by Daisy May
“Well… No. She’s not a fan of me doing this, but if she was her usual self, she would say hi.”
“Then I’m not saying hi back,” I said.
“Fair enough. It must be about fifteen minutes, right?”
I checked the clock on the pay phone. The minutes were ticking down, and there were less than two left. I could’ve stayed on the phone, but I had a feeling that we’d run out of topics to talk about. “Yeah, time’s just about up. I’ll call you another time.”
For now, I needed to get in touch with Laney.
I took a breath, then dialed the number Andy had given me. The phone rang seven times – I counted. Finally Laney picked up, sounding confused. I guess there weren’t too many people calling her these days.
“Hi, it’s me,” I said. “Tyler. Um, your son.”
She sounded taken aback. “Well, it’s good to hear from you. How are you?”
“I’ve been better,” I said. “Funny story, I’m in jail right now.”
“Yes, your friend told me. I understand you were trying to sell something that belonged to me.”
“Yeah.” A strange feeling of guilt washed over me. It was supposed to be a win-win for both of us, and yet now I felt bad. Then again, I would’ve willingly chosen to be sentenced to this time in jail again to make sure Laney didn’t get her hands on more drugs. “Sorry about that. I was trying to help… kind of.”
“No, I get it. You’re the same as me, after all.”
I wasn’t sure how much I liked that. When I’d found out what she was like, I thought I was a chip off the old block. But now, I kind of wanted to be different.
“I heard you’re off the drugs,” I said. “How’s that going for you?”
“So far, so good,” she said. “It was hard at first, but it’s getting better. I’m getting used to being sober. I’m going to NA meetings every week, and it’s helping a lot.”
“That’s great. How long were you using for, anyway? Did you ever try to get clean before?”
“I’d been doing it a while, but it was getting to be more and more often lately. I always thought I could quit if I wanted to, but I guess not. At this point, I’m just taking it day by day. If I’d come home and those pills were still in my medicine cabinet, I would’ve taken them. That much is for sure.”
So I had kind of done something good, after all.
“What else is going on with you?” I asked. “Are you working? And why did you start using so much, anyway?”
“I lost my last job a few months ago because of the drugs,” she said softly. “I wasn’t showing up half the time, and when I did, I was in a stupor. I deserved to lose that job, but it still came as a blow. I had nothing else to focus on, and I ended up using every day instead of a couple of times a week. Plus I had no money to pay for my addiction, so I had to sink to new lows to get it.”
So there would’ve been no money even if I’d made it down here earlier. All the money she took from the hardware store had gone to drugs.
“I feel bad about how I left you last time,” I said. “I’d like to keep in touch, if it’s okay with you. I don’t know if I need a mother, but maybe I can use a friend.”
“Okay, Tyler. That sounds good.”
TWENTY-EIGHT – ANDY
The days were passing one after another, the same way they tended to. I went to work and to the gym, called my mom and visited her. Just like I always had.
My life was as repetitive and dull as ever. I’d stopped trying to meet men, having realized that none of them would be perfect for me. And yet, it didn’t feel like giving up in defeat. Every night, between my workout and my meal prepping, I got a phone call. Every night, I spent exactly fifteen minutes talking to a prisoner in a minimum-security facility.
And those fifteen minutes became the highlight of my day.
“How’s your work going?” Tyler asked one evening. “Any news on that promotion you wanted?”
I hadn’t mentioned that to him in months, and I was surprised he remembered. I hadn’t been thinking about it much myself. “No news yet,” I said. “I’m not even sure if a position is available.”
“When will you find out?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then go ask.” His voice dripped with sarcasm.
The way he said it made me wonder why I hadn’t just gone and done that. I spoke to my boss all the time, but it was different when I was asking about my own career track. Or maybe I was just scared of getting the wrong answer.
“I really should,” I said. “But enough about me. How’s your job?” There was a bit of a challenge in my voice. He’d been working at the kitchen at the prison, making roughly ten cents an hour.
“The pay is shit, but otherwise it’s fine,” he said. “It’s funny. This is the longest I’ve held a job in my life.”
“And they haven’t fired you yet?” I teased.
“No, but I’m sure they’re thinking about it.”
We didn’t usually talk about his case. When we finally did, it was good news.
“The lawyer told me he can get the judge to take another look at my case,” Tyler said a few weeks after they’d gotten in touch. “He says the judge might be willing to reconsider, and at the very least, I should be able to spend part of my sentence in a group home. I may be able to do some of my penance to society as community service.”
“Oh, that sounds fun,” I said. “You’d look cute in one of those orange jumpsuits, picking up trash on the side of the highway.”
“You think you’re making fun of me, but all I hear is that you think I look cute,” he said.
“The jumpsuit, not you. Don’t flatter yourself.”
The lawyer’s opinion seemed almost too good to be true. But as a few weeks passed, Tyler continued to give me updates on how he was helping him. His case went back before the judge, and now that he had a more dedicated advocate, he spent more time considering what a fair punishment for his crime was.
