by Robyn Carr
“I’m laying down the ceramic tonight. You’re going to have to stay off it for twenty-four hours. It could slide the grout.”
“Okay. Did you have dinner?”
“I grabbed something on the way over,” he said.
“I’m starting to think you’re afraid I might poison you.” She laughed. “I offer every night, but you’ve always already eaten.”
He stood straight and grinned, patting his firm, round stomach and treating her to that hypnotic grin of his. “Look at me, Andy. You think I’ve missed many meals?”
“You look healthy,” she said.
“That’s not what the doctor says.”
“What? Is your doctor worried about you?”
“Everything seems to be holding, but he’s convinced I’m overweight and headed for a coronary. That’s why I try to stay away from him. I feel fine most of the time.”
“Most of the time?” she asked, suddenly stricken with worry.
“Doing the work I do, my back and knees kick up sometimes. I’m fine. My age, you get aches and pains.”
“Do you mind if I ask—just how old are you?”
“Fifty-three. Getting up there.”
“Well, you’re just a few years older than me,” she said, opening her takeout carton on the dusty table.
“Not possible,” he said, getting down on his knees again. “You look like a young girl.”
“I’m a forty-seven-year-old girl. Can I get a glass of wine before I’m closed out of the kitchen?”
“Sure. You have plenty of time. But it’s going to go real fast now. After the tile, there’s not much to do. Just the appliances, countertops, baseboards, touch up. Do you still like the new cabinets?”
“Gorgeous,” she said. “What am I going to do with myself in the evenings when you and Beau aren’t here?”
“Oh, I’m sure you have plenty to do without someone making noise and messing up your house.”
She’d have to try to remember. This routine had given her so much comfort that she dreaded the kitchen renovation being finished. At first she thought it was just having someone around the house, but soon she noticed it was more than that, it was the quality time they spent together. Bob was there almost every day and she spent at least an hour just talking with him. Then she’d take Beau to her bedroom to lie beside her on the bed and she’d catch up on the day’s paperwork or just relax. Sometimes Beau would curl up next to her and she’d nod off; sometimes he’d roll over on his back and she’d idly scratch his belly while she watched TV. She hadn’t had a dog since she was a child. She realized more attention should be given to the serenity that came with scratching a big old dog’s belly.
An hour of conversation every day for four weeks, at least. That was quite a lot of talking. She knew so much about him, had told him so much about herself. She knew he lived in the guesthouse behind his sister and brother-in-law’s very large home. Their grown kids and grandkids were frequent visitors. It was like living with family while having his own place. He tried not to impose on them and helped them out whenever he could; they seemed to enjoy him being there. He felt no real urgency to move and certainly didn’t have the income to afford real estate in Mill Valley.
Sometimes their conversations were quite personal. She told him about her marriages and their failures, about trying to raise a son without the regular presence of his father. She even told him she probably got involved with her second husband because she was vulnerable to a good looking, virile young guy—and then she tried to apologize for being so indiscreet.
But he brushed that off. “That’s just normal. Biological. Don’t be embarrassed by that,” he said.
He told her about the few relationships he’d had, none of them intense. He felt he’d been a single man his entire adulthood, even though he’d been married once. “But I’ve always been very shy around girls,” he said. “Never did develop a good line, a smooth move. I was destined to be a bachelor.”
“That’s hard to believe,” Andy said. “You’re a good-looking man and—”
He laughed at her. “Andy, please. I’m just an old bald guy with a little too much flesh on the bone.”
But she didn’t see him that way. He was a large man with big strong arms and hands. He might be a little thick around the middle, but it did nothing to detract from his appearance. He had the most beautiful smile and his eyes always glittered when he talked, as if he was happy to his core. He had nothing in common with the type of man she had found herself attracted to over the years—she always went for guys who could be models. But none had ever soothed her so deeply with their voice. She hadn’t expected it from someone shy and quiet like Bob, but as she got to know him, she noticed he had a sexy voice, deep and rich. As for hair? Pfft. He didn’t have much but that didn’t make him unattractive. She especially liked his thick, dark expressive eyebrows and the tiny cleft in his chin.
They talked about how they chose their careers. Andy had majored in education, thinking she could fall back on her teaching degree after she’d done something fun, like work for an airline for a few years, travel and play and see the world. But then, during her student-teaching term she fell in love with the students and found enormous satisfaction in helping them learn.
Bob took almost an opposite turn. She should have guessed by his diction, his dialogue, he was an educated man. He had a degree in philosophy that was entirely useless to making a living. He’d planned to go on, get an advanced degree, teach. But then he began helping with home repairs, renovations, started working with wood, building and installing custom cabinetry. He discovered working with his hands filled his days with a quiet contentment he’d never felt before. It wasn’t a high-powered career, it didn’t pay all that much, but there was simply nothing else he’d rather be doing. He worked for a custom builder in addition to taking on some of his own jobs and the two added up to a lot of time and adequate income, but he wasn’t exactly climbing the ladder of success. He was a working man.
“I guess I’m just a classic underachiever,” Bob said with a laugh.
“Why would you say that? Look at the amazing work you do!”
