Hat's Off! (Christmas Holiday Extravaganza)

by Nancy Shew Bolton

  * * *

  Kay re-read the three short sentences for the tenth time. She’d gone from elation as she opened the envelope, to surprised disappointment, then confusion, and now anger. What did he mean by “frightening her?” Is that how he saw it?

  She mentally examined every aspect of their encounter. How did he get the idea that she was frightened? And why didn’t he mention her actions, or ask her what she meant by them? Nothing but this curt, cold apology that made no sense.

  He obviously chose to avoid mentioning the kissing and how it happened. That must mean he’d rather not talk about it or remember it. She slapped the letter down on her night table and scowled at it, then picked it up again and held it in front of her.

  “So you meant only to comfort me? Is that what you do when you comfort someone? Kiss her like that?”

  She shook the paper and slammed it on the table again. Her anger turned to bitter disappointment and she flopped face down on her bed and cried into her pillow.

  Chapter Twelve

  Kay carried an apple pie out to the car, followed by Maddie and Phil with more food offerings in their hands. Too bad it hadn’t snowed much. Kay’d been hoping it would and they’d be unable to drive to the ranch for Thanksgiving. Now, she’d be forced to see Aaron and give him a polite greeting. She’d rather snub him. The obvious rebuff in his letter still stung every time she thought of it.

  But no, she’d be polite and cold, just like his horrid letter. He probably expected some sort of thankful reply from her, but he wouldn’t get one. How embarrassing to throw herself at him and find out that thrilling response of his meant nothing. It made her want to slap him again or never run into him for the rest of her life.

  She settled on the seat and parked the pie on her lap. The luscious aroma did little to sweeten her mood. She’d better get control of herself before they arrived or she might blush or seem angry around Aaron.

  Maddie closed her door and turned to look back at Kay. “I just thought of something. You should have asked Bessie to come with us. Won’t she be all by herself tonight?”

  Kay shook her head. “No. Both her boys are back now until spring. She’s all excited to have a chance to fuss over them. They shot her a great big turkey for tonight. And a rabbit, too.” She smiled, imagining Bessie with her boys. “She says they love big meals.”

  Phil pulled the car onto the street. “Seems funny to think of her in the kitchen, cooking.”

  A twinge of defensiveness shot through Kay and her voice came out sharp. “She’s a better cook than I am, Phil.”

  “Sorry. I was only making a joke, you know.”

  Kay stayed silent the rest of the drive, listening absently to Phil and Maddie’s conversation while working on calming her frazzled emotions. Deep breathing. That helped.

  The first glimpse of Aaron standing off to the side near the fireplace brought a rush of nerves up her back, but she rode it out the same way she’d learned to steady herself in the saddle. She could do this.

  She avoided glancing at his hands or his lips. That would reinforce the vivid memory of his hands pulling her close, or that kiss. No, she couldn’t meet those eyes either, so she looked at his forehead when she greeted him.

  “Howdy,” was all he said.

  She darted her gaze to Romayne, forced a bright grin on her face and held out the pie. “Apple. Don’t worry, Maddie made it.”

  A chuckle traveled the group. Fergus spread his hands out to the dining room, gesturing at the table. “Have a seat, everyone.”

  Kay gave a silent, desperate wish for Aaron not to sit near her. He sat directly across from her. Oh, no. Almost as bad. Maddie took the pie from her and followed Megan into the kitchen.

  Kay popped back up and scooted after her. “Let me help.”

  The four women bustled around the kitchen, Megan and Romayne at the stove, while Maddie and Kay brought fragrant offerings to the table. The men, except for Aaron, made various comments of appreciation at the variety and bounty. He remained silent, as usual. Back to the old Aaron, she figured. Just as well. The sound of his voice when he greeted her had thudded right through her.

  She viewed the loaded table with anticipation after they all sat and listened to the blessing Fergus offered. What a shame she found it hard to swallow most of her luscious meal. And she was so aware of Aaron’s presence across the table, she hardly tasted the food. Darn him. He was ruining her holiday. Those lovely side dishes and the moist, tasty turkey went down with little enjoyment on her part. All she really wanted was to go home.