He said he even told the judge about how he was trying to get the drugs out of an addict’s hands. Of course, that wasn’t necessarily the best tactic to take. By selling them, he would’ve just been giving them to another addict.
“But still,” he said, “he listened. I’m going to find out what he decides tomorrow.”
“Call me as soon as you know,” I said. “I don’t care if I’m at work. I am way too invested in what happens to you – literally.”
“You said I didn’t have to pay back the money.” He sounded panicked.
“Then I’m a little too gifted in what happens to you.”
I could practically hear his eyes rolling through the phone. “That doesn’t even make sense.”
“Do I care?”
I was smiling despite the seriousness of the topic. Tyler did that to me – brought out the silly side that I would’ve otherwise forgotten was even there. I couldn’t be my usual serious self when I was around him. He brought out the childlike part of me, the one that had never forgotten how to laugh.
Even other people had been noticing the change in me. Mom said I was smiling more, and at our last dinner, Jeremy had been convinced I was sleeping with someone. That fifteen minutes a day of talking to Tyler was better for me than any antidepressant. He made me happy, and I supposed that was the mysterious reason why I had kept in touch with him all this time.
The following morning, just before my lunch break, he called again. I’d had my phone on my lap all morning, terrified that I wouldn’t notice it vibrating if I left it in my pocket. I picked up and hurried into the bathroom, hoping to find some privacy from eavesdropping coworkers.
“So? How did it go?” I asked.
“Not too bad,” he said. He was trying to sound casual, but I could hear the excitement in his voice.
“What does that mean?” I asked impatiently. “What did the judge say?”
“Well…” He was drawing this out, making me wait for it. He was having fun with this, which meant it was going to be
good news. “He said…”
“Spit it out!”
“I only have to serve six months,” he said. “That’s including the three and a half that have already passed. After that, they’ll send me to a group home and I’ll finish with some community service. Not picking up trash, by the way. They have other options besides that.”
“Oh my God, that’s great!” He’d be out in two and a half short months. “Where is the group home they’re going to send you to? Are they going to keep you in Oakland, since that’s where you committed your crime?”
I was already thinking about whether I should head down there. The thought had crossed my mind before. Since I’d been talking to him this much, I wanted to see his face. I’d considered whether I should go visit him in jail.
Actually, I’d wondered whether he was allowed conjugal visits. But I didn’t want to kill the mood by putting it out there directly. If anything physical was going to happen between us again, I wanted it to happen organically.
If he was in a group home, it’d be different. He’d be able to go out on his own during the day – his whereabouts wouldn’t be tracked at all times. I could bring him back to whatever hotel I was staying at, and we could have a repeat of last time. In fact, with all the time that had passed and the tension that had built up, it would be even more sensual, even more erotically charged. I could almost feel him kissing me, his tongue darting between my lips, his hand sliding between my thighs.
“No,” he said. “Actually, I told my lawyer I wanted to go home. He understood that I did what I did while I was traveling, and that it would make no sense for me to be in a group home in California. They want me to get established in the community where I’m going to be living. They want me to get a job that I won’t have to leave after a few months.”
“You’re not answering the question,” I said, frowning as I stared at the stall door. “Are you saying you’re coming back to Harrotsford?”
“Yes, Andy. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
*
Tyler was coming back, and my heart couldn’t take it. I was thinking about him all the time, even dreaming of him at night. I was definitely developing feelings for him, even if they made no sense. We were like two puzzle pieces that, despite being completely different shapes, just fit together.
At least, that was what I hoped.
How could I say for sure? Phone calls weren’t the same as spending time with each other in person. We’d only spent a few days together for real, and even if we had some intense sexual chemistry, I didn’t know how that would translate to a relationship. The fact that none of my dates measured up to him only meant that I liked him. It said nothing about how compatible we would be.
I could admit to myself now that I liked him. I did. But could I trust him? Who knew? He’d never shown himself to be trustworthy, and I needed to have a better sense of that before I did anything with him.
Of course, I didn’t know if he’d even want to. He’d had sex with me once – he was attracted to me, at least enough for one night – but how would I know if he wanted more than that? The fact that he’d been calling me meant nothing. He could’ve just been bored. For all I knew, he was talking on the phone every day to ten other ex-lovers. There was no way for me to know.
And then there was the financial side of things. The fact that I had given him so much wasn’t a great sign. Did he simply see me as a sugar daddy? That wasn’t the dynamic that I wanted in a relationship, and I needed him to be able to stand on his own before I could seriously think about dating him.
It was crazy that I was even thinking along those lines. Every time I wondered what we would be like together, my mind flashed back to my first impressions of him. I’d been so suspicious of him, thinking he was a liar, a scammer. Even now, I couldn’t say that I’d been wrong. And yet I wanted him anyway.
The clock ticked. The days passed.
I was going to have to make up my mind about what I wanted, because Tyler was coming back soon.
I was going to have to make my move – or else get him out of my life.