“Well, I’m not striving for anything, really. Except to do what I do as well as I can. I’m self-indulgent. It feels good. I should challenge myself more, I guess. Did I tell you my wife has a PhD? In theology of all things. I guess that’s why she tried so hard to fit into the straight world.”
They had talked about their childhoods, their neighbors, their culinary likes and dislikes. Andy couldn’t think of any subject that hadn’t been covered, and the thought of him not working in her kitchen every day left her feeling more bereft than Bryce’s leaving had.
“Really, I’ll hate it when you’re not here. Having you to talk to has been like therapy,” she confessed.
“Probably not real good therapy,” he said, laughing. “You should get a second opinion.”
“It’s been more than satisfactory as far as I’m concerned,” she said, eating a little more of her chicken Caesar salad. “I don’t think I ever had such meaningful conversations with my husbands.”
“That’s too bad,” he said. “Men and women have such different perspectives, they should explore it more.”
“You had good conversations with your wife, didn’t you?”
“Oh, yes,” he said. “That was the hardest thing to give up. If we’d never been married, the friendship could’ve remained very close, I think. But we had that history, you know. I wanted a partner who was also a wife, she wanted a friend who wouldn’t presume that much. She had to move on. I had to let go.”
Andy sipped her wine. “How’s your sister’s stomach?” she asked.
He sat back on his heels. “It turns out to be her gallbladder, and it’s coming out in a couple of weeks. That’ll fix her up. How’s your neighbor Sonja?”
“Well, she’s improving. But she’ll never be the same, which is a challenge for me. On one hand, I’m so relieved not to put up with all her goofy stuff—from
those herbal drinks to the way she insisted things had to be placed around the house. But on the other hand, she’s gone into a decline—so disappointed that all her theories failed, she’s not herself at all. She used to be peppy and obnoxiously positive, now she’s like the rest of us, tired, ratty, worn down, feels like she failed.”
“Oh, no,” he said. “Isn’t there any compromise in her mind? Like maybe all that stuff didn’t work for her husband, but that doesn’t mean it’s all wrong.”
“It’s more personal than that,” Andy explained. “It’s not just that it didn’t work on him, it obviously didn’t work for her—because she couldn’t see this coming. Now she thinks she doesn’t know her stuff, doesn’t have any intuitive power, can’t head off a domestic disaster.”
“Hmm. Someone needs to remind her that marital disharmony involves two people, even if one of them is intuitive.”
Oh, how I need him in my life, Andy thought as she sipped her wine. “Dear God,” she said. “What am I going to do without you? I’m thinking of renovating the entire house, even though I don’t have a dime.”
He laughed. “I admit, I haven’t looked forward to a job as much as I look forward to this one. You turned out to be one of my most favorite people.”
* * *
Phil Gilbert’s secretary buzzed him; his mother was holding on line one.
“You utter fool!” she said, before he could get his entire cheery greeting out.
He let his head fall to his desk, but he kept the phone to his ear. “I thought this might happen eventually,” he said, slowly lifting his head. “How are you, Mother?”
“Incredibly disillusioned.”
“I hope you’re not going to ask me what I was thinking....”
“Why bother? If you had a clever answer for that, you’d be sleeping in your own bed! Are you going to be able to patch this up?”
“I’m doing everything I can, Mother. Really, there’s nothing you can do to make me sorrier.”
“More’s the pity. That’s a challenge I think I’m up to! Phillip, what are you doing to rectify this situation?”
“I’m doing everything she asks of me, Mother. Gerri’s in the driver’s seat.”
“Take a leave. Take her to Tahiti or Alaska or Rome. Do something demonstrative and flashy. Buy her—”
“Mother,” he said, cutting her off. “Mom, that isn’t what Gerri wants from me right now. I can’t win her back by throwing money at this. Believe me.”
“You have to do something! What exactly are you doing?”
“I’m not going to explain the details of our attempts at reconciliation to you. If Gerri wants to do that, fine. But I’m doing everything I can and you’ll have to be satisfied with that.”
“Hogwash. Have you bought her jewelry? Flowers? Lingerie?”
“Mother, stop it. You know my wife and you apparently know all about our situation. If I bought her jewelry, she’d pawn it, she’d feed me the flowers and hang me with the nightie. Now back off before you make it worse.”
“That hardly seems possible, Phillip. Who was it? Tell me that.”
“Not on your life,” he said.
Twenty minutes later, having spent the entire conversation refusing to discuss either his sins or his strategy for atonement, he told his mother he loved her and hung up the phone. He sat still for a moment. He’d been wrong. His mother could make him sorrier. He tried to remember Gerri’s deep breathing techniques from those long ago Lamaze classes.
Well, certain things had to be faced, Muriel Gilbert being one. Obviously if he didn’t tell those who needed to be told, Gerri would. Although it filled him with dread, he buzzed his administrative assistant. “A minute please, Kelly?”
She came into his office, carrying a notebook.
“Close the door, please,” he said.
She did so and settled herself in the chair directly facing his desk.
“I apologize—this is overdue. There’s a situation you should be aware of. I don’t consider it confidential, but I would appreciate your discretion,” he said.