  Halfway through the meal, Maddie leaned close and nudged her with an elbow. She whispered, “Are you okay?”

  Kay gave her an emphatic nod. “Oh, yes. I’m fine.”

  She smiled into Maddie’s concerned expression. Time to act more like herself. It wouldn’t do to let Aaron think his stupid letter upset her. She joined the conversation, regaling them with descriptions of her riding lessons, making sure to hit the most humorous aspects.

  Aaron’s voice forced her to glance in his direction. “So, do you like riding?”

  She kept her answer light, ignoring the painful stab when she met his intent gaze. “Yes, very much.”

  Fergus raised his glass of cider. “Here’s to horses. Where would we be without them?”

  Murmurs of “Hear, hear!” sounded around the table, and Kay let her eyes light on Aaron again for a split second. Any longer and she’d have blushed. Why did he still cause such an effect in her? If she ignored him long enough, it might fade away. Half of her wanted it to, while the other half didn’t. How unfair of him to kiss her that way and make her think he found her attractive and exciting.

  Stop thinking about it. Now.

  She caught a glimpse of his hand when he raised his glass, then stared at both of his hands. Marks of numerous half-healed wounds laced patterns along their sides. She swallowed down a pang of shock at the sight. What happened to him?

  Suddenly, the anger toward him evaporated in a flurry of concern. She found herself wanting to examine his hands, touch them, make sure he was all right. Then at the thought of touching those hands, a sharp memory of him gripping her came over her like a swoon. A blush threatened and she forced her eyes and thoughts away from him.

  The remainder of the evening passed in a kind of daze while she battled against looking at Aaron or thinking about him, but finding it almost impossible to concentrate on the cheerful banter that swirled around her. Plans for Christmas were discussed, and faces were wreathed with smiles of anticipation. But Aaron remained even more silent than she was. When it came time to leave, relief flooded through her at the prospect of the end of this ordeal.

  She gave everyone a genuine smile, including Aaron. It wasn’t very kind or good of her to stay angry with him, after all. He must’ve made a mistake by responding to her demand to be kissed, and that’s why he apologized in his letter.

  The freezing air helped clear her mind and she took in deep draughts of it before climbing in to the car. Now that the anger faded, a profound sadness settled over her. He’d held her more than once, kissed her as though he was desperate to touch her, and then said he’d only meant to comfort her. Guess now she knew. He wasn’t interested in her. Disappointment dragged at her and the ride home inched along in degrees of anguish. She needed her bed. She wanted to cry.

  * * *

  Aaron lay awake, staring at the slight glow of moonlight slanting through the window near his bunk. How confusing. What did her strange behavior mean, anyway? First she was icy, almost as if she hated him, then distant as a stranger, and finally somewhat friendly, but with sadness in her eyes. What was he to make of her disconnected moods?

  And why no reply to his letter? The only answer must be that she didn’t accept his apology, perhaps distrusted him now, or even disliked him. That would explain some of her behavior. He rolled on to his side and closed his eyes.

  It was pointless to keep wondering. He’d just have to apologize again or risk
having the situation nag at him every day. He’d ask her if they could start over and be friends. He viewed her as a kind person, despite the time she slapped him. A slow smile came with the memory. Her eyes had snapped with fury at him, yet she quickly apologized and almost laughed about it.

  What an interesting puzzle she was. So changeable. Passionate, too. He still failed to figure out why she’d kissed him with such longing and fervor but then ran off terrified. Maybe she was a little unbalanced. He’d heard women could be. She’d certainly gotten him off balance.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Kay let her fingers rest on the frigid glass of the shop’s main window. The cold soothed her weary fingertips. She’d finished hours of intricate embroidery on various cloche hats and needed a break from the exacting work. Snow fell in large, fluffy-looking flakes on the other side of the glass. Intermittent hammering sounded from the storage room as Phil worked on some new shelves.