TWENTY-NINE – TYLER
The group home was in the north end of Harrotsford, the rougher side of town. The place was a little dingy, to say the least. From the outside, it just looked rundown. Inside, a bare lightbulb shone down on a grimy entrance hall, occasionally flickering.
I dropped my backpack on the ground. I only had what I’d taken with me to the prison, which was the same as what I brought with me from home for the road trip. Not much. I’d have to go shopping soon. They’d actually given me some money to get started with. Not a lot, but more than what I’d had.
“Welcome,” an older man grunted. “I’m the supervisor here. I’m the one who’s going to keep you out of trouble. You’ll report to me.” He looked to be in his fifties, with weary eyes and faded clothes.
“All right.”
“You have a meeting with a job counselor tomorrow,” he said. “You can relax until then.”
“Okay,” I said. “Can I go out?”
“You’re not in jail anymore,” he said. “You can do whatever you want. Just no drugs, and no crimes. Come back here by ten every night. Get a job as fast as you can and show up to work every day. You’ll get in trouble if you don’t do your community service, too. Other than that, you’re a free man.”
It didn’t sound too free, but compared to jail it was heaven. “I’m going to go out, then,” I said. “I’m supposed to meet a friend.”
“What did I just say? You can do whatever you want.”
He was already bored of me. It was like he didn’t even know how significant it was that I had a friend to meet. He didn’t even realize how amazing it was that I could go out and meet Andy.
I went up to my room to drop my backpack. It was a dorm with two bunk beds. A guy around my age lay on his bed. He glanced at me, then, seeming to dismiss me as unworthy of his attention, looked back at his phone.
Nice to meet you, too.
It didn’t matter. I was here, I had no fences restrict me, and best of all, I was about to see Andy for the first time in six months.
I dialed him up. Calling from my cell phone felt different from using the pay phones. When he picked up, he noticed the difference right away, too. “Tyler? It’s weird to hear your voice without having a robot ask me if I accept the collect call first.”
“Just imagine, in a few minutes you’re going to see me without having a phone between us at all.”
Once we hung up, I walked down the street, looking for the bus stop. I used to hate taking the bus, feeling like it was beneath me, but now it was as good as anything else. I was free!
We’d planned to meet for dinner near his place if I was allowed to, and since I was, the plan was on. The fact that he’d chosen somewhere near his place didn’t escape me. I wasn’t sure if it meant he wanted a repeat of last time. I had to admit I wouldn’t mind. Prison had been six long months of celibacy, and the one time with Andy had been hot. I still wished we’d gone further than fooling around.
But someone like him deserved more than me. He’d been dating, and for all I knew, he could’ve met somebody. I’d always thought he’d get snapped up quickly. Or maybe he was just picky about the kind of guy he wanted to be with. Either way, he’d never end up with someone like me.
If anything was going to happen, it would be purely sexual. We’d both have fun, we’d both get off, but would I be able to leave and put him out of my mind? I’d always thought I would, but he had a way of sneaking back in. I’d tried to leave him in the past so many times, and it had never worked. Why would that change now?
The bus came, and the ride was bearable. I glanced around me at all these normal people living their normal lives. They looked bored or sleepy, completely oblivious to how lucky they were. They didn’t even know or think about how they were to be able to get on the bus and get off when they wanted. Sure, they were tied down to their job or school or kids, but no one was telling t
hem they couldn’t go outside or that they had to sleep at a certain time.
Freedom was something I’d never take for granted again.
I pulled the cord when we reached my stop. The neighborhood was familiar – Andy had driven here before. I recognized some of the shops around me. I’d never thought I’d see them again – I thought I’d be in Acapulco. And yet, looking around me, I didn’t want to be anywhere else.
I saw the sign outside the restaurant first, and then I saw the man standing in front of it. Andy looked like he’d just come from work – fitted slacks, black blazer, his hair neatly gelled back. He looked exactly the same as he had when I thought he was an uptight snob, and yet now I only wanted to run up to him and lose myself in his arms.
And that was exactly what I did. I held him tightly, soaking up his warmth. He hugged me back, seeming somewhat overwhelmed by my enthusiasm. It surprised even me. I’d missed him more than I had ever been willing to admit.
“I can’t believe you’re really here,” he said.
“Neither can I. It’s pretty crazy when you think about it.”
“Are you ready to go inside?”
“I don’t know. Are you ready to talk to me for more than fifteen minutes?
“I think I’ll be all right with that.” He gave me a small smile, and we went in. Once we were seated, he leaned his elbows on the table. “So, how does it feel to be not behind bars?”
“Feels amazing,” I said.
The waitress, arriving at our table, gave me a funny look. “Can I get you two… something to… drink?”
“I’ll take a Coke,” Andy said.
“Budweiser for me, please.” I couldn’t wait.
The waitress looked at me as if I’d spat in her food. “Are you sure?”
“Perfectly.”
I was going to have to get used to people treating me differently. At least they wouldn’t know about my jail time if I didn’t tell them. The sentence would be expunged from my record as soon as my community service was over.