“Sure. Yes,” she said, pen poised to take notes. This kind of briefing was routine for her.
“Gerri and I have separated. I’m not living at home, but I can be reached on my cell phone.”
She looked up, startled. Her usually rosy cheeks lost all color. “No,” she said in a breath.
“It’s been a few weeks, to be accurate. She just learned there was an indiscretion on my part many years ago. She needs some time to come to terms with that. We’re in counseling. I’m optimistic.”
“But I just saw her! We talked about—” Kelly stopped. “Oh, God,” she said. “Oh, no!”
“That’s all,” he said. “It’ll undoubtedly get out, but I haven’t told anyone else. I’m hoping this gets resolved before there’s a lot of conjecture.”
“Oh, God,” she said again. “How did this happen? I thought the two of you— Oh, God!” She took a few deep breaths. “How did she find out?”
“I’m not really sure,” he said. “But she did. I had decided a long time ago that if I was confronted with it, I wouldn’t lie. I guess it was bound to happen eventually. She’s a frequent visitor in these offices.”
Kelly scooted to the edge of her chair. “Phil. Boss. Listen, it could’ve been me. Oh, my God, if it was me, I’ll just kill myself.”
“I really don’t think we need any collateral damage here....”
“But I’d like to explain. Please.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “The important thing is that you know what’s going on. It puts my schedule at some confusion sometimes because—”
“No, please. I have to explain. It was a while ago— I’m not sure exactly when,” she said. “Gerri caught me crying in the elevator and followed me to the bathroom. I’d been having some trouble at home, with John. She was her usual self, counseled me, laughed with me. Really, over the years, the things she’s said in passing made me think she knew everything... I mean, even I didn’t know everything, but I was pretty sure something was going on with you and... Well, over time she’d said things like she was ready to leave you for being such a typical man, being led around by your—”
Kelly stopped and cleared her throat. “That she’d come this close to throwing you out, that some things seemed unforgivable, but with the right kind of information and help... Oh, Jesus, I thought she knew! And I praised her for her strength and wisdom, putting her marriage back together after something as difficult as another woman!”
Phil clasped his hands on top of his desk. “It was an honest mistake,” he said.
“No, it wasn’t,” she responded, shaking her head. “I’m trusted with sensitive information all the time, officially and unofficially. I never say things I’m not sure about...”
“I know that, Kelly.”
“She caught me in an emotional moment. It had even crossed my mind that maybe John had someone... Oh, God, I thought we might be kindred spirits, both having gone through the same thing. I did this to you. To your marriage.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he said. “Can we put this to bed, please?”
“I should resign. If you can’t trust my judgment...”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I could never replace you.”
“I could call her! I could tell her I’d just been listening to idle gossip! That I had no evidence of any—”
“Kelly,” he said somewhat sternly. “I admitted to the affair. And you weren’t just listening to idle gossip. Although we never discussed it, you were taking my calls, making my appointments, delivering messages for me when something came up that prevented me from keeping an appointment. And there’s the matter that she’s kept in contact with you...”
“But you never allowed me to pass on a message or change of address! You never—”
“It’s out,” he said. “I was past it long ago but Gerri can’t get over it yet. Can I count on you to keep this under your hat from now on? I
think that’s the best either of us should expect from each other.”
She sniffed and lifted her chin. “I’ll write a letter of resignation.”
“I don’t want you to do that. I won’t accept it. You’re not only very important to me personally, but extremely important to the District Attorney’s office. Your mistake is understandable. In fact, the mistake was mine. I apologize that you were ever involved.”
“Would it help for me to call her? Apologize? Tell her that—”
“I wouldn’t recommend it. She’s explosive. Really pissed. She’s not angry at you as far as I know, but another mention of the situation might have her planting small bombs around government buildings.”
“Oh, God.”
“We’re all going to have to take this one day at a time. There will be a period of adjustment. It might get worse before it gets better. If you could manage not to say anything more about it, that might be best.”
“Sir, I just can’t tell you how—”
“Kelly, you can’t start calling me sir. I’m not angry with you. In fact, I’m relieved to know it was you and not a lot of office talk. We’ll have to move on now.”
“But if you end up divorced or something...”
“I’m not thinking that way. And if I know Gerri, neither is she. She’s putting all her energy into figuring out what it’s going to take for me to earn back my place in her life, and as soon as she lays it on me, we’ll get it done. It’s starting to sound like it could be really bloody, but hey—I’m a big man. Although some of her suggestions have been barbaric. Now really, that’s all the time I have for this.” He looked back at the paperwork on his desk.
“I just wish there was something I could do...”
“Hunker down,” he said without looking up. “We’re going to ride it out. Hope for the best.”
“Yes, sir,” she said, rising slowly. When she got to the door she turned, “Sorry, boss, I almost forgot. Clay wants to see you at your first opportunity.”
“Call his office,” Phil said, picking up a pen and scribbling something in the file on his desk. “Tell him I’ll be up in twenty minutes.”
Almost half an hour later Phil exited the elevator to the executive suite of the district attorney, Clayton Sturgess. He made the trek to the top floor of the building almost every day and on some occasions, several times a day. The executive assistant told him to go right in.