  There didn’t appear to be much to look forward to anymore. Not even the prospect of Christmas so close cheered her. It would likely be as uncomfortable as Thanksgiving was. She’d have to attend the festivities at the ranch, because she didn’t have the courage to stay home alone and miss everything. That would be even worse than enduring the discomfort of being around Aaron. There had to be something to lift her spirits and chase this dismal boredom away. Try as she might, nothing came to mind.

  She’d rarely been bored in her life, but now that winter started, the riding lessons or opportunities to ride would be few, with Bessie busy and happy at home with her sons.

  Then there was Aaron. Even if he did show up for a brief visit, he wasn’t interested in her anyway. Too bad she couldn’t go back to the days before the heady experiences of galloping and kissing Aaron. She heaved out a depressed sigh.

  She should probably throw herself into preparations for items to bring for the Christmas bazaar at the church, but nothing seemed to break through the fog she’d lived in since last week. The long winter months yawned before her, promising only more of the same tedium.

  Maddie rushed in the front door, her cheeks rosy from the cold, her eyes alight. “Oh, Kay. I’m so happy.”

  The fog lifted for a moment, and she found herself returning Maddie’s excited smile. “What is it? Did the new radio come in on the train?” At least that was something that might ease her apathy.

  Maddie shook her head. “No, it’s not that.” She gripped Kay’s hand and squeezed it. “The doctor says I’m about three months’ pregnant. Finally! I was afraid it would never happen.”

  Delight filled her and she jumped up and down, giggling with Maddie. How wonderful. Maddie called out, “Phil, Phil, come here.”

  He rushed in, still holding a hammer, his face flushed. He scowled at them. “For goodness’ sake, I thought something was wrong the way you hollered.”

  Maddie laughed. “Put down the hammer and listen to me. We’re going to have a baby this spring. How’s that for an early Christmas present?”

  His expression flicked from annoyance to joy. He beamed, dropped the hammer on the counter, and swept Maddie into an exuberant hug. The three of them shared exultant laughs as he swung Maddie around and set her down.

  He patted Maddie’s shoulder, his expression concerned. “I didn’t make you dizzy, did I?”

  She grabbed one of his hands and kissed it. “No, you didn’t. I’m just fine.”

  He grinned. “We should all go celebrate. Have some pie or doughnuts at Webster’s. What do you say?”

  Maddie nodded. “Mmm. Sounds good to me.”

  Kay grabbed Phil’s coat from its peg and held it out to him. “You two go ahead. I’ll mind the store.”

  Phil shrugged. “Okay. I’ll bring you back a doughnut.”

  Kay waved them out of the shop, keeping a smile on her face until the door closed. How selfish she was to think of her own disappointments after the wonderful news, but she couldn’t stop a tide of sadness. She’d probably never know such joy for herself.

  She made her way to the desk and slumped on her chair. The sad fog returned, dimmer and heavier than ever now. She tried to shake it off and reached for the hat she’d almost finished decorating. At least she was able to make pretty things that people enjoyed, sometimes for years to come. It would have to be enough of a legacy. She’d concentrate on doing the most perfect job she could.

  Once finished, she twirled the hat, examining it, and a small ripple of pleasure broke through the heaviness and made her smile. A job well done. She glanced up when Patrick and Romayne entered the shop.

  He grinned at Kay. “Hi, Kay. Romayne says she wants one of your new-style hats, so I told her we’d pick one out after we bought some supplies.”

  Kay held up the hat. “I just got done with this one. It’s like the movie stars wear.”

  Romayne stepped to her. “Ooh, so lovely.” She took it from Kay and ran a fingertip over the embroidery. “How clever you are.”

  The words filled a hollow spot inside her and she almost cried. She needed the boost of encouragement. “Thanks, Romayne. Come on over to the showcase, and you can look at all of them.”

  While Romayne examined the finished hats, Patrick handed her an envelope. “Here, before I forget. A letter for you.”

  She quenched the flare of excitement when she recognized Aaron’s handwriting on the outside and slipped it into her desk drawer. “Thank you, Patrick.”

  “Sure.” He nodded. “Say, did your new radio come yet? Phil said he was feeling excited about it. Said Maddie couldn’t wait to—oh, here they are now.”

