder gently.

  “I can teach her,” Finn adds.

  “That would be nice. She doesn’t listen to me.”

  “Honey, we have to go.” Harmony gets in the car, then watches Finn settle himself in his seat and go through the steps of securing his seat belt.

  She must have done this a thousand times. The diligence and protectiveness of a parent, hoping they’re doing everything to keep their child safe. She’s been responding to this need since Finn was a baby, but it’s the first time I’m experiencing it. I bend down and tug on Finn’s seat belt to make sure it’s snug enough.

  “It’s fine,” he says, slightly irritated with me for treating him like a child and slightly amused that I’m already acting like a parent.

  “Good. So, then I’ll see you both tonight.” I smile at Finn, then meet Harmony’s eyes. She exhales and relaxes her tight grip on the steering wheel a bit.

  I close Finn’s door and keep my hand on the open window. It’s a terrible sensation, letting your child leave you. I’ve only been a father for five minutes and already I can’t bear to watch this kid drive off.

  “See ya tonight,” Finn says with a thumbs-up. I realize how lucky I am that he isn’t angry at his long-absent father. And it’s hard for me to remain angry at Harmony when she presents me with this boy.

  “I’m really looking forward to it,” I say.

  As they drive away, I wonder why my mother didn’t tell me about this awful hole you feel in your chest during these potential tear-jerker moments. I’ve watched my siblings experience the gamut of emotions with kids, the happiness and the worry over any and everything. I didn’t expect to be overwhelmed with simultaneous fear and worry, as if someone punched me in the gut, leaving me gasping for air. How do parents live with this?

  I want to jog over to the store and pull Talia aside to talk about this, but it’s public, something she doesn’t want. Instead, I head back into Swill, ready for the onslaught of questions from my sister and everyone else. Undoubtedly, Greer has already alerted every family member, and the phone lines and Internet are burning up as I sneak to my office through the back entrance.

  I send Talia a text, asking her to come to my place later tonight. I need to talk to her about Finn.

  The rest of the workday is a blur. Somewhere in there I am acting as a restaurant manager, but mostly, I am thinking about my son.

  • • •

  Harmony has given Finn an almost perfect life. Their home is located in a desirable New York suburb in a bucolic neighborhood of large family homes, beautifully maintained yards, and luxury cars in two- to three-car garages. They are within biking distance from the “best” school, although Harmony informs me that all the parents drive their kids and she still has to do the dreaded car line, reminiscent of her days taking Finn to preschool. I wouldn’t know what that’s like, of course, but it all sounds like the American dream.

  Harmony is much more relaxed in her own home and opts for jeans and bare feet. She prepares a simple dinner of roasted chicken and vegetables, but it’s an excellent meal and the conversation is easy because Finn does all the talking as we sit around the formal dining table.

  This kid can talk. He covers every topic: his school life, the classes he loves, his old friends, his new friends, movies he loves, movies that are lame, the Knicks because his grandfather made him swear allegiance to them despite Finn being born in Seattle, skateboarding around his new neighborhood, breaking his arm when he was seven and how it made him a rock star in second grade, and how he plans to go into science like his mother.

  Harmony and I sit in amused silence as Finn entertains us. This is easy. She and I don’t have to talk about the past. We don’t have to talk about us at all. We get to enjoy our son, and Finn seems pretty thrilled to command the room and to experience what it’s like to have both his parents present at the dinner table.

  After dessert, we all clear the table. I offer to do dishes, but Harmony insists I spend more time with Finn while she handles the cleanup. So, I get the grand tour of the house. There are photos of Finn at every age adorning walls and shelves in almost every room. The house is opulent yet casual, a symbol of Harmony’s wealth along with her goal to put Finn’s comfort first. His bedroom is filled with expensive toys and gadgets, the sign of an indulgent parent who has one child and is doing it on her own.

  I even get a tour of the garage. Apparently, Finn has taken a great interest in tools and building things, whether it’s a science project or woodworking. He has a wall covered with a pegboard where he has started a tool collection. It makes me smile as he talks about each piece that he has acquired through birthday gifts or money he earns working for his mother. Half the board is waiting to be filled. Well, now I know what I can get him for Christmas and every other holiday.

  His skateboard collection has its own designated area. Finn explains it’s his main means of transportation since the moving crew in Seattle left his bike leaning against the moving truck long enough for someone to swipe it. This makes me think of Talia and her riding her heap of tin around the rough roads of Hera.

  I don’t want to leave Fin
n—I could listen to him for hours—but Harmony eventually gives me the signal that we have to call it a night. They both have to get up early for school and work, so I drive back to Hera, exceeding the speed limit because I’m excited to see Talia and because my kid has me floating on clouds.

  My mind isn’t thinking about daily quotas or closing numbers. I’m thinking about Finn’s eyes, the sound of his voice, the way he smelled when he shook my hand goodbye. For a moment there, we were both deliberating if we should try a hug, but then he clasped my hand with both of his and gave it a firm shake. I felt like laughing at how hard he tries to act more grown up than a nine-year-old. Is this because he had to mature quicker due to not having a father around to help him? It triggers shame and regret in me over not being there for him.

  But then my mind goes back to the brief moment I’m hoping means nothing. After our goodbyes, Harmony sent Finn upstairs to brush his teeth as she walked me to my truck. The neighborhood was dark and quiet, a peaceful night with the scent of a blossoming spring. It’s a safe place for my son.

  Harmony seems to glide alongside me, barefoot with a contented, knowing look.

  I open my door and lean one arm across the top of the window frame. “Thank you.”

  She moves closer and gives me a kiss on the cheek, but instead of a peck, she lingers longer, then melds into my body. She hugs me.

  I hesitate at first because I’m not used to touching her like this, and Talia immediately comes to mind. My discomfort isn’t logical. I should be able to hug her goodbye. She’s the mother of my child, and she’s letting me into his life. So, I wrap my arms around her and return the hug, the same way you would give a quick embrace to an old friend you haven’t seen in a long time. Except, her hug becomes firmer; becomes sexual. She presses her breasts against my chest, and through the thin fabric of my T-shirt, I can tell she’s braless as her nipples harden against me. She sweeps one of her hands down my back and rests it on my hip. Her lips are wet as they brush against my cheek before placing a teasing kiss on my lips.

  I’m frozen in place, not sure what to do. I want to push her away and hard. The sense of violence I feel is disturbing. I’ve let other women and their unsolicited hands do more to me when they were merely flirting, but this feels wrong. She feels wrong.