She sounded so stupid. Anger at herself, and at him for forcing her into such an awkward situation, made her words rush out. “I couldn’t answer an apology that didn’t make any sense.”
There. She said it.
Silence again. She forced herself to look at him and met his confused expression. He tilted the brim of his hat back and then rubbed his chin. “I thought I wrote it pretty clear.”
“But it didn’t make sense. I wasn’t frightened or upset with you.”
His brows shot up. “You sure looked that way before you scuttled into the house.”
She didn’t care for the way that made her sound and stuck her chin out. “I didn’t scuttle.”
“Okay. But you sure looked scared.”
“I was.”
He glanced away for a moment then crossed his arms. “Well. Like I said. I apologize for frightening you.”
“You didn’t. I wasn’t scared of you.”
The blank look on his face would have made her laugh if she hadn’t been so nervous. He stared at her. “What?”
She girded up her bravery and spoke in slow, measured words. “I wasn’t scared of you. I was scared of me. Of what I did.”
Comprehension must have hit him, and after a shocked expression, he looked away. So did she. The details of her boots came into view while she stared at her feet. Why didn’t he say something? Maybe she shouldn’t have told him.
After what seemed like hours, he spoke. “Does that mean you didn’t want to…do that?”
She might as well be honest, no matter how embarrassing it was. “No. I did. That’s what scared me.”
“Why? Because it was me?”
She closed her eyes. The last shred needed to come out now, whatever happened. “You don’t understand. I wanted to because it was you.”
After a long pause, her tense shoulders sagged. At least she’d said it all now. His total silence must mean he was as embarrassed as she was. If only the earth would swallow her, or she could muster the gumption to jump on the horse and gallop away.
His voice came out quiet and slow. “Really? You mean that?”
He sounded so surprised. What was he thinking? Boldness rose, and she met his searching eyes. “Yes.”
He turned and at first, she thought he meant to leave the barn. But he rounded the horse and came to stand near her. “I’ve got to say something. What I want to do is kiss you, but I need to tell you something.”
He wanted to kiss her? Excitement grew, but she waited, her eyes trained on his concerned expression.
He let his gaze travel her face before he spoke. “I don’t think it’s right of me to start anything with you because, well, see…I don’t guess I’ll ever be more than a cowboy or a ranch hand. I don’t have much ambition for anything else, and I don’t crave to own much.”
He ran his hand along Steady’s back, making the horse’s tail switch in slight motions. “I like the outdoors, and a little cabin sounds like heaven to me. But you’re used to different things. You likely make more of a living now than I do, or about the same, maybe. I don’t know what you want, or what kind of life you wish for. So, I can’t…it wouldn’t be right—”
He raised his hands in the air, palms up, as though words failed him. She’d never heard him say so much at once and waited, wanting him to tell her more about himself, his thoughts. She let her eyes drink in every contour of his face. His words drifted in the air between them as she stared, mesmerized.
When she didn’t respond, he dipped his head, his hat cutting off her view of his face. The meaning of his words began penetrating her daze, but before she managed to form a response, he raised his head. Why did his eyes seem so sad?
He looked away. “I don’t blame you at all for not wanting to go further. I didn’t figure you would. You ought to have someone with big plans, someone who—”
Though she hated to halt his words, she laid a finger on his lips. “Can you take your hat off?”
He appeared puzzled at the request but removed it, hooked it on the saddle, and brought intent, studying eyes to hers. She reached up and ran a hand through his hair. Touching him made tingles run down her spine and limbs. The thought of learning all about him, being with him, filled her with elation.
She smiled at him. “You’ve got nothing to worry over.”
His gaze bounced toward the barn roof as though he were amazed, then back to her, taking her in. If he didn’t kiss her soon, she’d grab him again. The look in his eyes stopped her breath, and when he embraced her, his tender, fervent kiss made her shiver.
He pulled back. “Are you all right?”
“Oh, yes.” She ran her finger along his mouth. “More please. Lots more.”
He grinned, pulled her closer and kissed her like a man who not only knew what he wanted, but exactly what she wanted. Bliss.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Nancy Shew Bolton is a wife of 43 years, mother of five grown sons, and grandmother to a boy and girl. Ever since she learned to write, she would jot down her thoughts and impressions in little snippets of inspiration in the form of poetry, song lyrics, or short essays. About six years ago, she decided to try her hand at writing a full-length book. She’s since written five works of fiction, two non-fiction, and is working on an idea for a children’s book, as well as more fiction manuscripts. Writing a full-length work is much more challenging than she thought, and she has received so much valuable assistance from other writers, especially from the ACFW critique groups. Her husband has been supportive of her long hours spent at the keyboard. Many thanks to her beloved Johnny! She thanks God and His Son for her life, her loved ones and the spark of creativity inside every person. She believes each person is a unique creation, with their own special voice and place in this amazing universe. God’s handiwork amazes her every day!
Hat's Off! (Christmas Holiday Extravaganza) Page 9