  He turned as Phil and Maddie breezed in, laughing. After rounds of greetings, Phil handed a small paper bag to Kay. “Here’s your doughnut.”

  Maddie hung up her coat, whirled around, and exchanged a quick glance with Phil before she said, “Guess what?”

  Romayne and Patrick both turned their attention to her.

  Maddie blurted through a huge smile, “We’re going to have a baby in the spring.”

  Romayne squealed and ran to Maddie, while Patrick chucked Phil’s shoulder then gave his hand a vigorous shake.

  Romayne grabbed both of Maddie’s hands, her expression alight. “Oh, I’m so thrilled for you. And I can’t wait until it happens for Patrick and me.”

  The air of the room seemed to vibrate with happiness, and Kay absorbed it like water to a dry sponge. The reality hit her that she’d be an aunt soon. She did have something to look forward to. Though she’d never made a hat for a baby, ideas began to present themselves. A tiny cloche for a girl, a little bowler for a boy. She grinned at the mental pictures.

  * * *

  Alone at last. Kay almost dreaded opening his letter but couldn’t wait any longer to find out what it said. Sitting in her chair, she turned the wick up on the lantern next to her, and unfolded the small sheet of paper. Another short message.

  To Katherine,

  I guess maybe I didn’t apologize very well, or a nice person like you would have answered me. I sure hope you can forgive me for making you upset.

  Sincerely,

  Aaron Shaw

  A long sigh released the breath she’d been holding in. Not again. How was it possible for his memory of things to be so different from hers? She stared at his words on the page.

  Making me upset?

  How? By kissing her, something she’d asked—no, demanded—of him? It was almost as if he remembered an experience that was in total contradiction to the event she recalled. She couldn’t be so completely wrong about what happened. So why did he keep apologizing for frightening or upsetting her? She was the one who forced the contact, not him.

  She lowered her face into her hands. He wanted some sort of answer. What kind of response could she write that wouldn’t be ridiculous, given the actual events? She rubbed her forehead and opened her eyes, staring at the steady flame in the lantern. Well… At least he’d said she was a nice person, so he must not think she was some kind of floozy for grabbing his head and kissing
him like she did.

  What should she say? Thank you for your apology. I’m also sorry for… Goodness, what was she sorry for? Sorry that he wasn’t interested in spending time with her, and finding out if they had any kind of future. Sorry that she’d caused this whole confusing mess. But not sorry for that kiss. Not sorry at all.

  So what on earth would she say to him? Yawns took over and sudden weariness sapped her strength. Maybe after a night of sleep, some kind of response would occur to her. Something that wouldn’t be a lie. But it couldn’t be the whole truth, either. Not if she wanted to keep her dignity.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Aaron straightened up from loading his saddlebag. Fergus regarded him with concerned eyes. “Sure this is what you want?”

  Aaron nodded at him. “My hands are fine now. I’ve got to be alone and think. I’ll ride the line and stay at the cabin a while after.”

  “I don’t like to send a man out by himself in this weather.”

  Aaron placed a gloved hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You’re not. I’m choosing it.”

  “I’ll be praying for you.”

  “Good.” They exchanged a smile and Aaron mounted up and rode out into the frigid morning.

  How he’d missed riding out alone. The silence of winter invaded him, bringing peace, helping his mind focus. The sun reflected off the snow, and he dipped his hat brim to keep the glare off his eyes. Dusty snorted and tossed his head, breaking into a fast trot at his signal.

  The familiar rhythm of riding and the sight of open hills and endless sky welcomed him like old friends. He let his gaze take in his surroundings, indulging in the pure exhilaration of existence. This land had become his cathedral, his sanctuary. Something unspoiled that belonged to him alone with no human to ruin it for him.

  But there existed a hollow place in him lately, a longing, as though he strained to listen for a sound that didn’t come. Silence had always been more than sufficient to satisfy him before now. What had once made him complete wasn’t enough anymore, and he needed to find out why. He knew some of his unrest was because of Kay, but there was more than that going on inside him.